>*knocking* >open door >"Are you Anon? We have

paranobump

>>38496386
they did that already, they stole my PC and laptop and still haven't given it back, it was over a year ago

>>38496653
>they did that already
Why and how did you react?
>they stole my PC and laptop and still haven't given it back, it was over a year ago
When did you buy a new one?

>>38496677
I have a 6 months jail sentence for possesion and dissemination of CP, I live in hiding

>>38496386
Oh no all my pirated patreon Furry porn will send me to jail

>>38496386
>Keep a power drill next to computers.
>Police knock on door
>Oops my power drill drilled through all my hard drives officer! :(

>>38496724
I'm calling bullshit. Something like that doesn't happen that quick. Also, assuming you haven't been banned from using computers, your online activities are monitored consistently.

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>Anon? He lives next door

>>38496770
what do you mean quick, it's been a year ago, anyway I don't live in USA, police here is not that paranoid

>>38496724
What was it exactly? 2D? 3D? Non-nude? Nude? Hardcore? How much and where did you share it to get caught?

How did you react when you got v& btw?

>>38496821
giggled originaIly

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>not just swallowing the microSD with your nipple-less men pictures

paranobumpo

>>38497425
this paranodesu

Force shutdown my computer, then start it back up again, which should be enough to wipe my ramdisk. Then physically eat my SD card.

>>38496386
Flip the discreet switch under my desk that activates the super magnets attached to my "no-no" hard drives, redownload everything later from the cloud via P2P.

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Shutoff PC so HDD becomes encrypted, if not enough time then pic related

WHAT IS THE CHARGE

ENJOYING SOME SUCCULENT JAILBAIT

GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY PENIS PLEASURES

AHH

I SEE YOU KNOW YOUR DECRYPTION WELL

"Sure, here is all of my devices officer"
>this actually happened to me
>they found nothing
>apologised
>claimed my computer and iPhone was returned damaged
>reimbursed full cost of both
>buy new gaming rig
I wanted an upgrade too

Give them my HDD:s so they don't break my fucking PC. If that's not ok, then I'll fight them to the death!

Not worried, don't have anything illegal on my PCs. I am pretty cautious when it comes to legal stuff, a bit paranoid actually.

>>38498404
>this actually happened to me
Why?
>claimed my computer and iPhone was returned damaged
They didn't have to verify?

>>38498357
That made me laugh out loud, probably the first time I've laughed in months.

I feel kind of thankful and also sad.

Ehhh it's a long story but basically underage in a club and I got slapped. No official charges but on the list now (which is bullshit). I don't have anything illegal in my computer anyway, I have far too a public presence to even bother with stuff that's illegal, especially when there's plenty of legal stuff worth perusing

Nah, they gave me my stuff back and I said my CPU and mobo had been damaged rendering my whole rig dead, and that my iPhone was corrupted and locked and all the info I need to fix it is now on my dead pc. The front line cops no little about tech so I got the standard "reimbursement of goods" payout

>>38496830

Are you that Polish guy?

>>38498357
9/10 gave me a good chuckle

Detonate the 700 pound tannerite charge underneath my trailer

>>38498545
>underage in a club and I got slapped
>No official charges but on the list now
what

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Reminder that if they find nothing incriminating and get irritated while searching...they may plant shit.

Cut the power and wish them good luck with my bitlocker.

>>38499516
>bitlocker
Haha, might as well hand them the key yourself because Microsoft will defiantly fuck you in the ass

>>38499457
proofs? maybe in the US, but I doubt civilized countries do that shit

>>38498608
pics or larp

>>38500382
>I doubt civilized countries do that shit
"civilized countries" will put you in jail for clothed pictures of yourself as a child and claim you used them for sexual gratification,

>>38500486
are you speaking from personal experience? i want story.

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>>38496386
Mild irritation, because they'll see that the house looks like a shitpile.

All they'll find out is that I'm overly interested in asses and assholes.

Pic related
It's not a crime to

>>38500655
dat labiaplasty

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Sure. You won't find anything illegal, but you'll be mighty disgusted with my preferences in porn

>>38496386
a pleasant chuckle as I tell them they will need to get a few vans or a large truck

I feel sorry for them because they'll have to sift through over 300gb of furry porn

>>38500938
I have over 20gb worth of pictures of buttholes. I hope they enjoy

>>38500938
This is such a common search the PDs probably buy software to search for specific material.

>>38496386

I always use private browsing when doing anything involving porn, so my Internet history is safe. None of that weird stuff is exposed.

I never download any pornographic material, so they won't find it on my hard drive.

Anything I do on the deep web is untraceable I think. Even if they can trace it, I never do anything illegal anyway.

I suppose they have ways of seeing your Internet history even when it's deleted. Because they are the police and they have magic powers and stuff. But I don't look up anything THAT bad, so I probably wouldn't be arrested for anything they find.

Yes. I just said the police have magic powers. Fight me.

>>38496386
>Cat planet

What are cops into anyway...

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>Try to bluff
>When it doesn't work let them do what they have to do
>Read a book while they go through my computer and laptop, make 'em a cup of tea if I'm feeling generous
>They find nothing and leave
>Open up a hollowed out book with my external master back up
>Fap like crazy to degenerate loli tentacle porn

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Literally all of my files are artwork, comfy photos, wallpapers, MP3s and image macros. I don't really have any incriminating in my history due to incognito.
I've never saved lewd but I do have my torrented vidya, but I doubt I'd get thrown in the pokey for that to bee honest

I am a computer brainlet
If I have have a video and images on external data storage and play it on my computer, could someone with sufficient software still replay the video or at least use the "recent history" as evidence despite not having access to the external data?
I've run CCcleaner several wipes and have had view history on media player and image viewers STILL show up. I'm so technologically illiterate I stay away from darknet on principle.

>>38496386
Oh you guys wanted some?

All you had to do was ask!

>Proceeds to share lewd drawings of sexy girls with them
>Lets them download drawings of Cats and dogs from computer

"Thanks anon, we're so grateful we'll be your personal bodyguards but we can't let you know this so we'll be disguised"

>One of them takes credit for the artwork claiming they drew it

Oh well...it's ok I guess I can keep producing drawings for myself

>>38496724
>tfw adult so I can legally view photos of other adults who are naked

I have nothing to be ashamed of right officers?

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my porn is in a hidden folder under a deceiving name
they wont be able to find shit

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>>38501191
>using CCleaner

>>38501180
>I've never saved lewd
Any particular reason why? You don't even have normal pics of pretty women?

>>38501492
Man, that reminds me of when I was 19, I was dating a 17-year old chick(legal where I was). I freaked out and almost broke up with her because she sent me a picture of her tits.

Looking back, I don't really know why it was legal to fuck her in the ass the night before, but not legal to have a picture of her tits.

>>38501391
>why
I don't even like porn enough to keep it laying around on my devices.

>normal pics
Only if it's /fa/shion-related.

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>>38496386
This
Problem solved

>>38501774
>not checking for Kapkan traps
Rookie mistake.

I'm actually a little scared guys. Let's just say I found something that may or may not come back to bite me.

How likely are the Feds to take my family hostage or torture them if i run away if I know they (the Feds) are coming?

>>38502191
>I found something
What?

>>38502229
he watched a youtube video about how da juze did 7-11 and now he's a fugitive

>>38502191
If you're talking about USA Feds, they're actually pretty good about not fucking with your family.

If you're talking about 'I have information that will lead to the arrest of Hillary Clinton', nigga you already dead.

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>>38498357
I could read that perfectly in his voice. Made my day.

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Heh good luck finding my 20 digit passwort or brecking my AES 256 encryption *tip Fedora and teleport away*

>>38502660
>>38502229
Basically, one of the fed reserve banks is linked to you Ssn card. Couple the routing # of the bank with your Ssn and I've managed to pay a few bills. They've been approved so I don't know what to think

>>38503133
lol I've always liked this scam/bad idea/misinformation

>>38503452
But it actually seems to have worked

>>38504221
>seems
yes, seems.
enjoy your fees.

>>38496386
I would ask to see proof of the warrants. If they presented them I would hand everything over. If they couldn't I would ask them politely to leave.

>>38500655
not sure...
ortogonal

>>38501774
Make an incendiary bomb that uses thermite as a combustible material?
I mean at that point literally run. Just run. And keep running. Hope your near one of the borders that you can sneak over. Then run some more. Keep running until it's either too warm or too cold.
It's better then setting off of a bomb and either injuring yourself or law enforcement. You fuck with them and your ass is going to be so sore by the time their done, you'd wish you'd pick the running plan instead.

I dont have any sort of porn there, I do have a sdcard full of camwhores and jailbait but I could eat it easily, the problem would be if they lurk my brother porn folders, they are full of traps, incest and cp (invisible folder) stupid faggot would probably say is mine, thank god im leaving this place soon

>>38505004
Force your brother to delete it.

>thank god im leaving this place soon
You want your own brother to go to jail?

I am panicking because they'll find my gay crossdressing nudes and all the gay pics I have on my computer

>>38496386
Ask what the warrant is for
I would be in some shit because i pirate games

>>38505398
Is that illegal where you live? If not you'll be fine.

I don't have or search anything illegal, they'll just end up looking through 3tb of adult pron just to find nothing.

But if you are someone who has pizza that makes Bill Clinton jealous, just keep one of those big scientific magnets around.

Saw a video on YouTube to see if the magnet thing actually completely destroys hard drives, and it dose. In a matter of seconds too. It pulls the data off the disk and makes the disk unreadable.

>>38505767
>pulls the data off the disk
but then it will all be stuck to the surface of the magnet thing and can still be recovered unless you destroy the magnet thing too

>>38505813
Not really, it's not a clean pull, it's all jumbled up. Besides how would one retrieve data off a magnet that's not a hard drive?

>>38506344
just reverse the polarity so it will deposit the data onto blank platters after you pull the data off
>jumbled up
enough of it can be sorted out for evidence, there's a whole field of data forensics. it's like defragging but different.

>>38506386
that sound like a lot of bullshit mate.

what if one magnet is used to erase multiple disc, hypothetically following your idea, the data will be rearranged totally differently and not even distinguible when deposited onto blank platters

>>38506533
the data gets built up in layers on the magnet, kinda like tree rings or paint layers
because the layers were formed at different times, they'll be distinguishable for separation and then redepositing

Reminder that if you think
>I just put all my fucked up stuff in an sd card
Will keep you safe
You're still beyond fucked the moment they check your internet history
Or use forensics on your pc to find that you accessed files like that
God help you if they find you've accessed the deep web, have a vpn, anything

>>38506598
what if you use electromagnet? Wipe drive, then turn off magnet. Bam, no longer magnet

>>38506687
>thinking we have our computers to record our internet history or accessed files at all
>thinking accessing the dark web is an inherently malicious task

>>38496386
Call my lawyer before they confiscate my electronic device of a phone.

I have nothing important, but I mostly pirated them, like anime, flac archive, movies, few vidya and cosplay av. None of them if free and has copyright.

They can jail me for pirating if they find out I'm a regular person but only downloading copyrighted things?

>>38506870
IIRC, If you download stuff, it's only a civil offense, so said copyright owner would need to come after you. But if you upload, it can be a criminal offense. But I haven't heard of that happening unless you also charge for people to download from you.

>>38507003
I'm not using torrent since it's not so secure and you actually uploading and more worse sharing with other users.
Pixiv users are fine, and other companies (vidya, av etc companies) just simple ignore me. Because I'm not the source. Thanks.

>>38496386
"Sure, you guys can't stick me in prison for typing words on an anime board since I never broke any international law. So, feel free to search whatever you guys want."

I'd be really confused about why the Mexican police are conducting a raid on my electronics in my friend's apartment while speaking English.