Guys guys help, I'm alone in my parents house except for

>>39461728
>creep into her room
>cum on her hair

>>39461757
I'm not like 100lbs, my footsteps are loud, she'll probably wake up

Make her breakfast and impress her with your cooking skills

>>39461728
>sleeping two floors above me right now

Do you live in a mansion?

>>39461799
He could be in the basement and the girl on the first floor?

>>39461799
My parents do, they got remarried and moved in a coupe of years ago. I live in the basement sometimes

>>39461797
That's a good idea, but what the hell would I even say to her in the morning? I haven't woken up before 8 in months, I don't even know how to make breakfasts

Make a loud noise like you banged into something or dropped something, and kinda yell "shit" and she might come down to check it out. Then seduce and fuck her.

>>39461834
Flour+water+egg = waffle batter. Then you cum in it

>>39461846
I was with you on the first part there, I follow you with the second part and the last part....but that third instruction is a bit unclear. What, should I show her my parents cash drawers or something?

>>39461797
Unironically the best option. Make a good first impression, you'll have opportunities to meet her again.
Don't be a creepfag anon

>>39461863
I'll keep that in mind. I don't even know if we have those ingredients here, I'll have to go check

>>39461866
I've got a month left before I move away, I won't be making many impressions on the girl

I don't think I'll ever see this woman again after this weekend

Actually not a robot here.
Do not try to impress her, makes no sense.

You could wake up early, and make/buy whatever people have for breakfast in your country. Make sure you have too much for one person but not enough for two. Take your time and when she wakes up offer her some of yours. Insist.

I guess you know how to have a conversation.

On a scale of avoiding her to rape/kill/stash body, what are you trying to do here OP?

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this is the closest I've ever been to another woman sleeping
>ANOTHER
>WOMAN


OP IS A WOMAN OP IS A WOMAN OP IS A WOMAN

>>39461990
he meant other than his sister.

>>39461990
I don't think women are afraid of other women anon, only pathetic men are afraid of being around women... like myself

As someone that isn't a KHV, >>39461954
is the least autistic advice here although clarification on >>39461974 would be helpful.

You should also leave something out that she'll see in the morning to know you're there (unless you have like, your car in the front) in case she wakes up before you or in the night. Otherwise you getting up might be unexpected and scare her.

How much is she expecting you to be there?

>>39461954
Also plan for something ahead of breakfast. Out of the house, it will give you something to talk about, and you have a reason to wake up early. And you show you have interests and motivation.
When you are leaving for <activity> ask for her number/socialmedia whatever you use.

>>39462005
>>39462007
tidde

>>39461974
I mean I'd like to have sex, I've heard it's nice. What do you think I want to do with a WOMAN in my house??? But I'm a gambling man
TRIPS DECIDES

>>39462034
Get on the floor naked and do the dinosaur.

>>39462034
Rape

check these digits

>>39462015
She probably knows I'm here already, the dogs barked when I first drove up, I could see them. I was worried that she'd like call the cops, but it's been like 30 minutes so maybe not

>>39462034
Rolling again for a good old fashioned rape

start making a lot of noise and moving furniture around, Unplug a TV and set it outside on the patio, also tie a tshirt around your head

>>39462034
Trying again for some rape><><><><

>>39461728
Judging by the autism dripping from your posts the only viable option is rape my man

>>39462088
>>39462099
CHECK THESE DUBS
AND GET ON THE FLOOR
AND DO THE DINOSAUR
AND DO IT NUDE

>>39462034
Let's roll for some rape

>>39462108
get schwifty
yea

>>39461974
He just wants to seduce her dude.

Anyway OP your best bet is to do the food thing, cook yourself something and start eating. When she sees you don't act surprised and say something like "hey cutie, whatcha doing in my house?" something playful like that, then offer her some of your food.

You essentially want to be cheeky and playful while at the same time communicating that you're interested and dtf. This is pretty much all chad does.

Depending on whether or not she's attracted to you it might go somewhere. But don't sweat it if it doesn't. Chad wouldn't care because he has other options, so neither should you.

This, in my opinion is your best option.

Good luck either way.

>>39462102
>>39462054
>>39462072
>>39462099
>>39462126

Jail wouldn't be a bad option for me long term, rape isn't the worst idea I guess

take feet pixtures

>>39462034
Rape

oregenel

>>39462140
Confidence will be the most difficult part if I end up doing this. I can hold a conversation with men

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Rape her man just do it hahahah
>>39462034

>>39462140
Ew, who told you how to seduce girls... Kill yourself you beta cuck, that shit never works cause girls find it creepy unless you're at least a 9/10

>>39462140
>very first meeting
>hey cute w-whatcha doin ;^)
Jesus nigger desperation the post. Disregard this anon, he does not know how to communicate with the gashed ones.

>>39462034
Invite her to dinner at a fancy restaurant before kissing her out of no where. It'll settle things either way

>>39462034
Rolling again for rape


oregenani

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>>39462140
Normie can you stop offering shitty advice.

piss on the couch/bed whatever she's sleeping on, when she wakes up accuse her of pissing the bed and pressure her into sex.

>>39462034
Rolling for rape again
I can feel it this is the one

origenaliana

>>39462214
>oh hi b-beauiful, whatc-
>WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU GET THE FUCK OUT IM CALLING THE COPS HELP HELP

>>39462271
How does that scenario go from wetting the bed to having sex, do I black mail her or something?

>>39462140
>hey cutie, whatcha doing in my house?

only Jack Nicholson playing an old rich mob boss can pull this off.

>>39462034
You leave her alone you fucking creep >:(

>>39462293
yes originalasdf

>>39462034
Rolling this one for some rape

>>39462034
Ask her out for breakfast and pay for it lad

>>39462293
How fucking dense are you m8. You know what satire is? Obviously you are dumb as fuck and you have a better chance to hit the lotto twice than seduce this girl. Strangle her and fuck her corpse. Thats the only way you are getting your dick wet friendo.

>>39462179
Do something similar to what he said, but drop the "cutie" comment. Just say "good morning" in a laid-back (but not forced) manner. Short and simple. See where the conversation goes from there.

>>39462322
THIS, It makes sense!

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>>39462323
Sad but true I'm sure, poor guy

>>39462306
He technically has more rights to the house and contents in the house, beds included. He should just get in bed with her nonchalantly

>>39462283
Fucking OP's gotta get clubbed in his own home. I wonder if she is armed?

>>39462323
You are also a fag. You are not unique for saying "how dense are you" or for using satire.

>>39462383
I agree. His space,his rules. Just slide into bed next to her and give the ol lickaroo. You can make her eat all the eggs afterwards

>>39461761
>100lbs
???
Thats fuck all.

>>39461797
This, it's egg time baby.

>>39461797
Then cum in it

>>39462034

Different anon but I'm also going to have to roll for some rape.

>>>/rape/
>>
>rape
not oregano rape

>>39462481
NOT LIKE 100 POUNDS

>>39462481
Can you read? He says he's heavier than that and that he'll cause a lot of noise. He's probably overweight, let's be honest

>>39462543
YES HE IS
Light as a feather

>>39462481
he said he's NOT like 100lbs meaning that he's heavier.

>>39462034
Scream "ooga booga where da white women at?" and run up the stairs, look her in the eye, then squeal and go back to your car for the night.

>>39461831
That would be the 2nd floor anon

>>39462589
Euroanons use the term ground floor for the first floor so on an elevator, the floor directly above the street is called "floor 1"

>>39462589

First floor in some countries is what you would call the second floor. The ground floor is just called the ground floor, then goes onto 1,2,3...

>>39461728
Just ignore her OP.

>>39462034

Get me some feet pics pls

Do not rape, anon. At worst, fap in front of her and then blow your brains out while she's watching.

>>39462558
i dont know why this is funny to me

>>39462653
Found the whiteknightfag

>>39462666
You wasted them

>>39462653

Faggot


>>39462034

However I would rather them feet pics then rape.

>>39462328
Nah leave the cutie in. The cutie part makes is suggestive enough to say that you're interested. Now she'll either reciprocate or she won't.

Don't listen to these beta virgin retards man. You can't trick or charm a woman into being sexually attracted to you. She either is or she isn't. Therefore you approach it in a cheeky playful way. If she's interested she'll reciprocate, if she's not she won't.

Even if you fuck the line up and deliver it like an autist, it doesn't matter. Show your intent without being forceful/demanding. She'll either want you or not.

If you want guaranteed sex then as the other anons say you'll simply have to rape. But why bother when it's so cheap/easy to hire a prostitute that'll give you a far better time anyway?

>>39462700
He wouldn't have to leave his house if he wanted to rape her

Ask her if she minds if you watch a movie with the volume up, then ask her if she wants to join.

Then use your imagination and seize the opportunity.

>>39462034
take a picture of her while she sleeps, print it out, cum on it, quietly leave it next to where she's sleeping

>>39462888
Oh lord this gonna be glorious.
Post proof.

>>39462888
KEK HAS WILLED IT
OP POST CLIPS OF THIS

>>39462888
OP here
Damn this is really fucking good, there are some problems though. The only functioning printer is in the same room that she's sleeping in. I literally just set it up a week ago. Only problem is that it doesn't have wifi printing, and there's no monitor connected to the computer either....

So I have to go in there without waking her up
Take a picture with flash
Connect computer monitor, connect phone and print the picture
Jerk off (using the picture or internet porn since the computer is there already)
Leave the cum soaked paper near her as her gaping eyes stare in disgust at me


Fuck

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>>39462999
>>39462888
Holy fuck how unlucky

>>39462999
Don't use flash, just slowly turn the lights on just enough to see. She won't wake up. The sound of the printer might wake her though. Are there any 24 hour printer places near you?

>>39463055
If I'm quick enough, I can sneak in and just grab the printer and take the picture, then leave and print downstairs

>>39462999
>>39463080

Another option could be to go to a friends house to print it if you don't want to risk waking her up.

>>39462999
You are going to share proof you did this when you are done right op?

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>>39462888
>>39462999
The trips are there, OP, it's a real mess but you gotta do it. Remember to wear your thickest socks for maximum noise reduction while sneaking.

And OP... Good luck.

Would a court of law consider this sexual harassment?

>>39463147
Definitely. Without a reasonable doubt. You monster.

>>39462999
Please don't be a fag OP. Make this happen

>>39463157

Naw I'm a lawyer, in California at least this would be legal, especially considering that he is in his own house.

>>39462067
What time did you arrive home?

>>39463243
12:30ish, it's been 2 hours

>>39461728
Okay stay calm.

Sneak into the room and slap her ass

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>>39462499
Oh god that hit me just right.

>>39463080
Yeah, taking the printer out is better if you can. I still recommend some light, don't want to accidentally bang into something and wake her up. Although even if she wakes up from that you could just say you needed the printer and place the picture next to her after she falls back asleep.

>>39463090
>go to a friends house
kek

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try and get her to leave the room but first put olive oil infront of the door so she falls and hits her head. then you can do what you need to do

>>39462999
forget the cum, just take the picture

>>39463509

No keep the cum bitch.

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>>39462888
>>39462999
OP you have been chosen.
You know what you must do.

>>39463306
this is good advice, has worked for me before

>>39462140
Op don't make her food for the love of St Nick, it's so autistic I cringe at the thought. I repeat, making her food is a bad idea

>>39462700
Why do you delude yourself so?

>>39463822
Unless OP is going for the date rape.

I don't think it is too bad but maybe give it a go once she knows you are home with her.

Well? What's going on

R9k gets boring

There's no way OP will deliver on this one :(

>>39462251
Better than getting advice from the fags and trannies who equally shit up the board.

Oh boy this is getting interesting, Bumperino.

Guess I'll bump, OP better deliver though.

bump
oriroror

>>39461728
Put a camera in the closest bathroom to her so you can creepshot her when she wakes up

>>39462499
>>39462502
Holy shit this place is hilarious sometimes