>tfw you're tired of life but can't bring yourself

Just go through the motions for now, things will get better eventually, even if it seems like they won't.

Are you commiting suicide in places youll be found and in less then lethal ways or are you driving into the desert with a shotgun?

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>>39121146
I've been doing that my whole life; I can't keep it up forever. I'm just biding my time until the suffering makes it unbearable enough to push me to actually commit sudoku.

>>39121189
Armchair psychologist here, tell me about your father.

>>39121128
Feel the same mate. I feel so tired of this but cant build up the balls to do it. Every night i wish to die in my sleep

>>39121283
Maybe its your subconsious telling you that deleting yourself isnt in your brains best interest.

>>39121128
Hey dude.

Wanna talk what's up? Sometimes the reticence to carrying out the deed can mean that you have some desire to accomplish other things in life, things that can give you purpose, meaning, anything to fulfill you in this absurd world. Not a psychologist but I'm down to listen.

>>39121283
I've been wishing for an endless sleep every night for five years now.

I know life is not going to get better, it has just been getting worse and worse by the year. There is nothing to look forward to. I'm just hollowing myself out. I'm losing the abilities I used to have.

I just want all of it to end, for me, for you, for everything.

>>39121250
A good man. Never abused or mistreated me. Did his best to raise me well. Always had food on the table and words of encouragement for me. I don't blame him for anything. I fucked up my own life.

>>39121424
What's happened in your life, man? Seems like it's weighing you down significantly; the hollowing that you describe seems like such a phenomenon today that it's disconcerting on a huge level. You don't think you still have abilities?

If your life is so terrible and you have nothing to live for, then go pursue whatever interests you in the slightest. People who have nothing to lose are often the most driven.

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>>39121332
>>39121549

I cannot think of anything that I want to see, accomplish, or do. Not a damn thing. I've talked about this with several therapists and each time no ground was gained. They're just like "but there HAS to be SOMEthing, anon! C'mon, I know you can think of something!" But there isn't. There is no lust for life. Nothing. I feel like a broken human.

People who feel this way are generally depressed Tumblr types. If you actually want to kill yourself do it, but you probably won't because most depressed Tumblr types are actually pussies.

>>39121464
Oh, well I cant help you. Im only trained in "muh childhood abuse". Anyways...
>Buy cheapest possible .30 caliber rifle you can find
>Buy soft lead hunting rounds
>Take a file and take the point off so its around half the length with a flat edge and the open centre exposed
>Shoot yourself through the mouth aiming for just under the back centre skull
>Dont do it where people can stop the bleeding if you fuck up

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>>39121128
im close too ending it all anon

I really hate how it's so fucking hard to get a gun legally in this shit country, the other suicide methods are such a hassle. With a gun I just pull a trigger and that's it.

>>39121643
other methods like what? that actually work i mean?

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>>39121611
I don't think I could get a gun with my mental health record looking the way it is. Then again I know nothing about purchasing a gun at all; maybe if I lived in a worse area it'd be easier to find one from a private seller or whatever. But I live in a liberal, yuppie-infested town so bleh.

I'm considering just jumping off a parking structure. Hardest part is just overcoming the instinctual fear of heights. But once you're off the ledge, death or permanent coma is pretty much guaranteed.

>>39121553

Not going to make excuses for the therapists - they're imposing their world views upon you. It's entirely reasonable to feel listless, to feel without moor in today's world. Tell me about your average day - what happens; is there anything that gives you a little joy, a little respite? Is there anything that makes you wonder, or question?

>>39121710
Shooting yourself in the head is the best possible combination of efficiency and painlessness coupled with low effort required.

>helium would require being alone for several days, ordering parts, somehow making sure I'm getting 100% helium
>jumping from a building requires gaining access to it and mustering a lot more courage than doing a simple finger motion
>jumping in front of a train is retarded and probably incredibly painful
>hanging yourself is complex, can take longer and be painful if you don't break your neck with the fall

>>39121424
Same. I don't want to wake up. At least in my dreams I am loved. It is the absolute worst feeling to be having a dream where you are socializing and having fun with people, feeling accepted and loved and then you fucking wake up. People experience this stuff everyday, but I can only get it in my dreams. It's fucking maddening.

I have a similar problem. I dont actually want to die because I hold out quite a bit of optimism about my future, but for some reason I think about suicide every day. I just can't stop thinking about it, these thoughts are driving me insane and they keep getting more frequent and intense, I'm going through at least a fifth of liquor per week just to calm down in my free time. It seems like whenever I'm not busy and I try to have fun my own mind ruins it.

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>>39121770
fucking helium. ...

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>>39121716
I wake up, take whatever antidepressant I'm currently trying (Pristiq), browse the Internet, eat some cheap unhealthy food, browse the Internet some more, eat more cheap unhealthy food, read some of whatever book I'm currently reading, then sleep. Rinse and repeat.

There might be a picture on 4chan that makes me chuckle, a passage in a book that makes go "well that was interesting I guess", a piece of fast food that briefly tastes okay, but it's all ephemeral. Brief distractions from the hurricane of psychic pain that plagues me day in and day out. Nothing that inspires me to do, create, or investigate anything. I legitimately cannot remember the last time something brought me actual joy.

Imagine being that pathetic. You hate your life and want to die but are still too big of a pussy to pull the trigger.

t. That's me and I don't like it

>>39121128
It's just work until you die. That's it, you only need money to live in this world, you don't even have to reproduce.

>>39121871

I wish I could say I understand everything you're going through, Anon; it makes me mad that you're forced into such a rote, lifeless routine. You deserve better; we all do.

Tell me this - what's your situation in terms of finances, ability to get out of the house, or experience some new things? A walk around the neighborhood, or around a park, if you can - or shit, if you can get to a gym once a week - breaking out of your routine for just a little could go wonders. Routines are comfortable, they really are. There's safety, there's security. It's familiar. But I bet a challenge could benefit you greatly. I wager that the same part of you that sees slight interests in passages from books could flourish from even the slight break-ups of the daily monotony. From there, who knows?

It's a big step. I hear you - it's immensely tough to break free from what you know. I can imagine how numbing this embarrassing, boring-ass world feels. You're not wrong. As a salarycuck, I can't totally empathize with you, but I can tell you you're on to something. Much of this world is a barren plain.

But hey, I can see in your words, in your way of phrasing an ideal, a vision, that you have some spark in you. If things can't inspire you that's on the things, not on you.

I'm of the belief that if life is so shite why would death be any better.

>>39121128
Tfw hate life but Christian morals prevent me from committing suicide.

Thank you Jesus.

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>>39122042
>Christian
>morals

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>>39121977
I have a good amount of money saved up (~$180K); a trust-fund I guess (although I usually associate that term will millions of dollars), that was intended mainly to help pay for college if I got into an expensive out-of-state ivy league university or something. I didn't, so the money was just sitting there for a while, but I put most of it into Vanguard index funds a couple years ago and they've accumulated about $18K since then. So money is not that much of a problem, especially since I'm still living with and leeching off my retired father who still gets pension/social security and is more than happy to keep paying the bills.

But he's in his mid 70s and won't be around forever. And cost of living here is insane; my savings would get depleted rapidly once he's gone and my safety net goes poof.

I've gone on walks. I've tried exercise routines. I've attempted meditation. I've gone through electro-convulsive therapy. My mind remains unchanged.

>>39121128
>>39121189
same anons. I have some student debt to repay. After that I am doing it for sure. Have been a loner for too long. It feels wrong to continue like this. It must be illegal to live like this in a fair, just and sane world. Too bad we don't live in one like that.

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>>39121998
because cessation of existence should lead to cessation of suffering, which is the curse of sentience

>>39122162
Go to university, anon. Clearly you're intelligent enough to save money, and you'll probably become much more inspired about life if you actually go learn a thing or two.

>>39122225
the cessation of suffering cannot be experienced while dead because only through life can you experience things

if you seek the cessation of suffering, do it while existing. If you kill yourself, you actually cannot experience any of the relief you crave.

The problem is that you fundamentally cannot bring yourself to imagine being dead. This causes you to create the fallacy that dying will relieve you of life's suffering.

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>>39122234
I dropped out of university because I hated all of the majors and the career paths associated with them. I actually have 108 out of 120 credits required to graduate, but I just completely fucking stopped caring because I could not conceive of an academic/vocational path that would lead to being satisfied. It all felt like annoying, aggravating busywork. Every single subject. I got sick and tired of reading and writing about all this stupid shit that I don't care about, even though my grades were decent (3.8 GPA). I've taken numerous career aptitude tests and was disgusted at the results each time.

And thus I remain idle, for better or for worse.

>>39122162

180k, that's a great step! Seriously anon, that's a major milestone; that's something you can build around, use as a rock as you imagine the life you can live. Putting it into Vanguard funds is also a great move - I'm in finance as my job, and knowing investments, just putting your money into such funds and letting it grow says worlds about you. You're way, way ahead of so many of your peers. You're already set for doing okay.

Have you considered moving to a lower cost-of-living locale? I know, at least, the Burgerland argument - needing to live in high COL places to have a job. But honestly, there are low COL places that have great opportunities (ie, Kansas City, or Omaha). Additionally, if you haven't done uni, have you imagined going to state university (your 180+k will cover state tuition + boarding)? That's 4 years that your accumulated total will cover and then some; it's a great opportunity to learn more about yourself.

You have tried a number of things, and I applaud you for what you have. ECT is bold and brave - lord knows I haven't gone that far. It speaks of someone willing to push life's accepted normalities for a good life. Uni, or moving to a lower COL place, could go wonders. If your dad will keep paying his bills, all the better. Trust me, parents want to see their kids do well, even above their own welfares.

You can do it, anon. You really can. I think what you've said, and added on to what you've already tried, speaks of a bold, brave person who can push life to find the beginnings of a good lifestyle.

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>>39122303

>dude just stop suffering lmao

fucking hell bro why didn't I think of that before holy mother of god it's all so clear to me now, thanks mang

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>>39122317
Just go get the last 12 credits for fucks sake.

A job is not supposed to be about passion, its about being very skilled and making money in exchange for your competence.

Go graduate, get a better job, and improve your living conditions. Buy a better car, live in a better neighborhood, go out and spend money at places like bars where you'll find friends.

There are normies who'd kill to have 180 grand cash. Stop being a bitch.

>>39122225
Should, but when the universe is this horrible I'm sure it'd somehow find a way of torturing you further.

>>39122367
Can you please stop talking to that dude like he is a fucking baby? He has 180K for God sakes some bitch saying cringe as fuck shit to him isn't going to change his life

>>39122373
You know it's true.

Suffering is not the default of existence. Boredom is. If you think boredom is suffering, you haven't suffered, you fucking emo.

Go out and broaden your horizons, and if you can't broaden horizons as tiny as yours, you really are just lazy.

>>39121128
>>39121283
>>39121611
>>39121770
Overdose on pentobarbital

>>39121189
Once you're willing to commit suicide the world is your oyster, get your genocide gear together anon. Go slay some muddies.

Tfw cat is still alive so you can't go carefree and every waking moment is misery.

>>39122426
Piss off; it's reasonable advice for someone who appears to be at their wits' end. When you're at the point where you're unironically making whiny woe-is-me threads on /r9k/ you'll take whatever words of advice people are willing to give.

>>39122381
Maybe if there was shit I cared about in my personal life or whatever, I'd be more willing to just take an "acceptable" career/job, but there really isn't at this point. I'd be just as - if not more - miserable than I am now due to the added stress of having to exert time and effort each day to simply afford to be able to continue to exist.

>>39121128
honestly anon you will reach a point where you will not give a fuck like >>39122485
said the world is you're oyster at this point you can do whatever the fuck you want if you are going to die sooner than later my friend

>>39122367
No point in moving to a different area when you have no reliable source of income. I'm probably saving more money now by cohabitating with my old man.

I mentioned college here >>39122317 but I've lost interest in academia completely and utterly.

thanks for the kind words and advice at any rate

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>>39122485
>>39122657
I don't want to go out on a rampage; I don't blame anyone but myself for my current state.

There's nothing I have even the slightest interest in doing, even with the amount of money I have saved up, and my time and youth. I can barely muster the energy and willpower to get out of bed in the morning (or afternoon).

>>39122823
Then go do something wild, fuck a horse. Offer strangers money to eat jars filled with garlic and horse-radish infused strawberry jam.

When you have nothing you can do anything, if you don't have any preference be my fucking steward before you end it. Give me all your funds and devote yourself to guarding my life while I mass murder Muslims with no fear of death.

>>39122712

I feel you. Academia can be a meat grinder - it's tailored for certain types, for sure. That being said - you noted you have all but 12 credits required. If your father's supporting some level of your living, is there a chance you could bang out the remaining 12 credits (mind you - 4 classes)? In the long run, it would make you hugely more successful in the career world, if that's something you can imagine. If nothing else, it could buy you time, and perhaps even give you something you can be proud of - only 1/3 of Americans graduate college, for instance. That puts you in a decisive upper echelon. Hell, imagine the people that couldn't do that! You're already ahead of them.

By cohabitating with your dad and saving money - if you're saving more by staying there, by all means ignore my advice. The goal should be to solidify your financial position while giving you the best chance at what you could imagine as a better life, and if this is what does it, then full steam ahead, dude. Really.

Which is what I segue to - what is there out there that has given you any modicum of enjoyment, fulfillment, even contentment? I know anhedonia; if there really is nothing, I hear you. It is not abnormal, it is not alien. It is part of the human condition, and you feeling alienated from this world is on the despicable condition of the world. But can you envision walking about nature for an hour, getting away from 4chan and whatever else the world has to offer? Maybe even seeing if you can run for a distance, or work out, or write, or draw something, or take photos, or anything that could see the world in a different way? You already have such a unique perspective from the normie world - you can see the world for what it is. A blender. A meat grinder. A thresher that has eaten so many good people and that yearns for your soul, your imagination, creativity, and all of you. You have a voice, a voice worth hearing. Hell, I've heard it here.

>>39121128
When you do it end it make sure to live stream it. I know I will

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>>39122922
The only thing I ever really enjoyed doing was playing video games. It was basically my only hobby since as far as I can remember. It was both a fun experience and a way of temporarily escaping the pains of reality, and coping with my self-imposed social isolation.

But I got burnt out on them, big surprise, and I never developed a passion for doing anything else. I have no creative impulses. I don't care for athletics. I don't enjoy socializing, regardless of context. Everything feels equally hollow and unfulfilling. I have no innate curiosity about any activity or hobby.

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>>39123303
I know this exact feel. How are people supposed to 'develop' 'move forward' without anything they desire?

> find nice girl
> my ideal guy needs to be ambitious

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>>39123569
I've never even tried to get a girlfriend. I always thought it would be unfair to try to drag a girl into a relationship with someone as depressed and unmotivated as me. So I ruled it out as a possibility before puberty even really started. I told myself I could adapt to not having any sort of companionship at all, romantic or not.

But I guess human adaptability can only go so far.

You're one spoiled fuck OP.

>>39123710
I frankly can't stand social contact in any way, whenever someone is near me for too long I can't concentrate and just keep wishing they'd go away. I too dropped out of uni because I thought it was uninteresting shit, plus I couldn't stand being in a classroom with all those people for one more second.

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>>39123737
I know. And it makes me feel all the worse that I've failed just as badly if not badly-er than people who weren't born with such advantageous environmental circumstances.

The brain chemistry lottery is a bitch. People can be famous millionaires with adoring fans around the world but still suffer to the point where they decide to kill themselves in spite of the opportunities their talent and fortune have afforded them.

>tfw bought a gun two months ago
>tfw still have no courage to do it

Why can't I take a drug that'll help me make the decision

>>39123763
I feel ya, man. The only way I could endure it for as long as I did was thanks to Klonopin, but man do those benzos drop off in effectiveness and drop off *hard*.

>>39123821
>inb4 if you really wanted to die you would've done it
I don't really care anymore

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I already know how I'm going, just need the money and to get rid of most of my shit to be less of a burden.

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>>39123821
>>39123846
Just get on heroin already.