I went to see him. We are on good terms, but he's once again

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I went to see him. We are on good terms, but he's once again not OK.
He's fucking other guys now, no girls. When we went to the gas station, his gay black friend came outside to smoke. He made it clear to gay black friend that we weren't fucking.
It stung but it was true. Those days were over.
We here hanging out, listening to music in his room, when all of a sudden he got this evil grin and started beating me with belts. He said, "You've been bad, you were gone so long"
He liked seeing me beg him to leave me alone.
Then he simply stopped and we smoked cigs in his garage. We talked about the past, he said I was probably one of the best gay fucks he did, but as he got up, I kissed his cheek. I missed him, but that kiss wasn't for me, it was for him.

The feelings I have are complicated. On one hand, I want him back and I wish I could make him happy, but not this version.
On the other, I'm glad I dodged the bullet. He's got problems, I can't help him.
I love him, but its a watered down love.

I don't know what to think anymore. It's a void.