>>39437750 Maybe relevant to the thread but not quite.

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>>39438008
Ok great you're one of those fucks who actually has the split

But I've hardly met anyone who has that distinct awareness of that "non-body" identity and ties to ideas or impressions, and not been "omg the real world is blurry and shit"

I don't live in this "psyche-awareness" state most the time- almost hardly ever

I'm saying this cause I have a similar experience to yours, in that I distinctly feel like if I reach out to humanity my hands are cut off
Like I see connectedness not only as unattainable, but the core opposite of my nature

What I think other people feel in connectedness is what I feel with strange fuckery with what's to be expected with the laws of the universe
Like my entire existence is spite and bitter anger, and the upbeats are all focused around chaos and discovery

>wow so edgy

I fucking know but I disclose none of this shit to the real world, but I feel like unconsciously people can tell that the disconnect is there, and they hate me for it
The weird thing is I feel like I know more than them, or that I'm the actual "good guy" for some fucked up reason. Like their attachment to humanity is the core to a lot more evil and selfish shit I can muster up.

>>39437750
>I wanna know if anyone's seen shit from a "detached from my own body" perspective that solely lies with your state of consciousness sans body or identity
not sure if this is possible OP. and if it were, the collective human subconscious (composed of ancestral memories, shaped by evolution etc) would probably mean that it is for all intents and purposes very similar to your own embodiment in the first place. You can't escape your mammalian brain structure or the archetypal dreams dreamt by your ancestors and stored within the literal physical structure of your consciousness

>>39438008
>I don't masturbate to people anymore either.
Care to go on? Are you like that Ohio river valley guy?

>>39438217
you ever done any drugs of the dissociative class?
or psychedelic?

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>>39438560
Never ever, and I make it a point to never delve into that shit for the rest of my life

I don't want easy fixes, or it being the explanation for being fucked up

I want everything to be of my own agency

>>39438217
This is it exactly. Out of step with humanity. I find that people also trust me for some reason more often than average, but all this does is confuse me.

I feel like I can reach out at any time but nothing is going to be there.

>>39438516
I get off to thoughts about situations I put myself in while jacking it. There isn't a longing or a lust for somebody involved. I don't really know how to explain it more clearly.

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>>39438647
>I get off to thoughts about situations I put myself in while jacking it. There isn't a longing or a lust for somebody involved. I don't really know how to explain it more clearly.
I get the feeling that this is weird or fucked up, but honestly I'm more than ready to move past the "I think I want an emotional connection with someone" stage
Like I can be completely satisfied with cuddling alone, but the idea of finding someone like that fucking takes up 90% of my brain activity for no reason

Sometimes I think by satiating that need and actually stepping into the dating pool will help silence it, but I haven't seen someone do those steps and still keep a detached coolness. They all seem to get strings of weird non-issue drama related issues tangled into their life. An even deeper obsession with women and connection.

If you are being for real, thank christ there is a possibility for that shit not existing.

That's actually my one hang up with my body. The intense need for human companionship. I know my body NEEDS it, but my actual "soul" as it were has no place for it. The closest thing is my need for my thoughts to be validated/ internalized by others.

>>39438591
Yeah if you have a DP/DR thing going on, dissociatives could make it worse, psys too, but I ask because they share a thread heavily with what you're talking about, and Lain. You sound like the kind of person who has.

I think I've experienced depersonalization somewhat. I've always been a pathological daydreamer, I constantly go over conversations, situations, and thoughts in my head but usually when I drift into that state I feel like I'm only half way there, you know? I always still had some awareness of the real world, my daydreaming was mostly grounded in realistic situations. In the last year or so I've started to have these slips, where I'll be driving, or trying desperately hard to enjoy playing a video game where I'll end up so deep in my own repetitive cancerous thoughts that nothing feels real anymore. Everything seems so fucking insignificant when I get into this state, I can end up staring at a wall for 10 minutes. My field of vision changes too, its hard to explain but I feel like I'm watching from inside my body rather than as my body.
Sorry if that was TFW to intelligent tier shit

>>39438752
Don't get me wrong. I need companionship too, or at the very least I feel like I need it. It is completely absent from what I think about when cumming though.

>>39438647
Would you describe the specific situation that got you off last? What part of it excites you? I'm intrigued

>>39438752
I'm guessing you've never had a relationship, which is par for the course on /r9k/... it even sounds like you might have really loved someone in particular, or had an extremely strong longing for love in general, when you were younger, but the pain of never actualizing it has caused you to go numb?
That's really sad anon. I just want you to know that you would probably really love falling in love if you could, even now.

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>>39438773
I've read the symptoms, and honestly I don't really feel like it suits me. I don't have this haziness with reality. I'm quite comfortable in my sense of reality, and I feel like I'm quite open to possibilities in objectivity quite easily.

Sans emotional appeal. Anything that tries to value sentimentality, or seek "objective healthiness" feels wrong to me.

My state of being is not centered around an overly pronounced awareness of the psyche. Not at all. But I know from my psyche that I genuinely dislike the natural state of how humans experience and develop emotion. Sort of like they share a club to connection, but the club is a shitty club to begin with.

Like it's not hard at all making my own club and have them all flock to it

It's so arbitrary, yet I still seek (not connect, but) some objective appeal to emotion.
Which is why I overvalue chaos and discovery I think.

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>>39437750
While I was manic and unmedicated (due to bipolar disorder type 1) I experienced extreme depersonalization and derealization and severe paranoia and intrusive thoughts.

At the worst of it I could not tell when I was awake and when I was asleep. I could not differentiate between what was real and what was not. I could not control my actions. I was a terrified passenger in my own body with no control over my thoughts or... or anything.

I thought that virtually every single human being was a prop. That the creatures that I interacted with were objects that existed to act out the play that was my life. That they were all actors on a stage with no real purpose or meaning, only to convey the message that I wanted to relay to the rest of the world.

I knew on some level that this was horribly wrong and it filled me with dread and terror that I can't possibly describe. The feeling of seeing myself do something to hurt someone and have no control over it despite not wanting to ruin what hollow idea of a life I had

It was the scariest fucking thing I've ever experienced and I know that nothing I could ever encounter will ever compare to that feeling.

>>39438841
>. it even sounds like you might have really loved someone in particular, or had an extremely strong longing for love in general
I've had a crush on a few girls, but only really idealized versions of them.
I never really "loved" anyone. Not in the "I would give up my life" or "I want to know everything about them" sense for longer than like an hour.

>Don't get me wrong. I need companionship too, or at the very least I feel like I need it. It is completely absent from what I think about when cumming though.
God dammit.

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>>39438910
Am OP, can't relate

My whole psyche is centered around agency, and not at all about direct actions in the real world.
My whole "walking through fucked up land" was my own observation that nearly any sentiment or value I held was arbitrary, and the only thing that fascinated me beyond this tremendous hopeless emptiness was a craving for things that are interesting and "rule bending"

Just anything on the verge of seeing a bigger picture

>>39438841
Sometimes I get off trying to relive old moments. Like I'll take a hot shower then lie on top of my bed with the window open and a cold breeze drifts in. When I close my eyes I can feel myself as a teenager lying on the beach while on vacation. Without the anxieties or the responsibilities I have today. I feel relaxed when I start, imagining the scenery and the sounds. The heat on my skin and the cool ocean breeze cooling me down. That relaxation and happiness builds inside me naturally until it's released.

I don't experience that happiness anymore, and the closest feeling I can get is that second when I'm cumming.

There's other situations, sometimes humiliating, but they always involve strong emotions.

>>39438980
I was completely and utterly self-centered and couldn't perceive anything outside of my own actions. I literally thought that the universe revolved around me, but I couldn't do anything to influence it consciously. It was like I lived behind the eyes of a robot that was moving of its own accord and all I could do was watch.

The only conclusion I see fit for the "out of body experience" is for a person to zone out extensively while having emotional thoughts or a sense of meaningless attached to that, its the kind of feeling that you can't really replicate.

I sometimes do this involuntarily and it recreates the feeling OP mentioned above - but its not the real deal.

If you study psychology this is simply your hippocampus becoming heavily active more than usual. The hippocampus is normally used to navigate streets and navigation - its the reason why you can zone out and use muscle memory to still go outside.

Your thoughts anons?

>>39439552
no

see >>39438910
an out of body experience is terrifying and not just zoning out
I am naturally severely deficit of lithium, interpret the pain and suffering of others as pleasure, and have something inherently wrong with my mind that causes severe fluctuations in mood that led to that level of psychosis and disassociation and derealization. Your gross oversimplification is insulting. I understand the point that you're getting at but like with all things in psychology, trying to simplify it overlooks so many variables that you really should be looking at each individual case instead. At least until we understand it better.

>>39439767
likewise your generalization that "out of body experiences are terrifying" is not true for everyone else, either
is there a name for your condition? sounds very unusual

>>39439767
I Said it wasn't close to the real experience, it was just something that imitates it.

The anon you mentioned properly had the "real thing" which I wouldn't over simplify

>>39439848
I'm diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 1 and OCD. Mania from bipolar disorder is no laughing fucking matter. A manic episode ruins your mind as badly as psychosis during a schizophrenic episode. I have to take antipsychotics to control the worst of it on top of lithium, but it works, and I haven't experienced that fucking nightmare in over 5 years now thanks to the medication.

>>39439854
My reading comprehension is lacking right now as I've been drinking and glossed over your second sentence. That's a fair analysis if there's any legitimacy to it. The people who posted earlier in this thread are clearly suffering from a serious illness and what you experienced seems to be a far cry from it, even if you perceive it as being similar. Do you know of any studies that draw similar parallels between unusual activity in the hippocampus and derealization and/or depersonalization?

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I'm becoming the idealism of my own ideology.

>>39440122
People with OCD get highs and lows in the hippocampus, typically there's more activity when a person with OCD does everyday tasks with the hippocampus and a lot less activity at other times, seemingly at random.

Although this helps explaining OCD a little bit more , I don't think its a suffice or a a sufficient explanation FOR ANY out of body experience due to the lack of studies done on it and data that's rather old.

The sensory cortex plays a bigger role in "derealing/ disconnecting".

Check out some studies on google scholar or just google search it , some of the studies are outdated though so keep that in mind