When I was a kid, my dad went to jail after a night of drinking

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My dad was the worst on my brother. His abuse toward my sister and I was more emotional, which caused my sister to self harm, but he was physically abusive towards my brother. My brother told me a story about how his friend in elementary school had a birthday party and wanted to go. My dad drove him. At the party, there was alcohol for the adults. My dad got drunk and got angry at my brother for no reason. He threw him in the car and punched him in the face repeatedly on the way home. I wouldn't put it past my dad.

I don't know if this is the reason my brother was so shit to me, maybe he was taking his anger out on me, but a lot of what he did didn't seem like anger, it seemed like he just genuinely didn't like me and wanted me to be different. He'd see some kid on the TV
>I wish I had a little brother like that He knew a lot of my friends
>Why don't you act more like your friend?
>I bet your friend wouldn't do that
>You probably don't act like that around your friends

On occasion, my brother would just go off on me and give me a list of everything he dislikes about me. Since didnt really look up to my dad, l saw my brother as a father figure. It hurts when your father figure literally tells you "I hate how you are". It's hard to have self worth when the only person you want to accept you doesn't accept you at all. Why would others love me if the only person l look up to hates me? This made me a very anxious and self conscious kid and now I'm a very self conscious man. need constant reassurance from others that l'm okay, that there's nothing wrong with me.

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My mom was a bit much. She's been through a lot. She was raped as a teenager and had a miscarriage. She doesn't trust men. She married an abusive, unhappy alcoholic and had 3 children with him. I remember once, my brother and went through my mother's things (brother's idea). We found rolling papers and her diary. Her diary was the most depressing thing I'd ever read. December of 1995, my mother made an entry, admitting that the only reason she decided to put up the Christmas tree that year was because it would be my first time seeing one. She was overprotective. I couldn't even go in the alley behind my house and see my dog. She thought people would think I was a gang member.

When I walked home from school, I'd take a shortcut through the railroad tracks than ran between people's backyards and a creek. She told me not to take that shortcut anymore because if anything happened near those tracks, l'd be the first one they blamed
>Mom, literally everyone walks those tracks
I grew up in a rough neighborhood. The older kids would fight and sell drugs at the park. My mother would forbid me from going to the park. As a kid, l had to sneak to the park and keep an eye out the whole time I was there, hoping I wouldn't see my mom's car pass. When saw a white Tahoe coming down the street, l'd duck and dive into the creek because I was so scared of my mom seeing me at the park, playing basketball with other boys my age and talking to the girls my age, doing normal kid things, at the park where the neighborhood gang liked to hang out. There were neighborhoods l wasn't allowed to have friends from or go to. The projects south of my neighborhood, they were pretty safe, but she wouldn't allow me to go. The apartments across the Street "Don't hang around those apartment kids, anon The neighborhood across the highway, she still tells me not to go down there.

I think her constant worrying made me a worrier as well.

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My need for acceptance that l wasn't getting at home led me to being bullied by "friends would let them treat me any way they wanted because I feared that if I didn't, they would leave me alone, and that means l was rejected once again. I was intent on not being rejected remember when one of my "friends" in school gathered all the eraser dust off his desk, walked up to me, and sprinkled it in my hair. He poured glue in another kid's hair. Fortunately, this "friend" was murdered years later, but him and other people l thought I was close to made it hard for me to maintain friendships today. I feel like everyone who wants to be around me has an ulterior motive. The slightest teasing and banter triggers an emotional response from me. I'm defensive as hell. My new friends think I'm fucking crazy because I go off at what see as the slightest disrespect. remember in high school, after l et go of all my "friends" and made real friends, we sat in a group together in gym. They all got up to walk somewhere else as a group and I just sat on the bench alone. One looked back and said "why the fuck are you just sitting there anon? Come on." I didn't follow them at first because I would follow my "friends" around and they would make fun of me for it, telling me that l wasn't part of the group. thought being with your friends was a bad thing. I remember when one of my "friends" stole my glasses. I had to go to his girlfriend and ask her to tell him to give them back to me I endured face-to-face 4chan racism and did nothing about it. How can you respect yourself when you allow yourself to be treated like this? You think you're avoiding rejection but this is exactly what that was. Rejection. They were actively telling you they didn't like you.

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I grew up on the West Side of my little town. I always tried to hang out with West Side kids up until the 10th grade. I started hanging out with East Side kids They were immensely cooler way less racist and just more likeable in every way. The only problem that they were all cholos. I didn't care these guys were cool. I finally felt the love and acceptance l'd been searching for my whole life. At times, I still overreact to shit they do. Say, one doesn't text me back, all those past memories come rushing back to my mind and l begin to hate myself and them. One of them plays a little prank that required little effort on their part, my paranoia kicks What other elaborate ruses do they have going at the moment
>ls our whole friendship a prank?
Should I cut these people off?
I cut people off really easily these days. I'm a sensitive guy. Mike Tyson helped me accept that about myself. The truth is, my new friends are just treating me like one of the guys. have to go back and remind myself of all the good things they've done for me. Invited me to parties, set me up with girls, took me on trips to Oklahoma and Florida. They've actually saved my life 3 times.
>I've never been treated like this in my life, there must be some reason they're doing this.
>There's no way these guys actually like me.
>No one actually likes me.
>My dad didn't like me. My older brother didn't like me
>My neighborhood didn't like me.
Too good to be true I'm waiting on these relationships to end terribly. I'm not sitting around and taking their disrespect this time I've secretly cut my friends of hundreds of times at this point, only for them to tell me to stop being a pussy.
>Why are you so sensitive bro? We're just fucking with you fampai

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One of my new friends invited me to a party. The 2nd party I'd ever been to in my life. The first party I went to was cut short because of my overprotective mother.

Guys had to pay $3 to get into this party. "Hoes" get n free. I'm not a hoe but I got in free because it was technically my party as well. My anxiety is going crazy, the different colored strobe light flying around the backyard, the hip hop music with the banging bass, all the girls. It was overwhelming. I was adamantly against drinking because I didn't want to be my father but tonight, l was drowning myself in Buchanan's whisky. Mexicans pronounce it "Boo-kah-nah". girl offered to make me a drink, mixing boo-kah-nah with raspberry juice. I drink the cup and vomit then go to the alleyway to piss I see an old middle school friend back there pissing as well, drunk. He brings up middle school memories, trying to bond with me about how fun it was. We obviously had two totally different middle school experiences. The rest of the night, it's me and this drunk cholo running around the party, drunk. At the end of the night, he decides we both need some pussy. He convinced me to hop in a car with these two girls. The two girls find it funny. Cholo Chad does to. I'm scared. A white knight appears at the car
>Jackie, are you ok??!! Who are these foos in the car with you?
>I'm going to get my gun!
I'd never seen a real gun. was scared for my life, almost shitting myself. Cholo Chad tells me not to worry, that guy's not gonna do anything. Just to be safe, I get out of the car. I opened the door and look up, it's a young Mexican man with a Dallas Mavericks jersey with a gun in my face. I put my hands up the way you would when the police point a taser at you. Everyone's screaming at white knight, males, females, everyone
>PUT THE FUKEEN GUN DOWN WE'RE TRYNA. HAVE A GOOD TIME!
I take off running in the opposite direction and the white knight pulls the trigger.

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I say all this to say, life is one funny motherfucker. A true comedian, you gotta love him.

Wow anon you're so unique and deep and your story is so sad. Everything about your weirdness makes sense now and out of pity I genuinely want you to fuck me.

t. femanon

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>>39483781
is the story over?

>>39483632
>>Mom, literally everyone walks those tracks
i know this feel, anon. I grew up with my mother and my grandmother, both of whom were extremely overprotective. I wasn't allowed to visit friends or walk home, and i couldnt even play in the back yard without my grandma sitting on the porch watching me until i was 13. Eventually i just gave up on playing outside altogether

>>39483798
>tfw i will never have a life as interesting as yours

>>39484156
Pretty much over, yeah.

>>39484235
did he actually shoot you?

>>39484215
That's what happens. And then they wonder what's wrong with you.
>>39484234
I don't know if this is sarcasm or not. My life hasn't been that interesting, I failed to include the 2 year long depression in my story because it would be way too boring to talk about 700+ days of sleeping and jerking off.

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>>39484407
Nah. I have no idea where the bullet went but he missed me completely. I'm almost certain that he didn't intend on shooting me, it wouldn't make sense to shoot a guy in front of 20 or 30 witnesses, right in front of his friend's house during a party.

>>39484468
interesting origannly of course

>>39483892
I don't want your pity. I just wanted to share my story with you boys.

I've got no siblings but I grew up with cousins, I spent the majority of the 2000's at their house. Their dad was a cripple due to having his back broken after a construction accident (falling off of a ladder). From what I heard about him he used to be one of those ladies' men, which I find hard to believe him being ugly as hell, rotten teeth, yellow beard, lumpy veins on his legs.

Supposedly he died three times where he's seen the face of god but was sent back each time to do the lord's work. He was supposedly given superpowers: Mind-reading, 'zapping' (putting curses on people), 'scanning' (reading people's body language and guessing their intentions), healing (he'd put his hand on your head and things would get quiet), and several others that he puts together on the fly.

He had three daughters and one son. Mandatory whacks the the back of the hand and knuckles with those thick swiss cheese looking paddles just in case anyone forgets who's 'top dog around the house.' Only for his son though, he'd have his daughters and I watch. We'd get those wooded kitchen spoons (since we were young they actually hurt like hell). The sound he'd let out can't be described via text. He'd often refer to his family as a wolf pack, which actually fits being how he'd treat everyone like dogs. He was one of those mitochondriacs, he claims to be dying of 11 different types of cancers and any day he's going to drop.

His eldest son around 17 started getting stacked as hell, dense abs and muscles, his pappy was starting to get scared, started threatening him with the machete. He doesn't give a fuck (eldest son), one day takes the machete out of his hand and goes on a rant slinging the thing all around about how popp's a psychopath and how people like him shouldn't be allowed to have children and life's hell and this and that, his mother called the cops.

Fast forward and now he's built, a thug but actually earning an honest living as fuck and his popp's getting evicted and divorced.