Can a robot exolain in vivid detail what depression and

>>39419704
It's like cracking an egg, but instead the egg crack you.

>>39419704
Just take a look at some of the greentext stories that people always post. They usually describe their feelings and how they think

You feel like not doing shit all day and whenever you have to do anything it feels like it takes forever to get over with it and you just wanna go home and do nothing again.
Sometimes you get these massive mood swings. I don't know if that's part of depression, but I'd go from happy to incredibly frustrated to so angry that I'm breaking shit to crying in the bathroom. Most of the time it's just incredibly numb tho.

Oh and thinking about suicide every day. That shit sucks. I'd drink to stop thinking about killing myself so I developed a daily drinking habit and I still can't get over it. I've spent the last three days drunk and am currently drinking.

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>>39419713
Why can't you literally just stop
Like stop feeling that way
Like move past it and not let your feelings effect you

>>39419704

Anxiety is waking up in the morning with a sense of dread. It's planning conversations in your head in a flow-chart pattern to see immediately what can, and in the case of anxiety, will go wrong with how you even attempt to speak with another person in your life. Be it your parents, a friend, a classmate/teacher, boss/coworker. Everything you do and say needs planning to the detail or nothing will go right. You regret everything, you hate everything. Anxiety makes you fear absolutely any choice you make despite all the planning you've done to alleviate and eradicate any chance of you looking like a worthless piece of shit, that depression tells you you are.

While the anxiety fuels your desire to look a little less like the scum of the earth and play out as something presentable, the depression doesn't allow it. Anxiety is your leash, depression is your collar. It leads you to eat a pack of doughnuts as your one meal during the day. Lie in bed telling yourself you'll do something other than playing vidya and fapping. The anxiety plans out what you can do, the depression knocks it down. It's an endless cycle of plan, failure, repeat. It's why we're both here, Anon.

Anxiety will get you places by itself if depression wasn't shoving your face in the mud. With both of them together, you know suicide is not an option. Anxiety will never allow it. Depression will beg for it.

I'd say just give up... Yet I'm still going.

It's not showering for a week and knowing you smell. That smell doesn't even compare to the awful thoughts you think about yourself. It's constantly being tired, but there isn't a difference between staying up for 5 days or just having so many emotions you don't feel anything anymore. Depression is boring, it's always on the back of your mind.


Anxiety is not leaving your room enough in weeks you can smell your sweat and every meal you've ate for the last week. It's being afraid of nothing but everything at the same time. It's doing normal things other people would laugh at, but when you do it you feel a hot sticky feeling in your throat.

>>39419704
Depression is like feeling beyond hollow. It's almost like a black hole just sucking you in and it keeps taking you further and further deep. All you want to do is die.

Anxiety is like being stranded in a place where you're a foreigner and don't know the language or customs and you know everyone is mocking you. You sweat and just want to disappear because you know everything you do is wrong and everytime you try to do something right it just makes things worse.

>>39419777
>It's planning conversations in your head in a flow-chart pattern to see immediately what can, and in the case of anxiety, will go wrong with how you even attempt to speak with another person in your life. Be it your parents, a friend, a classmate/teacher, boss/coworker. Everything you do and say needs planning to the detail or nothing will go right. You regret everything, you hate everything. Anxiety makes you fear absolutely any choice you make despite all the planning you've done to alleviate and eradicate any chance of you looking like a worthless piece of shit, that depression tells you you are.
I take medication that at least helps around friends and family, but pretty much this. Can't relate to normies.

when you finally build up the motivation to do something and then one small thing goes wrong and it devastates you and your will to fix that thing and continue going

say you decide to sign up for community college classes after months of brooding about it but on the way to the college you get pulled over for speeding, however the cop just gives you a warning. Even though literally nothing happened that might be enough to make you turn around and go home.

>>39419805

It's just the worst feeling when something breaks out of that chart. Even if it ends up being positive, knowing my mind couldn't predict another person's actions... It's the worst.

>>39419808

I love trying to motivate myself to go outside for something I enjoy. For example. I was waiting to take a bus to McDonald's the other day, but the bus ended up taking over half an hour. Really took the joy out of going out to get shitty food I can't afford.

>>39419785
You must smell like complete shit hahah

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>>39419761
You dont. You sit down and hope it goes away. If you really don't like it then just remember that your thoughts are a chemical reaction produced by your body to fuck with you and they do not matter. That's what helped me

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>>39419704
>depression
Varies between people, but I would describe it as a mist of sadness and numbness around and within you. My head feels dulled and it is hard to focus on anything. I constantly feel extremely tired and alone, no matter who you're around. I feel little motivation to talk or do anything, and try to live off of base requirements. I constantly feel miserable and hate the feeling, but have no idea how to fix it. I've started to regularly think about death and killing myself and memorized the to be or not to be speech in my head. I cut myself because the pain is a release of some of the constant misery I feel inside. Breaths feel heavy, like there is a weight in my chest. I feel like I want to cry all the time, but I can't bring myself to.

>>39419757
Man at least you are still able to get mood swings and be able to feel something.

>>39419704
When you're depressed your sense of time is fucked. Information flies at you faster than you can process it and every decision must either be made immediately or put off forever. All consequences are permanent and any benefits are fleeting.

>>39419849
I've gotten better about my hygiene and my depression over the years. My depression was it's worse back in 2014. It was so gross I could take a knife and scrape off gross shit off my face because I just didn't give a shit about myself.

>>39419704
for me it's apathy
no energy to do anything. can't even get out of the door when doing so is beneficial to me. I leave my bed only to accept the pizza at the door and to shit. occasionally, I get on the PC to browse 4chan and listen to some music

>>39419867
I'm not depressed tho, I was a while ago. The drinking habit is all that remains.
And the mood swings to some degree. I still lose my shit sometimes and throw a fit, but I don't cry nor feel anrgy/happy/frustrated for no reason.


Honestly just not thinking about suicide anymore feels awesome. Those were some fucking shitty days.

>>39419825
Preaching to the choir.
I physically can't handle the uncertainty of trying to get in a relationship. It's horrible.
I need a huge amount of observations to read her actions, but I just have two fucking one-line exchanges.

>>39419908
This
Used to be so energetic and full of enthusiasm.
Now can't be bothered for anything at all.
Want to be but can't

>>39419704
>TFW have trouble just trying to make a simple phone call

>>39419908
>apathy
I used to be this way, but it got worse. I went from not caring to hating myself to constantly feeling miserable.

>>39419942
opposite for me, I went from being miserable to not caring

Depression is like a coma, that slips someone further and further in.
Anxiety comes and goes for me. Though I seem to always have a good reason for it. Like, if I go to place "x", they will think I'm lesser. Most of the time I'm really accurate on my anxieties.
The depressing part is I don't know why. Maybe I'm alone all of the time, or don't put up a strong enough face to strangers.

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>>39419969
You made it, gratz

>>39419980
I'm really shitty at putting up a "face" for strangers/family/friends. I just cannot hide how I feel, I don't even realise that I'm coming off as depressed except the times when people comment on my demeanor no autistic i swear. appearantly the only emotions I can properly convey are neutral, glum, slightly annoyed and sadness

>>39420011
sure, haven't looked at it that way. I used to have some degree of anxiety, but that seems to have just gone away by itself, probably around the time apathy set in.
what are you dealing with anon?

Why so many people with depressiom cant cry? Im depressed as fuck, thinking about suicide everyday, sleeping +14hs just to not be awake and I cry like a little girl every night. Is awful.

>>39420098
i have been ostracized by everyone ever since i was born.You stop giving two fucks about it since that's all you know.Why cry when you don't know any better.

>>39420047
>never remember being happy
>used to be really angry at the world as a child
>stop showing emotion all together
>apathety sets in
>self-hatred and misery sets in
>suicidal
Oh well, shit happens. I don't know why I haven't already kms. We suffer so much just to delay the one common human experience. We're all a little scared of death though, but my will to live is starting to slip.

>>39420098
well, some of us learned that crying is for girls. the only time i've ever witnessed a man in my family cry was when my grandfathers mother who had alzheimers for years died. he sat in the kitchen and cried while calling him self "sissy boy" "crying faggot" etc. I'd lie if i were to say that wasn't funny

>>39420098
I stopped crying because if I cried every time I was overwhelmed with sadness I would have cried all day. I was in public today and 2 seperate times on the same day I got so sad I wanted to cry but couldn't.

>>39420128
I can relate to every point in this post.

>>39420118
Yes i know. But before the depression i never cried. And now I cry everyday. I cry with sorrow anon. I want that shit to stop.

>>39420098
Being sober it's impossible. When I was going through withdrawal and drugs, pretty much all day.

Got im so fucking sick of these words after seeing them on facebook all the time. Its all self diagnosed rich kids that want to feel special. Anywho
>real bad depression and anxiety through high school, put on zoloft for it.
>graduate, it slowly fades
>learn to handle situations better. Bad situations dont bother me as much as they did before. Grow as a person and stop taking meds
>dont make much money but content with what i have. Committing time to art career family and friends.
>three years post high school, start college today
>everything comes back full force. Haent felt this shitty in ages
>considering dropping out or going back on meds
>would rather kill myself than go back on meds
I just feel like an alien again. I nearly passed out during introductions. I thought i outgrew all this shit but i guess it will always come back. I fear ive made a fool of myself

>>39419777
jesus reading this felt like it was reading my mind, you basically explained everything that happens to me, nice way of puttin it anon thanks

>>39420098
I don't think I'm depressed but I was raised with a bunch of family from central/eastern europe, who were born before/while the USSR was still a thing. Anyway, one big thing about that region of the world is to not be an overemotional pansy. Crying is ok only if a loved one died or something and even then you did it in private. I caught on to that pretty quickly and the only time I legitimately cried was after my grandfathers funeral and it was the silent while a tear falls from your eye kind. That's not to say that I was forced into that, because I wasn't really a crier to begin with, but that definitely had an impact.

>>39419757
Are you diagnosed?

Do you think somebody should seek help for depression before they start into suicidal ideation? Do you think they should seek help before they start breaking shit and crying in the bathroom?

What do you think is the minimum line of depression to be a robot?

>>39420295
If youre smart and you want to be alive. Seek attention anon, depression is hell, thinking about suicide is not normal. But i dont know Im depressed, i dont want to get meds and im thinking about killing myself and i probably will sooner than later bc i have no salvation anon.

>>39419704
You know that feeling in your gut when you're lying in bed, trying to fall asleep when suddenly you remember something autistic you did back in highschool? That's the feeling I get when thinking about having to get a job, clean my house, ANYTHING confrontational etc. etc.

But moreso than that, what's worse is how it warps your mentality and how you face life itself. On one hand you know that taking steps to improve your life is the rational thing to do but then on the other hand there's that feeling of dread when you think about how difficult that's gonna be. So in the end you give up and in turn it becomes harder to straighten out your life and the anxiety gets worse.

Last year I gathered the courage to finally seek help from a professional but I got overzealous and agreed to take part in some therepy plan that had me spend 5 days a week doing random activities. On the way back home I realized what I had done. Anxiety kicked in and the next day I cancelled all my appointments. To top it all off I got a bill in the mail saying I had pay 600 bucks because my insurance didn't cover that shit. That's 600 for two appointments ffs. Anyways, This is just one of many examples and it keeps repeating itself and getting worse. Hope this gives you some insight on anxiety.

>>39420295
Don't get professional help, 8/10 times it makes life worse. Death probably isn't that bad anyways. Who cares about a subjective line to define who is and isn't a robot. No reason to be proud of how cripplingly you are depressed.

>>39420295
Seeking help might make things better or worse. You're trusting a stranger. He might be a professional, but he might also just not give a shit. I think the point you should seek help is when you start being dysfunctional and can no longer keep your grades up, a social life or go to work. But you might also go to a shitty psychiatrist, waste a bunch of money and make things worse, it's not like "seeking help" is a foolproof plan.

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>>39419704
I have had my bits of depression but not enough to where I think I should be the one describing it.

But fuck anxiety imagine being so paranoid of everything things that arent real but you know arent but are still paranoid about them anyway. Also obsessing over everything and you always think people are plotting against you and everyone hates you. I would lay in bed at night and get really bad chills obsessing over some stupid shit that I knew wasn't real.

I think at my worst I was paranoid because I really beleived people could read my mind and all just agreed not to speak of it in front of me, whenever someone would say something I was thinknig I would freak out.

Also I remember thinking my neighbor was stalking me on my computer I would even open up notepad and type shit like leave me the fuck alone sometimes.

I also went through a period where I always thought I was dying any vague symptom of something bad I believed I had some form of cancer or some shit.

I've gotten over most of it though, I still have a problem trusting people and still think everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back but its gotten a lot better since the shit I described.

>>39420098
>Why so many people with depressiom cant cry?
I talked to oneitis one day
I felt really good that day, started drinking coffee for the first time and it gave me a slight buzz
Then I just felt depressed and cried a bit

She never wanted to see me again

I figured that people hate crying so I only cry in my room now

>>39420502
I was just thinking, maybe the social convention that men don't cry to hide weakness is why women have double the depression diagnosis as men.

>>39420528
An interesting hypothesis, robot

>>39420502
You cry for her anon sempai? Do you have a relationship with her?
My fiancee left after 8years and after losing my job due a pyschotic breakdown. When we broke up she told me all the women bullshit (i love you more than anything but im hurt, i want to find myself, i want to fix my family problems, blabla). Recently and after 3 months of so of no contact she finally told me "im not in love you anymore anon". Shes having sex with other men, im broken, with no job, just a couple of online friends, no future and thinking about suicide every day. I dont myself because i only have a rope, i have no access to guns and I think about my mother too.

>>39419704
All i'm going to say is I will rely my fate on anti-depressants and/or going back to benzos (but on smaller doses this time so they don't turn me into a retard).
All I need is an appoinment with a psychiatrist but I haven't been able to even make the call yet because of anxiety.

>>39419867
Thisthisthisthisthis
Why did life have to be this way

>>39420432
haha fuck I've done the notepad thing too. unfortunately I still can't help but feel like I constantly being watched. online and off. even as I'm typing this out. not sure why, just do.

>>39419704
Think of something you really really hate doing. Imagine that but way worse, constantly, and it never goes away except for like 2 seconds when you wake up and didn't remember that you feel bad but then you remember and it floods back over you.

>>39420098
I can't cry. I've tried because I remember how good it felt. As other anons described it's not sadness but numbness. I wish I could feel sad or happy or angry or anything really but I just feel nothing

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I believe everyone has a different feeling under it's influence.

My depression set off a haze of no feeling, no emotions or laughter. It was like being a ghost, there yet not there at the same time. I'd go on midnight walks through my village walking into the darkest parts with no fear, not because I wasn't scared but simply because I wouldn't be able to feel fear. Everything is numb and the one thing on you're mind is the thought of not existing.

Anxiety for me is a feeling of panic, I can't stay too long talking to someone or be in a large crowd or else panic mode starts to set in and I just have "I need to get out of here" thought rushing through my mind. It's sorta similar to the feeling when you get sent to the principals office and you don't know what you've done.

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>>39419713
What a country!

my depression turned into apathy so I've p much forgotten how to feel. my anxiety decides to come knocking when i try to do something im not already used to.

>tfw you forgot all your past thoughts and feelings
>memories are fading
>feels like you've been sad and miserable your entire life
>know that's not true but still can't help it
>anxiety ruining any chance of change
>complete apathy otherwise

>want to get help and tested for autism
>its 120 an hour for the evaluation
>the evaluation is 10 hours
yeah just get help bro you can totally do it god bless the usa where everyone can live free and be happy if you have the money haha get help bro you really could use it

>>39419704
Depression is a bitch
>Every waking moment you feel like you just woke up after 3 hours of sleep
>Literally nothing interests you. Doing anything feels like when you actively avoid doing something, like cleaning or homework/assignments.
>And worst of all, you feel as if there's literally nothing you can do to get rid of it.
>It's just an overwhelming feeling of despair.
The way I describe it is it's a 50 feet deep river of black water when you're at the bottom, and a 5 feet deep stream when you're looking at it from the above.
After you heal yourself, you realize how stupid the whole thing really was.

>>39419877
How could I have thought that this was only me? Damn it all

>>39422964
This is very accurate, this guy here is confirmed depressive disorder.
>Constant despair
>Low energy
I also experience a lot of self-doubt and self-loathing. I feel like I'm a piece of trash despite being a fairly accomplished person. I'm fairly successful but on a deeper level, I feel like a failure.

>>39420029
I have the opposite issue. No-one thinks anything when I'm depressed but when I'm neutral and a bit tired people think something is bothering me.

I can't talk to people about these things unless they bring it up but they never do when I need them to.

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>>39419704

You know when you boil a kettle and it starts bubbling violently before it stops?

Anxiety is like that moment, except your thoughts are racing, your heart is pounding and your mouth becomes extremely dry. But the water keeps boiling and doesn't stop.

I think depression is just viewing life with reality goggles. The world is full of distractions and general fakeness, a real favorite of mine is how
humans treat you based on how attractive you are but no one would admit this is true.

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>>39423140
>>39422964
>tfw both of these posts accurately describe me

>>39419704
idk
sorry i can't help you anon

i was going to write something more meaningful but i all i can do is shitpost and spew dumb autistic drivel

why am i even writing this

I want to know what it's like to not have depression, cause to me my depression is completely logical

I can't see why you wouldn't be depressed in this existence

>no pleasure or desires
>havent eaten all day
>muster energy to make food
>eat food, feel almost normal
>start cleaning dishes in sink
>suddenly overcome with existential dread
>stand there holding dish for 5 minutes staring into space with mouth open
>dont have the energy/will to finish cleaning dish
>go try to distract self

Shit.
Its like, you dont bother to start doing anything because you are afraid to fail.
I cant draw anymore because halfway through, i think that my art is shit and tear the paper
I gave up on driving because im piss scared ill get in an accident
I dont enjoy going out because im worried im being too silent/ too noisy/ too clingy/ not interesting.
I dont bother looking for a gf because i fear rejection.
I dont bother with school because i know as hard as ill study ill still fail every class again.
You just sit around and browse the chins because it doesnt require effort

>>39423512
Shit. Happened to me. I spent like 10 minutes looking at a random building on the street to the point where some dude from a shop poked me and asked me if im ok

Depression sucks all of your energy out of you all while making you aware of all your failings and all your fears, leaving you a husk of your former self where even the most basic of tasks, such as getting out of bed in the morning, feels like a daunting and taxing task. Instead you end up laying there looking at the ceiling all while the bad thoughts and feelings float around you. Whatever enjoyment you got from your hobbies is now gone, your hobby just becomes a chore, and any desire to do anything is taken from you.

Picture a cup of water and you pour some food dye into it. The way it spreads, that's what it feels like almost. It's spreading and affecting you more and more. I've come to the conclusion that if you don't beat depression in the early days then you are stuck with it for life.

I remember back around 2009 where I didn't get out of bed for like 2 weeks. Only time I did was to go to the bathroom. That was my lowest point.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Rs_6fQrUKSU

I made this vid to explain

>>39419704
Its a vicious self destructive cycle fed by automatic negative thoughts that feed the self image of a failure regardless of whether that's true or not, but in a Robots case it might well be. The condition for me at least started with an unusually high amount of stress for any school related activity which in turn lead to stressing over everything. The anxiety actively deteriorates the ability to think deeply and problem solve which in turn leads to increasing thoughts of self doubt and hatred. These thoughts change how we perceive ourselves due to the overwhelming amount of evidence of failure. The anxiety doesn't want to be perceived as a failure and try's desperately hard to pull out of the slump and thus we start from the beginning. However, each cycle weakens the ability to fix your life causing apathy to set in. After apathy comes death.

>>39419704
Anxiety for me is a constant fear. Like I feel an impending doom loom over me at all times. I'm always assuming the worst is going to happen, that people hate me, that someone wants to hurt me... Worst of all it manifests as physical symptoms. My hands shake, my chest hurts, my muscles are constantly tense. Shit isn't fun, it basically makes me feel like I'm dying at times

>>39419704
>wake up at 4pm
>mircowave a burger and tacos
>sit down and shitpost/watch animu/play vidya for hours on end
>go to the bathroom
>look at my reflection and feel deep regret and pain
>relish in this as it is the only thing i can feel
>go back to my room
>smoke weed while thinking of all the dumb mistakes i can never take back, as well as the terrible upbringing i had that lead me to this point
>play more vidya
>as i laugh at a meme on 4chan my screen turns to sleep mode from not using the mouse for too long
>look at my reflection one time too many that day
>sit there staring at the empty and broken man sitting in his computer chair with a scraggly beard wearing a "Carpe Diem" Tshirt

This is deppression anon.