>tfw ur never gonna get hugged by a loli >Actually, never

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>tfw ur never gonna get hugged by a loli

>Actually, never going to get lovingly hugged by anyone at all. Emotional affection is alien to you. Physical affection repulsive. The years had tought you that every hand meant pain, every word disappointment. You even remember the slight twinge in your mother's eyes after she hugged you, the fraction of a second too long she lingered on the thought of what she gave up to have you, of what she could have had. Looking at the pay out, it had been a bad time to go all-in. The same thoughts swirled around standing at the altar, thinking this had been a bad time to bluff. She had never won a bet that gave returns even close to what she wagered. In a way, you should be grateful your mother is such a bad gambler. On the other hand, no one else is.

>You could understand standing a purposeless and annihilating job, if you had a family. You could understand being alone if you could climb a career. But having none of those, the writing was all too clear on the wall. You would die alone, unloved and unmourned. You had often lamented being too poor to buy a guy, too cowardly to jump. You had practiced long nights on how to tie a solid noose, but you couldn't bring yourself to tie it up anywhere. The only thing you could think of that you would dare would be a belt around a doorknob. Luckily you had bought a new belt. The old worn down one would snap under the weight of your bloated, sagging flesh. But even when you slide the belt around your neck and look at the wall for what should be the last time, you still can't find it in you to stop squatting, to just slide down and let it all disappear. And as you try to stare into the dregs of what your soul would be and scramble through your memories, you find nothing that would tell you "no".

>The last thoughts through your head was "if there is nothing in this world but what we do, let us do good". And you could think of nothing you could do to make the world better than just sitting down.