>that realize-nobody-actually-likes-me-an d-I-don't-care-for-them-either

i know that feel. The only people I have respect for are other misanthropes.

>when you realize that people view you as a psychotic retard with a mental illness that is always alone and fucks up every social situation

>tfw you desperately wanted people to like you but now you realise that this is the one reason why you have drawn everyone away from you

No one likes a person like that

>>38890869
sitting on the fence, playing both sides while remaining neutral, that's a good way to stay alone.
>built up tons of walls that prevent me from being my real self in front of other people

>>38890924

My problem was learning how to be introverted but now I've gone too far in this direction. I don't like most people, but at the same time I really wish I had friends I had a genuine connection with. This need has blinded me and I tolerated some pretty awful relationships just so I would have someone around.

I wasn't being myself around people because I felt I was flawed and I had to manually behave in a way that I believed people would all like me for. Just look at Steve Carrell or Ricky Gervais in The Office as an example. This inadvertently made me completely insufferable to be around, now I'm absolutely friendless and I can't see anyway out of this miserable hell

>>38891050
Literally me. I don't know what to do at this point, I've ignored it all and let the delusions capture me. I'm going to slip back in them and I'm scared

>>38891108
I don't know about You, but I see that kind of behaviour as quite similar to an addiction. I have problems with alcohol, as soon as I get to a certain level of drunkenness I need more and more until I pass out.

It's kind of like that with the people-pleasing behaviour. Instead of standing firm, you indulge in old habits of putting on a fake persona because it feels safer. I know it's similar to a sick habit, because I always feel dirty and disgusted with myself when I catch myself doing it. Hope that helps.