ITT: Admit something weird that you do. I'll start. I

>>38955429
My life is super boring, I need people to teach me their fap techniques but I just keep getting butt pirates that swoop in and ruin shit with their butt stuff.

>>38955429
I did that for a while in fifth grade. Good to hear I'm not alone.

Something weird that I do? Exist man... ////_-)

>>38955429
I do this. I fuck my mattress with a sock over my dick, I literally cannot cum using my hand. Feel like I fucked my cock up good though, it's flattened my dick into an oval sausage shape. Don't reckon the constant compression on my bollocks does them any good either

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>>38955429
I still sleep with my thumb in my mouth

>>38955429
I sing sad operettas when feeling pathetic

>>38955456
>take fleshlight sleeve out from rolled up heating pad
>put sleeve in fleshlight case
>put fleshlight into blanket
>fuck

Not exactly rocket science. Buttstuff is what takes some technique.No need to overcomplicate things here either though. Lube up buttplug then jam it in there.

>>38955652
>ask how to spice up fap without butt stuff
>tell me about butt stuff
Ok, bye.

>>38955429
That is how I discovered masturbation. My dick was chafed for a long while after until I found better ways.

>>38955693
>focusing only on the buttstuff
Maybe you are really interested in the topic since you are so fixated on it it's all you see, remember, and think about. In that case a dragon dildo is what you need.

When I'm in the pool I like to make myself sneeze and right before I blow I dunk my head under the water. Feeling all the bubbles move across my face feels so fucking good.

>>38955724
>remind someone that I do no want a certain kind of advice
>recieve said advice
>insinuate that I want said advice
Only on the internet.

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I continue to interact with proven narcissists, psycho/sociopaths and people who have proven time and time again the only reason they're ever nice to me is to gain more ammunition for their next attack

I'm not a therapist, these people were supposed to be my friends..I guess.

Sometimes I have an answer for why I do it, sometimes I don't. My best tip for anyone experiencing something similar is, as cathartic as it might be to delete conversations, you should keep copies of all exchanges between you and the other party. For one it's good to remember who they truly are when they dial up the seduction tactics, to remind yourself that you can love them and try to do all you can for them but there are steps that need to be taken and things considered to avoid not being taken advantage of again. Manipulation..Horrible. Anyways. It's also good to keep everything because as master manipulators, you may someday find yourself in legal trouble due to their schemes and it's best to have all the evidence possible to build a case against them.

Anyways, blog post aside, something a bit more relevant to the intention of this thread..I guess I also used to dive under people's feet on the playground, hands outstretched, to prevent them from stepping on and killing worms. I got stepped on a lot. But at least I saved a life.

>>38955751
I find it even weirder that you phonepost.

>>38955429
Cut a hole in a teddy bear and fucked it.

>>38955738
I'm gonna try this sometime

Eat boogers
Eat dandruff flakes
Rub my balls and inner thigh and then sniff my hand
Pick at my butthole and eat whatever little crumb I find
Sniff and then eat the discharge of whatever blackhead/whitehead zits I squeeze

I've had these disgusting habits my whole life, I don't even think when I do them it just happens. Never in public though just when I'm alone at home

>>38955738
lel this sounds fun, I'd probably do this

reminds me of when I used to blow out as much air in my lungs while underwater and just sit at the bottom of the deepest end of the pool holding my breath

>>38955429
I'm an adult male who paints his nails.

>>38955825
>sitting on the bottom of the pool

Made me feel like some kind of oceanic god like Poseidon.

>>38955739
I think the problem is that a prostate orgasm really is the best a man can have but people never realize that not everyone else can, will, or will even be able to enjoy things exactly as they do.
I'm not sure what to call it exactly but I think this type of ignorance of is a big part of why terrible things like the Undertale fandom exist.

>>38955836
Me too. Mines blue. I only paint them blue. Otherwise I look like a normal dude. I often wonder what people think of me aside from "faggot".

Have sex with an actual human woman
Not many people here seem to be capable of this

I like to buy packs of white briefs and then wear them into the shower and shit into them then throw them out. Been doing this for years and spent hundreds for briefs.

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I masturbate to trains and dinosaurs

>>38955856
Wow, you're thinking too hard about it, it's just faggotry.

>>38955860
I primarily use black, but sometimes other colors. I sometimes dress like a bit of an edgy teenaged faggot though.

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>>38955875
This show must have made you cum buckets.

>>38955899
I'm a t-shirt and jeans guy with a shaved head and full beard. Not that big though, just average sized.

I just really like the look of blue nail polish. And it helped me stop biting my fingernails.

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>>38955429
Whenever i'm bored i imagine myself as a supernatural being working as a mercenary, killing, stealing, kidnapping, giving away power or immortality, saving someone's life, rescuing children, protecting someone important, starting wars, stopping wars, all for money.
Sometimes i also see myself as the same monster battling humanity's military forces and completely stomping them, and sometimes i see myself stomping other supernatural beings that dare to challenge me.

I immerse myself so much in my imagination that i find myself dodging bullets that do not exist very often.

When I poop I pull my shirt over my face like I scored a goal in soccer.

When my dick is hard enough I like to grab it at the very bottom and crack it like you would your fingers. The sensation is like cracking something that rarely ever cracks, like your jaw. Feels fantastic.

>>38955935
I often fantasize about being an all powerful god, righting wrongs and fighting off aliens invading earth.

Once using the power of rock and roll. I'm glad no one can see the inside of my mind.

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>>38955875
>>38955905
My sides have left the premises and are nowhere to be found

>>38955429
I fuck pillows too.

I've got nice abs as a result.

Pity no one will ever see them.

>>38955979
>tfw massive cock but never get to use it

I feel like if there is a god he did this to me as a joke.

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>>38955960
> I'm glad no one can see the inside of my mind.
I know that feel way too well.

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>>38955979
>tfw no privacy to hump pillow and get abs, instead have to wank with both hands to keep both arms bulky

>>38955602
t. the entirety of early-2000s highschool kids

>>38955798
sorry half of this post is going to not even be addressed to you but rather the people i have mentioned who may come across these posts

for you - yeah well dumb elitist judgements aside, the only real concern with phone posting is privacy and when you've been forced to live a life where you can no longer have any secrets because hardly anyone can be trusted, it just doesn't really matter anymore

for them - inb4 one/any of the people i have in mind take/s this as a challenge to see what other personal info they can leak and what havoc they can wreak, just look in the mirror and take a break you freak im c l e a desu imo hbu

i don't have any intention to ruin your life, start a fight, or do to you what you've done to me. so if it really bothers you that much that i understand you so well, maybe you should stop seeking my understanding, validation, and presence in your life

>>38955456
Bum bandits and rump rustlers always rush my threads too. Having a posh wanks a great method though anon.

>>38955905
somehow I didn't even know this shoe existed. I've only ever em-bated to trains or dinosaurs individually, never both at once.

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>>38956020
Wow, it was a joke you sperg relax.

>>38956065
im in a very manic state right now and feeling very defensive because i pretty much have to be (defensive) to not get fucked over constantly

it is hard to slow or control my thoughts and it really just feels best to let it out

but i apologize

I got some anteater action going on so sometimes when I'm taking a piss I fill my foreskin up till i feel like I'm going to burst then I it out like a fire hose. I call it pipe busting.

>>38956065
but i do hope you understand literally the only part meant for you had "for you" before it and ended at "doesn't really matter anymore"

it might seem like an overreaction but nowhere is safe for me from these people so it's best to act preemptively

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I pick my nose and then eat the stuff that comes out because I'm a disgusting piece of shit

>>38956095
>>38956126
Yeah, I know just telling you to chill the fuck out.

>>38955645
delet

originaldeletethisatonce

>>38956179
thanks i proba-
...
definitely need that

anyways a more lighthearted weird thing to detract from that..hm

i have a ziplock bag with fingernail polish chips that i flaked off my fingers from the first time someone ever held my hand
as u can tell it's not completely ridiculous for me to call other people psychotic cos it takes one to know one tht was pretty edgy it's not like i think it's that weird but obviously not something everyone does....uhhh i'll just shut up now

>>38956256
>i have a ziplock bag with fingernail polish chips that i flaked off my fingers from the first time someone ever held my hand
That's weird but kinda hot, but I'm all fucked up from spending time on the interwebs so no-homo.

>>38955456
I like to put my dick to the left side and go over hand and focus more in the under side. I normally fap with pants on. I like how it feels.

>>38956312
i keep many mementos

my memory is not the best, and certainly not improving in any way if not just completely dissolving

so even something as simple as a receipt from the coolest gas station i went to on a roadtrip is very very important to me

i wouldn't say i'm at hoarder level yet and i hope i don't end up that way but i can see how and why people would predict that with my sentiments and possessions

>>38956386
Yeah my memory is going to shit too, pretty weird since I'm not even 30 yet. I might have a tumor from staring at this website too much.

I have philmosis or whatever the fuck you spell it.
However my cock is also really huge so I don't know if I can cure it just by stretching.

>>38956612
>Phil Mosis

Kek

I like to jerk off in the shower. With clothes on.
The way the clothes get all heavy and stick to your body just feels so amazing.

I stick my tongue/suck on it while I take the corner of a pillow case or sheet (pillow case is better because it's thinner) and roll it up then proceed to put it in my ear, like until you get the sensation of a q tip but soft and pleasant. I have no idea why I do this and I've done it since I was 6. It's a compulsion for me that I just cannot ignore or stop, I'm not sure what I can do. I only do it when I'm laying alone/going to sleep or idly sitting alone. I occasionally stick it into the corner of my eyes too, not sure why.

>>38955724

Maybe it's cause all the pole smokers on this board feel a need to let you know about their cocklust in every thread, related or not.

Not everything is "projecting" either. That's so juvenile. Please kill yourself.

>>38956634
I like to call it the dick brotherhood
it's like my dick is wearing a hoodie and it makes him mysterious

>>38955818
Shit, I do the first 3 but you lost me on the last 2. That's terrible man.

>>38956700
very interesting, probably something developed in early childhood, possibly from the sheets in your crib pressing up against you that way

>fucked pillow instead of fapping before

Lol, I wish I had a female I could do fun things with on a regular basis in my life

>>38955950
Somebody is going to try this and end up in the hospital

>>38955429
I also fuck your pillow when you aren't home. She said I'm not supposed to tell you but eh.

>>38956136
That's called mucophagia I think. I do it too

>>38956737
Idk. I really wish I could stop. I have told no one I know irl, only my parents know. I think it's part of why my dad hates me even though I'm the one out of the three that didn't end up a drug addict/jobless bum.

>>38955950
Same here. Cracking may sound extreme, but trying to bend it out of shape when it's diamond hard is unironically better than cumming.

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>>38956794
I have several pillows desu

>>38956667
How many pairs of clean clothes do you waist?

Or do you have some kind of routine were you wear them allday, then shower-wank and then let them dry off during the night?

>>38955751
kill your're self discordfaggot

>>38955429
I like to place my phone flashlight under my chin facing the ceiling at night, then use my hand to create a shadow. As the hand gets closer to the light, the shadow of my hand gets huge. I then make motions to make it look like the shadow hand is a giant girl about to pick me up. This is very arousing to me.

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>say out loud what i am about to type
>sing music to myself
>read everyone's posts in a thread out loud
>even when I'm not on the computer, if someone said something hilarious that I remembered on a thread, I'd repeat what the guy said out loud and laugh to myself
>do that with the my posts as well sometimes

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>>38956728
kek
Also, I had phimosis too. I cured it by pulling the foreskin back just enough so it didn't hurt, for a few minutes every day for a month or two and the foreskin became stretchy enough to be pulled back normally.

>>38957920
I do that already but not often enough
I'm also kinda freaked out by the banjo string, it's hard to explain but when I pull the skin it feels like it's gonna turn inside out

>>38957920
How long did it take you to have your penis not be too sensitive?

>>38955429
sometimes when I'm constipated I squat and shit on the floor/in the shower

>>38955429

Glad im not alone about the pillow thing

>>38955905
I lold so hard my family started to record me. Thanks anon.

>>38955643
I need a pic of this. For proof of course...

Im a guy with light sadistic tendencies.

>>38958556
you must have a very loose definition of constipation
i need to use every muscle in my body and use the toilet itself for leverage when im constipated and passing what look like little pellets of asphalt

>>38955429
I once used like a throwaway vinyl glove to jerk off because i didnt want to wash my hands after because of sticky lube and it have been doing it more and more. Not even a glove fetish or whatever it's just convenient

I often smoke weed and watch porn for hours at a time, without fapping.

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>>38955429

I'm unironicaly MGTOW

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>>38955429
I like fucking my pillow right when I wake up. Usually I'll sleep while hugging it, and so I wake up and it's easier to imagine it's a gril. I pretend to kiss her neck, grope her boob with one hand, and finger her with the other. And then I start fucking the pillow.

Every-time I watch a show I always fantasize in my head about being a villain or some kind of antagonist in the show.
I guess that makes me some kind of edgelord, but I just can't enjoy the thought of being the good guy, it's just so boring and restricted.

>>38955456
Tease the underside, flat hand rubbing top side. When about halfway, give moderate grip onto shaft, rub palm on head in a circular motion. Get tighter the closer you get, just don't kill it.

Use plenty of lubricant.

I don't understand "fuck the pillow"
where does the dick go in
do your pillows have holes or what

If I have to shit in the middle of the night, I don't flush the toilet because I'm afraid of waking everyone else up.

>>38955992
Post discord I need to see it so bad

Also how do do fig pillow?

>>38955429
i don't even cuddle my pillow, i just leave empty space on my bed and fondle the air

>>38959363
you just ram your dick into the pillow
or some people fold it in half so its like a big vagina
i never do it because friction burn and i heard it leads to erectile dysfunction

>>38955456
Jason Steele is that you?

>>38955429
I like the pillow thing but don't do it often bc I can't cum doing it.

>>38958441
Not him, but my glans were untouchable for at least a month, and even now I prefer to fap with the foreskin instead of the hand directly. But when it is properly lubed, it's fantastic. Fleshlights would never feel as good if my penis wasn't unhooded.

>>38960159
Fucking kek
>>38961049
Nah, you just grind it

>>38955930
>I just really like the look of blue nail polish. And it helped me stop biting my fingernails.
Pretty much the same. People think I'm trying to be ostentatious, I just think it's neat.

My family gathers at my place every Friday for our weekly Orgy sessions.

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>>38955429
Instead of cumming into napkins or something I just put my underwear back on and cum there. I don't change it, I just keep it on for the rest of the day. I judge how good the fap was by the size of the stain. I've done this ever since my first time.

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>>38955429
I whistle the zoo tycoon theme automosuly.
I make rolls for important events in my head, lets just say, the rng gods do not favor my diplomacy or seduction rolls one bit.
I am practicing to become a negromancer and control people using psionics.
The only way I can continue with my life is if I larp that I am a wizard trying to take over the planet but magic doesn't work here so I have to max out my other skills before I can shoot fireballs again.

>>38955960
>Once using the power of rock and roll.
Join me on my adventures anon!

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>>38961665
>I just keep it on for the rest of the day.
You fockin wot anon.

Eh? You've never seen a penis before? And you're HOW old?! J-Jeez! Ahahahah! W-Well, we'd better fix that, then! Just close your eyes for a sec, aaaaaaand...

HERE! BOING!

AHAHAHAHA! You should have seen the look on your face! J-Jeez, anon! Th-Th-They're just a stick of flesh and sacks of semen on my groin, ya know! Does it really e-excite you THAT much?! G-Get a look at this, then! See how it swings around! woosh! I-I bet you want to squeeze it too, don't you, Ms. P-p-perverted Virgingirl Anon?! G-Go right ahead! ding my dinging donger as much as you want! Take your time! Heck, s-suck on 'it too! I know you really want to! Just be careful; my dick is super hard right now!

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>>38963201
>HERE! BOING!

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>>38961665
dude absolutely everyone can smell that

>>38955429
I relate everything to me. If someone asks a question, I answer it like it's happening/happened to me.

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>>38955456
Masturbate without using your hands.
https://soundgasm.net/u/kinkyshibby/F4M-HFO-Induction-HypnosisHFOJOIFemdomlight-addictionI-am-your-Domina-you-WILL-obey-meBinauralsCountdownsLayersGood-Beginner-file5028

I used to refuse to shit anywhere but home. I once went an entire week andba half without shitting while visiting my grandmother's house in another state

>>38958871
>light sadistic
Pfff
I have heavy (consensual) sadistic tendencies and ligh masochistic tendencies
There is no one here for me