Help me r9k. I'm going to college tomorrow. I'm nervous

>>39265941
You're overthinking things. They will probably think something along the line of "hey manlet" the first they'll see you and then forget about it. Just try to enjoy it and to atleast not make them hate you.

>>39266001
how do I make them not hate me?

>>39265941
Prepare to be raped OP. They're gonna double mouthfuck you and call you names and spank your ass and pin you down to rough you up and you will not be strong enough to fight back properly and you'll be tied down near the toilet unable to speak or see and they'll keep you there for a couple days until hopefully the cops start looking for you.

>>39266065
fuck idk if I can do this...

>>39266050
As you were probably told a hundred times think before you talk. The first few days you will probably get to know each other. It is very important that you think about you will be saying when they are adressing you. If you think you're going to sperg out keep your answer as short as possible. Do not talk too much or too little.

>>39266183
ok. good advice. I'll try to keep my autism to a minimum, but desu I don't know if I can if I have to do it 24/7. I'm afraid to express myself I guess.

Your first day with them, you punch them in the face and break their teeth and let them know who is boss in this joint.

>>39266352
That can also be a problem. There is usually two types of quiet people the "cool" one and the "weird guy that do not talk". And by the looks of it I'm going to assume you are the latter.
It's a tricky game. You have to think about you are going to say and in the meantime talk enough not to be weird. There will come a time when you will fuck up but that's ok it happens to every one.

>>39266475
If they're taller than 5'7", and weigh more than 110 lbs, they'll probably punch me harder
>>39266489
I'm going to try to be the cool roommate who's easygoing, but I'll probably end up being the weird one.

>>39266050
You really need to go out of your way to make college dorm mates to hate you. Don't be that retarded. Just try to be a decent human being and if you're unsure on yourself, only interact when you're spoken to. Try to appeal to their hobbies, but only if you're also into them. Be honest and don't be too much of a pussy. That's it.

Just keep yourself lubed up soon you'll get used to it, then start to like it, then need it

>>39266602
what uni? palerino

>>39266602
>I'm going to try to be the cool roommate who's easygoing
That's the easiest way to fuck up. Just be yourself, talk about what you like while still trying to keep your autism to a minimum.
PS : nobody is going to punch relax

>>39266653
How do i stop being a pussy?
>>39266701
what?
>>39266723
prefer not to say, but its not palerino.
>>39266726
i can't talk about what I like, I'll definetly be the weirdo autist roommate if I do. I like investing in cryptocurrencies, programming, and browsing this site. That's about it. What do normal people do?

>>39266050
Be cool, funny, try your best not be autistic. Don't spout memes, use normje humor, never even mention this place as it has a reputation for being a nest of weirdos (for good reason). Be a bro. Don't freak out over shit. Don't have an autistic hissy fit if they bring girls over. Basically just be funny and don't embarrass them. You'll be fine buddy. If you court them well enough, they may be your ticket to going to parties/getting laid. You can meet grills through them depending on how normie they are.

maybe they are just as retarded

Just remember they're going to be just as nervous as you. Who know, you might get lucky and get stuck with some cool dudes. I sperged out on my roommate the first week, like I was too nervous to even speak to him, but we eventually became friends and he even started letting me suck his dick after the first semester.

>be 5'7
>be rooming with two strangers

I was in your shoes once.

First year: A chad and a beaner. They were both relatively cool.

Second year: Two niggers. They were friends and it's as bad as you could've imagined. I'd throw parties to piss them off.

>>39266851
>I like investing in cryptocurrencies, programming, and browsing this site
CS major, i take it?
Join your uni's hacking clubs, ACM, and other CS related clubs. You'll find lots of people with similar interests.

>>39266971
>he even started letting me suck his dick after the first semester
how did this come up? im a closet faggot and have no idea how to approach my roommate. i know hes gay but he doesnt know i am (i think)

>>39266851
As he said>>39266865
I'll even go further and say you don't even have to be funny just be pleasant. You can mention that you like programming but just keep it to a minimum. Just say you already made apps or websites

>>39265941
Roommates are like playing Russian roulette. Sometimes it's great sometimes it sucks. Just be normal. Freshman year I had roommate from India, was a fuckin weirdo that would practice talking black in the mirror, would call himself devawn even though his name was deekarul. Came back one day and he was in front of the mirror naked. Then I had a chill roommate sophomore year. If they're cool just be normal, if they're an ass and blasting music at 1:00 a.m. you do what needs to be done. You'll be fine. They don't know you, you don't know them, the feeling will be mutual (short joke will probably come to their minds though)

Just clean up after yourself and you'll be fine. Don't be that guy.

>>39265941
You better bulk up quickly. Man on man rape is common on campus.

File: 1503381056804.png (188KB, 444x461px) Image search: [Google]

188KB, 444x461px

Everyone telling you that it's definitely gonna suck or definitely gonna be alright is lying to you. You're playing a game of probability, and there's a good chance you'll get a roommate who steals from you, doesn't allow you to sleep at night or have privacy, or doesn't shower and stinks up the room, or just never leaves the room.

But if they're not a ruthless asshole Chad or disgusting fat autist who never showers, you're probably in the clear.

>>39266971
i'm not gay. I'm just eliot tier.
>>39266972
thinking my situation will be similar, based on the lastnames.
>>39267027
yep. autism is built into this major.
>>39267193
yeah very true. Who knows, maybe I'll get someone worse than me, and they'll be the problem.
>>39267221
Not the neatest person, but I can try to fix that I guess
>>39267239
How do I gain weight?
>>39267285
I'm bringing a really large safe with me, so they wont steal anything important. But you're ultimately right, it is just probability. There's a 25% chance I'm going to get two good roommates, 25% I'm going to get two bad room mates, and 50% chance I'll like at least one of them.

>>39267364
>How do I gain weight?

Workout regularly and eat at a calorie surplus. Also get good at clenching your butt up.

>>39267364
Definitely keep your mess to yourself if nothing else. As a neat freak I'll only hate you if you start throwing your mess onto my area, and yeah, you do not want your roommate to hate you. They have many ways they can fuck you over where you are incapable of getting justice for it or preventing them from doing it.

>>39267440
This.

Eat lots of peanut butter and poop less so that your stomach continues to squeeze out your poop nutrients before it exits your body.

>>39267448
Will do. Really don't want to piss anyone off.
>>39267440
>>39267472
I guess I'll have to start eating more peanutbutter.

>>39267515
Get a calorie counter, otherwise the PB will make you feel full and you'll eat less.

>>39267562
any ideas on what I could eat for cheap calories. I don't eat that much desu.

>>39267677
PB is cheap, which is why it's perfect for bulk. Literally just take a spoon and eat the fuck out of it.

>>39267708
alright I'm doing that till II'm fat

>>39267677
>>39267708
To assist with getting the peanut butter down cut up Apple slices and put the peanut butter in them. Get an adaquate amount of protein as well.

Eat a bit more of what you are already eating but at the end of each meal down a spoonful or two of olive oil.

Finally accept that you will probabily still be raped a few times until you are fit. It's better to submit to your attacker and offer to suck him off, that way there is less butthole ravaging.

>>39267824
Hmm.. makes sense. kek.