"Great job applying to all those jobs today, Champ. I know

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>("Oh, gosh. Another weekday morning. Traffic was murder. I haven't even had my coffee yet. If anyone tries to bother me, I'm calling security.")
>sips coffee

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"So, did you get the job yet, Billy? Getting a job will allow you to do what you've always wanted, like saving for a rainy day."

>>38930014
Thanks for always believing in me when no one else would Dad. I'm going to find a job and make you proud!

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>>38931081
"You can do it, Champ. Just head up there and ask to speak with the manager. Stand up straight, look him in the eye, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you're the right man for the job. It's as simple as that, Champ. You've got this."

fuck off dad, i already have a job that pays better than yours does, i'm not going back to fast food

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>>38931108
"We've been through this before, Champ: Drawing naked cartoon girls doesn't count. Now, you could either sit there and make excuses, or you can man up and get a real job. And it's as easy as walking in there, speaking with the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you wanna work for him. Four simple steps, Champ!"

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>Have 21 year old son
>Good kid
>Lost his best and only friend since childhood
>Visibly distraught and emotionally shaken, needs my support
>Drive him around town to look for a job instead

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My conversation with my dad a few minutes ago

>Champ, your mother and I think it's time you went outside and got a job. Get dressed and meet me in the car. I'm driving you to find work, and we won't turn back until someone hires you on the spot.
>i'm not sure, i'll think about it
>You've been spending too much time inside, so you might as well meet people, make some money on your own, and live a normal life. You can buy a new computer once you get your first paycheck.
>okay, i'll think about it and let you know

Looks like my family can't take it anymore

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>Thanks Dad you've really helped me out this past week. I have to admit that I've been very anxious about this job application stuff, but with you it has been an easy task!
>Also you remember that girl I've been talking about? I asked her out like you told me to and to my surprise she said yes! You're right about those guys on that image board. They have a very negative outlook on life. I wish I had took your advice more seriously in the beginning!

Dad I'm in med school. I don't want to work at a fucking restaurant.

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>>38932435
"Quitters never win, Champ. And winners never quit. When I was your age, I got my first job at the factory by walking to the interview in the middle of a snowstorm after my Mustang wouldn't start. It was the worst snowstorm in state history, and the manager was so impressed that he shook my hand and hired me right on the spot. It's all about taking the initiative, Champ. And it's as simple as walking into the place, speaking with the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you wanna work there. No excuses, Champ."

>>38930014
"Sorry dad. I worked for years before moving back in with you guys. Obviously, it's your house and you can kick me out; I won't fight it. However, I am not 'working' anymore. I am not having my labor taxed, I am not lining the pockets of people above me, and I am not wasting a fraction of my life for 'money.' I'm sorry I'm not what you wanted me to be. Just tell me when I should leave, I guess.

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>>38932404
"See, Champ? Having persistence and a firm handshake pays off."

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>get too old
get laid off
>request vacation time
Get laid off
>do nothing wrong
Get laid off
>Boss pissed away money to pay you
Get laid off

God damn baby boomers never had to deal with this

anyone have any tips for getting a job?

We're rich. Why are you doing this?

>>38932560
Don't assume the manager is a male

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>>38932514
"Ah, ah, ah, Champ. That's not the way it works. Excuses are for quitters, Champ. And I didn't raise a quitter."

>>38932560
"Elevator not working on all floors, Champ? It's as simple as walking into the place, speaking with the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you wanna work there. I'm driving you around town to try it out, and we're not turning around until someone hires you right on the spot. It's for your own good, Champ."

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"Come here, boy. What's your dad been telling you? Christ. I told him times are different. He thinks there's a secret code to the universe. He was always shaking everyone's hand in school and at the store and such.

Looky here boy; if you want to spend some time at Pappy Harold's farm, and maybe learn the ropes; get away from the city for awhile, you're more than welcome to. Just let me know."

>>38930014
What's so funny about this is the dad is competent clueless. Working at a joejob is a dead end, so much so it's actully considered a negative on a resume. He is actully ruining his sons life. It might have been an option 40 years ago but now you are expected to be vollintterong or working at the ideaslab or something

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>>38932578
"Getting a job is a part of growing up, Champ. You'll never learn how to deal with people unless you've worked for and with them. Besides, I don't want you being an airhead who stays at home all day and has no idea how to talk to people. Getting a job is as easy as walking into the place, speaking with the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you wanna work there. I'm driving you around town to try it out, and we're not turning around until someone hires you right on the spot. It's for your own good, Champ."

>>38932595
"You raised a genetic dead end, pa. I'm sorry, but something went wrong. I don't know where, and I don't know why, but it did. I have my own goals to achieve, far from the 9-5 grind. I'll be packing and selling off my things as soon as we get home. I'll be out within the week."

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>>38932641
"I see. Then you should leave. Once again, you're running away. You'll have to sacrifice everything for your dreams, and that's something only you can do on your own. It's time for you to grow up, speak with the manager, and give him a firm handshake, Champ."

>>38932699
I'm not running away from my dreams, by to them. I have no interest in your society, I've only been milking what I can from it, and I see that's coming to an end. I'll give you a handshake, but no one else."

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DAD HELP I SHAT MYSELF IN THE JOB INTERVIEW DAD I MADE MYSELF LOOK LIKE A TOTAL JACKASS DAD WE NEED TO GO HOME AND CHANGE MY PANTS QUICK THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING DAD HELP

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>>38932873
"I didn't raise a quitter, Champ. Now get upstairs, get showered, and get dressed. You're going to march back in there, give the manager a firm handshake, and tell him you still want the job. Shake it off, Champ."

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>>38932518
Wtf!?!?!

So this this is why you wanted me to get a job!

So you could literally wagecuck me.

Dad, I loved her.

Im going to go put my head in the deep fryer.

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>>38933210
"Champ, you could either sit there and make excuses, or you can man up, keep working, and remain blissfully ignorant of my dominion over your... 'Juanaytis.' Anyway, I'm driving you around town to look for a second job. Your job doesn't give you enough hours, and it's time you learned the value of an honest week's work. Remember to go in there, give the manager a firm handshake, and tell him you want the job. It's for your own good, Champ."

>>38933262
Fuck this one got personal
>finally get job after a year of being a NEET and mum constantly harassing me to sort my life out
>starts harassing me for not having a second job too
Could never fucking please her

I'm glad my father died.

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GET A JOB
SHAKIN' HANDS EVERYWHERE
HANDSHAKIN' FIRM, HARD, AND MEAN

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>>38933262
Yes

Now i see the light

Handshakes as far as the eye can see

The future of my race and my happiness are nothing in comparison to the plans our Zionist overlords have for us.

There are too many of us disgusting cis white males anyway

At least that's what my female manager told me.

She knows more about this

She has a degree in gender studies

It's about time I stepped up to the plate and started contributing to society.

Never forget the 20 quintillion!

There's just one more thing da- I mean master.

that'll be 19.99 plus tip

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>>38932873
*watches you crawl to the bathroom*

>>38932464
topkek

oreganooo hula hoop

>>38932545
Pretty sure they did, getting laid off and fired is not new

>>38930014
I work at chickfila and can confirm this this true

Okay Dad, how about THIS???
>Gets job at nuclear missile launch site
>Gets launch codes
>Points them at Russian capital
>Fallout.jpg

>>38930014
Is that frog the manager of every place?

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>>38933808
*points to sign*

*continues sipping while you stare at him from the entrance*

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>>38933065
"Dad... could we just call it a day? I'm really embarrassed of what happened today. My sister >>38933717 made fun of me too. Could we just go search some jobs tomorrow? It has really been a rough day.."

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>>38933863
No. Get in the car, anon.

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>>38933803
>thinking that any neet piece of shit would survive in a fucking fallout situation ?
all of us would be dead lets just be honest there would be no fallout everyone would just die

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I already own my own business, stop telling me to get a job. Besides, who the hell are you? You look nothing like my dad

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>>38934612
"For the last time, Champ. Spraying that odorless white dish soap on pictures of cartoon girls doesn't count as a job or a business. Stop kidding yourself, be a man, and get a real job. It's as easy as walking in there, speaking with the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you wanna work there. That's all it takes, Champ! I raised a son, not a wailing woman."

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>>38930014
whatever dad we both know you are on this weird "hur dur improve you're life kick" because mom cheated on you go home dad u are drunk

>>38931215
>projecting yourself into a meme thread

How insecure are you, damn.

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>>38932404
>asking a girl to be your gf while living at your parents house

get this garbage out of here

I just realized that my dad has never taken interest or given advice on me getting a job. It's always been my mom, he's literally never even recommended a place to try applying to.

But then again he is a burnout pothead that doesn't talk about anything but himself

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"When are you gonna find a nice girl to settle down with, Champ? Your mother and I have been wondering when you're gonna give us grandchildren. Whatdy'a mean you're busy looking with your Juanaytis on the fourth channel? It's time you went outside and got a job instead, Champ. You'll meet a lot of people there, and it's as easy showing up, speaking with the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you're the right man for the job. Girls will practically be chasing you when you get your first paycheck."

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>>38932518
Good Ending
>>38933863
Neutral Ending
>>38933262
Bad Ending

I've never had a dad

>>38933210
Can you hook me up with the video link/title for that pic?

>>38932614
That's why this is funny. I love this meme. Wagecuck threads have been usurped.

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"They're character references. They were trying to vouch for the son of the mercenary: The firm handshaker..."

>>38932603
thanks gramps, id love to come stay at the farm!

>>38931178
But I own a Ferrari! I invest in stocks! The drawing is a hobby daaad!

>>38935032
well now you know what it's like

>>38930014
But you will just steal all the money i make so you can gamble and afford hookers like you allways did.

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>applying for current job
>even have recommendation put in from someone I know who works there
>they just put my application in a pile
>guy tells me to call this guy and gives me his number
>said guy never answers his phone
>he doesn't believe I'm actually calling him
>this goes on for months before they finally contact me for an interview after I already almost have a different job
>go anyway since I went through so much hassle and it pays better anyway
>ask them about my application and why it took so long
>they tell me they just pull em at random and recommendations mean very little

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>>38935756
"Did you remember to show up, speak with the manager, and give him a firm handshake, Champ? That's usually all it takes. If that doesn't work, we could always try somewhere else. What've you got to lose?"

>>38935977
ive tried this at ~100 places, what now dad? not even a single returned call.

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>>38936379
"Champ, excuses never got anyone anywhere. You know what will? Getting a job. It's as simple as showing up, speaking with the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you wanna work there. I'll drive you around town so you can try it, and we're not turning around until someone hires you on the spot. Doing this because I care, Champ."

>>38936434
You're not my real dad! I WAS ABDUCTED AT BIRTH AND RAISED BY ALIENS YOU XENO

>>38930014
Do you by any chance want to yell at me to buy your game? Also something about those mountains over there, I can climb them?

>>38936434
DAD THE CARS BROKE

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>>38936531
"Champ, when I was your age, I marched through a snowstorm to the interview down at the factory after my Mustang wouldn't start. It was the worst snowstorm in state history. The manager was so impressed when I got there that he shook my hand and hired me right on the spot. It's as simple as walking there, speaking with the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you want the job. Where there's a will, there's a way, Champ!"

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>>38936512
"I don't know what you're talking about there Champ, but you know what is a great testament to modern gaming? Skyrim, the new enhanced special edition, you should go and buy some copies for us and the whole family the moment you get your first paycheck, Champ!"

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>>38936682
See these hands, Champ? You can shake them.

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>tfw too smart for firm handshakes
I have risen beyond the need for labor in exchange for monetary gains, father.

>>38935319
C-Champ!?

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>>38937104
"Procrastination and pretending to be above employment, powerful agents to the uninitiated. But you're still going to go in there, speak with the manager, and give him a firm handshake, Champ."

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>>38937115
*nervous laugh*
"Uh, you don't get to apply in-store..."

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>>38937211
You are but a flicker in the furnace that is my imagination, and your words are but distant echoes in the canvas that is life. Neither handshakes nor earthly rewards may separate me from the endless throne on which I reside.

I have spoken, creator.

>>38937290
How do I ascend to your level? Is that even possible?

>tfw everyone in this thread is memeing
>tfw you are unironically locked in a mental chess match with your mother who brings home help wanted ads from the local newspaper everyday while you constantly invent lies and excuses for why you didn't go apply anywhere yet

28 btw

>>38930014
But I already have a full time job WTF

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>>38937657
"ANON, IT'S TIME YOU WENT OUTSIDE AND GOT A JOB. LOOK AT YOU: YOU'VE BEEN IN THE HOUSE THE LAST FIVE YEARS. YOUR FRIENDS ARE BUYING THEIR OWN HOUSES WHILE YOU'RE SITTING IN FRONT OF THAT COMPUTER WASTING YOUR LIFE. IT'S NOT NORMAL ANYMORE. IT'S NOT OKAY ANYMORE. I'M DRIVING YOU AROUND TOWN TO LOOK FOR A JOB WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT, YOUNG MAN."

>>38937717

Lol it's actually the opposite.
Parents divorced and I choose to live with mom b/c I knew I could get away with more.
>tfw no champ dad
If I was with my dad he would not be having it, would be getting drunk after work and screaming at me
Mom is easy is a submissive women she just accepts lie b/c too afraid to defy me and then cries in secret in her closet and commiserates with my stacey sisters

>>38930014
At least this dad seems the least bit motivating. My dad would tell me to get a job or fuck off out the house if I accidently ran into him around the house.

>>38937787

My dad is like that and also leave passive-aggressive lists of chores at my place at the table written in his patriarchal handwriting on a piece of paper torn from a pad his work gave him during an employee meeting.

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"How's the job hunt going, Champ? Maybe it's best if we followed up in person. I'll drive you there and take you to several more places around town that we haven't visited. No, don't give me that look, Champ: I'm doing this because I care, Champ, and nobody else will. Remember to speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you're the right man for the job. It can't get any simpler than that, Champ."

How does Champ Dad have all this time to drive NEETs around job-hunting during business hours?
Does he himself not have a job?

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1. Show up to the interview location
2. Speak with the manager
3. Maintain eye contact and correct posture
4. Uphold the firm handshake

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>>38930014
too bad i dont own a dad :(

>>38938704

why don't he want you man?

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"Have you tried seeing if this place was hiring, kiddo? I can't quite put my finger on why, but I think you'd be a great fit here."

>>38933462
im sure he would be glad he doesn't have to deal with your faggot ass anymore

>trying to explain to these old fucks that if you go in and "ASK TO SPEAK TO A MANAGER AND GIVE HIM A HANDSHAKE" he's just gonna get pissed and tell you to fill out the online application like everyone else has to
>not convinced

>>38934835
I personally know 18-25 yr old guys that live with their parents, and have nice gf's. If you're a millennial, you're good

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>>38939173
"Those applications and shiny diplomas may seem nice and all, Champ, but nothing makes a lasting impression and gets you the job quite like the handshake. But it has to be firm, Champ. FIRM. And the only way to give one is show up in person and give it to the manager after speaking with him and reiterating your desire to work there. Can't get any simpler than that, Champ."

>>38939240
i don't know where the hell they expect us to go when they're freaking out so many people our age live like that

what am I gonna do, get a 2 bedroom apartment with 3 other people I don't know and hope none of them flake/we'd all need jobs?

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>>38937243
>>38937211
>>38935319
truly, this is a daring synthesis

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>>38939267
*whispers* "Uhh... Dad? The manager won't let me speak to him or shake his hand. Each time I open my mouth, he says, "Shhh..." and points to the "No talkie before coffee" sign behind him. I've been waiting in his office for hours and he's been sipping his coffee all this time. Can I leave now, Dad?"

>>38934835
I'm 26 and bang chicks in my parents house

>see help wanted ad in paper for carpenter helper
>call number
>guy sounds like a 200+ redneck Chad with 5 Stacey daughters and a collection of 20 shotguns
>"h-hi sir i'm calling about the help wanted add i was wondering what required experience you needed..."
>*loud drawl* "I'M LOOKIN' FOOOOEEERRRR, A DECENNTTT HUMMAN BEEEEEINNGG. THAT'S THE RECKWAAAIRE MENT."
>hang up phone because not qualified

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>>38939432
"Excuses are for quitters, Champ. And I didn't raise a quitter. Now march back in there, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you want the job. Where there's a will, there's a way, Champ. That and you may leave only after I have finished my coffee."

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LET'S GO:

FIRM HANDSHAKE'S IN THE HOUSE TONIGHT
JOB SEEKERS GONNA BE ALRIGHT

>>38934522
That's the plan senpai
We're crashing the plan with no survivors

>>>/v/386576625
guys who's doing this
it's not even going well

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"places, mother your I and TIME to think for it's you job a get. answer HAND. take won't driving and I several, get today an no you I'm for DRESSED."

"simply in giving MATTER? a speaking of eye up, giving with him firm, the showing why FACE, and the glum looking him that a CHAMPshake."

>>38932404
>I wish I had took your advice
>took
Too bad you didn't teach me proper grammar, Pops.

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"Champ, your mother and I paid your way through life, and we think it's time you ruled the entire country. And doing that is as simple as introducing yourself to Donald Trump, giving him a firm handshake, marrying his daughter, and waiting until he becomes President. It's as simple as that, Champ."

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Juanna work here, ese? Ask me again after I've finished my coffee and horchata.

>Coach, how come you never take any of the other boys out to eat?

Dad, once you die I'm going to kill myself

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>>38939578
"Well dad, it's been about 500 years and we've skeletonized" you rattle "but both you and the manager are still sipping your coffee."

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>>38941330
"Thanks, Champ, but that's all the more reason for you to get a job. I'm driving you around town to make sure you get one because I care, Champ, and no one else will. And it's as simple as showing up, speaking with the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you wanna work there. Impossible is nothing, Champ. You've got this."

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>go to a job interview
>its a group interview, lots of people there
>1 of them knows the guy doing the interviewing
>mfw

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>>38941437

Then we'll try somewhere else, Slugger. What've you got to lose?

>>38941437
>1 of them knows the guy doing the interviewing
>Probably doesn't even know the first thing about doing the job
>Will get the job and do fuck all and still get paid for it, then quickly moved to some management position like all sycophants
>Not being part of the circlejerk if hired you'll be the one doing the actual work.

>>38941437
people will always get their friends jobs first which, as a person with no friends or acquaintances is really pissing me off.

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"Oh, and get this, guys: This one dweeb wrote "task-oriented," "punctual," "reliable" on his resume. Who the hell isn't?"

*kills kitten*

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>>38941374
*skeletonized version points to coffee cup*

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"Champ, when I was your age, I was able to support the entire family and buy us two cars, a boat, this house, and our summer rental up in Reno on the job that I got down at the factory. I didn't need to pay $1500 a year and $5 per book to mold those plastic knobs for laundry machines and make sure they were up to factory standard, so I expect more than a whole lot of nothing from you, Champ."