A stranger walks up to you, gives you pic related and says you

Throw it in a bin.

>>39134589
ask for infinite wishes, like any normal person would

>inb4 you can't ask for that
yes I can

I would wish for the heat death of the universe.

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>>39134589
wish for more fingers
mfw I now have 15 fingers

>>39134589
I wish to make myself disappear out of reality anytime I want and then be resurrected as anyone I want, while still retaining all the memories from my previous lives.

There. That's 3 wishes in a single sentence.

>>39134644
>>39134660
>>39134685
you anons will surely pay a hefty price

Friends, money and better face.

>>39134589
Marry Eliza, money and my foreskin

>>39134644
if you wished for an infinite number of wishes, you'd never be able to wish again, as the first wish can't be completed as your wish count would still be infinitely increasing. it couldn't be interrupted as then the wish wouldn't be complete. monkey's paw is a bitch, anon.

>>39134589
I wouldn't take it because that shit's nasty.

>>39134830
>the first wish can't be completed as your wish count would still be infinitely increasing.
They're literally not even a physical thing, they can't jam like a fucking printer you dumbass

>>39134589
use it to wank myself off and pretend an inidan girl is doing it

>>39134589
>Using the monkey's paw
You think I'm stupid, anon? I'd probably just give it to some normie.

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I would wish to become a lesbian tomboy Japanese high school girl.

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>>39134857
they don't have to be a physical thing to be stuck infinitely increasing, dumbass. the point is that you can't move past the first wish as having infinite wishes means they must infinitely increase to meet your wish demands. a better wish would be to remove the 3 wish cap, which you didn't think of because "muh infinite wishes xd"

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>>39134857
>the paw would keep growing fingers until there was an infinite number of fingers

>>39134927
You are cursed to be single forever

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Use the hand to masturbate with

I'd wish for 200 pounds

>>39134589
Boil it in a pot and make a stew with it. I've always wondered since watching Indiana Jones what monkey tastes like

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>>39134951
>You are cursed to be single forever
I already cursed myself.

id wish to become like doctor manhattan

Wish to be a hot lesbian the. I guess money and then keep my looks forever like a vampire.

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>>39134989
UMA DELICIA HUEHUEHUEHUEHUE BRBRBRBR

>>39134589
Wish first one all my future bad luck on the stranger whom gave it to me.

Ill try to prevent him from twisting my meaning.
I wish that my face was handsome by current western beauty standards while matching my race.
I wish that I no longer had acne on any part of my body.
I wish that I had secured gainful employment with a local business making at least 12 dollars an hour performing tasks at my skill level which are non-sexual in nature.

>>39135178
also wtf op that monkey paw has five fucking fingers, that means 5 wishes. don't you know how this works? It's like you've never seen a simpsons episode before. That monkey paw had 3 fingers because they all have three fingers in the show.

>>39135016
You become a transbian because the monkey paw is a liberal

everlasting world peace
a better pc
humanity to be kinder to each other

>>39134779
You receive your foreskin, still separated from your dick, in a jar

>>39134830
>implying reality runs on a single thread

>>39135204
in the og story it was three though

>>39135204
Monkey's paw isn't from the simpsons, anon. Also, it doesn't work like that in the original story.

>>39134589
infinite wishes.
gotem
i'd probably wish for the top 5%'s combined wealth actually. thievery is good :)

>>39135211
Your pc gains 0.1 ghz in processing power
Humans view eachother as kinder chocolates and proceed to eat eachother alive

>>39135204
>monkey's paw is from the simpsons
holy shit people are actually this dumb

>>39135248
The top 5% find you and kill you

>>39135248
The IRS confiscates all your suspicious wealth and gives it to welfare queens, corn farmers, and exxon

>>39134589
>I wish the monkey paw won't try to fuck me over or interpret my wishes in ways that do not align with my intent of wishing it
>I wish that whenever I wish for something, I get one more wish
>I wish for an 8x7 inch cock
>I wish to be a 9/10, without radically changing me, so I sorta still look like myself just better
>I wish to be 6'2
>I wish I could conjure a portal to a persistent pocket universe where I am omnipotent. Anything from the pocket universe can be brought out to reality while remaining as it was inside without negative consequences
>I wish I weren't a ginger
>I wish my waifu was real
After that I'd wish that the monkey paw was free or something, idk

>>39135332
>moneypaw becomes free
>it makes wishes itself
>reverses all your wishes
>creates literal hell on earth
>enslaves the universe

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>>39135265
>Humans view eachother as kinder chocolates and proceed to eat eachother alive

>>39135385
Keikaku door key.

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>>39134589
I wish for a cure for world hunger, I wish for peace on Earth forever, and I wish that all people went to heaven after death.

>>39134660
and you will get your wish.
eventually.

>>39135423
Psychos continue to be born but act peaceful since earth is bound to peace. Then when they get to heaven they go crazy and torture and slaughter everybody

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>>39135423
>global hunger cured
>mass nigger population explosion
>low IQ shitskins invade all West, have sex with their women but whites dont resist since peace bro, let them genocide us
>after death even former drug addicts-child rapists then go STRAIGHT TO CHRISTIAN HEAVEN

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>>39135222
and that's exactly what i wanted.

>>39134931
>you can't move past the first wish as having infinite wishes means they must infinitely increase to meet your wish demands
You're a fucking moron.

>>39135229
Was it, been years since I read it always confuse it with the tell tale heart. Only part I remember is the mangled zombie coming back to life.
>>39135238
It was in the simpsons I assume someone at least saw it somewhere in the media to bring it up rather than being a 16 year old that just read it for the first time.

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>>39135501
Alright, then instead of wishing for a cure for world hunger I wish that all non-white populations would be turned white.

>>39134589
>make me intelligent
>make me handsome
>make me have motivation to do anything i want

that would be it really.

Fufill my fucked up fetish.

>>39134589
Ask him why theres 4 fingers if I have 3 wishes

>>39135606
the finger count doesn't matter why in the fuck do people keep thinking this? read the story

>>39134830
Every time I use a wish, my remaining wishes' number increases by one / returns to original number.

I'm not familiar with monkey pawns, I know this it grants you wishes, but you need to be careful with words. Someone elaborate?

>>39135780
The anon is thinking about it in terms of mathematical expansion. I think the original person just meant that the wish count could be unlimited, not ever increasing. But that does sound like the exact kind of bullshit the monkey's paw would do to you.

I hate the edgy "le monkey's paw fuck you over haha" shit
I'd turn it down
I'd be willing to accept consequences that are realistic and relative to wishes instead of cosmic bullshit

>>39134589
>I wish for my bank account to gain 10 million dollars undetected by anyone forever
>I wish for my ideal waifu
>I wish for 1000000000 more wishes
It only gets better from here anons

>>39135880
Yea, I see the point in his reasoning that first wish will never be completed because its infinite, that's why I gave an example of something that can work just like he imagined without loopholes.

Always keep one wish in reserve to return to a state from before your first wish in case you fuck things up. It would be cool to have memory of it, so you don't just end up in a loop.

>>39134685
Doctor what?

Orientales

Throw that shit in the trash or burn it
Monkeys paws are trouble and I want nothing to do with it.

>>39135566
>All non-white populations' skin turns white
>Niggers are still violent and stupid

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>>39134589
That vengence be given where it is due

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>>39134589
>these idiots don't know about the monkey's paw

ITT: people missing the point of the monkey's paw

You wish will turn to shit.

You're best wishing then prefacing with "and the wish has no hidden down sides"

>>39134589
revive harambe

>>39134589

I wish that neither this or any future wishes can result in an effect that i would not desire

I wish that I could make anything so that i wish to

I wish that all women in the world would instantly drop dead and then dissapear (no cleanup/disease spread)

I would wish for the extinction of all life and for it to never come back

>>39135423
>peace on Earth
All other worlds burn and alien refugees bring their conflict to orbit of our world.
constant warships falling into our planet
Spent arms and exploded alien weapons everywhere.

Or something like that.

>>39135207
ahahaha nice memed !!! !

>>39134589
Monkey's Paw? No way, fuck this. I'd turn 360 degrees and walk away.

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>>39134589
Ask to be white.
Handsome.
Rich.
Easy question.

>>39134589
1. I wish for all wishes to work the way I want them to, not the way I say them too in a manner that will hurt me or any person, thing, or concept I care about.
2. Kill all semites
3. Kill all negros

>>39134589
i want you to shove it up your ass, then i want it to come alive and tickle your insides, and then i want it to only stop tickling you if you say "monkey's paw" out loud

>>39137647
>Not asking for a library card

>>39134589
>wish to become an attractive woman
>wish to turn back time to around 7-8 years ago and make myself younger
>wish for money

If that won't make me happy then I don't know what will. As a woman I wouldn't necessarily have to be assertive and dominant, I'd be rich, and it would no longer matter that I'm socially inept.

I wish I didn't suck at everything I try
I wish I was the most attractive man on Earth
I wish Mike Rowe were living in a cheap motel for the rest of his life. I have my reasons.

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>>39134589
Wish for all humans to be incapable of malice towards one another
Wish for attraction to be balanced out so people find others within their league attractive
Give myself a really powerful artificial body and brain so I can live forever and sort out other problems myself

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>>39134589
>Don't cuck me on this or the second 2 wishes
>$1,000 cash, adjusted to inflation and local fiat every day
>Good health for me and those close to me

>Wish that my next two wishes will come out exactly as I wanted them to in every way
From then on I guess it doesn't matter because it will be perfect

>>39134589
Throw it away.
I ain't getting bad look because of a monkey hand.

>>39138541
>Don't cuck me on this or the second 2 wishes
There is only one second wish. Wish invalidated.
>$1,000 cash, adjusted to inflation and local fiat every day
Cops show up to your doorstep and send you on a one way trip to prison.
>Good health for me and those close to me
You and anyone within 2 inches of you are immortal. This gets found out and you'll be swarmed by mobs for all eternity.

>>39134589
>Become Pete Doherty
>Amy Winehouse still alive
>Unlimited drugs

I wish that the monkey's paw executes this wish and the subsequent wishes with no monkey's paw downside twist bullshit. Eat a dick you fucking cunt monkey, I'm glad your hand was cut off, I hope it hurt a lot, now give me this wish and the rest of my wishes without your faggot price. Perform this and the following wishes as I mean them, not as how you want to interpret them.

I wish to stay at peak human health regardless of what I eat or do physically, never growing old, sick, or suffering disease. This would be biological immortality but I could still die if I chucked myself off a building or something.

I wish for valid legal currency legally obtained in multiple bank accounts in multiple countries and in my wallet to the sum of a few billion dollars, this happens discreetly in accordance to whatever local, national, and international paperwork/taxes/whatever else.

>>39140183
>Eat a dick you fucking cunt monkey, I'm glad your hand was cut off, I hope it hurt a lot, now give me this wish and the rest of my wishes without your faggot price
Anon I don't think it's a good idea to bully the monkey's paw

>>39140225
You underestimate my burning hatred of monkeys in general.

Wish for:
>Absolute Self-control
>dream house with large gardens
>enough money to start my own business.

>>39134779
You want to marry your foreskin?

>>39134589
Touch myself with it

>>39134978
Your clothes burst with your sudden weight gain.

>>39135332
>I wish for an 8x7 inch cock
Enjoy your freakishly deformed rectangular dick.

>>39134589
>infinite wishes
>no wishes will have any negative consequences
>immortality

>>39134589
>I'd wish for my penis to be half an inch longer
>I'd wish for my relationships with friends to get stronger
>I'd wish for my social anxiety and depression to go away so I can be the guy I am when I'm drunk

>>39140339
You constantly need to manually control your breath and heartbeat

>>39140601
Your dick gets 1/2 inch longer but its all the head so you have a freakishly long bellend
Your friends all fall in love with you

>>39134589
I wish to have a shapeshifting power that doesn't fuck me up.
I wish that everytime I look into my pocket I magically find 200 legal dollars and no one questions it.

>>39134589
Try to convert him to Christianity.

>>39134589
Wish to know the consequences of each wish I make after the first one.

>pray's that the first wish doesn't ruin me. If I survive I'll be able to actually weigh out the choices

>>39134755
you now have many friends, but none are close or really care about you
you now have a million dollars but its all in pennies
you now have the most handsome face in the land, but its not yours and also its nailed to your door

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hit him with a pic related