"Champ, tell me about your plans for the future. What do

>tfw got a degree in Computer Engineering
>tfw was on the job hunt a few months before graduation
>dad unironically told me to march into corporate buildings and shake people's hands

Yeah pops, let me fly out to Redwood, strut into Microsoft's HQ, scour the entire building for their hardware engineering hiring manager, and shake his hand

How fuckin out of touch can boomers be?

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>>38973729
"Excuses are for quitters, Champ -- and I didn't raise my Champ to be a quitter. When I was your age, I didn't need some fancy-schmanzy degree to get a job down at the factory making parts for laundry machines and making sure they met company standard. May not have had much in the way of a college education, but I got the job done and raised the family, bought two houses, three cars, and our summer vacationer up in Nantucket."

"I got that job by walking through the worst snowstorm in state history after my Mustang wouldn't start. The manager was so impressed that he shook my hand and hired me right on the spot, so I expect a lot more from you, Champ!"

>>38973675

>tried every place in my one horse town, asking for the managers
>every time, no matter what, they were always 'on vacation' even when they said they'd be back 'next monday' he was still 'on vacation'
>get 'on vacation'd' for two fucking months before giving up again
>finally get job basically being a NEET, doing housework for my mom since I was doing that already except an actual company pays me to do it

Fucking boomers and automation and cheap chinese and mexican labor ruining it for everyone. Should have just gone into nursing or something but it's too late now.

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>>38974125
"Winners never quit, Champ. And quitters never win. When I was your age, I got my job down at the factory by walking down there through a blizzard after my Mustang wouldn't start. It was the worst snowstorm in state history and when I got there, the manager was so impressed that he shook my hand and hired me right on the spot. A little persistence and a firm handshake go a long way, Champ."

>>38974337
>quitters never win
Sometimes, dad, the only winning move is not to play

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>>38974411
Digits confirm. Ragie-wagies and their prospective counterparts BTFO

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>>38973729
well, they have jobs and you don't.

someone's out of touch

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GET A JOB
FUEL IS PUMPING ENGINES

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>>38974411
There's nothing about your attitude that can't be fixed by hard work, Champ. And finding a job is as easy as showing up, speaking with the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you're the right man for the job. What've you got to lose? Nothing, Champ.

>>38973729
>tfw went into google hq to give everyone there a firm handshaked
>tfw blacklisted from the industry for being ablist against people without hands
What now

I'm gonna work this comfy job for a few more years then move back in with mom out in the country.

What the fuck do you think of that plan you retarded old shit?

>>38974125
>it's too late now.
dude if you want to study something just go for it

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>>38975067
"When I was your age, I got my job down at the factory by walking down there through a blizzard. It was the worst snowstorm in state history and when I got there, the manager was so impressed with my moxie that he shook my hand and hired me right on the spot. Where there's a will, there's a way, Champ. And there are no shortage of jobs for anyone who's willing to show up, speak with the manager, and give him a firm handshake! You just need to stop being so lazy."

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>Teleports behind you
>Gives you a firm handshake
"Heh, nothing personal, Champ. Just showing you how it should be done. Make sure you make eye contact with the manager, too. You'll be hired in no time."

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>("Ugh, another day, another dollar. I really can't wait until the weekend. I'll try and make do with this coffee and hope that no one bothers me.")
>slurps loudly

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h a n d s h a k e hank

>>38975536
topkek, Champ.

>>38975553
why does it only sound right to put the "an" in front of associates, pop?

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>>38975563
Because "an" is the proper article for words that begin with vowel sounds, Champ.

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>>38975590
hahaha, yeah, I'm thinking it's not the boomers' fault I'm unemployable. I could lie and say I never paid attention, but I did and struggled. Maybe they dropped the ball on the education front

>>38975563

Because, Timmy, putting 'an' in front of a vowel is how it's supposed to be.

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>>38975731
With the exception of "u" words that have a "yoo" sound, like "university."

>>38974492
No they retired at 50

>>38975763
pop, isn't it possible that the boomers were not implicit in driving the country to the state it is in, and were more or less just riding a wave of prosperity with little control over the outcome, and that our only real gripe is their lack of understanding as we struggle to adapt to a vastly different west from the one they knew?

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>>38975875
Champ, blaming other people for your problems is the quitter's way out -- and you aren't a quitter. Getting a job is as simple as showing up, speaking with the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you wanna work there. It's as simple as that, Champ.

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>>38976407
jesus, you're good at this. It's borderline pathological at this point. You processed the question with all the consideration of a tennis ball, filed it under "complaint," and retrofit the company line to reflect the piss-stain of empathy a boomer would show

you're really a boomer, aren't you?

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>>38976497
"Getting a job is a matter of being confident and persistent, Champ. Every journey begins with a single step, and that's the one you'll take when you show up, speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you wanna work there. How hard could it be? If you don't hear back, all you've gotta do is try somewhere else. What've you got to lose? Absolutely nothing, Champ."

To deal with boomers, you must become the boomer.

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Oh, shit.
*shakes your hand*
I'm sorry.

>>38973675
How firm should the handshake be? How many times should I pump his hand up and down?

>>38976656
sorry for what, our daddy taught us to walk right up to the manager and give him a firm handshake

>>38976656
Sorry for what? Our daddy told us not to be ashamed of our dicks. Specially since their such good size and all.

>>38976985
>>38977001

Yeah, I see that. Your daddy gave you good advice on how to give a firm handshake

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>>38976937
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS WALK IN AND SHAKE THE DAMN MANAGER'S HAND, CJ.

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Hi! I'm the manager. It is very nice to meet you, however we usually don't meet under these conditions. If you submit a resume with cover letter and fill out our aptitude test, a recruiter may call you in one to five weeks to conduct a phone interview. If you're invited to the second round interviews, we can then formally meet. If you pass, you'll be put on a two-month probationary period so we can evaluate the strength of your contribution to the team.

Of course, this breach in protocol hasn't gone unnoticed. Since you (very confidently) told me your name, I will inform human resources to reject your application. Good luck in the future!

god i fucking hate firm handshake dad

>>38977174
>one to five weeks.

Probably the most irritating thing places hiring do nowadays. I don't understand why they can't just evaulate applications as they get them, trash the shit ones and contact the good ones as soon as possible. The fuck else does HR do beside sit on thier ass all day playing Farmville.

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>>38977182
"There is no need to be upset, Champ. I'm driving you around town to look for a job because I care, Champ, and no one else cares about you like your pop. We'll hit several places today, and we're not turning back until someone hires you on the spot. You know the drill, Champ: Show up, speak with the manager, look him in the eye, and give him a firm handshake. That's all it takes."

>>38977214
fuck off, handshake dad

>>38977214
I mean, in theory this could work for small locally owned stores. Kinda how I got my first job as a Barista at a nice coffee shop. Although I replied to an ad on facebook first. The owners really appreciated my eagerness.

>>38977207
every time a person with a cushy job actually has to work, they risk displaying ineptitude. They pick their battles very carefully. It's a basic survival strategy

>>38977237
I get it yea. Gotta do everything slooooooooooooowly so five applications takes five days to sift through. Gotta keep that job looking worthwhile.

Almost as bad as dealing with government job workers. Fuck those lazy fucks.

>>38975763
Also Europe
Yurop

>>38977174

FUCK. Should have talked to the handsome Chad in the background.........then again this fucking roastie is probably pretending to be a manager so as not to waste the Chad's time. GET OUT OF MY WAY ROASTIE I HAVE TO IMPRESS CHAD WITH MY HANDSHAKE POWERS.

>>38977182

He only wants what's best for you anon, you shouldn't hate your dad(unless he beats you with his handshaking hand and reveals its true power.)

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>>38977255
don't get mad, get lazy
adaptation is one of the strongest survival strategies in nature. Rise to their fat level. Bulk up, practice your bullshit excuses, develop knee problems... we're all in this together

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"Alright, Champ. We're here at the third of seven stops we're making today. You know what you've gotta do. What dy'a mean you'd rather be with your 'Yuanaytis' on 'tourchan?' Why don't you tour the inside of this place speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you wanna work there? Getting a job is that simple, Champ."

>>38977298
why is this place going to be any different dad? Can't you get me a low level position at where you work?

>>38977298
Can we at least go to a nice antique shop on our job journey Handshake-san sama?

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>>38977289
SECURITY!!!

this fat manchild just tried to shake my hand with his sweaty hoof, then pushed me down and attempted to shake my assistant's hand!

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>>38977336
You got it, m'aam.
*grabs anon by the shirt and escorts him out*
Out you go, fella. And don't come back!

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>>38977319
"When I first started, Champ, I had to do everything on my own. Do you think I begged for help when my Mustang broke down and I had to march to the interview in the middle of the worst snowstorm in state history? Nope, I pulled myself by my bootstraps and rucked 12 fucking miles in the middle of the most inhospitable weather known to Americana, walked into office, spoke with the manager, and shook his hand like a man. See these hands? I nearly lost all my fingers to frostbite. I expect more from you than this, Champ. Where there's a will, there's a way."

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>>38977402
there was man, too. Early fifties, grey hair, shit-eating grin, he left in a brand-new Dodge Challenger towing a large speedboat. You didn't by any chance see him, did you?

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>>38977486
"Sorry, m'aam. Maybe I'll remember after I've had my coffee."
*slurps*

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>>38977532
THAT SIMPLY WON'T DO OFFICER. WHAT IS YOUR NAME? WHO IS YOUR C.O.???

WE MUST FIND THIS MAN!!!!

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My conversation with my dad minutes ago

>Champ, your mother and I think it's time you went outside and got a job. Get dressed, bring several copies of your resume, and meet me in the car. I'm driving you to find work, and we won't turn back until someone hires you on the spot.
>i'm not sure, i'll think about it
>You've been spending too much time inside, so you might as well get out more, meet new people, and make some money on your own. You can buy a new computer once you get your first paycheck.
>okay, dad, i'll think about it and let you know

Looks like my family can't take it anymore

>>38977760

"Daddy daddy i dont want to be guangzhouged!"

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>>38978057
"You won't, Champ. But you've gotta start living a normal life, go outside, and meet people -- and the best way to do that is to get a job. And how do you do that, Champ? You don't do it with milk and cookies or online applications or whatever those kids on that Frankish basket-weaving eWorld collective tell you do; nope, you've gotta go in there, speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you wanna work there. There's nothing a little confidence and a firm handshake can't get to the bottom of."

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"So, did you follow up with all those places we visited last week, Champ? You know, it's best if you follow up in person, and nothing says you're interested in the job quite like showing up, speaking with the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and reiterating your interest in the job. He'd be hard-pressed not to hire you right there and then."

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>>38978627
>>38979323
did you honestly think you could just bypass the application process?

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>>38979536
Um, excuse me, m'aam, m-my name is A-anon. You know? From earlier? We got on off on the... wrong f-foot. I-I was wondering if you had any vacancies here.

*extends hand nervously*

Someone make a Mom version of this

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>>38979711
RGHATHRHTR... absolutely!

would you be interested in an unpaid internship?

>>38973675
Do normal fathers talk like this? It feels kinda nice.

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>>38979716
GET OFF THAT COMPUTER AND GO OUTSIDE AND GET A JOB. LOOK AT YOU: YOU'VE SPENT THE LAST THREE YEARS DOING NOTHING SINCE YOU'VE GRADUATED. YOU'RE WASTING YOUR LIFE. IT'S NOT NORMAL. IT'S NOT OKAY ANYMORE. I'M GONNA DRIVE YOU AROUND TO LOOK FOR A JOB AND YOU'RE GONNA GET ONE, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT, YOUNG MAN.

>>38979873
nah, she needs to be supportive to the point it causes social paralysis

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>>38973675
I got a job interview next week at a pharmaceutical companion for a white-collar position suited for my degree. Let's hope I don't fuck this up.

And it's all thanks to these threads motivating me.

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>>38979915
Great job, Champ! Remember: You could have all the fancy degrees and certifications in the world, but nothing makes a lasting impression quite like looking the manager in the eye and giving him a firm handshake.

>>38979901
well that certainly isn't any mom of mine.
>>38979873
>3 years
>20 years old and fit this one exactly

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>>38979901
"Here are your tendies along with the 'Help Wanted' section from the paper, sweetie. Did you remember to follow up on all those applications you sent by calling them? That's how they you're know you're really interested in the job. Remember to dress your Sunday best before you get there and always be positive during the interview, sweetie!"

>finished at university
>send my resume to the first random offer I see on the internet
>get invited for the interview week later
>get a call from them that I am hired 3 days later
>it took 8 handshakes (I have been counting )

Anyway, is situation in burgerland really that bad?

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>>38980522
"If you've got a firm handshake, then no; it's not that bad. Depends on how you see it, Champ."

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Hi honey, I know you are still in school and all but you still need a job honey. Its not good enough that you go to school, you spend too much time on your computer and therefore you need to go spend 8 extra hours of your day making minimum wage, that way you can pay for college. What do you mean that won't pay for college? It doesn't matter, you need to get off your ass, you haven't spoken to anyone in days! You can't possibly be able to talk to anyone on that machine. You need to go meet the REEL WORLD and get some REEL WORL experences RIGHT NOW. THAT INNERNET MACHINE DOESNT PROVIDE ANY REEEEEL WORRRRLD YEXPERIENSES

>>38977174
Manager ,Will you suck my dick for $200?

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Herro grandson. We are very derighted to see you here in Guangzhou. We herp you unpack and see city, but be ready for tomorrow. Tomorrow we take you to rocar Engrish ranguage schoor. Bring your biodata, wear best crothes, and bow to manager respectfurry. Okay, see you.

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>>38981428
I'd live in Guangzhou desu

I went to the manager and managed to get a job as a cleaner, a good start on my career. And on the way out i asked out some random girl on the street and she said yes!
Thanks dad! You know your stuff.

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>>38981652
"There's a reason it's been passed down from generation to generation, Champ, and that's because it works. There's nothing you can't accomplish with a little persistence and a firm handshake."

"Congratulations on the job and the date, too, Champ! Who knows? She might be that special someone you'll settle down with, and having kids is important because it makes you more mature, responsible, and accomplished. It also ensures that someone will be around to take care of you when you're old."

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Great job walking in and applying to all those jobs today, son. You may go back to your computer to talk to all your Internet friends, but only after I have finished my coffee.

So I went in and tried to speak with the manager like you said, but he wouldn't even acknowledge me and told me not to disturb him before he's had his coffee.

What do, dad?

Dad, I need some advice on how to get a job. Can you help me?

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>>38983363
SON, TO GET GOOD JOB, YOU MUST GO IN STORE AND ASK TO SPEAK WITH MANAGER
SPEAK WITH MANAGER

AFTER LOOK HIM IN EYE YOU MUST SHAKE THE HAND
SHAKE THE HAND

I unironically loled at this thread and the retarded role playing involved.

I've ascended beyond mortal needs such as a 'job' and 'money'. I have visited the furthest corners of our universe. All knowledge has been revealed to me. Handshakes are useless for one such as I.