Quite certain I posted this as a thread two nights ago or whatever,

how about some info about you first? how old are you, what do you do, what are your dreams, why is your life garbage and why cant you run away from it etc

>>38819855
If all you want is to talk, then partake in an actual ongoing thread, rather than making your own "special snow flake talk to me" thread.

>>38819960
if this pushes off another fembot thread thats fine by me

>>38819896
>how old are you
26.
>what do you do
Nothing. This is going to sound weird, but I'm NEET but not because of being just too lazy. My mother needs me around the home because she's losing the use of her hands and eyes, and she's seriously thrown fits about me getting a job. We're even struggling financially and I've offered to bring in more dough and she's flipped out before.
>what are your dreams
To actually do something with my life. Or to start over again and not make the same mistakes.
>why is your life garbage
Here's where things get dramatic. I would say by suicide's standards, my life isn't all that bad. Maybe my family is verbally abusive and I have held a decent relationship together in ages, but here goes. I'm sexually degenerate, a mooch, a liar, an addict, the destroyer of the family I still haven't left the nest of yet, and caused two teenage girls to commit suicide when I was their age (one was my gf at the time). I'm just a fukked person. Life isn't bad. It's great. But I can't live with who I am.
>why cant you run away from it
I can't undo what has been done, and when I've tried to confess for punishment all I've gotten is, "It wasn't your fault, stop blaming yourself, etc."

>>38819960
I've been doing that anon.

Doesn't fucking work. I feel like I kill every thread I touch. In the past 48 hours I've only gotten two responses within at least a couple dozen or so posts. I'm just overlooked is all. I don't mind. But rn I want to die, not because of (you)'s but because I legitimately want to and the last place I want to be is inside of my own head. Please just fuck off.

>>38820016
Heheh, I guess I killed my own thread.

>>38819990
sounds like theres a serious talk with your mom coming up sooner or later, im sure youre seeing it coming too.
>doesnt want to get a job because his mom needs help but thinks about killing himself
you and i both know youre never going to do it so please do yourself a favor and quit wasting time like that.

as for the "i killed two girls thing" that sucks. im reading the sob story behind it if you post it but at some point in your life you will have to move on even if it hurts. neither wasting your life on guilt or "confessing for punishment" will not undo what happened anyway, it only brings even more suffering into the world.
pretty sure youve heard all the normie advice before so im saving it but you could be out there improving other peoples lives and your own which is the closest to making amends youll ever get.

>>38819990
>caused two teenage girls to commit suicide when I was their age
>Believes to be worthless
Man, you should take pride in the power you have over other people.

>>38820100
I've considered joining the military, I've considered just selling my body to make some decent cash and running away to travel abroad and help people over seas (maybe fight for the Kurds or help out some random ass African community). But I feel like those both have the same ramifications of if I just died for my family, only it's anger instead of sadness, and if it's my family's reactions to my own death as the only thing holding me back rn, then why not just go ahead and do it, ya know? But at that rate why not just ditch the family and try to survive on my own.

I guess I agree with everything you're saying and would like to take the advice, my only problem now is just "How though?"

I'll spare you the sob story unless you actually /want/ to read it, and I had made a typo that said I've held a relationship together; I haven't. Got autocorrect or I typed too fast or something, but I've been alone in that sense for years.

>>38820177
A power over other people that was nothing more than grooming outcasts and telling them I love them for who they are and then stripping that away and telling them they're worthless. It's done nothing but kill. It's what I've done. What the fuck do I do with that kind of power? I just want to be able to go back and tell them I love them, to not take their own lives. I can't even figure out why Indont just take my own if I somehow managed to get them to take theirs.

>>38820192
>"How though?"
wouldnt that be nice if we all had the answer to this. when im overwhelmed like that i usually do one step at a time. its still an improvement over being in complete paralysis. the first step for you should be obvious: you need to tell your mom that you feel trapped at home and you need to discuss alternatives with her (hire help, get her to move to an institution where shes cared for properly, it all depends on her health and your families overall situation). anything that gives you time to start getting your life in order. only after that you can start thinking about what jobs exactly you are qualified for and the logistics adult life (its not that bad once you get the hang of it).
this is all easy for me to say of course, i know putting your own life over your moms sounds like a really shitty thing to do. but what other options do you have really? stay at home in poverty until youre 40 with zero work experience and years into the depression hole to wait for your moms death so you can kill yourself? now that sounds like shit to me.

>>38819855
post your discord, lets talk, not vc tho

>>38819855
>entering the abyss.gif

>>38819855
damn thats place its dangerous, you can fuck your neck falling like that

Sorry to hear that, anon. Hit me up if you still want to talk, my discord is sdj #0237

>>38820254
Why did you do that? Had someone done it to you before? Did you think it was just amusing and didn't actually believe they were useless, like were you just being a dumb kid?

File: beerdog.jpg (100KB, 625x505px) Image search: [Google]

100KB, 625x505px

>>38819855
If you're wasting time talking to people posting on 4chan you don't really want to kill yourself, you want attention. There are so many easy, accessible fucking ways to kill yourself but despite how badly you say you want to do it you're here doing nothing and talking about it. A fucking roastie I used to know was suicidal, and even she was able to efficiently hang herself without stirring a lot of bullshit. I have no sympathy for fucks like you, do it or don't but don't waste time fishing for (you)s with your ""I'm gonna kill myself :(((( someone talk to me??" tripe

>>38821279
Are you proud of your behavior? Don't be mean anon.

>>38821299
It's bullshit, I've seen too many people IRL and from this board die and fade away to give people like OP any credibility. Kill yourself or don't but attentionwhoring about suicide is deplorable, and I feel it insults the people who were really in a dark enough place that they actually did off themselves.