Who here actually lost? Like depersonalization for years? >float

>grow depressed around 12-13
>think a girlfriend will help
>get gf at 16
>date girl for a year and a half
>don't feel any different
>want to commit suicide
>never open up to anyone
>gf leaves me
>ok.
>start drinking a lot.
>get new gf.
>care about her more than ex.
>still feel depressed.
>she leaves me.
>ok.
>start doing drugs
>start self harming. i like to burn myself.
>drink more
>woke up one day feeling as if i was dead. nothing was real. i looked in the mirror and i wasnt sure who i was looking at.
>every day is a blur. hard to remember things.
>not depressed anymore.
>not happy either.
>feel no emotions. i cant cry or find joy in anything. im never mad. im never excited. im just tired.
>instead of wanting to die because of depression i now just want to die because i dont see the point in living.
life has no meaning and i don't want new experiences.

I don't feel any happiness or pain. Everything I do feels like an act, like I'm just watching an actor in a movie.

thinking about taking acid on sunday. but know it will just make me feel more sad and alone so probably wont

>>39473463
smoke some weed with a friend and get in a good mindset. THEN take the acid.

>wish I could just be a rich heroin addict who eventually dies in his sleep, with a whole krew of junkies and whores, but that would require losing my source of income

>>39473491
I use to smoke weed everyday. I hate it, it gives me anxiety now. I know how to take acid. I've tripped more times than I can count, just not feeling it right now. I understand mindset is everything.

every once in awhile I like blasting off no matter how I feel. one time I took 6 hits while I was depressed. it was chaotic ride. don't know if I feel like dealing with it right now. I don't trip with anybody else anymore, just myself.

>>39473139
The problem isn't that you want to commit suicide, it's that you're doing it for the wrong reasons...

Perhaps no one ever told you this, but death is incredibly painful. I don't mean for you, no you hardly even notice since you're already emotionally and spiritually numb. I mean for the people around you. For the world in general. You may not consider this but an end to your pain means an eternity of pain and loss for everyone around you and the possibilities that are now dead because you're not around to fulfill them. A large, gaping, and unclosable wound will open that day...is that truly the greatest impact you want to leave? I wont tell you there is so much to live for, perhaps there isn't. But there is so much not to die for. So long as there is hope, there is life. Perhaps you should allow yourself...hope? Just a little bit sometimes, hmm.