What's wrong anon? what's troubling you, what's

>Nothing gives me pleasure
>Very weak willed
>Fearful
>Socially isolated online and irl
>Failed many college classes and am only taking two right now and if I don't get good grades in them I'm out for good
>Hard physical labor job
>Barely knows what's going on
>Existential angst
>Guilt
>Wishing for death but can't kill myself
>Have wanted a gf since I was 4 and feel like wanting one has consumed too much of my life so I accepted that I will be alone for my entire life and will never have sex
>Became celibate (not entirely by choice but it was a symptom of my circumstances and hurt ego)

>>39528176
that is my favorite movie.

>>39528176
>coal miner
says it all

>>39528176
My testicles are really swollen, I'd appreciate it if you could recommend a topical analgesic that could make the pain a little less unbearable.

>>39528273
Well you don't sound like too bad of a guy why are you feeling guilty anon?

>>39528322
I hope you're able to get out of it somehow and find more successful work

>>39528328
I'm guilty of my ineptitude and I'm ashamed of myself for it too. Also feel bad about things I've done in the past

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>>39528176
I'm drinking alone in my room feeling like my life is pretty much over at 27 and that I've irreversibly fucked everything up while listening to sad music.

I want to an hero but there's always the chance that WWIII will break out and I'll get to at least have an honorable death in war. I want to see the nukes drop. It kind of disturbs me that I only live for the chance of getting to see most of humanity wiped out but that's how much I hate other people. I used to be a good, kind and empathetic person and I always wonder where it went so wrong or if I was fucked from the start.

>>39528410
I can't be that bad you sound like a nice person you're certainly not content with your way of living right now so your past actions couldn't have been that bad.

>>39528176
I am very alone.
Always.

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>>39528176
I am working on trying to move on from the girl I am currently infatuated with. She is the most relatable human I have ever met but she is in a relationship with a fuccboi who does not allow her to talk to other guys or befriend guys. First (and last) time I have ever been into a girl in a relationship.
We are in the same graduate cohort and used to email often, got rather close, but haven't spoken privately in many months. Her being in an abusive relationship actually makes me respect her less as a person, but having to see her regularly fucks me up. I am trying to keep up this mantra of how I don't respect her very much so hopefully it will stick and I can someday move on. I wish it were easier for me to connect with people but we're all gonna make it brothers!

>>39528493
You want to be a hero but you had other people I think there's a bit of a contradiction in your thinking. You want to save other people or at least want the recognition so that means you don't completely hate them it's probably Society rejected deal and so you was punishment on them. The kind of person still in there you're just actively suppressing it.

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>>39528548
An hero and a hero is not the same thing. Lurk more, newfriend.

I'm fresh outta high school and have nowhere to start. I want to be a mechanic, but I don't have any certifications for one, neither can I afford it. I haven't hung out with anyone in three months, never had a girlfriend, and my car that I love dearly and gave me happiness isn't in good shape at all

I don't have the energy to work on making music, knowing it will require hundreds of failures before I make something good. The only time I have the focus to work nonstop is when I'm high.

>>39528567
Oh shit you meant that type of hero. Well in that case have you considered therapy?

>>39528628
I'm not him, just saying to pay more attention to posts in the future.

i dont really know how i feel, i kinda think id like to be able to fall over dead but at the same time i juat wouldnt have the balls to kms. i really wanna know a surefire way and know that one day when im old and possibly ill that i could do it but for some reason i just think id have a hard time doing it. the only thing that makes me feel real happy is chewing tobacco but i only do it sometimes since i dont want cancer one day. mainly i just feel like a puasy because i think about dying a lot but couldnt really do it without lots of worry and nervousness and girls have even tried to suicide and that adds to feeling like a pussy

>>39528519
Damn straight we're all going to make it and sorry about your girl the pain may never really go away but all you have to do is Shine on.

>>39528507
It's pretty bad and I'm not a good person yet.

>>39528176
Girls want me, but I have a small dick and my self loathing is transparent.
It makes me avoid flirting and girls then think I'm boring and hate me.

>>39528737
Short of Repe or murder I don't know what you could have done to make you feel so guilty but don't let it weigh you done use it as a force to make sure you never act like that again the past the past there's no way you can change that but you can change your future so don't despair just yet.

I'm so fucking tired of being depressed every day. I want to tell someone that I can't handle both uni and my job at the same time but I don't want to seem weak.

And I fucking wish my parents would realize that there's something wrong with their son.

>>39528176
why do you make threads like this for attention and not reply to anyone in it

kys

>>39528780
Listen man of girls want you just go with the flow if they laugh and leave the room then just go to another girl but don't let something so trivial stand in the way of your happiness I guarantee all you have to do is work on your Technique you'll be getting laid left and right continue to flirt and talk with the girls get out of your own head and just let what happens happens

>>39528791
I hit my mom while I was on cocaine. How's that for bad? Basically, she hit my cat because it peed in the house and I hit her.

>>39528813
I really don't know how I'd go about killing myself I hate pain so that severely limits my options and I don't like being choked.

>>39528876
>replies to me and no one else

kill your fucking self

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>>39528628
I've tried therapy on multiple occasions, it does absolutely nothing for me which is what leads me to believe there's something nuerogically wrong with me that can't be fixed by just talking to people. Therapy is for neurotypicals or women having a bad day/week/month who are more easily swayed by emotional arguments. My brain just won't let me entertain anything that they say. Words can only do so much.

>>39528864
For starters if you absolutely have to take drugs( even though you shouldn't) just use marijuana 9 times 10 you're not going to get violent outbursts like that. Secondly yeah that was pretty bad but if you apologized and haven't done it since and are trying to cleaning up your act then you're on the right track and you shouldn't hate yourself as much. If you haven't tried to clean up your act do that you're inaction is actively hurting your mental state and if you don't do something to fix your situation it's going to end badly. I know those are good person inside of you if you're feeling guilty that's the good person trying to come out I know you can do it anon you got this.

>>39528493
I have the same mentality but ive constantly been fucked over by other people because i wanted to become as good of a person as i can be but the cunts of society took advantage of that and started screwing me over. Now I'm a cynical asshole who distrusts everyone out of fear and resentment

>Aspergers, I find it difficult sometimes to understand people, I have emotions but deep inside I'm a little nerdy
>5'8", I actually don't get a lot of shit for it.
>Clueless about dating
>I'm a little afraid to talk to girls my age (yeah, yeah, that's beta of me) and even more afraid to try to get laid (what if she calls the police, etc)
>Big nose
>Nigga lips although im white
>I analyze things way too much
>I think im too dumb for college, i got writer's block a lot in high school, i learned a trade, call me a loser but that's something
>Poor conversation skills
>Girls sometimes get weirded out by me for no good reason

I don't have a personality
I don't know how to get one

I don't like anything
I don't do anything
I'm always tired
I have zero interests
I have zero ambition or goals
I cannot hold a conversation
I cannot make friends
I cannot be happy

>>39528895
Any tips? on how to go about it I'm not that well versed on suicide.

>>39529064
Well you're trying to get employment and at least talking to girls sometimes forget about your past just bite the bullet and talk to girls flirt see what works and doesn't there's no other way to get better I'm the same way I just talked to enough Girls to get good at it just you're trying to become self-sufficient so that's a plus just go for it man I know you can do it.

>>39529108
no it's illegal to tell someone how to kill themselves, i'd rather not

>>39529108
lostallhope dot com
Not even original

My ex was my best friend for a while before we became romantic. We split a year ago. My fault. She said she wanted nothing to do with me by the end of it all, then got a new boyfriend within a couple months.

It fucked me up badly but I ended up getting over it after months. But a couple weeks ago she messaged me asking if I was doing okay. Then I find out she split up with her boyfriend around that same time.

And now it's all fucking starting to come back and I don't know whether to respond. We haven't spoken since last October when she said she didn't want to hear from me anymore. I don't know what she wants from me and it's thrown me completely off guard.

>>39529242
Just try to move on there's no point in continuously going back two part of your life you moved on from.

I'm going to college because I feel like I have to

there's nothing I want to study. I'm an "exploratory program" so I'm taking basic general ed classes for the first year.

people say do a trade, I don't wanna do a trade. I don't wanna do anything. I don't wanna work. I want to lay down and die. I'll never be normal or successful or happy. I'm going to be a wageslave forever who will never be loved or married or have friends or a family or anything that normal adults do. I'm becoming an example of how not to live. I squandered my youth, I have no experiences, no stories or memories. I barely know anything, I'm getting stupider and lazier every day

I really really just need to be killed.

I'm too much of a coward to do something as final and serious as suicide, but if I were in a life-threatening situation I might just let myself die

>>39529384
>I want to lay down and die.
no you don't you just want attention

>>39529393
wow are you psychic? apparently you know me more than I know me, despite not ever meeting me or knowing who I am

>>39529384
You may have squandered your youth why use that as an excuse to squander the time you have an out go out find something to do find something on makes you happy no Explorer found shit by just standing around. Seize the day do something

>>39529508
>go out find something to do find something on makes you happy
I really don't like anything

there's nothing for me outside.

i cant stop myself and im going deeper into becoming a degenerate fuck everyday. my family has lost trust in me completely, ive stopped speaking to people, i havent hung out with anyone in years.i want to chanfe but i know that the issue is thats who i am. thats me. a fucking degenerate. i was born this way and wont change because thats me.

>>39529541
Are you happy being like this?

>>39529534
Did you have some sort of traumatic experience in your life have you been with a psychologist because this is some pretty self destructive Behavior.

>>39528176
I want to die, but I can't an hero right now, not while there is the chance that my parents will enter my room and find my OD'ed body. I failed a lot of classes at the university and got suspended for a year; in 2 weeks I'm supposed to re-enter but I don't have the drive to pursue a career. At first I wanted to estudy psychology, maybe that way I would become more normal, but the only thing that I learned was how to lie in the personality test to look normal.

>>39529604
I have not experienced anything traumatic

I saw a therapist for about a year

I just started sliding mentally around middle school and it gets worse and worse. I'm going through the motions

>>39529609
Alright so don't shoot Up a University that is weakness and a waste of the human life maybe the best thing for you to do is to take a break a reevaluate your life and you just take a step back and think. What's wrong why am I like this and how can I be fulfilled again?

>>39529637
You may be dealing with mental illness then and you may just have to get some meds so a psychologist may be good for you.

>>39529730
I don't see how meds would do anything. they won't give me a reason or any kind of purpose. I'm not volatile. I don't need meds, I need a passion or a fucking bullet in my head

>>39529784
But that's what the meds help with finding a passion if have a depression or something like that you have to take your meds or else you're not going to get any better hell I take them everyday and my life much better because of them

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I look at her everyday. Shes the shy one out of the stacy group. She probably has chads on speed dial. She doesnt know i exist. If i talk to her the stacies will laugh because they all know im a antisocial ugly autist. More like everyone knows im an antisocial ugly autist. I just wish i had average looks.

>>39530033
>But that's what the meds help with finding a passion
that doesn't make sense

taking medicine won't suddenly make things appealing to me. I know what I like and don't like

>>39530098
I don't know about that, whenever a drink some caffeine, stuff that would bore me usually becomes somewhat enjoyable.

>>39530236
well next time I have to see my therapist I'll ask

>>39528176
I like girls, but they don't like me.
Well, some do like me, but none want to have sex with me, which is all I really care about.

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>>39529216
Here, you're welcome.

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>>39528176

>In public I am a master at putting up a normie facade, very charismatic
>Got bullied an insane amount in school, was horrendously betrayed
>Because of this I have extreme trust issues
>Due to my trust issues I distance myself from people
>I also attempt to be better than those around me but I don't flaunt my ego, usually a silent observer unless I have something to say
>I hold people to the same standards I abide by
>Due to this I have unrealistically high standards for people
>Always get disappointed by people or think they're lying
>Always just accept this and never attempt to further relationships with them
>Think things are always too good to be true
>Befriend people but hang out rarely
>They always invite me and I always say I am busy
>I sometimes get a super strong influx of bad memories

Simply put I have a hard time trusting people, I get along fine with everyone but EVERY single time those I befriend disappoint me to an extreme degree.

I probably have OCD or some shit.

>>39529684
You sound annoying and it must be more fulfilling to shoot up a school rather than having to listen to you

My deal:

>>39529440

>>39530478
Dude, you sound pretty much exactly like me.

>>39528830
easy to say if I had an average size dick, but mine is only 4 inches.

I wish I had enough money just to hermit mode the rest of my life.

>>39529730
>life is shit
>let's feel ashamed and reinforce that feeling by saying it out loud in front of a stranger
>let's throw in an legal drug addiction for good measure

dumb fuck

>>39530033
>you have to take your meds or else you're not going to get any better

nice guilt trip attempt

>my life much better because of them

no it's not

>have a depression

stop it

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>>39530478

Also, while I am always generally cold to people I do have strong emotions so I can't be a psychopath or sociopath, right?

I just practice self control as much as possible..

>>39530572

I agree with the feeling that i'am surrounded by plebs and casuals but I use my memories of my past and my hatred to fuel my motivation to be better than everyone else.

Do I have OCD or something?

I also can't get with a girl but for me it's because I always turn them down or ignore them if they make moves. I am simply scared they'll disappoint me. I've made so many girls cry anon, I am here because of this, I feel like shit because of this.

I went after a chad these past few weeks. He was a dick and kept rushing things to only stop and say we need to slow down. I told him we need to slow down, he got angry and blocked me on every form of social media.


Not even angry, just confused at how stupid Chad's can be.

>>39528176
I despise the mind virus of leftism. It is the celebration of a complete loss of morality--a civilizational death cult.

>>39530841
>I agree with the feeling that i'am surrounded by plebs and casuals but I use my memories of my past and my hatred to fuel my motivation to be better than everyone else.
I do this as well but mostly thinking about that shit just makes me depressed and bitter.

>Do I have OCD or something?
That doesn't sound like OCD to me.

>I also can't get with a girl but for me it's because I always turn them down or ignore them if they make moves. I am simply scared they'll disappoint me. I've made so many girls cry anon, I am here because of this, I feel like shit because of this.
I can't get with women because I'm fucking terrible at approaching and talking to them, so I always end up in the friendzone or getting rejected. But I also end up being disappointed in them anyway, because they pretty much always turn out to be vapid basic bitches who are pretty much stupid and ignorant on most subjects. Basically just incredible normalfags.

>>39528176
I will never know what it feels like to be a girl. It hurts inside because I know I shouldn't have these feelings.

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>>39530888

Trips.... checked..

By any chance does your nickname start with an "l" while your real name starts with an "A"?

If so sorry for being a paranoid asshole and I wish you the best of luck.

>>39530983
Um... Yes they do?


Who is this?

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I'm slowly becoming an alcoholic. None of the girls I have a crush on like me back, I don't think. I still talk like a retard. I'm not beautiful, witty or sexy. 90 IQ. Bad at LoL and CS:GO on top of it.

>>39530065
I'm a Stacy. When khhv comes up to me and Stacies, you have to laugh or tease the Stacy they talk to.

I hate it because I am a khhv myself, and I play Vidya with some of the bots at school. I can't openly be their friend without being made fun of by other Stacies.

Just know, not all Stacies are bad.

>>39531012
You're a horrible, spineless person.

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>>39528176
I can't form real human relationships with people outside of text on a screen. I've been left with abandonment and trust issues from my father that gave me the ever wonderful avoidant personality disorder. My mind is completely numb and I'm devoid of energy and emotion due to my meds. I cut my thigh a lot and my mom always asks why I never wear skirts or shorts anymore. But her questioning that is just a small thing I guess. A small amount of stress that bothers me currently.

I think I'll give up soon.

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>I live alone in a house I inherited
>No one to talk to, no family to call, no friends to speak of
>Most talking I ever do is either to the clerk at the gas station or the cashier at the grocery store
>I do enjoy socializing but could never make any friends
>Had a long term girlfriend who left me for someone else so fast like I was nothing that ever mattered in her life a few months ago
>Just subsisting at this point
>Don't care to be comfy
>Don't know what to do with my life
>Might enlist in the Air Force
>My grandfather who made it to CMSGT in the USAF told me that the military would take care of me if I ever had nowhere to go
>He wanted me to finish college with money from my deceased grandmother's estate
>When grandfather passed away two years ago the new estate representative didn't feel like I deserved the money like my grandfather wanted
>Says he's looking out for my "grandmother's interests"
>"The world doesn't owe you a living."
>"They would be so disappointed in you since you haven't done anything with your life, wouldn't they?"
>"My daughter's boyfriend is a construction sight co-manager at 24 and look at you."
>"The money will be distributed to you evenly when you're 45 through 50 years old."
>Is withholding it and now I can't finish college
>Can't take legal action against him due to no-contest clause
On the bright side I'm only 23 years old. The world is ahead of me, right?
I just need to find out where I belong in this world...
I guess I'm just going through a minor existential crisis.

>>39530983
No. Neither, c.

>>39531012
You don't HAVE to do anything, stop blaming your shitty personality on other people and do what is right.

>>39531030
When you get a taste for normie life, you don't want it let it go.

>had friend for over a decade
>gets gf
>don't hear from him in over a year
>breaks up with depressed psycho hambeast
>hang out for another year
>gets another psycho gf, then married
>hardly hear from him for another 5 years
>get email today ... I know where this is going
Wife leaving him.

Not going through that shit again. Before his last gf left he invited me over because she complained that they didn't socialize with other people. I thought it would be a small get together but when I got there, I was the only person other than them. It was like that episode of Breaking Bad where Jesse came for dinner. It was obvious she didn't want me there and had already decided it was over.

>>39531081
Not saying I'm a good Stacy, just that there are good Stacies out there.

Fuck I have a horrible personality. Wish I didn't care about how I look so much.

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>>39531012

This is why I agree with this anon: >>39530931

>I also end up being disappointed in them anyway, because they pretty much always turn out to be vapid basic bitches who are pretty much stupid and ignorant on most subjects. Basically just incredible normalfags.


Most girls just annoy me now and generally all I do now is work, school, vidya and chans.


>>39531099

Stupid bitch, I have had and still technically have the normie life and it's not that great.

Normie life is nothing but a nuisance, people who think they're shit whom actually are shit.

Most are nothing but a bunch of hedonistic egotistical degenerates who end up being a disappointment.

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>>39531010

You're not the same person, if anything just an anon trolling. Too late anyways, was blocked and such..

Fun while it lasted until my paranoia got in the way. If I can hardly trust people in real life i'll never trust anyone over the internet. I am cursed.

>>39531043
Join the air force and after your training threaten to sue him.

You'll get your money and then since you'd have been in the air force for 4 years you'll have the GI bill to pay for school.

Boom, now you have your stolen inheritance and you'll have free college.

>>39528176
Finally found a girl I liked and who liked me back. Texted each other for a few weeks while I was away (met her right before I left). She would send me nudes of her in the shower every night during the last week. When I got back we met and kissed for a few minutes but then her friend came in and cockblocked us. We make plans to meet the next night but one of my friends apparently said something to her that pissed her off and she decides she doesn't want a relationship. She stops talking to me for a while and I thought she didn't want me anymore. She recently started texting me again but ignores me when I ask to do something with her. Is she a lost cause?
I am so autistic that I was lost before these problems even started, now I'm completely fucked.

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>>39528176
I have BPD and as such can get attached very easily however now I think I'm becoming way too attached to my oneitis/FP. I fear that I will kill myself if she ever leaves me.
>Sad whenever she's not around
>Manic happy whenever she is around
>She talks about wanting a BF like Yuno from future diaries
>I instantly become attached because I want that too and I want to make her happy
>I start "watching over her" and "protecting her"
>Nothing serious, neither of us ever leave our homes so I only watch over her online when I can
>She claims she loves how protective I am of her
>I tell her that I am basically a male Yuno and she loves it
>People start trying to flirt with her or hurt her so I threaten them and then play it off as a joke so they don't do anything about it
>She still for some reason loves it, claims it makes her feel like someone cares
>I love her so much, I really want to tell her about how much I "watch over her" and "protect her"
>Starting thinking about telling her
>Wait a minute
>I'M NOT "WATCHING OVER HER" I'M LITERALLY A FUCKING STALKER WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME
>I'm freaking out now I fear I could get in trouble for this
>Browsing NormieBook today, I'm getting suggested posts from companies talking about stalking, pic related
I'm freaking out, fucking Facebook is onto me who knows what else. Am I a bad person, I just want to love and care for my oneitis but even some of my friends are calling me an actual stalker. I told one of my friends that I'm not doing any harm and he told me it's only a matter of time until I am doing harm. I don't want to be a bad person ._.

>>39528176
>tfw i see a lot of my classmates graduating already and married with children
aaaaahhh

>>39532278

It would be nice to get attached easily.. but.. Yuno status would be insane.

>>39532517
I've always wanted to reach Yuno status but now that I have... I'm scared that I'm going to hurt someone I don't mean to or get myself arrested. The real world isn't like the anime, I can't go on a killing spree and then become god to be immune to consequences. All I really need is oneitis but I don't want to scare her away or get taken away from her.
Also the easy attachment is horrible, you don't want that at all. It leads to unhealthy obsessions and attachment to people you don't even like. I stuck by my literal sociopathic FP as she abused me for 2 whole years because I felt I couldn't leave her

>>39532588
Lift.. That's what you must do.

>>39532711
I am actually beginning to lift, I have to get fit as fuck if I want to protect her

>>39532278
Dude, Facebook's algorithm works in a way that it monitors your actions and sends you ads accordingly
For example I like a lot of League of Legends pages so I get games ads

If you're getting ads about stalking its probably because you click on her profile a lot. If that is not the case then you're fucked because someone knows you're stalking her

>>39533134
I know, that's why I'm freaking out. Obviously my actions have been so out in the open and obvious that the algorithm picked it up, which is not a good sign for me. I also get lots of league posts because I play too much league :3

>>39528176
Friends are shipping me with a mutual friend I have a huge crush on, but she's either too autistic to respond or completely uninterested. I'm nowhere near close enough with these people to ask them for help or advice and my only friend (from a different continent) has stopped replying to me.

I can't stop not eating
It is the only thing I feel like I can control at this point in my life and it's terrible. I tried forcing myself and asking my gf and friends to make sure I eat but I still end up choosing not to. I'm considering suicide at this point Bc I just hate life and don't see any point to it anymore.
I've lost 40lbs in 6 months
I'm 5'8, 20 and 110lbs

>>39528176
So many fellow lurkers that I want to talk to but we'll never have the chance because we both lurk.

>>39533582
Why are you're friends shipping each other?
This is cringe dude

I've had a dream since I was a little kid, and I'll never have the courage to live it. I hate letting my kid self down, and I hate being bored even more, but I don't have anything going for me.

>>39533660
Just do it pussy boi

Man, I've improved myself a lot lately. But I'm still so goddamn lonely no matter how much work I put in myself.

>tfw no cure for autism

>>39533732
Just love yourself instead of others
Fuck other people, they ain't you

>>39530912
Shut the fuck up
No one cares about this here
Either be sad and depressed or shut the fuck up

>>39533684
Too late for that. My conviction died somewhere around 11th grade.

>>39528176
I haven't completely figured out if they were actually looking to buy weed from me. They'll just continue to ghost me or deny if asked

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>>39528176
Is an unproductive hobby still considered a hobby?

This is how I perceive it: A hobby is an activity you do that is productive. Which means it's somewhat beneficial to society. I have this hobby that I do, which I consider it as unproductive. Meaning it doesn't benefit society.

Anyone's take on this?

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I've been realizing the fact the development of my identity is in the level of a middle schooler. It's because of my lack of social connection. With that comes of course the lack of any real development in the emotional or sexual side either. Man I don't know wtf I want. Do I even like sex? Yes? But thinking about it makes me kinda disgusted so no? I don't know. I'm a fucking manchild.

>>39529068
You, you there, is it like this?
>>39533804

>>39533739
Do you really expect me to just accept never having a close relationship with other humans? No girlfriend, no friends? It's unhealthy, it's unnatural, it's not comfortable. I like to think I love myself but how the hell do you even know something like that?

>>39533783
A hobby is something you do in your spare time that you do purely for enjoyment. Some hobbies happen to be productive.

>>39533804
I feel u dawg
Just find a chick that you can actually articulate thoughts to and trick her into loving you
Then try and make her cum, if you can she's yours forever and you can either deprive her of sex until she's a robot like you or don't make her cum and move onto the next one
and sex is gross, it's called bumping uglies for a reason

>>39533816
>I like to think I love myself
Then why you talking shit about yourself and how you can't do something that's very easy?
What do you want and need anon?
Obviously you can't fucking create a meaningful relationship with someone so fuck it dude.
Work on you and get a dog or cat or some shit.
I live perfectly fine not having to think about other people and it's shitty at first but we all die lonely in the end.

>>39533644
We have a lot of rare things in common, we're the exact same kind of autists that don't really fit in with the rest of our friends.

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>>39528176
I'm a Catholic, from the US, and I grew up studying literature heavily, and was somewhat of a multipotentialite. I became good enough at guitar to play professionally and good enough at the violin to join an orchestra. I taught myself how to program at a young age and contributed to some relatively high-profile software projects and developed some of my own, did TDD, CI/CD etc, mostly in C and C++ and mostly in the area of image processing and computer graphics. In my late teens I went to spain and studied la destreza, and more recently did combined firearms training here in the US. I've always been alone, never attended school, never had any friends and for the most part not many people knew I existed at all. But in particular my religion seemed to alienate me the most. People just didn't understand. At best the really smart ones have read a few greeks and nietzsche and promptly skipped to foucault, some to chomsky (who is not even a philosopher), others to derrida, deleuze and lacan etc. Maybe even the -really- smart ones have read Hegel, Marx and the frankfurt school. But even these freaks of nature reel at Aquinas.
Epicurus and diogenes taught things like, living without worrying about the world, living according to your needs etc, not a hard teaching. Deleuze (and guattari lol) of course has his Deterritorialization, a little more complicated but still reasonable and quite easy to swallow. Aquinas on the other hand contains things like, witches, purgatory, and treatises on whether or not angels experience time differently from us. Immediately the average person sees something wrong with this. It is a hard teaching.
I feel totally powerless, like everything is futile, because nobody can understand these things. It wouldn't even matter if our president was conservative or liberally if only he had read the Considerations on France. That alone would make him legendary. Just one miniscule tincture of the lost knowledge could heave nations out of darkness.

>>39533804
Holy shit, same here. Sounds like borderline desu, but never had enough cash to see if it really is in my case.

Also, everything is pointless and disappointing, but that's how it is, I guess.

>>39534050
>Also, everything is pointless and disappointing, but that's how it is, I guess.

Straight fucking up

>>39529393
That's the worst possible take on it desu. I mean first of all, all people who are unhappy seek attention. That, contrary to being comorbid with the condition, in fact is what helps the condition. It's a natural therapeutic mechanism. And I'm not one of those people who come to the rescue of suicide saying shit like "oh boo hoo saying don't kys is selfish you just don't get it."
I'm just sayin your argument is the wrong one.

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>>39528176
>Trying to get out of the tar pit that is debt. I took on a car loan that I can't service.
>Recidivist alcoholic, failed rehab
>just want to go home but I'm stuck in this country for the foreseeable because debt

>>39534036
St. Thomas Aquinas was the Tesla of the Catholic Church. That being said, I enjoyed Epictetus more than Epicurus, though Diogenes is entertaining as "the ultimate outcast philosopher".

That being said, you're either legitimately autistic or feel isolated enough to want to be heard. Either way I hear ya