"Hey, Anon. Thanks for inviting me to dinner. I heard you

>>38968274
Poop stew then kick that blue roastie out.

>>38968274
Steak and french toast as dessert

>>38968274
walnut salad the ladies love it

A pot of black hair dye so I can start on the long process of turning her into a non-tumblrcunt roastie.

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Vienna sausages and toast.

>>38968274
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0tdGpUtek5M

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This is what I'm cooking at the moment. Hope she likes it.

>>38968274
Well you heard wrong. I just eat what's in the cafeteria down below.

>>38968345
>hair dye
Why not soap and water you silly mofo

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>>38968274
Prime rib sliders with French fried sweet onions. Put that shit on sourdough rolls with a little horseradish and au jus to dip them in. Bitch better eat red meat

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>>38968372
What kinda sausages are those? And is dat a pork rib?

>>38968274
I make her an avocado sandwich served with homemade coconut and a handful of activated almonds I always keep ready

Dinner...

I dislike dinner. I also don't know if she's vegetarian/vegan.

>>38968274
You're wearing it

Then go to town on the chicago bagpipes

I hate these roleplay threads, but cute grill.

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Quick tip broskies. Make something where you can interact with while eating. pic related

>>38968438
That sounds... interesting.

Fucking hipster...

>>38968434
Longaniza. No idea how that's called in English. Its good.
Also yeah.

>>38968274
I microwave one of my premade tubs of baked beans, nonmeat protein chunks, and rice.
"For your sake I hope you were being sarcastic"

>>38968516
Filipino style? I prefer that over the Mexican kinds I've tried.

>>38968274
*unzips dick*
here's your dinner

I saw this same thread with the same girl posted on /ck/ a while ago

Why?

>>38968438
>Almonds are unactivated
>Store brand coconut
Im not gonna make it

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>"Hey, Anon. Thanks for inviting me and my boyfriend to dinner. I heard you were quite the cuck."

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>>38968274
Balsamic Chicken

>>38968544
Idk I'm not a longaniza expert but I'm from Chile. It's one of the main products from the south.

>>38968369
Kekked externally.

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yukon gold mash potatoes with blanched chicken with gravy . Simple and delicious

>>38968274
no she makes me dinner

>>38968588
RECIPE NAO!

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braised ribs

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or some oxtail stew

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>sure you can have some of my gook food

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i would make chinese beef steamed buns, curry rice, & flan for dessert

>>38968546
>She proceeds to bite off and consume your penis

A Rueban

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>>38968862
perfect for roasties

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something from this probably

>>38968274
poopy pies
recipe from drew pickles

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Steak and chips

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>>38968274
The best I can possibly do. Pasta with tuna and sliced cucumber. Something so exclusive you can't even get it at a 5 star resturant.

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>>38968630
u live in yukon?

Italian is pretty easy and usually impresses so I woyld probably make chicken parmesan

Trick question I would ask her things she likes to eat before I invited her, get all my level anon

>>38968274
Nothing at all. I'd wonder who the fuck set me up with this daddy issues camwhore looking thot and try to politely explain to her what likely happened.
Genuinely don't fucking understand the appeal of the attention seeking/probably has nudes online aesthetic.

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banan spaghet

>>38969784
stop being such a judgmental twat. she could be the nicest, coolest person in the world for all you know.

>>38968274
Man, fuck women. They are whore-ish, disloyal, unfriendly, don't contribute anything to society, and are terrible for your morals and principles.

>Be in High School
>Be on Cross Country team
>Before every meet, our team is congregated under the team's tent waiting for the races to start
>Coach's wife and 1 year old daughter always show up about 30 minutes before the race
>1 year old daughter always recognizes out uniforms, and runs up to us to give each individual person on the team a hug
>We look absolutely ridiculous when she does this, and are laughed at by everyone
>One day I get absolutely annoyed when she does it
>She gets to me, and I push her off of me, propelling her about 4 feet in the air
>Coach is absolutely infuriated at me for refusing to babysit his child, and starts to yell at me
>Some other adults have to hold that faggot back from me
>I start to yell back and tell him how his daughter made our team look like an absolute joke before every race
>Kicks me off the team right then and there

I didn't give a fuck then, and still don't give a fuck now. I stood my ground and stayed by my principles. It's not my faults he's raising a whore for a daughter.

>>38969819
Unlikely as fuck.
Like, my dude, I'm not even even judging on her hair color. I'm judging her facial expression etc. The reality of it is that phenotypes and genotypes are a real thing and facial expressions tend to stick to people's faces... She simply looks like she has cum a shitton + is kinda empty headed/not big at thinking. Her wrinkles are weird too. Like all she ever does is be surprised. Also she's too young to have a wrinkled forehead just... no.

>>38968274
Homemade red sauce that I've had on the stove all day. When she arrives I'll bake the meatballs, and finish them in the sauce while the noodles cook

>>38968475
weeb as fuck

>>38969840
>1 year old girl giving hugs to the athletes that daddy trains
>HURR4R3E HE'S RAISING A WHOREEEE

Mother fucking 1 year old my dude. ONE YEAR OF AGE.

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>>38969840
>dat autism
you irl

>>38968274
For dessert I've arranged something special. At a power breakfast at the '21' Club this morning with Craig McDermott, Alex Baxter and Charles Kennedy, I stole a urinal cake from the men's room when the attendant wasn't looking. At home I covered it with a cheap chocolate syrup, froze it, then placed it in an empty Godiva box, tying a silk bow around it, and now, in Luke, when I excuse myself to the rest room, I make my way instead to the kitchen, after I've stopped at the coatcheck to retrieve the package, and I ask our waiter to present this to the table "in the box" and to tell the lady seated there that Mr. Bateman called up earlier to order this especially for her. I even tell him, while opening the box, to put a flower on it, whatever, hand him a fifty. He brings it over once a suitable amount of time has elapsed, after our plates have been removed, and I'm impressed by what a big deal he makes over it; he's even placed a silver dome over the box and Evelyn coos with delight when he lifts it off, saying "Voi-ra," and she makes a move for the spoon he's laid next to her water glass (that I make sure is empty) and, turning to me, Evelyn says, "Patrick, that's so sweet," and I nod to the waiter, smiling, and wave him away when he tries to place a spoon on my side of the table.

>>38969840
Hahaha seriously you've been whining about this for at least a year. Get over yourself

>>38970053
"Aren't you having any?" Evelyn asks, concerned. She hovers over the chocolate-dipped urinal cake anxiously, poised. "I adore Godiva."

"I'm not hungry," I say. "Dinner was... filling."

She leans down, smelling the brown oval, and, catching a scent of something (probably disinfectant), asks me, now dismayed, "Are you... sure?"

"No, darling," I say. "I want you to eat it. There's not a lot there."

She takes the first bite, chewing dutifully, immediately and obviously disgusted, then swallows. She shudders, then makes a grimace but tries to smile as she takes another tentative bite.

"How is it?" I ask, then, urging, "Eat it. It's not poisoned or anything."

Her face, twisted with displeasure, manages to blanch again as if she were gagging.

"What?" I ask, grinning. "What is it?"

"It's so..." Her face is now one long agonized grimace mask and, shuddering, she coughs. "...minty." But she tries to smile appreciatively, which becomes an impossibility. She reaches for my glass of water and gulps it down, desperate to rid her mouth of the taste. Then, noticing how worried I look, she tries to smile, this time apologetically. "It's just" - she shudders again - "it's just... so minty."

To me she looks like a big black ant - a big black ant in an original Christian Lacroix - eating a urinal cake and I almost start laughing, but I also want to keep her at ease. I don't want her to get second thoughts about finishing the urinal cake. But she can't eat any more and with only two bites taken, pretending to be full, she pushes the tainted plate away, and at this moment I start feeling strange. Even though I marveled at her eating that thing, it also makes me sad and suddenly I'm reminded that no matter how satisfying it was to see Evelyn eating something I, and countless others, had pissed on, in the end the displeasure it caused her was at my expense - it's an anticlimax, a futile excuse to put up with her for three hours.

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spicy korean tofu and white rice

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I'd torture her until she tells me who gave information about me, I don't speak with anyone and I don't have any friends or family so I'm going to have to kill my neighbors and or search my apartment for hidden cameras.

>>38970148
Did you make that? Because it looks pretty aesthetic. Not knowing anything about food.

>>38970185
yeah, it's from the second time i made the recipe
it looks aesthetic because i'm good at copying recipes exactly, even the plating
though i didnt care about the plating here because i was so hungry

California Club sandwich on grilled sourdough with sweet potato fries, and chocolate lava cake with a raspberry glaze and confectioner's sugar for dessert

>>38968274
my cock of course.

>>38969840

>embarrassing us

It's fucking CROSS COUNTRY LMAO

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>>38968274

>Spend your hard earned money to feed some degenerate roastie whore
>Slave away preparing it
>All while knowing you'll get nothing in return
>Jokes on you, I'll teach you, you stupid bitch
>Prepare chili with expired meat, loads of beans, hot peppers, laxatives, and some seasonings to mask it
>Ohh I'm starving, Anon! Thank you so much!
>OHH THIS IS SPICY!
>She slurps and smacks her lips of which you have no clue what they've been on, unaware of the concoction she's just inhaled
>*GULP* *bbbBBBBBUUUURRRPPPPP*
>That was so good, Anon! Thank you, my boyfriend Tyrone never cooks for me like this!
>See you later!
>She digests the food as it passes through her cavernous colon
>*fffFFFRRRRRRRAPPPPPPFFfftthhththh!!!*
>She races to the toilet to expel the wasted money you spent on this cunt, fresh skid marks now lining her panties, just below Tyrone's encrusted seminal fluid
>*PPPPLLLAAAARRRRPPPP!!!!!!!*
>*AUUUUGGHGHHH* THIS IS A BIG ONE
>She struggles to forcibly excrete the mountainous log tearing through her rectum
>Thank God it's finally ov..OH NO
>A 2nd phase begins, this time it's soup like chunks spraying out like a pressure washer, a force so powerful it permanently stains the rim of the toilet bowl
>Her anus now raw, sore, and dripping blood
>She sharts out one last bloody *bbbRRAAPPPPP*
>A repugnant stench litters the room, so foul it lingers despite the copious amounts of vanilla air freshener she douses the room in
>She desperately tries to flush to no avail, it overflows her bathroom, forcing her to hire a plumber for far more than I spent on her slop
>-T-thanks for dinner the other night, Anon! It was delicious
>Anytime roas...I mean dear

Fucking disgusting, I hate women. I'll teach you to fuck with me you nasty filthy parasites. How dare you even breathe on the same planet as me.

>>38968274
Grilled cheese sammich

>>38970446
that was a fun to read, have a (you)

>>38969840
>I didn't give a fuck then, and still don't give a fuck now

yeah, clearly

>>38968274
Something vegan I could hide my cum in

>>38968433
>prime rib sliders
Those are tomahawks, my dude

>>38968274
spaghetti Os and burnt lettuce

>>38969840
This is good. Other anons may not appreciate what you've done with this post, but I do.

>>38968274
tacos and then cum in hers before i serve it to her

Probably the one time where the dyed hair actually looks nice. She's a real qt

She'd look even better without it though.

>>38969840
>1 year old
>recognizes uniform
>physically capable of walking up to each one of you individually
>1 year old

if true you were the only embarrassing thing there

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>>38971300
you can say that again, she is the cutest

>>38968274
I can make a really good lasagnia, or strogonof. Shit is fucking amazing

What? You must have misheard me. I said I'm a "good cuck", not a "good cook". Now say hi to Tyrone

I'm a lazy bastard so I usually just make casseroles with vegetables, rice/pasta/macaroni and ground beef/tuna/textured vegetable protein. Lasts me a week and you can get lots of variation by changing up the ingredients a tiny bit

>>38971456
>she

oregon

>>38968274
A fart sandwich

>>38968274
A spoonful of peanut butter and whatever alcohol I have on hand. Perfect breakfast