>*knocking* >open door >"Are you Anon? We have

Killdisk takes care of the laptop.
Phone is clean, no worries.

Hand everything over and go about my day.

>press the panic button next to my bed
>Computers are wiped
>Smugly hand over electronics

>>38520860
>>38520946
Don't forget to microwave your router

>The married father-of-two erased his illegal download history with a hard drive-cleaning software called "CyberScrub", but a computer forensic expert found the files by searching his router.

https://www.odt.co.nz/news/dunedin/doctor-jailed-%E2%80%98extreme%E2%80%99-child-porn-worked-dunedin-hospital

Push magnet into pc

>>38520969
He produced it though.

>>38520969
Crafty fuckers.

Captcha: Zapata good

>implying they'd find my burner phone
Hand over everything else

File: 464676876.jpg (30KB, 600x399px) Image search: [Google]

30KB, 600x399px

>>38520860
>>38520946
>>38520969
>>38520974
>wiping everything on your HDD
>not suspicious as fuck

>>38521176
Being suspicious isn't against the law

Oh sure officers, uhh just do me a favor and stay out of pedo-basement, all the lolis are sleeping after their lunch eggs.

File: dawnofthefinalgoy - Copy.jpg (27KB, 210x255px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 210x255px

>>38520812
The jews have finally come for all my anti-semitic memes it seems.
HAVE AT YOU THEN

File: images (30).jpg (17KB, 457x322px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 457x322px

I have one those pic related, and they need a warrant

>>38521214
I'd wipe my hard drives even if I didn't have any suspicious just to make them waste time trying to find something

File: 1500094943718.gif (911KB, 500x281px) Image search: [Google]

911KB, 500x281px

>>38520812
Let them go through all my hentai

>>38520812
I have a cap with "Please be patient, I have autism". Maybe they won't be too strict with me.

>>38521464
>Let them go through all my hentai

umm why?

Hand them my storage devices with full-disk encryption and claim I recently used CCleaner to overwrite them with random data 35 times thus making it impossible for them to tell if the disks are encrypted or it it's just random data and therefore I'll be set free and have my storage devices returned to me

File: 1500428331330.jpg (16KB, 490x640px) Image search: [Google]

16KB, 490x640px

>>38521457
>just to make them waste time trying to find something
Reminder that if they don't find anything incriminating and get frustrated while trying to...they'll plant shit.

>>38521484
Because it's stored on my electronic devices, duh.

>>38520812
let it happen and then kill myself

>>38521553
>and then kill myself
y tho

>>38521563
Because he probably has some scummy shit on there, probably bunch of loli shit. Wouldn't you rather kill yourself than be a registered sex offender and serve jailtime for who knows how many years?

i think going to prison for downloading shit is ridiculous.

but buying and selling, aka, online trafficking, that's different.

>>38520812
before I do this I booby trap my computer so it plays the most autistic things I can find OR interleaves all media files with those autistic things

File: 6464645.jpg (64KB, 854x800px) Image search: [Google]

64KB, 854x800px

>>38521594
>he doesnt download the newest movie of the avengers on piratebay and sells it on his own blog to gulligble 40yr old daddies complete with ransomware included

>>38521651
>sells it on his own blog to gulligble 40yr old daddies complete with ransomware included
wat

>>38521594
it's crazy how someone's life can get fucked in 1 click

>>38521584
death before dishonor, ill never let the government humiliate me

>>38521176
It is perfectly legal to be suspicious.

>>38521584
I'd rather not download chocolate pudding and live a comfy life, desu.

File: pep.png (292KB, 748x1194px) Image search: [Google]

292KB, 748x1194px

>"Alright boys I think he's clean... just a bunch of teens in bras...hang on...what's this..."
>*CLICK*
>"Oh my god fellas...take a look at this"
>"My god. You're going away for a long time buddy"

>>38521430
How does that achieve anything, wouldn't it just fuck the motherboard before doing anything to the hard drive?

>>38520812

>no thanks, I'm good

rogih

>>38520812
Like they even need to check your computer anymore, they just monitor your connection and throw you in gulag.

File: 1500500024498.png (34KB, 300x250px) Image search: [Google]

34KB, 300x250px

But what I'd they can't prove it's 15 or 18

Also, I doubt they'd have a warrant, if they did I'd hopefully be able to remove a hard drive and hide it, then open the door.

Id they didn't have a warrant I'd take the hard drives of choosing and dig them in the woods, even take a walk every day til they come to fuck up the scent of where I did it just in case.

Honestly though I don't have any legit cp so yeah, I would still take necessary precautions since I'd rather just not deal with a court case.

>someone finds my hdd's in the woods
>files that identify me as the owner on them
>police get them
>they have a much better case now because I show awareness of my own guilt
Lul.

File: stock-photo-illustration-of-a-cartoon-angry-policeman-cop-or-security-guard-shouting-at-the-viewer-101900137.jpg (503KB, 1500x1363px) Image search: [Google]

503KB, 1500x1363px

>>38521999
>"Sir, turn around and put your hands 360 degrees behind your back, NOW!!!!!!!"

Step on the plate before the door that activates the microwave where i keep my hard drives,then proceed to laugh histerically at them.

The arrangement of all my non porn files and photos is so schizophrenic and weird that I'd find that more embarrassing than if I had anything illegal

I'm the only person who understands how this insane system works

I have tens of thousands of random images in random root folders scattered all over the place that I use to post on 4chan and if I think of an image I want I know exactly where it is

File: 1494300041111.png (1MB, 900x788px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 900x788px

>>38521176
>Use CCleaner to remove download history and internet files
>Don't have anything downloaded onto your disk
>Use a disk utility to zero out all areas of the disk without a file written to it

>>38521176
>sir why are all of your devices completely wiped? theres not even an os on any of these, even your microwave has been wiped

>>38521967
yes, he would kill his motherboard and possibly cpu gpu and maube hard drives but even if the hard drives died they could still switch the platters to a different casing and read the data, hed need to do 8 passes to get it clean

>>38522374
"I like to keep things clean, y'know? haha"

File: IMG_5708.png (38KB, 600x621px) Image search: [Google]

38KB, 600x621px

>not using bleachbit
Congressional subpoena? I don't even know what that is.

>>38522648
>He clicked on it
Anon, it's a fucking spoilered image on /r9k/.
With implied pedo text next to it.

>>38522648
>>38522717
I saw your "origami" after posting it myself three minutes later...makes me think.

>>38520812
Is this going to be a regular thread now? Fuggin dumb if you ask me.
I'd be anxious about anyone going through my stuff. I bet they'd judge my taste in media, books, hentai, all that stuff as well as my own writing projects that I work on every day. Knowing my luck they'd return my devices same as they found them but with an added work document explaining why my book is shit and why I should give up writing forever.

>>38520812
Hand over my electronic devices
Kill myself in the bathroom

>>38523385
>Kill myself in the bathroom
y tho

>>38523428
Because I promised mom, dad and my doc I would never touch another children. I mean, I haven't but shit would be too much for them.

You guys act like they don't just put shit on your computer if they can't find anything.

>>38523465
>another
what the fuck did you do
>I haven't
what

>>38523484
I mean I haven't touched a kid again. And she got some money out of it, everyone wins

say "why are we talking in english mr officer" and then kill myself because if they were searching for illegal software i'm beyond fucked

>>38523514
>again
what the fuck happened the first time and how old?

>>38520812
Oh officer, what a pleasant surprise, yes. I will bring something for us to drink and some snacks, Coffee I suppose? Well, you may search my devices, I have nothing to hide.

>>38523647
Also, do you have a warrant for the search of my house, because if you do not then you cannot search my house, really. You must be tired, enjoy some food and drink!

>>38523613
I paid a 11 years old more or less thirty bucks for half an hour of kissing

>>38520812
Do you really have to open the door? Do they come in with force if you repeatedly pretend that you are not home? What if you are away for a longer period of time, do they go in without your permission sniffing around when you are not around? Just curious. I have nothing illegal, just massive file collection of ER and I do not like people sniffing around in my home when I am not around.

>>38523784
Dumbass, they have a search warrant. They can go in whenever and however they want.

>>38523712
I heard one of cousin's friend talking about how the boys at her class would pay her for kisses while I was babysitting them. When she went to the toilet I accosted her and said I wanted to buy her services. She said no so I told I was going to tell on her. She then agreed but after we were done she told on me. Shit went down after that

>>38523807
It does not make anyone dumb, if they do not KNOW how something works. LACK OF KNOWLEDGE IS DIFFERENT FROM LACK OF INTELLIGENCE, YOU FUCKING MORON. Stick that into your thick fucking skull, or I will blow it off. (Haha, I guess they just started to write the warrant.)

I FUCKING HATE IDIOTS WHO MIX LACK OF KNOWLEDGE WITH LACK OF INTELLIGENCE. You are going to be gassed.

Besides I do not live in U-FUCKING-S so I do not know because of that either. Around here cops just do not do what ever they wish.

(I know this comment is extremely rude, but I do not wish to edit it this time for some reason.)

>>38523863
/pol/ here, this is why the decline of religious morality in western civilization is a bad thing. Do you understand now? Do you not see what (((secular morality))) gives birth to?

>>38523937
Do you mean my behavior or hers? Because I'm painfully aware of how wrong mine was, I just don't care. I should probably rape her.

>>38523937
Do you really think shit like this never, ever happened in your idealized 1940s fantasy world, /pol/ack?

>>38523937
>/pol/
>moral
hahaha holy shit

File: 1500507264533.jpg (28KB, 189x658px) Image search: [Google]

28KB, 189x658px

>>38523937
>/pol/ here
watch out guys

>>38523937
>/pol/ criticizes a pedo
>robots leap to the defense of the pedo and swarm the polluck
About what I expected desu

>>38523929
Well here it is for my country. But, obviously none of you understands a word as you are all such retards. :D

https://fi.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kotietsint%C3%A4

File: 1500205741200.jpg (92KB, 1024x635px) Image search: [Google]

92KB, 1024x635px

>>38524260
Why would we swarm someone who admits that what he did was wrong and not a self-righteous /pol/dditor who comes out of the woodwork? You're free to leave, tourist.

>>38524260
Opening your speech with /certainboard/ here will get you flak no matter what's your message. /pol/ just happens to be one of the most hated boards

File: knightly.png (496KB, 579x533px) Image search: [Google]

496KB, 579x533px

>>38520812
they'd find some weird /aco/ shit but nothing illegal

>>38523937
/pOl/ HeRe HuRr DuRr

File: abstract merchant.jpg (2KB, 208x243px) Image search: [Google]

2KB, 208x243px

>>38521408
would they really arrest you for having hate speech on your computer?

File: blackpill.jpg (124KB, 500x629px) Image search: [Google]

124KB, 500x629px

>>38525237

I purged my computer of porn, so I'm not worried about that. But my (((Memes))), you know? I mean ffs they're trying to make boycotting Israeli goods illegal after all.

>>38525237
Yes, it's a crime.

File: 1498351555190.jpg (67KB, 750x750px) Image search: [Google]

67KB, 750x750px

>>38525570

Wrongthink lands you in Jail.

>rants about wanting all whites dead
>yay progresssive tolerant

>has some "hate speech" memes or whatever
>jail for the bad goy

Fucking (((Satanic Merchants))).

>>38520812

I'll kill myself before yelling something mysterious and cryptic.

>>38521501

Well why blame them? precious Negroes in prison need a fresh white "wife"

>>38520812
>casually throw external harddisk out of the window
>open the door
>Handing over Laptop while acting as if i'm concerned
I'm safe

bump

fhqoiwf

File: lmao.png (27KB, 1259x131px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 1259x131px

>>38527802
original phew

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJBwbtGRTQ0
Panic shred it all

>>38524134
Pol's not r/thedonald or kekistan fags

File: 1497214195649.jpg (653KB, 1536x2048px) Image search: [Google]

653KB, 1536x2048px

>>38527865
>/pol/ is not /pol/
made me think

File: pepe97.jpg (49KB, 550x535px) Image search: [Google]

49KB, 550x535px

>>38527835
>they can steal your memes and take credit for them

File: 1500335996390.png (551KB, 960x960px) Image search: [Google]

551KB, 960x960px

>>38520812
It's far too late. The Golf Rumors have already been purged from my computer. You'll find nothing here, officers.

>>38528077
you are originalIy wrong >>38520969

File: 1500286719801.jpg (47KB, 640x360px) Image search: [Google]

47KB, 640x360px

>>38527949
ik apples are oranges man

File: 00113upset.gif (410KB, 720x405px) Image search: [Google]

410KB, 720x405px

>How wouId you react
Kill myself

>and why?
I don't know

>>38520812
I'd stick a giant magnet to my laptop. They don't need to know about all the special candy I like to order.

Hand them my encrypted hard disk and tell them good luck with it

>>38529115
You can do it now, so no problem other day!
Oh, but I know, you are just edgy kids that only speaks about suicide.

WHAT IS THE CHARGE

ENJOYING SOME SUCCULENT JAILBAIT?

GET YOU HAND OFF MY PENIS PLEASURES!

AHH

I SEE YOU KNOW YOUR DECRYPTION WELL

File: 1499648554979.png (819KB, 1596x896px) Image search: [Google]

819KB, 1596x896px

>they don't have a giant degaussing coil encircling their domicile

LOL this fucking board

File: laughing man.png (92KB, 333x334px) Image search: [Google]

92KB, 333x334px

"kisama... the minute you stepped into my domicile, you have entered the Nightmare Dimension. There is no escape."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xL6XstLRo4I

Explain to them my love for Ciara transcends their mundane laws and that true love knows no boundaries