>spend last year of my life contemplating suicide >world

>>38574845
I got a gf who loved me more than I loved her.

>>38574897

That's temporary tho.

>>38574931
Op's isn't?

>>38574845
Developed quasi-schizoid beliefs.
I can't kill myself even if I want to because God put me here to be one of several facilitators who will push humanity to its next stage of mental evolution. This also perfectly explains why things that don't actually exist have been trying to kill me since I was in my mother's fucking womb. (I was born prematurely because a doctor stabbed through my unborn body with a needle in the womb)
The only theory I have about the next phase we're heading towards is that we will isolate ourselves and start to learn to become content with that, and maybe that language will shift from being spoken and written into an entirely written medium. I just think that would be kind of cool, though. God doesn't tell me much about what's coming, I'm not a prophet or anything. But the world's gonna be a great place, eventually, and I'm honored that I've been chosen to help continue improving it.
You have a purpose too, OP. You can find it. Stop gazing into the abyss and learn to gaze past it.

>>38574845
I'll do it but only once I've exhausted all my options. Luckily being suicidal expands your options quite a bit since you can take potentially dangerous drugs you buy off the internet without fear of something bad happening because if something bad does happen you can just kill yourself. Got some bromantane in the mail from Russia. I have high hopes for this one, it apparently alters DNA in a way that affects dopaminergic pathways.

Seeing as how we're nothing but a chain reaction of chemical reactions it should be possible to alter yourself using drugs. That's my philosophy and I'm sticking with it.