Do you remember how old you were when you realised everything

>>38665034
jesus christ lad do you need to talk?

>>38665034
32
should've happened sooner, but my powers of delusion were resilient

I can't remember
It feels like a part of myself has always thought I was somehow different from other people
Always thought I was weaker than other people
And as the years went on I realized I can barely take daily life now my brain is just muddled sludge splashing around in my head and all I can really care about is myself and my own pleasure
Yet I don't even have the strength to support my self
I'm a literal tumor on humanity

>>38665034
It was always creeping behind my head at 14. Throughout the years, it got worse and I fully accepted it around 22.
I'm 26 and it surprising is getting worse. I can't even control my emotions anymore. I'm about to cry right now as I post this.
I just want to cease to exist.

>>38665164
you sound like a little bitch. posting on 4chan make you want to cry? maybe you should go to reddit....

>>38665034
>15
It was slow, but I became lonely and finally had time to myself to think about how much of a worthless fool I was and how life was meaningless and what not.

18 now and never recovered.

>>38665194
Not posting on 4chan
Just living life...

>>38665164
I wish I had emotions. The last time I had a full-fledged, uninhibited emotional response to something was over a year ago and even before that, I haven't cried since I was 14. Now all that's left of my emotions is a dull roar at the back of my mind submerged in the murky waters of this all-encompassing apathy that threatens to do the same to whatever tattered shreds of my mind are left.

I can't think clearly, I can't connect with anyone and sometimes I can barely even read. I'm not interested in most of the things I used to live for and sometimes it's like nothing's going on between my ears at all. It's as if my consciousness is slowly narrowing into a pinprick of what it once was. And , I fear what will happen to me once it reaches the point where nothing can get in to fill the void.

>>38665393
I feel similar, have my whole life.
I dont even know why I cry, I don't even do it from feeling sad. Or maybe I do...
I don't even know how to feel my own emotions anymore.

I could be doing fine one moment and end up crying the next, only stop abrubtly seconds later.

It feels like drowning/suffocating with
sharp pain in my chest.

Why do you feel you are the way you are?

>>38665034
Probably 14 for me

>>38665528
>black
>ugly
>fat
>poor
>single mother
>dyspraxia
>shitty eyesight
>depressive
>terrible memory
>never had a gf
>never even been looked at in that way by a girl
>only reason I'm not a khv is because I frequent prostitutes just for the comfort of being held by a woman

No matter how I look at it, every sign points towards me being a loser. There is nothing that indicates that I was ever supposed to be successful or happy. For a while I maintained hope and even managed to make friends, but it was only once I made friends that I realised how truly alone I have always been. None of these people would stand by me in a time of crisis if it even slightly inconvenienced them. I can't talk to them about my problems or issues or they'll just stop talking to me because it''s "awkward". I can't confide in anyone or rely on anyone or be loved by anyone. I can't be held in the arms of another person and just let it all out as they assure me that they'll always be there for me. I can't pierce their middle-class, two parents, healthy romantic relationships lifestyles and be like them.

All I have is fantasy and even that is slipping away. I am nothing on the outside and nothing on the inside. A redaction of a human being drifting through the world. I'm the sort of person happy, healthy people like to pretend don't exist so they never have to be confronted with the knowledge that they're fucking lucky to have their cushy, wonderful lives and that there are people out there who don't. The same happy people who talk about how much depression and charity are important to the world and change their Facebook pictures to rainbow flags every time LGBT month comes along only to turn away whenever someone needs their help in a real life scenario because it's to hard.

Fuck them all. I'm alone. Always have been, always will be.

>>38665034
I'm a 31yo khv, who was raised by a single mom who herself was 36 when she had me.
My father decided at first sight that he doesn't want anything to do with me. The memories I have of my father are all tainted with bad feelings, hurt and disappointment.
I was raised by my mom and her mother in a way to not show any emotions, have any sort of liveliness and to always consider how my own doing is impeding on others first. My mom and her mom know next to nothing about life and the world around them.
I was raised overweight to obese and stayed obese for more than the first 20 years of life.
Out of my own volition I am slim and healthy now.
The thing I noticed is that I do not have a past anymore. Because it isn't the old me anymore.
All the bad experiences are fading away from my memory. But there aren't any good ones to retain. When I forcefully think back I realize that all of my life has been misery and pain.
I am seemingly invisible to women.
I am hugless, kissless, date-less.
A year ago, on a bachelor party that derailed, we ended up in a brothel. I couldn't get hard and received no comfort from the women at all.
I haven't cried in years.

I don't know what to do anymore.

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The INTP condition.

INTPs are not born, they are made.

INTPs are made after neglect or abuse.

The constant repression of feelings leads to them becoming masters at bottling it up, so until they boil over they feel as if they have no feelings anymore.

The INTP condition.

>>38666202
Myers-Briggs is bullshit and even if it wasn't it says I'm an ENFP

>>38666514
>doesnt care to do research about something
>automatically denounces it without looking further into it

You definitely are the most stupid type.

>>38666856
Oh, I've done the research. It's still mostly an oversimplification used to make people who can't understand other people feel like they do.

Case in point: "lol ur the stupid letters".

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>>38667045

disagree plete

>>38665034
Last night when I realized that my family thought nothing of me except a worthless leech after my father told me how worthless I am and how everything I have ever believed is wrong.

I've been giving my shotgun a blowjob all morning.

>>38667112
The only people who seriously subscribe to the Myers-Brigg test as a means of determining personality and anticipating the behaviour of others are woefully lost souls who are either incapable of or unwilling to reach a more complete understanding of human behaviour. These are people who feel as if they must be codified by a relatively meaningless combination of letters in order to have a sense of belonging and higher purpose in lieu of anything more significant and meaningful. For everyone else, it's a party trick and a topic of discussion that loses relevance the moment something more interesting comes along.

It's the Barnum Effect in motion: pseudoscience appropriated by the suggestible and worn as a badge of honour by the desperately alone and afraid so they can go just a few more days of deluding themselves into thinking they "get it".

But, hey, agree to disagree.

>>38667244
>expecting me to read all that

>>38667364
One three line paragraph and some change? You're right, what was I thinking?

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>>38667244
I will refute you with pictures

>>38667113
Give me a blowjob instead anon

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>>38667510
Oh yeah, motherfucker? Two can play at that game

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>>38667600
I raise you a smug griffith

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Everything went downhill in 2012, I felt human back then. I was probably 16-17 when I stopped feeling myself. Maybe I have rose tinted glasses, I dunno.

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>>38665034
>Do you remember how old you were when you realised everything good about you had been drained out of the open wounds created constant failure, rejection and self-loathing and that you couldn't think, feel or care about anything anymore -- least of all your own worthless self?
Yes, 4 years ago anon. I quickly realized that other people caused almost all of it and begun working towards ensuring that it never happens again. I also begun learning how to fight back and inflict pain.

have a book on me (it's available online for free)