Who else here /losingit/? No matter how I try to distract myself

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Bumping because i need to share the burden of these feels

particularly bad day today.
I've always been bipolar, with bouts of deep depression, and phases of pulling myself together through strong willpower.
But I distinctly remember giving up altogether at some point, facing a stumbling block stronger, than me, the anibility to control sleep (terrible insomnia).

No social life anymore, but today I was invited to a party, and I've had to say I'm not going. And the secret reason is I spent the night trying to sleep, and the morning too.

Bad omen, this is getting out of control. Already tried all the sports and behavioral and relaxation and pills and therapies and anything you can think of (please no advice on sleep, you don't know me, thx).

>>38980154
go on, sad frog.

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>>38980214
Typical intense suicide thoughts is really what it boils down to, I've had a bit of hope here and there but it getting snuffed out just makes things worse.

Just the realization about how much I want to end my life has brought me to tears today.

>>38980244
Maybe try to post to your favorite discord? This anonymous place (4ch in general) can be nice, but also very toxic, where you share with people but you can never make friends, because of the anonymity.

I've never known a place where it was harder to make friends.

>>38980283
I do, and it doesn't help because I do nothing but shitpost really, or talk about normal things, i don't really discuss feelings or anything like that. The only person I do with, it seems like i'm a massive burden among other things so I stopped.

>>38980322
who could help you?

Same. Music doesnt bring out my emotions anymore, cant even listen to it. Movies seem bland. Everything seems dead to me

>>38980387
I don't really understand the question, but I'm not sure if you just mean in general, I don't know if i can even really be helped at this point.

>>38980436
>I don't really understand the question
maybe with better spelling? :

Who could help you?

> I don't know if i can even really be helped at this point
course you can.

>>38980402
Maybe you need more action. Music and films are rather passive stuff. (unless you make them, maybe)

>>38980464
Again, I don't really grasp what you're trying to ask.

I really don't know who could help me, there are things that could happen that would make me want to die less i suppose but I'd be so fragile and depend on those things that they'd just push me closer to the actual edge.

>>38980509
You have noone around you, real people in real life, who you could talk to?

>>38980566
No, I haven't seen another person in a week, and I don't know any IRL on a personal level.

>>38980573
mother, father?

>>38980593
Father is dead and I don't really speak to my mother, no

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i know ur strugle op
my graphic card died and now i dont have literally anything besides refreshing 3 different boards and another chan to occupy myself while listening to music and playing shit games from 2001

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>>38980635
srry..

priest, uncle, psychologist...? (not that I believe in it much myself)

>>38980670
I'm not religious, my uncle lives in another state and i don't really know him, and way too fucking autistic, i'd rather end it now than go to something like that.

>>38980701
There will be better times, stay strong..

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>>38980722
Get out of my thread normie, not there won't be because there hasn't been, constant decline and the end is suicide but i'm kicking for now, share feels or fuck off please.

>>38980751
>share feels
already done, little miss dictator.

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time to kys myself

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>>38980791
Allow me to join you friend

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>>38979910
If you plan on ending it at least make sure you take a few filthy degenerates with you on the way out. Bickle style.

>>38980871
I'll probably wait for October if I finally reach the tipping point for sure

>>38980897
do you have a preferred method on how you would like to do it ?

>>38980948
If you mean suicide I'll just shoot myself, I own a gun that'd do the trick.

>>38979910
Yes, my room and bed are filled with trash. I'm sleeping 10+ hours. I've never been more unhappy.

>>38980991
yeah thats what I meant. Do you have a preferred location where you want to die, like in nature or just at home ?

>>38981118
Just at home, I don't want anyone more than the people that must to have to see my dead body.