Guys who suffer from intense inadequacy and self hate, who/what

>>38552430
Sucked my friend's dick in an attempt to create skinship with another person. I'm mostly over it but I think that day dealt a huge blow to my self-esteem.

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>>38552430
>who/what brought you to this point?
I'm fucking balding

>>38552430
I was beaten by my dad when I was a kid and was bullied in school.
People are shit and I'm glad that I'm an adult and can be alone.

>>38552430
I'm 0/7 in asking out girls for a date since HS. I've never had a gf and can't even score a tinder date.

I'm 26 btw....

>>38552430
29 yo no job and too anxious to get one. was once considered highly talented and attractive but my sick mind got the best of me and now im a useless neet.

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>>38552835
have a hug m8, I can fucking relate

>>38552891
Thanks mang, originally.

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>>38552430
i was always selfdefeating and have martyr complex
my shrink claims its due to lack of love i became emotional masochist avoiding responsibilities

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>>38552430
>ginger
>was a foreigner and arrived at a new high school
>was also terribly depressed at the time
>got constantly mocked and bullied throughout school
>introverted and spend all time on pc, looking at attractive people on social media living the good life
>having my best friend be a literal 10/10 chad who would always do chad things
>never talk to a female other then my mother and aunts
This list goes on and on.

i have never succeeded at anything in my life

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>>38552430
>suffer from intense inadequacy and self hate, who/what brought you to this point?
Growing up I was raised by a single mother who was a hoarder
I lived in a house layered with trash and saw myself as trash too
>tfw couldn't bring friends over
>tfw sometimes couldn't eat right because mother spent grocery money on vases on EBAY
>tfw couldn't walk around barefoot in my own home
It was bad and because I lived in horrible conditions I would lash out as a child
That got me diagnosed with ADHD or some shit and pills forced down my throat until middle school where I got out but became emotionally and physically isolated from kids my own age
This lead to lots of bullying and deeper into the rabbit hole of self hatred.

>>38552430
>been treated as a gifted child my entire life
>put on a high pedestal
>constant fuck ups
>been sitting on a computer since I was 5
>dead inside
>nearsighted
>have a stupid eye disease that's rare
>will never be able to drive
>babied and don't even know how to tie my shoes but not socially awkward at all and don't expect anything out of anyone
>just want someone I can take care of
>prefer to be alone but want a wife to cuddle with
I have so many contradicting feelings.
I probably won't live past 21, I'm 19

>who/what brought you to this point
I brought myself to this point, I'm a 22 year old NEET high school drop out with no friends and slowly developing skills. It's painful having to go through and endless cycle of trying and failing and see others actually starting their lives and doing what they want to do.

I can brush off not being a cute trap/femboy, but when I look at my goals and look at what I've done over the last 5 years, I realize that it is most unlikely that I'll will get anywhere close to them.

Not a lot of people replied to this thread surprisingly

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>>38552430
My parents knew I had aspergers and did nothing about it. My mom is a pill addict and my dad is an angry violent sperg. I had to fight off attackers a lot when I was a kid. I was relentlessly bullied by guys and girls. I grew up in a fundamentalist community and my 'tism did not come with a bullshit detector. I genuinely believed god would save me and my urges were evil. I was falsely accused of rape in high school and shunned. I begged to transfer schools and my parents wouldn't do it. My dad cut off my therapist because he didn't like her, no other reason. I was an angry kid, and I wasn't allowed to get caught being angry at other people so a lot of it was directed inward. I've stepped on a few girls who opened their hearts to me because I wanted everyone to suck a collective dick. It keeps me up at night sometimes, especially my ex. I ghost people lower on the social ladder than me because I'm sick of people who refuse to at least try to fix their shit. I know I'll never make it, I fell too far behind and I should have seen the world for what it is sooner. I'm a deviant and degenerate. I miraculously escaped death by electrocution at work and nobody gave a shit. I hate myself for every missed opportunity. The bullying never stopped, I just got lowkey insulted by a waitress, came home and kicked a pillar in my carport so hard I dislocated it. If it wasn't for my job I'd have nothing but alcohol, nicotine, and my car. I'm so angry I have dreams about throwing the second punch. I know now love doesn't real and I will never get a cute girl like op pic but I'm enough of a scumbag to not even notice nice girls less than 8/10. Recently I've been channeling my anger into productive tasks. I got myself a career and make decent money now, and I'm apartment hunting as I type this. I'm going to ghost everybody I know including my family. I'm so close to freedom and starting over I can taste it.
TL;DR I'm a massive piece of shit. Blow my fucking brains out.

>>38552565

yeah it sucks, hope your skulls looks good

>>38552430
bit of background so you understand better

>im an english traveler, otherwise known as gypsy but we dont really like to call ourselves that cause we get confused with the irish gypsies who are total fucking idiots and animals
>now from my experience travelers dont tend to be that dumb even tho they dont tend to finish school, sure theyre not academically inclined but they have their wits about them and know a ton of shit that you need to know to live and get away with semi-very illegal shit
>early years of my life i lived down a lane which we just called the lane cause thats what it was and it opened up to some land which we had trailers on but some had been converted to more permanent house like places
>the place was fucking bad, there was gun fights regularly, like with smgs and shit
>our neighbour was a known serial killer/mass murderer, he was known to us not the police
>he killed about 9-10 people and even managed to get someone to confess that they killed the person for him and they went to prison for 5+ years i think
>he was a nice guy tho and we got on alright with him cause my dad said if he ever fucked with my family hed take a gun and just shoot him between the eyes no messing about
>have 3 brothers and a sister
>parents get more worried cause the violence and gun fights got worse and they were worried about stray bullets and shit (think trailer park boys but less stupid)
>when i was 3-4 we moved to a much nicer little village so me and my younger brother could go to school
>cause racism against travelers/gypsies is still fairly common and people dont care about it like they do blacks we had to keep quiet about the fact we were travelers
>none of my closest friends to this day know
>managed to get through highschool unknown because i learned to keep to myself and gauge when i should reveal and of my personal interests
>shit like how i masturbate and other dumb shit cause if you wank weird then other kids suddenly treat you like a freak

>>38553698
cont
>and bully you
>learned this quite quickly and so i never said that much about my own interests and practices and waited for others to say what they did, learned what the average response was and then answered with that when asked
>travelers tend to be very close in their families
>for example my older brother had a drug problem and stole a bunch of our stuff and someones car
>he got a tag for six months and license suspended
>my parents were pissed but they still tried their best to help him and they watched him nearly 24/7 so he didnt do any stupid shit or relapse
>if he wanted to go to town i had to go with him
>other parents would have just kicked him out but my parents literally cried cause they were so heartbroken that their kid had done what he did and they wanted to help him
>turns out a few years later he has a few tests done and hes autistic with an iq of 77
>family realized why he made some of the seemingly stupid decisions he did
got a but sidetracked but anyway
>so all the distance i put between people and myself to hide my secret to avoid bullying made me eventually quieter and quieter by nature
>eventually ended up as the kid with no presence, even to my close friends
> just kind of got worse and now im here

>inb4 travelers dont go school so your dumb
i have an iq of 129 and went through school, college and done a year in uni but hated it cause of how boring it was and all the normies

>>38552430
>Not here to judge or give you the same spiel of advice that everyone else have given you, I just want to hear your story.
Im a fat piece of shit who games all night and who does nothing to change it. Atleast i sometimes help my family

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>>38553097
>ginger
>was a foreigner and arrived at a new high school

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i've pretty much been like this for as long as i remember, that is from around the time i entered highschool
so probably mental illness haha

>>38553238
r u me?

Sadly unoriginal.

>>38554728
you are likely playing ff14 so yeah, might be a mental illness

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A lack of self discipline. I know what it takes to be happy, but everyday I choose porn, junk food and 4chan over productivity and health.

>>38555528
No judgement. Just tell your story

>>38554723
Kek. Thanks for making me laugh.
>tfw not a cute asuka waifu

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>>38552430
My Dad would yell at me and criticise everything I did.

I was a good artist as a kid, won some awards and stuff, he told me to give it up because it was never gonna happen for me.

So I basically gave up doing the one thing I enjoyed and stopped trying to be anything, flunked school, flunked college and here we are. They also lavished all the attention on my sister and paid for her to be tutored and get into a good school. Shock of all shocks she ends up a well rounded and successful human being whilst I'm a fucking loser.

My mom cries abut it a lot. She feels like she failed me.

Being ignored by pretty much all women for most of my life, while my Chad friends got to fuck whoever they wanted.

>>38552430
>be mediocre drawfag with no career prospects
>join military so I have some sort of income
>realize I'll never achieve my goals
>literally doesn't matter how I go up in the ranks because I'll always be someone's bitch
>there's some kid 4 years younger than me and infinitely better right now getting paid to do what I want but I took the easy way out and chose to wear a uniform for money

I don't even know who I am anymore so all I do spend money on strippers and cigarettes so I don't have to think too hard about my life choices

>>38553123
Basically this.

oreganoli

developed gyno in 4th or 5th grade. got asked if i was wearing a bra FFS by... wait for it... two girls. was already pretty fucking spergy and this was really the topper. if i had access to a gun, i would have tried to kill myself. fuck females. none have ever been genuine or loving to me my whole fucking life. just two faced bitches. i lost weight and tried to see a plastic surgeon about getting surgery to remove my moobs but i was deal with by two women, one of which took polaroids of me shirtless and i almost had a complete panic attack and told them nevermind after feeling completely violated in that room. they didn't even warn me about it.

i had trouble being potty trained for both peeing and pooping and my dad shoved my face in my poopy underwear like a dog. when i was a kid, i would pretend to be involved in vore scenarios where i would be consumed and shit out by large creatures.

>>38553097
Where did you come from and where did you move to?

>>38553302
>>been treated as a gifted child my entire life
>>put on a high pedestal
a god damn curse.
a complete disappointment for my whole fucking adult life because of expectations. i can test well, but what the fuck is that going to do for me on a daily basis? nothing. not a fucking thing. i'm still a social retard.

>>38553824
That's a pretty fascinating life anon.

>>38552430
probably just too many stories about heroes and realizing that I will never be one of them.

>>38556599
>My Dad would yell at me and criticise everything I did.
>
>I was a good artist as a kid, won some awards and stuff, he told me to give it up because it was never gonna happen for me.
i despise anything complimentary said about me. i got an A on a paper mache soda bottle pig in 7th grade art and completely destroyed it and was given a retroactive F on it by my art teacher.

>>38556882
>Anon you're going to be the richest person in this family
>Anon doesn't have a single bad trait
>I can't believe he's so smart
etc
Its probably why I can't handle compliments.

>>38556445

Long story short. Beta as fuck during school, drop out and become a NEET for almost 8 years while indulging in cheap pleasures and constantly saying "I'll change tomorrow!"

And here I am.

>>38552430
If you are genetically inadequate,signs of neglect will be shown since your birth and you will eventually notice it once you are self aware(so around 5-6 years old).nothing brought me to this point apart from my shitty genetics and a shitty upbringing.

>>38552430
My memory of mu early life is hazy but I remember being bullied a lot in school and my parents always being disappointed in me, prefering all my pther sblings to me, younger and older. I remember my first suicidal thoughts started in the 5th grade. I also remember whenever I did something good I pushed praise away (like when I got my first patent or eagle scout). Now I dont look at myself. I have not seen my reflection for at least 3 years. I've sat down so long today my legs hurt. I also remember not having any friends since first grade (when I moved across the country). Sorry my writing is bad. But in conclusion I think I hate myself because in my early life I was hated when I was just beeing myself.

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>>38552430
>who/what brought you to this point?
I can't pinpoint that exactly, but I'm at the point where I feel so inadequate despite being exceptional at some things. Maybe it has to do with being a KHV, or maybe repressed memories of being bullied and rejected, I just don't feel good enough for anyone no matter what I do, and I can't seem to get out of the self sabotaging virgin mindset.

I can't even look at porn or hentai without getting all worked up and have to close it merely seconds after I open it. It's a bizarre kind of feel. Sometimes I feel like I'm alive as some kind of joke.

>>38552430
Perhaps it was simply the realization that i could never be of any true value or signifigance to anyone or anything. My sorrow is infinite.

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>raised by single alcoholic BPD bipolar Mom who neglected me in favor of alcohol and meeting guys at bars
>would drop me off at a crisis nursery for days at a time after she got the police called on her for leaving me home alone as a toddler in diapers still
>dad is a legitimate autistic sperg who resented my existence and wanted me to be aborted who I saw maybe 3 times a year
>put in psychiatric program for years where I was quarantined in school with all the most mentally fucked up violent kids
>I became one of them

And now I'm in my late 20s, alone, bitter, angry and an alcoholic myself. I often resent my mom for not aborting me and forcing my hand to instead take my own life. The time draws near.

I know on some level I'm hypersensitive and I don't need to feel that insecure, but even though I'm not a virgin and I've had a relationship, I feel really inadequate because of my lack of romantic and sexual experience.

Almost all my friends have had a normal sex life and have had multiple relationships. Meanwhile I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18 and I haven't had sex in almost a year. I beat myself up over it a lot.

>>38556599
>my mom cries a lot and feels like she failed me

Same here anon, except I can't comfort or even feel sorry for her because I know deep down that truth is she did fail me. The only way I can even forgive her for failing so completely is by accepting that she never had the prerequisites as a mother to succeed in that endeavor to begin with but like all females was a slave to her reproductive instincts.

>father went an hero
>no male guidance
>body dysmorphia
>overbearing mother
should I try xanax

i've never been able to get an erection from visual stimulation. i have to be completely relaxed with reduced anxiety levels for it to happen. i need to have trust in the girl i am with and have non-threatening skin contact with her as foreplay first. i had a chance in college at a model united nations conference dance and she was trying to be physically close on the dance floor, but nothing was happening and i knew she expected something to happen and i freaked out and left the dance.

I'm a total fuckup who has done nothing in his life for the last 6 years, how could I not feel inadequate?

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>>38552430

Aspergers and social anxiety.

Social interaction is like constantly trying to speak a foreign language with about 50% proficiency. Mumble often, struggle to be heard. In unexpected situations I just freeze up. I overthink everything... after it's happened.

>>38557115
I'm like you but with the added "bonus" that I read hentai manga for the cutesy relationship scenes before/after the lewd stuff because I'm so starved of female affections

>>38557419
I actually tried listening to the sounds of a sleeping girl breathing on youtube through my phone to try to go to sleep easier, didn't really help and made me kind of annoyed. I'm sorry anon, shit sucks. Maybe one day we will make it.

>>38557419
>I'm like you but with the added "bonus" that I read hentai manga for the cutesy relationship scenes before/after the lewd stuff because I'm so starved of female affections
i am a total sucker for cutesy shit from females. hook line and sinker.

>>38552430
The internet, isolation and feeling alienated my entire life.

And my penis is only 5 inches and has on the entire shaft, so yeah...

Aspergers and having no father = anti-gf repellent.

>drunk fuckup
>entire friend group resents me
>sucked my closest friends dick, it's way bigger than mine

Wheeeeew

>>38557622
>>sucked my closest friends dick, it's way bigger than mine
did you enjoy it? what was the aftermath?

No experience. I think it's pretty clear that if I've gone this long without sex or a relationship, then it isn't going to work out. It used to really bother me a lot, but getting on medication has actually helped because the SSRI killled my sex drive, so I'm finding it easier to separate out that inadequate part of my life and focus on my work and supporting my friends in their relationships. The saying that everyone can find love isn't true, and that's okay.

>>38552430
>deadbeat dad
>poor so no childhood
>no healthy relationship with senpai
>too spic to be American
>too American to be spic
How do you deal with all this confusion at a young age? You don't. You play
>vidya until brain rots
>hs is a punch in the face cause responsibilities so you can't indulge in the drug that is vidya, depression insues
>depressed but don't know why, haven't been conscious all my life cause vidya
>still not conscious, depression takes over
>graduate somehow
>thank god that it's all over
>have a group of normie "friends" thank the higher powers that be
>get job
>still fucking depressed
>slowly start to realize why
>broken family
>identity crisis
>no personality
>cucked
>beta
>5'6
>realize that this world isn't for people like me
>decide to do something about it
The past year
>/improve/
>on and off relapses back into degeneracy
>slight, ever so slight gains
>confidence fluctuates but at least is existent
>$$$
>still depressed at times


Hopefully I can get through this long grind

All I've heard over my life is "try better" or "your doing it wrong". It really lead to a lack of belief in myself, and that I would get laughed at when I failed, so I started to never try in the first place.

>>38552430
Lots of shit, I would have to write a fucking book. A few keypoints would be
>passed around neighborhood to be molested
>parents tell me its my fault
>get hooked on drugs in my teens through my family
>they use my addiction that they started as a form of mind control to teach and warp my brain with some fucked up shit
>constantly bullied in school because I was the weird kid because of how my home life was
>everyone in school hates me
>literally everyone
>even teachers used to give me a hard time
>never felt like I belonged anywhere
>always felt like life has been telling me to just kill myself
i cant keep going im getting sad

>>38556881
I went from Australia to France.
They wouldn't stop correcting me everytime i made a single fucking mistake, it made me go bonkers.

>>38557745
We've hooked up several times now. I did and do enjoy it. He is much better looking than me though.

I have made advances on him and gotten denied which always shatters my ego since I know I would never deny him if he made the first move. Such is life.

>>38558404
>I have made advances on him and gotten denied which always shatters my ego since I know I would never deny him if he made the first move. Such is life.
just move on and find a new dick to suck, anon. plenty of dicks that need sucking, as grandma always said.

>>38557797
please tell me what you're doing to improve yourself, we're in similar situations except I'm white and canadian

dysphoria
i tried to solve it by acting like a manly man
actually got pretty attractive
but i fixed it by taking the blue pill

>>38558750
well, being physically abused as a kid and isolated didn't help much either
but i am much happier with myself now, and i act like a better person, even if i'm still an ass

Not having a mommy and daddy growing up. Being molested and abused in cruel ways and being bullied in school. One life given andI inherited nothing but pain and misery. Fuck this gay earth.

>>38552645
>tfw 1-6 and the girl who said yes did it out of pity and bailed
Sad days

>>38553097
Gingers are hottest
t. Ginger

>>38559677
The worst part is that if we air out our depression of this matter, women immediately label us as sexists

>>38559856
Nah I blame mine entirely on autism. I got a 4/10 face and 8/10 body, and that'she good enough for most girls. The worst part is I look so much like my brother people think we're twins and he slays