>summoned satan last night with candles, a ouija board, and

>>38939352
You didnt specify the age either. Might get a 13 year old

why contact Satan when you could pray to god for one and he would bring her to you with no reprecussions except not having faith which isn't even a reprecussion it's simply a courtesy. Praise the lord, and bless you. Just in case you change your mind, just know he's always forgiving.

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>>38939352
Don't worry. Not even Satan and God combined have the power to get your disgusting ass a girlfriend. No harm done

>>38939352
> satan
Why don't you ask the tooth fairy or the easter bunny? They at least leave evidence of their existence

>>38939352
>maybe Satan wouldn't be a dick about it

first seance eh kid? enjoy your cheating bbc sheath that gives you herpes and browbeats you into suicide like that one roastie did. Why'd you jump straight to Satanas the Dark Lord anyway? You're just asking to get demonically btfo..

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>>38939352
>contact him again to make sure he gets my order correct.
thanks for the lol

>>38939388
Satan would be incredlbile generous if she's 13yo. Damnit, I would sell my soul for a 13yo girl. OP is probably gonna get a woman in her 50s.

>>38939570
>enjoy your cheating bbc sheath that gives you herpes and browbeats you into suicide like that one roastie did. Why'd you jump straight to Satanas the Dark Lord anyway?


Eh? I heard Lord of Darkness is pretty fair when it comes to this sort of things and holds his end of the bargain with no scams or loopholes in wordplay.

>>38939752
>>38939622
>>38939352
>Welcome to Hell's delivery service, what can I get you
>"H-hello, I-I'd like to order a waifu"
>...A what?
>"I-I want a girl"
>("pfft this lonely fucker wants a girl", demons cackle in the background)Heh, S-so what kind of girl, pff
>"Please... I just want a qt girlfriend"
>Alright, so just any girl
>"Anything, I just want someone..."
>We can totally do that, you know what, we'll direct you straight to the big guy!
>"A-awesome, thank you so much"
>Just pay us in whatever you have, its- pfft- on the house
>"All I have are the bones from some wings..."
>Seriously? That works. Your waifu is on its way. Have a hellish day. *Hangs up*
>So do we really need this retards soul? I honestly don't want that fucking autist down here

>>38939352
the candles flickered because your lungs were grasping for air and you didnt notice since this is normal to you.