>Be me, naturally depressed, lifeless, and melancholy countenance

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>Be me, naturally depressed, lifeless, and melancholy countenance despite feeling ok most of the time
>Feel a need to be withdrawn and by myself all of the time, kind of dismissive towards fmily as a result
>love my family and would like for them to be happy
>Literally all they want in life is for me to be happy
>Live with parents, just got a 60k paying job
>There is literally nothing they can do for me now, I can buy whatever I want, they don't make much money so I DON'T want them to spend a cent on me, and I monitor my diet closely so I don't want food
>Room gets dirty, filled with piss bottles, and other embarrasing things. Plan on cleaning it
>Come back from work, my room is spotless
>Angrily shout "what the fuck??! Come on!" when I see it mostly out of embarrasment of what they would have seen while cleaning it
>My mom comes up the stairs and apologizes profusely for cleaning my room and invading my privacy
>she says my dad yelled at her not to do it because he knew it'd make me mad but she did it anyway because she had nothing to do while we were away

God it makes me so sick to my stomach to see them groveling and shit like this...I really wish they didn't love me and put me on a pedestal. All I can feel towards them is pity. I can't express love or happiness, it's impossible and uncomfortable for me and that's all they fucking want