"Your mother and I have been wondering, Champ: When are

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Billy, why don't you get out of your shell and introduce yourself to that nice waitress at the diner? That's how you meet people. You'll never find out if she's that special someone unless you make the first move.

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>>38903532
Bobby...we need to talk about excessive masturbation.....

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>>38903532
>>38903532
Son ....is there something wrong with you ?
You just can't have sex with the neighbor's chicken son...it's just not polite.

>>38903532
Dad, I gave a girl a firm handshake but she didn't get pregnant. What did I do wrong?

SHUT THE FUCK UP DAD HOLY FUCK

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Women want someone who'll provide for them, so they'll practically be chasing you when you get a job, Champ. And the best way to get one is to show up, speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you wanna work there. Champ, it's as simple as that. You'll practically have to fend off the ladies once you get your first paycheck.

Champ? Who's Champ?

I wish my dad would give me any advice

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>>38904319
I didn't raise a quitter, Champ. You go back there, give her a firm handshake, and ask her out to dinner. You're going to do it if I have to drive you there myself thereby embarrassing you in front of everyone within a five mile radius because I won't put on your name on the insurance. You've got this, Champ.

>>38904561
Dad, I gave my dick a firm handshake looking at traps and some white stuff came out. Did I do something wrong?

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>>38904654
Champ, it's nothing that some therapy can't cure.

> tfw you wish you had a dad like that ready to give you advice, but he died 5 years ago.

Seriusly all of you NEET with a papa who gives you important life lessons and advices, dont take that shit for granted, you wil truly miss him and his counseling the day he will be gone

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Why don't you take things to the next level with that nice girl and help her raise her child, Billy? You could make all the difference in that kid's life. And you'll need someone to take care of you when you get old.

>>38903532
Hey dad do you remember when you used to have dreams? You know. Before you had me. You probably had a dream of being a photographer for playboy driver. But then you your wife had me and you "had to be realistic" when it came to a career and now you work in a post office. But don't worry Dad. I learn't from your mistake.

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>>38905245
"Champ, you'll remember my advice WHEN you have kids of your own someday. Having kids is a part of growing up, Champ: It makes you responsible, gives you a sense of accomplishment, continues the family lineage, and ensures that someone will be there to take care of you when you get old. And it all starts with speaking with that nice girl, giving her a firm handshake, and inviting her to dinner."

>>38905129
hehe

>just raise another mans kid champ

>>38903532
>giving her a firm handshake
This is the most important tip here desu.

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"Why don't you ask that nice girl out to dinner, Champ? That's how you meet people. And who knows? She might be that special someone with whom you'll have kids. Having kids is important because it continues the lineage, gives you a legacy, makes you more responsible, and ensures that someone will be there to take care of you when you get old. Try talking to that girl, Champ. Stand up straight, look her in the eye, and give her a firm handshake. You'll never know if you don't try!"

>>38903532
Im gay dad, i hope this doesnt change our relationship

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>>38905653
"Raise the LCL compression density level to maximum."

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Im glad i took your advice, Dad. I decided to put myself out there. Id like you to meet my boyfriend, Brad.

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>>38905653
Buddy, you can't fool me. I am fully aware as to your "thing" with Stacy.

I'm still baffled because he keeps repeating stuff and the "original filter" never stops him. Good going dad.

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"Champ, I know it was tough stepping out of your comfort zone to apply to all those jobs today, so I figured you could use a break. Buy what you want. Here's 20 bucks. And while you're up there, you might as well ask to the speak with the manager. Stand up straight, look him in the eye, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you wanna work there. Never wanna miss an opportunity, Champ."

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>>38903532
I gave her a handshake and she said my hand was really moist and then she walked away before I could ask her out.

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>>38906165
"Nah, this won't do, Champ. The handshake's gotta be firm. FIRM. I'm gonna drive you back there so you can speak with her, give her a firm handshake, and ask her out. This time, do it right. I didn't raise a quitter, Champ."

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>>38906212
no... dad... PLEASE, NO! SHE'S JUST GOING TO REJECT ME AGAIN! THE HANDSHAKE WAS FIRM DAD, I PROMISE!

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"It's time you found a nice girl to settle down with, Champ. For the last time, your "way-foo" doesn't count. Settling down and having kids is important because it passes on the family name, makes you more responsible, gives you a heightened sense of accomplishment, and ensures that you'll have someone to take care of you when you're old. And it's as simple as talking to that nice girl, looking her in the eye, giving her a firm handshake, and asking her out to dinner."

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GET A JOB
HANDSHAKE'S IMPRESSING MANAGERS