>>38859061 Christmas Eve night 2014 in my high school sweetheart's car parked on the side street. I found out he was cheating on me and just quietly asked to take me home to discuss it after Christmas. Instead I broke down hysterically so he pulled over and I angrily cried at him.
We were each other's first relationship and I never felt so betrayed. I cried so hard and told him how disgusting he was. I also unloaded all the things that ever pissed me off about him and how my family always hated him. Something snapped and he instantly felt like a stranger to me, like all our love was deleted.
That was hell. I never want to experience that moment ever again, accidentally finding cheating proof on his cell phone, crying in his car, and wiping my tears off with my Santa hat.
>>38859061 Sauce is American horror story season 3. She accidentally got stuck in hell and had to forever repeat the time her middle school teacher forced her to dissect a live frog, despite her being a huge nature lover.
>>38859061 Going to my friend's funeral who died from cancer when we were 21. Seeing his parents cry, seeing his sickly body in his open casket, seeing his younger siblings cry, seeing his girlfriend give a speech how much she loved him...it was one of the worst things I ever saw.
>>38859061 The night I was writing out my suicide note when I was in 12th grade. All the heavy guilt I was feeling and in the pit of my depression. I crumbled it up and went on a cutting binge after finishing it. I can see it now:
>write note on paper while crying on it >feel immense guilt >crumble it up >pull out scissors and cut all over myself >cuts heal >paper is perfect again, no tear drops on it or words >pen gets forced into my hand >hand is forced to write the same words with my signature on the bottom >guilt >crumple it up >forced to get scissors and cut myself while crying in pain because being forced >blood sucks back into the wounds and they heal >etc
In terms of moments there was this time where I had the worst intestinal pain of my life while walking home. I still can't believe that walk home was over (I even sometimes think that my current life is just me back there fantasizing about being able to reach home) needless to say I almost fainted so many times from the pain and thought that the best option was to just let go and fall to the ground. So I guess hell would be going back to that except that I'm walking in circles always deluded that home is near.
>Grandad sick with cancer, getting down to the end >On my way back up to college, I stop to see him in the hospital >He looks small and tired, the cancer has nearly finished him >I know this may be the last time I ever see him, but I don't care >I sit in there for a while and nod and mumble for about ten minutes >I get up and start to try and leave the room >He's trying to tell me that he loves me and tries to give me a few last pieces of life advice >I'm nudging out of the door and saying goodbye, in an obvious hurry to leave >Drive up to school, that same night use the cash that my Dad gave me for gas, dinner, and bridge toll to buy a hooker >A few days later my grandad dies
The feel I got after that was earthshaking. I didn't know such shame and self-hatred was possible. Me using my dad's money to buy a hooker and the last time I ever saw my grandad, which I rushed, would forever be linked in my mind. It was then that I realized that I had become the most disgusting and degenerate person that I knew of. A worthless, irredeemable piece of shit. It's hard to put into words how dark my mind was then. Ever since, I've been trying to be better, I've only visited a hooker once since, have been clean of the habit for about 4 months now. I've been exercising, eating healthier, losing weight, and grooming myself. It's starting to look like I may even get a gf. All that aside, the thought of living in that pure despair forever haunts me. I really hope there isn't a hell, because I deserve to go there.
>2014 >get a call at work that there's been an accident and they need me to identify a body >get there and it's my wife >break down >want to hug her as if it will magically wake her up >they won't let me >insane pain in my chest, having trouble thinking or breathing or moving >pass out >wake up in a hospital bed >think it was all just a dream >it wasn't
>>38859061 That moment when i just turned ten and all the puzzles pieces and suspicions came crashing the fuck down in a completed picture instead of being disparate and ignorable parts and i realized the world was shit and always will be. That was the first anxiety attack, panic attack, severe depressive dip, and permanent loss of some sizable chunk of hope i experienced all wrapped into one.
>>38861625 >>get a call at work that there's been an accident and they need me to identify a body >>get there and it's my wife They don't fucking tell you whose body before yo get to the morgue? Why? That's horrible.
>>38859061 Older kid raped me when I was in foster care. He was around 16 and I was 10. Lots of events leading up to it and a few relevant ones after it but I assume the moment isn't allowed to be months long.
When my ex girlfreind found out about the back up girlfreind, gave me a chance to explain myself, then dropped my stuff of at my house without a word and effectively deleted me out of her life blocked on every form of media, deleted every photo of me on said media and told me if i conntacted her in anyway she would call the police. Feels bad man, lot of self hatred because of it. To be fair though can't be mad at her because my actions caused it.
>>38859061 My personal Hell is that moment in the middle of the night sitting on my bed during my worst bad acid trip of all time where I legitimately was convinced that I -WAS- now trapped in my own personal Hell, forever, because I "took a bite of the apple", "opened pandora's box", etc. and finally tried acid. It sucked, it was incomprehensibly horrible, it felt like a fate worse than death because instead of simply dying and losing my physical form, I made the realization that there was no physical form and I'm a solipsistic sentient entity - in fact I was God himself, but in a pitiful lonely, truly alone sense, not in a grandiose sense, and I had accidentally created this Hell for myself
I can't explain the abstract form of despair I felt during that bad acid trip. It was beyond Hell, it was advanced Hell.
That StarCraft match when I got a call on the phone saying that my gf had just hung herself. There was no pain. There was no emotion. Just nothing. I sat there and stopped playing and just quit, and haven't touched Brood War since now that I think about it. It was death; in that you don't actually experience death because death cannot exist when you do. It was just that unreal. No tears. Just numbness.
>>38862263 Same. But younger and by another boy. I didn't really feel anything and never told anyone about it until years later. I guess if I was being honest my heII would be everyone finding out what we did and me having to start life again from there. As much as I hate my life now, I wouldn't have changed a thing.
>>38859061 my childhood from 5-7 when I was babysat by my aunt. she beat my brother and I with a belt or spanks at the tiniest provocation even though we were just kids horsing around. she even conditioned my brother to hurt me for her.
the worst beating I had felt like 10 minutes straight and later being locked in a closet over a toy. I borrowed a toy she thought I lost at school when instead her legit down syndrome child tossed it down the basement stairs. she never said sorry after finding it, she just yelled asking if I did it. I never told my parents what she did to me because they physically self disciplined me as well so I assumed I did something wrong for a long time.
feeling so powerless and not understanding why it happened was terrifying and hellish.
>>38862929 i'd been feeling like shit in general, recently molested but nobody believed it for the longest time, at the peak of extreme bullying for that year specifically the bully that had broken my arm rebroke it because it was out of its cast then broken the other one so i'd "learn my lesson", an english teacher i routinely had to correct on spelling errors like "advanture" in front of his class held me after class that day and told me i'd never amount to anything and everyone will hate me, another teacher had told my mother during a parent teacher conference that she feared for her life and her classes lives because i was apparently some serial killer in the making (i questioned why people cried for the dead they knew but not the dead they didn't but i was somehow expected to actively sympathize with a kid who's brother i'd never had died) which earned me a beating at home after i got my new casts(nurse didn't let me leave for the hospital said my arms were fine but x-rays showed the breaks later), and i had been also getting bullied pretty routinely and quite heavily at the time by a multiple felony-tier butch dyke because i had a penis and she didn't but i didn't realize that was the reason at the time. There's a whole lot more that precluded all of that or minor shit that contributed but this'd be 20 posts long. Just a lot of shit kind of kicked the stars and wonder out of my eyes pretty violently all around the same time.
>>38861614 That's extremely fucking disgusting, to your own grandfather? Not only that, you chose to leave him to his fate and buy A HOOKER, a hoe over your dying relative? You better have a good explanation for this shit, this is the most nefarious crap I've seen browsing r9k IN YEARS
Please support this website by donating Bitcoins to 16mKtbZiwW52BLkibtCr8jUg2KVUMTxVQ5 If a post contains copyrighted or illegal content, please click on that post's [Report] button and fill out a post removal request
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows an archive of their content. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.