I know there's some smart individuals lurking in /r9k/ who

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(Cont...) So as I've went through all of this in my head, it seems as if I'm trying to "revenge" the treatment of my father by my mother, and my siblings, and also by me. And if someone does something disrespectul to me, I start to tell myself that I'm better than them, which is ridiculous. In my mind I go through their bad sides and think if I deserve better. It shouldn't be like this anons, humans must be capable of decent interaction and communication with other members of the homo sapiens. I have to fix this weird flaw in my personality before it becomes a bigger problem (it's huge already)

>>38908966
Post more lewds.

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>>38909115
There you go anon, my musclefu

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Bump orginal):;&&47!/):736(

>>38908858
I think the smart thing to do is find a professional who's not a quack.

>>38909858
What do you mean? Can't I just go through it myself?

>>38909864
Maybe. But it also sounds like you've got some layers of shit that self-induced or that you're only subconsciously aware of. If you want to confront this yourself, that's fine, but if you're seeking help, I don't think /r9k/ is the place to do that. We're not qualified, and this place is a toxic and insincere trash heap.

>>38908858
Simple
>I kind of "let" some people treat me like crap, to get a false sense of victimhood and justify myself turning my back on them.
You have a moral system that doesn't allow you to ghost people unless you can justify it to yourself and others (no one will but you need this crutch) so you bait them into giving you some sort of moral superiority over them. This is narcissistic behavior, and you might be a woman, because to you, it needs to be "their fault, not mine."

The mentally ill parents is not worth mentioning. I think many of us here have dysfunctional families.

>Another disturbing pattern that I've learned about my behaviour is having episodes, maybe once in 3-4 years, where I actively destroy memories of the past, journals, pictures, and even belongings.
This is just a self defense mechanism- you've learned to take physical action that represents destroying your past. It's common- getting rid of things in an attempt to get rid of your memories. It seems to be working for you, as you say it's effective, and I personally do the same. So keep doing that.

I've come to the conclusion that your personality problem stems from your parents. You seem to be suffering from long term effects from guilt? from watching your mother abuse your father (lack of proper father figure could contribute), and the oppressive behavior of your mother. You might have taken cues from your father's behavior, and enacting the interaction.

If you want to move on. you might want to get some finality from your parents. Parents really fuck people up in many cases.

>>38908858

For fuck's sake, just go to therapy.

Unless you're planning on going to religion or something else you can delude yourself with, you're going to be stuck the way you are. Just go, fix the problem, and be done with it.

>>38909988
Thanks, this was a helpful post. I agree on the guilt part, and it hit me pretty hard when I realized how much shit he has had to experience. Also yes, I'm narcissistic, I'm /fit/ and crave for mires. I work hard in not letting it be a too dominant thing in life. But why did I turn out that way? Is my mother a narcissist?

>>38910117
From the info you gave me, I believe you didn't get the parental love you are supposed to get during development, and the excessive criticism from your mother (either directly or indirectly from her oppression of your father, and you not wanting to be in the same position) are probably causes.
There's probably more things at play, but you got your narcissism from cues from your mother. She may not have necessarily been a narcissist (because alcoholism should be curbed), but her harsh criticism and judgement of your father probably wired you at a developmental stage.

Narcissism isn't that rare, though. /fit/ and other boards you may browse and just modern culture in general really exacerbates it and I think its more common than not these days.

Glad to help. I get to socialize a little bit as well

>>38910184
You may be onto something, anon. My mother is very competetive by nature, and I think her life choices reflect that. Her first child, my oldest sis, she raised as hyper competetive, her dating history is the definition of pathological hypergamy. Also my mother left us for another man when I was 15 and my youngest sis was 17. It's hard not being pissed at her as I'm going through this. Thanks again,

>>38908858

Sounds like some really deep seated emotional problems. The replies in this board ain't enough to help you. Go seek professional help, you need to talk to a real, licensed therapist for a long period to even get close to the core of the issue. Reading this thread ain't gonna magically erase your issues overnight trust me. I've been down the road before. Only a good therapist can help you. All the best.

>>38910294
You should confront her and apologize to your father so that you can move on imo.

Well, good luck. I hope you get over your illness and live happily.

>>38910385
I visualize this happening in the near future.

>>38910366
Thanks, I will first try to tackle this myself and try to get as far as I can.

Thanks everybody for reading and for the advice. I need to close this tab now.

>>38908858
sounds like ure a women.... maybe u should get out of /r9k/ board