Do you sometimes go "maybe I should just go"? I mean

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All the time. The only thing stopping me is that I'm a massive faggot afraid of pain. I wish I could just swallow a pill and be done with it.

All the time but then I just go back to being apatheic. Hopefully I don't have to take action and my heart gives out soon.

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>>38512541
>return to the void
How can you return to somewhere you've never been? You were never non-existent anon, because you have only ever existed.

To be less pedantic though, yeah of course. Any mature person who's been through a little bit of struggle has thought about ending it, if only because it's a hell of a lot less work than going through it. Conscious mortality is a bit of a raw deal, but if you've kept it going this long it's because there's been something to keep you going. Even if you don't know what that "thing" is. Maybe it's a loved one, maybe it's an animal instinct, idk. But if you made it through yesterday, you can make it through today. And if you can make it through today, you can make it through tomorrow.

We're all gonna make it, anon.

Hold on. Just hold on to whatever is left. There are too many years ahead of you to know if something better won't come along. And if it never does, you tried. You didn't give in when thing were bleak. But I know it won't last.

>>38513192

I think of my father and I stop. They told me about this incident years later, after he died.

He had terminal cancer and one day he was in the hospital and he went outside to the balcony and was ready to jump. But he didn't do it. When they asked him why he said "I don't want my son to think I'm weak". He struggled till the fucking end.