I'm going to prison in a few days for murder. What do I

Murder would be life imprisonment so how are you posting?

skank the weakest looking guy so you get respect I guess

>>39550224
post proof or gtfo faggot

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>>39550341
Even if it's complete bullshit, I'm still down for a good greentext. But it has to be GOOD, not too autistic, and not drawn into an incredibly lame pun.

>>39550852
long greentexts that end in a goofy pun are my favorite

>>39550224

I've heard the following advice:

* Don't accept any gifts; especially of food.
* The only gift to accept is a pair of shower sandels. The other inmates have a vested interest in keeping things clean, so they tend to buy a few pairs to give to incoming inmates, so they don't spread disease.
* Buy lube. You likely won't need it, but if you do, you'll be really glad you have it.

>>39550866
Eh, they're pretty hit and miss, the only enjoyable one I've found is Don't stop, be Lee, Ving. Hold on to that fee, Ling.

how'd you get caught?
how did you do it?

>>39550960
I killed my girlfriend and some nigger that tried to cuck me.

>>39550224
greentext story anon.
also how did it feel to kill someone? to end a human life?

>>39550917
this is good advice

also, when you get transferred to a new block or dormitory, find out who the "mouse" is and get to know him. He's basically the liason between inmates and guards and thus usually has special shit and powers that none of the racial group leaders have (for example, one time I got a bunkmate who snored REALLY loudly and the next morning I complained about it so the guy talked to the guards and got him transferred)

that said, if you're doing a murder rap then it'll probably be a little easier to curry favor

>>39550224
Look as ugly as possible so no one tries to rape you. Keep your hair short and work out as much as you can so people don't think you're a bitch/you can defend yourself if need be. If people start fucking with you join a gang for protection. And do not take offenses without striking back or you lose respect. Not much else. Murder is a good thing to be in for. People won't hate you like they would for pedo abuse crimes, and inmates will know you're a hard cunt who's not afraid to kill, and not a dweeb faggot like if it were a financial crime.

>>39551160
>If people start fucking with you join a gang for protection. A
HAHAHAHAHA no no stop the edge is too much.
Instead of getting raped by a random you get raped by your gang members.
No OP not everyone in prison wants your shit ridden hole when wacking off is easy and less time on the sentence.
It happens sure thats why the separate skinners from non skinners.
>The rapist niggers go to PC
>the normal criminals get put in gen pop.
>The nigged in PC are their for their protection from inmates and CO not for you.
Youll be fine....Make some friends and work out.
Chin up and dont fret.
Youll only get 5 years at most plead insanity and emotional charge.
Prisons are over filled with drug offences.

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>>39551160
>not a dweeb faggot like if it were a financial crime
At least after he settled in, Bernie Madoff was treated like a "Mafia don" in prison. Hell, I'd give it a 25% he's still running scams from the inside.

>>39551160
>And do not take offenses without striking back or you lose respect.
Then the game GTA 6 came out and you got mad respect homie.
No, his buddys jump you in YOUR cell and the guards laugh for starting shit you cant finish and making them do paper work.
Cops and COs hate paper work so no violence no rape no weapons or contraband???? NO PAPER WORK.
Its a system where you do your time and get out.
Dont talk to COs.
Dont talk to PC.
Do make friends.
DO work out.
Stay away from drugs and keep your shit in eye view.
Any thing these ROLL players said gets you stomped not raped.
That skinna shit.

>>39550224
You are totally fucked. Just join a gang fast and that should reduce the amount of rape you will receive. However, you need to be in shape to be accepted.

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>>39550224
Uh, I think I had more advice but it's been a while.

Read books in advance about cooking and stuff. Actually, just remember this: To make alcohol you need yeast and sugar and time. Don't call anyone a goof. If they give you pills you can vomit them up and sell them to other inmates.

>>39551353
Money talks, bullshit walks to the infirmary.
No one likes a cowboys who thinks hes rambo.
Everyone likes a money man, see every mob boss ever.

Well you're going to prison for murder so its a good start. I suggest you get yourself some boipussy

>>39550284
Not everyone is an americlap. For example in Norway prisons are like hotels that don't allow you to leave

>>39550224
Is it sad my first thought was
>If he were a Chad killer he wouldn't even have to worry about it

>ITT no one has committed a single crime or has any idea of how prison works

>>39551489
>>ITT no one has committed a single crime or has any idea of how prison works
And then there is me.
Hello. My name is anon...Prison is not OZ its not a gay fuck fest.
Most men are in for violence sure, but they do have GF/Wifes/kids and side bitches at women.
Youre thinking of PC.
>>39551334
>>39551399
This is me.

>>39551551
This. There was no prison rape when I was in and very little gay shit.

>>39550224
Gamble
Complain
Snitch on everyone
Brag about fucking children
Bring up politics/education/religion
Cry a lot
Steal
Use racial slurs

Everyone will be afraid of you and leave you alone

>>39550284
>Murder would be life imprisonment
Americans never fail to impress me. Always thinking the their backyard is the world.

>>39550284
Life imprisonment isn't really for life. At most he'll be in for 25 years.

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>>39550224
>What do I need to do to be the hardest cunt around so nobody decides to fuck with me?
expose your battle hardened boypussy to the hardest guy in the joint

How do other inmates find out what ur in for?

>>39553124
>"what're you in for?"

>>39553148
I thought no one actually admits to doing anything because the legal process is ongoing, even if you've been convicted.

I did 5 years in federal prison for drug trafficking charges. Was actually a LOT more laid back than I thought, not as much violent or lesbo shit going on as I thought it would be.

However i was in a minimum security prison and fed prison is much better than county/state jails. Also, im a roastie so idk how the male prisons differ.

I don't believe you though, OP. Cause violent offenders who get life sentences usually aren't able to get out on bond and post on the internet

>>39550224
>>39551160

The prison rape thing is just a meme right? I thought it was just a 'scared straight' tactic. I'm five ft 10, 58 kg, is this big enough to not get raped? Also does your face factor into this, because I've got what you might call 'dick sucking lips'. Asking because I might spend a few months in there for reasons I dont want to disclose (nothing pedo though).

>>39553228
So there weren't big black girls there eyeing you in the shower?

>>39550224
Doesn't matter how crazy you make yourself seem, they'll be able to overpower you because they're savages who fight without honor and will gang up on you. The more you draw attention to yourself the more likely this is to happen. Your best bet for survival is making friends. Savages are very tribal and typically group up based on race, so stick with your own kind.

>>39553259
There were some turbodyke looking black girls but they mostly stayed in their own clique. I was a kitchen worker and i also took a couple supervised online classes so I had time occupied and didnt get involved in dumb violent stuff

>>39553256
Yeah honestly it's bullshit. My friend was in state prison for 3 years, and he said they played softball every day, hung out and watched tv, played games, had a huge well stocked library. He made it sound like it was better than life on the outside to be honest

>>39553228
>tfw no qt drug trafficking gf
Why live

>Kills a man.
>Goes on /r9k/ how do I be hard guise?

>americans literally have to watch out for being raped in prison
nice third world country you have there

>>39553313
I don't do that anymore. I am a productive member of society working in a clinic and currently studying to get a radiography degree.

In america, if the cops really want to get you, they WILL get you. Dont waste your life anon

>>39553256
There are different levels of prison depending on your behavior in prison and the severity of your actions prior to being imprisoned. So as long as you stay behaved and are not a thug, you will not have it so bad. Additionally, you don't go to prison if the time served is under a year, instead that would be jail. Jail and prison are quite different.

>>39553342
>tfw no reformed drug trafficker working in a clinic and studying to get a radiography degree gf
Why live

>>39553335
>the beta murderer

>the chad murderer

>>39553169
Pretty sure prisoners didn't sign an NDA.

>>39553228
Did you ever kill anyone or fuck anyone up for not paying you back or stuff like that? Any violent stories?

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>>39550224
https://youtu.be/tU-Zgh9cjhU

This dude has tons of videos and advice about prison.

>>39553411
>the beta killing
>the chad reap

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>anon bring lube
>don't pick up the soap in the showers XD

>>39553507
Not really. I only moved weed, and after high school I stopped selling small amounts and just sold or fronted os and qps to close friends and family members that did the actual "selling," The lowest amount i'd push was a half ounce I sold to my 17 year old cousin who would sell it at his highschool. I had really sexy prices at the time too, so most people would buy an o for 220 from me (back before 2010 ounces here were around 300 or more) and the people I sold large amounts had complete autonomy over what they did with the weight as long as I got paid. I had a circle of just a little under 15 or so people who would just buy from me since I had much better prices. They could also push their gs for 15. And 8ths at 35 at the time when it was going for 20 to 25 a g so everyone bought from my "circle" of friends. This also helped me avoid any potential shady situations associated with buying small amounts

In retrospect, this is what got me caught as I'm positive one of them informed the police since I was pulled over and they knew exactly what they were looking for.

>>39551449
>Norway prisons are like hotels that don't allow you to leave

Well now I want to move to Norway and become a serial killer

>>39550224
Just be cool, try to make people laugh, treat the guards with respect.

If you're not at all charming enough to do that then just go batshit crazy the first day.

Start screaming like a dying baboon and attack the wall with everything you've got.

"I CAN HEAR THEM IN MY HEAD AHHHHH THEY'RE EATING ME" - scream shit like that.

You won't get in much trouble and hopefully nobody will want to start shit with the new crazy guy.

>>39553668
How does a roastie manage to practically create her own drug dealer crew? And would you ever sell weed again?

>>39553256
>. I'm five ft 10, 58 kg, is this big enough to not get raped?
oh god no your tiny

>>39553256
>dick sucking lips
post lips for proof

>>39553799
It wasn't a a crew or street gang. Just family members and close friends who sold bud. I was never convicted for any violent offenses or weapon charges.
>And would you ever sell weed again?
Absolutely not. I was released in 2015, but I am on felony probation until 2018.

>>39553799
Orbiters.
How are you this dumb? Probably one of the people buying was an r9k faggot who doesn't smoke and ended up with a closet stacked with weed then got busted for it

inb4 don't drop the soap

>>39551061
Good reason, I respect that.

>>39551061
how did you get caught?
originally 7890-

>>39554090
I called them up and turned myself in. I did what I needed, so why try and hide.

>>39551783
I-o-I

>>39550224
You should honestly just kill yourself anon, along with anyone you feel has legitimately wronged you. As someone who is very familiar with the legal system I could tell you without a doubt in my mind I would do it.

The legal system in the USA is the only Hell that actually exists.