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I'm not enjoying life,
>before I was born, my parents were a drug addicts, they stopped doing drugs, at least from what I know.
>2yo, my first sister was born, to a different father
>4yo, my parents split up
>8yo, my father died
>my mother started doing drugs again and was pretty addicted
>before she told me about her addiction, which she tried to hide from family, i had lived with my sister's father and my mom in some shitty depressing "appartament", where there was no hot water (had to use kettle), didn't have bed and shit like that
>long story short, family had found out, she went to "rehabilitation center" or whatever it's called, she was there once before I was born, that's where she met my father
>i was living with grandparents for a few years
>about 11yo, she had met yet another guy in that center and ended therapy
>12yo, she's pregnant
>13yo grandparents take a credit to buy a house for them and us, but legally it's our house (or will be when they die, idk)
>14yo got into my first chan, which kinda destroyed my psyche, there was cp, violence, nudity, degeneracy and stuff like that there, and I was absorbing it, lost my morality, quitted it 2 years later
>15yo, inherited like 6k$ (i'm not from US or Western Europe, it's like 10 times average salary here) from my father's small property, it was split between me and my stepbrother, he needed to be 18+ to make it etc.
>bought a computer for 1.2k~~
>it was my first own computer, i could sit there all day and nobody said shit, which is sad, but i had nothing else to do, i was just consciously playing in kinda self-harmful way, on summer holiday i dreamt about playing yourself to death basically.
>16 yo, high school, met some new people, that i obviously only talked to in school or online
>tried to make a good impression, but after a 2 months or smth i've naturally fallen down to my insignificant position in the group
>mom split up again
>19yo, mom started smoking marijuana and drinking alcohol again
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>>38508161
I would kill myself, but then my sister will become unhappy, cus my mom would get depression, start taking drugs and destroy my sister's life. I want to at least somehow contribute to someone else's life. If I had different mother I'd be living happy life,I've never been beta faggot with no friends, that sad, unhappy and insecure, before my father died. Like why are those subhumans having sex, idk, are they fucking sadists? Or are they too egoistic? Or stupid? Literally nothing can fix my life, the only solution is suicide and yet I have to wait until my sister is independent, because i love her
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>>38508189
Is moving away and taking your sister with you an option? Please don't kill yourself, you're all she has.
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>>38508161
Sorry anon. Sounds like you had a rough life.
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>>38508272
I'm not planning to kill myself in the nearest future.
My sister has a happy life, doesn't know about all that, and we're not poor anymore, more like middle-class. My mother tries to give her attention, but she is emotional as fuck, and sometimes shouts at my sister for petty reasons. She's not sadist, she never hit us as a kids, and I doubt she screams out of pleasure, but more like she can't control her emotions and is fucking sick.
Her dad on the other hand is quite positive guy and never does anything abussive to her, he's normal father, but she sees him less time, so yeah, she is happy for now, but if i killed myself, she'd be crying as fuck and be shocked, cus she likes me, and I tend not to show my sadness, I'm trying to act not depressed when I'm with her.
also, thanks for asking, appreciate that, really, telling about my life, even here as Anonymous, kinda helps. I'll maybe go to psychologist/psychiatrist, i'll see.
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