"Champ, I hate to interrupt your 'Kiss your Yamamoto'

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>>39513932
>"I hope no one interrupts me while I drink my coffee. God traffic was shocking today."

'b-but dad it is going to be e-e-embarrassing'
*spaghetti sauce drips out of pocket*

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>>39514102
>"Come on now champ it's super easy. Look get in the car and il drive you to the jobs fare. The manager over there seems like a nice fellow. It's simply champ. You look the manager in the eye, give him a firm handshake and ask for a job. It's easy champ. It's all down to the handshake. I heard your friend chaf or Chad or whatever you call him is looking for staff. You were great friends in highschool! I'm sure he would give you a job! Like I said before champ. Look him in the eye give him a firm handshake and ask for a job. You can do it champ. I believe in you!"

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>>39513932
Fuck off old man. I'm already studying to one day have a meaningful career instead of applying for some dead end, minimum wage bullshit.

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>>39514215
Cmon now champ that's not the attitude. You don't need fancy degrees to get a job in fact your better off with a tried and trusted method champ. It's easy. Look the manager in the eye and give him a firm handshake. It's simple champ!

>>39513932
I unironically gave my most recent employer a firm handshake and said I'd do the job. I wasn't qualified but had only been out of work for 2 months.

He hired me right there on the spot.

Does anyone else feel an immense longing from these threads because they wish so badly they had a father like this, instead of spending two decades without any sort of father figure at all?

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>>39513932
>parents want me to get a job
>somehow dad finds me a job at a strawberry farm
>have to get up at 4:30
>too nervous to sleep, fall asleep at like 2
>after about two and a half hours of quality sleep dad takes me out to some vietnamese guy's house
>sit in a room with 4 vietnamese people for a bit, I don't speak viet so I just try my best not to do the virgin sit
>they drive me out to the field and explain what to do with hand gestures
>pick strawberries off the ground for 4 hours
>have to crouch the whole time
>one of the viets keeps flaming me in vietnamese because I keep missing ripe strawberries that hide beneath the leaves
>fill 20 trays that weigh about 3kgs each
>some supervisor lady comes and starts talking to me
>first English words I've heard all day
>tells me she doesn't know me and I should have had an interview and an induction
>takes me to an office
>they ask if I have a working permit
>I don't
>they tell me I have to leave and they can't pay me
>tell dad to come pick me up, but he's working and the farm is like two hours away
>end up waiting 3 hours for the viets to finish and take me back
>the vietnamese supervisor who was keeping the book gives me 50 kangaroo bucks for the 20 trays, because apparently the farm pays him and he pays his "employees"
>feel marginally better because at least I got some money
>go home and dad tells me the viets get paid 3.50 per tray (I got 2.50)
>back and all joints hurt

I'm never going to make it. I can't even keep a job made for literal illegals.

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>>39514241
I'm 'bout to give a firm handshake to your ass, "champ"

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>>39514244
Fantastic Champ. We'll done. See everyone it's simple! Look the manager in the eye, give him a firm handshake and you get a job!

Just fucking apply at open interviews.

>>39514272
>I'm never going to make it. I can't even keep a job made for literal illegals.
thats because you are a weak, whiny baby. I dont mean that in an offensive way. Just find a job without physical work. or low physical work

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>>39514260
>>39514272
>>39514285
>>39514309
Party rockers in the house tonight!
Everybody is going to get a job tonight!
We just wanna see ye
HANDSHAKE!

>>39514321
They fucking kicked me out and told me to stop working because of legal shit, how is that because I'm a weak whiny baby?

thanks dad I love you

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>>39514376
That a boy champ!
Super proud of you!

dadposting is a new meme i suppose?

>>39513932
I got a job at a grocery store for $11/hr all by myself. Are you fucking happy now?

>>39514425
>$11/hr just to put cans in bags and shelves

>>39514450
these are the same people demanding 15$/hour

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>>39514425
That's good champ, but I didn't buy this house, our F150 and our summer getaway in Colorado by being complacent and staying in the mailroom. Tomorrow I want you to give your boss a firm handshake and tell him you're willing to work until close every night. A couple of years of that and you'll be the manager, giving out firm handshakes and hiring young champs for the job you do now.

>>39514353
>uhh all my joints hurt and my back is killing me

>>39513932
whose dad looks like a metrosexual middle-aged twink?

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you sonavabitch

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>>39514492
Fuck you, that wasn't gonna stop me from completing the shift and going back tomorrow. But it really does hurt. And vietnamese people have an unfair advantage because they're all fucking 5'5" and under so they don't have to fold in half to pick shit up.

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>>39514483

You have an F150 and a Summer Getaway house becuase you didn't have student loan debt and prices actually reflected the worth of an item when you were in you 20s-40s

>>39514450
I get paid more because I'm night crew and we stock at 12am. And even then it's not much because I live in jew york and get raped by taxes anyway.

>>39514343
All memes aside, you don't have to even handshake
Just say something like "I'm trying to get my life together yada yada yada I live with my parents and want to save up enough to move out" etc.

If they're doing open interviews, they're probably just as desperate to hire someone as you are to find the perfect 2D waifu or whatever you fap to.

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>haha come on Champ, you can practice with me

>>39513932
Fucking boomerfags

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>>39514583
>"God I hope that kid and his dad don't interrupt our important meeting with his bullshit life story. I'd rather a firm handshake."

>>39514353
If you're over 18 in the US you do not need a work permit

>>39513932
These are the days that I wished I didn't suck at writing and could conjure up shit like this

>>39514583
>Just say something like "I'm trying to get my life together yada yada yada I live with my parents and want to save up enough to move out" etc.


Dude no wtf, don't ever say that it makes you sound like some recovering addict

>>39514583
They don't want your life story. When they ask you about yourself they're psychologically profiling you, if you talk about your personal life instead of why you should have the job you'll probably fail.

Of course if the interview starts to go south and you're an intimidating guy you can just roll your sleeves while maintaining eye contact. It'll either land you the job or get you kicked out.

>>39514343
Firm handshakes in the store today

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>show up every morning at NOW HIRING grocery store
>be there right when they're opening
>just in time to say good morning to the manager and other employees
>hand them the same copy of my application that I printed and filled out
>do this for 3 weeks straight
>always dressed in a well fit business suit and tie
>they give me weird looks but are still friendly every time
>never get called back
>one day when I'm buying my own groceries I see a new trainee there
>some literal snotty nosed very young looking kid
>overhear him talking to another employee at self check out while I'm scanning/paying
>"I'm done with what I had to do. Can I leave now?"
>"You still have 1 and a half hours left in your shift."
>"I know but I did all the work that the job is for."
>"Why don't you try sweeping near the front entrance or check if the vending machines need restocking."
>"Ugh. But that's not my job. That's not what I was told to do."
>Shake my head in disappointment and leave.
I honestly think my Hispanic last name and brown skin is keeping me from getting a job at this point. This shit has happened to me too many times.

>>39514892
the only way to get a job is through connections at this point, he prolly sombody's kid

>>39514892
It's not because you're a spic, it's because you're being a weirdo. You don't wear a full suit when you're just trying to apply, and you especially don't apply in person at opening multiple times. Go on their website, fill out an application and have them call you to set up an interview. Wear a dress shirt/pants/shoes and tie. Don't roll your sleeves. At this point you're better off looking at another store since you probably got blacklisted.

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>>39514892
If it's a chain congrats for getting put on the dnh list. The only reason they're friendly is because they know there's something wrong with you.

>>39513932
Why did you walk through that blizzard dad? Couldn't you have taken the mustang?

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>>39515198
>dad opens a beer with his bare hands
>dad carries a refrigerator to the moving truck
>dad eats boiling bacon right off the stove
why are dads so fucking powerful

>>39514551
I live in a no state tax state and make $15.45 per and my paychecks suck.

I can only imagine what yours look like.

>>39514410
>
yeah. I think it's been around for about 2 months

>>39514892
>always dressed in a well fit business suit and tie
You're dressing like you're going to an interview for a executive position in some fortune 500 company, not just turning in an application for a minimum-waged supermarket position.

Dress down. Just a nice looking long-sleeve shirt, some slacks and a pair of shoes will do.

>>39514591
>handshake of doom

>>39515526
Because in order to be the dad you have to be the CHAD.

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>>39513932
>Parents have finally given me this talk

Its over lads, the extended adolescence age where I could just sit in my room and play games undisturbed is over. They tell me I need to get my drivers license before the year ends and that I need to find a job shortly after.

Its not fair, anons. Some of us simply weren't made for work, we were made to sit around and consume.

more like

>doesn't speak to you in more than one or two word grunts and the entire atmosphere of the household becomes increasingly negative and hostile so you start skipping meals and day sleeping to avoid them whilst spiralling into depression and they hate you even more for it

just me r-right

>>39515719
Minimum wage grunt work isn't difficult.

Scan a few items, act nice to customers, put a few items on shelves, go home.

Honestly, if the pay wasn't poverty tier level, I'd probably still be there instead of the highly stressful office job I currently have.

>>39515676
What you really want to wear is;
>red or orange polo shirt, untucked
Subconsciously equates to passion/work ethic, and leaving it untucked shows you're serious but not too serious.
>light or faded jeans
Shows you're a work oriented guy. Rip them up a bit to further show you aren't afraid to get your hands dirty.
>sneakers
Boots are a no go. Unless you're in a professional environment you should always wear your most expensive sneakers, they show you care about your image and that you're physically active enough to do the job.

If your polo has a pocket be sure to make use of a pocket square as well.

>>39513932
these posts make me lose it every time 10/10 keks were had

Honestly, going to a job fair doesn't sound like that bad of an idea

>>39515726
>even the air surrounding you becomes oppressive and your heart and breath is always in panic-fight mode
isn't hatred wonderful? that being said, the atmosphere isn't like that anymore here I think it was just cuz my dad was stressed about taxes and I tried to kill myself (lol) now it's much chiller

>>39515719
Try to get a night shift somewhere. I never talk to anyone except for when we clock in, we're all antisocial and keep to ourselves.

>>39515726
>just me r-right
not really

I basically don't speak to my dad anymore even though we live under the same roof.

>>39514272
>they ask if I have a working permit
But why would a legal citizen need a working permit?

>Approaching 25 years old
>Still live with dad
>Work sporadic government contracts and term positions
>Use the money to either do extended NEET periods or take vacations
>Dad likes having me around for company and because we share a lot of interests

It's a pretty good life

I wish I had a dad who could get my foot in the door like that. Guess I'll just go fuck myself.

>>39515893
Same here but 27

>>39515771

Here is my interpretation:
>wearing polo shirt
means he is a retard
>faded jeans
again, a retard who doesnt care how he dresses
>sneakers, most expensive
Im not going to comment anymore.

Just shows how a retard looks like. Someone not self aware enough to be a good worker even if for minimum wage. Would definitely not hire a guy like that even if it was for cleaning toilets. There are too many unemployed to not hire someone ok looking at least.

>>39515968
Stop giving anons bad advice. Do you want them to stay unemployed forever? I'm trying to help them.

>>39515968
>Mfw i wear a polo shirt and sneakers (not faded jeans tho), and I work in a government office. Noone gives a shit and only the bosses wear a suit.

>>39515842
that's valid at least - my parents equate me not having a job for 6 months to me being some kind of drug dealer or murderer or something - they wont even look me in the eye, wont talk to me barely at all etc

And of course this just spills over into feeling guilty about absolutely everything. Can't let them hear me laughing at something, because then they'll think i'm just super happy and complacent, cant sing along to music, cant be in a good mood in general because then they'll think i'm just being lazy and happy about it etc

it fucking blows - and the worst part is getting a job wont make me any happier - it will just make me depressed in a different way

yay my house is civil now - i'm also exhausted from work all the time and want to die

>>39515719
I was lucky to have a friend to move in with when I was 20 and I still haven't gotten my license at 33 years old. I can't imagine it being forced on me. I would have killed someone and/or myself, and not even in a cool, intentional way. Didn't avoid being a wagey, though...

>>39516147
In some positions, it's fine. But when you're handing in an application or, god forbid, going in for the interview itself, don't.

>>39514450
There's nothing wrong with that wage it's a competitive wage to promote loyalty and ensure motivation through money

>>39516373
t. someone who has never been hired in his life
Only virgin weirdos wear suits or dress shirts to interviews, it's all about expressing yourself.

>>39516442
this guy is a fucking retard. you should dress nice for an interview.

>>39516461
And look just like every other candidate that comes through the door? You'll never get anywhere in life with that attitude.

>>39516442
You express yourself in appropriate ways. A charcoal suit in a sea of navy stands out. A bold but color coordinated tie stands out. Wearing a glorified t-shirt is on the other side of the spectrum to showing up in a tux.

Suit, button down with tie, button down without. Those are your three choices depending on the tier of job you're applying for.

>>39516563
You clearly have no idea what you're talking about and will never climb up the corporate ladder. I'm sorry anon.

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>tfw neet because of schizophrenia and dad thinks itll go away by just being around people

thank god i live with my mom

>>39513932
NORMIE GET OUT OF MY ROOM REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>39516803
You probably developed schizophrenia from social isolation. Stop using it as an excuse, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get out there.

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>>39517093
FUCK OFF DAD WHERE WERE YOU MY ENTIRE CHILDHOOD