schizo/psychotic thread >tfw someone tries to disprove

>>38456196
I have paranoid schizophrenia
It sucks

You have been muted for 2 seconds, because your comment was not original.

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>extensive history of mental illness on mothers side
>uncle is diagnosed schizophrenic
>used to be completely convinced everyone could read my mind as a child and had to control my thoughts accordingly
>often feel like I'm being specifically targeted in some kind of inside joke I don't know about when people fuck with me even though I try to convince myself it sounds ridiculous
>unintentionally draw uncanny connections in unrelated everyday things that freak me out and usually gives me a sense of derealization
>have a perpetual unshakable feeling of being closely watched if I don't tape over any phone/laptop/computer cameras and cover windows completely
>sometimes see small moving things that resemble bugs or small animals in my peripheral vision that are never actually there when I try to look directly at them
>hear calm voices saying things that seem completely random but always technically make sense and have a proper sentence structure but only when I'm laying down at night, even if I'm not close to falling asleep yet
Does it sound like I'm dealing with some kind of prodromal schizophrenia or could my symptoms be explained by something more simple? I want to see a psychiatrist but I have no idea what I'd be getting into

>thread is going to die with less than 4 posts while trap/femanon threads remain at the top
just fuck my shit

>>38456196
Sociopath here, do I count?

>>38456776
No, you do not count at all

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>when they stop beaming messages to your brain

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>>38456196
>the feeling of constantly being watched

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>>38456467
>>used to be completely convinced everyone could read my mind as a child and had to control my thoughts accordingly
This is me, except that instead of thinking people can read my mind I think that every though that I think I am actually thinking out loud and I'm to insane to notice but everyone else does and only ignores my ramblings out of politeness.

>>38456467
Are you me? Oreganoorigami

>>38456974
>>38456978
Have you ever tried getting help for it or gotten a diagnosis? I really feel like I should try but I don't want to get hospitalized or put on some meds that are going to fuck me up if they do think it's schizophrenia

>>38457076
No I haven't been diagnosed. Also
>often feel like I'm being specifically targeted in some kind of inside joke I don't know about when people fuck with me even though I try to convince myself it sounds ridiculous
>unintentionally draw uncanny connections in unrelated everyday things that freak me out and usually gives me a sense of derealization
>hear calm voices saying things that seem completely random but always technically make sense and have a proper sentence structure but only when I'm laying down at night, even if I'm not close to falling asleep yet
All of these are things I experience as well. I don't think I am Schizophrenic but I know I'm not entirely sane as a psychologist once speculated that I may develop Antisocial personality disorder. I've also been diagnosed with Aspergers and ADHD and lately I've been thinking those two diagnosis may just be symptoms of something else. I don't know, fuck this I sould like some self diagnosing special snowflake from Tumblr.

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>>38456196
> tfw not schizo
> tfw no bennies
It sounds retarded but I really just can't work around people man. I really want schizophrenia

>>38456196
>other entity in my head would forcefully make me picture disturbing imagery in middle school
>escalated in high school to talking to me and depreciating me
>2 years since I've graduated and he only comes out when I'm in extreme pain
>very paranoid and see shadow men running away/at me and bugs crawling on me sometimes
>extremely masochistic, I believe I'm subconciously ruining my life so that I'll finally kill myself

Too tired to remember anything but does this sound bad?

>>38456467
Holy shit, you are me (except for the voices)
Probably just autism + general paranoia

>>38456467
Oh shit, this too, but I still think people can read my mind at times.

I suffer largely from catatonic episodes. I use to have more issues with auditory hallucinations, but with therapy they've largely been reduced to constant white noise. I don't know another way to explain it then white noise. Surprisingly I love people, but I don't socialize. Poverty of speech really affects my ability to speak vocally. It's also hard to realize when I should be responding. Most people just think I'm really rude and anti-social as a result. I really wish I could speak like I can type.

>>38457353
Catatonia must suck. I hope you improve muchly!

>>38457263
>extremely masochistic, I believe I'm subconciously ruining my life so that I'll finally kill myself
I dont know if im masochistic or not but i have this as well.
There is only one voice in my head and rather than soft whispers he comes out at the perfect time so he can ruin any current situation/delicate or not to scream and tske over.
Its like a wrsth that i cant control

>>38456974
I always think I'm thinking outloud too. I know I do sometimes but I can't tell if the coworkers who talk shit are actually saying anything or if its just voices.

>>38456467
what the fuck i have all those and im also getting worried that im developing it

I am the massiah. I should go to jerusalem.
But then they could use me and crucify me and resurrect me so I could become the antichrist and force a new world order.
I just wish I stop believing it.

anyone get called paranoid all the time or even get diagnosed with a paranoid disorder?
I don't think I am, even though both apply to me. I think it's justified because I've been bullied most of my life and it's just a reaction to that, like obviously I am going to think everyone's talking about me or laughing at me or going to hurt me if I grew up knowing that was happening to me. So getting diagnosed with a disorder is just like it's my fault for feeling something rational.

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>>38456196
>schizophrenic
>often have to take pictures to make sure what im looking at its real
>>38456467
I'd recommend you a neurologist first. Psychiatrist would come handy as well.

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>>38456196
>used to hear voices as a kid
>when I was really stressed when I was 18 I spend a month believing aliens were among us and kept seeing personal messages to me in adverts and posters, went as far as cutting my knees to write letters to the other side in blood
>when I first started drinking I would hallucinate
>can't handle drugs well, panic attacks from coke and alcohol even, sometimes anxious from weed

Is this a sign? There's lots of mental illness in my extended family. Also I was born prematurely in January, and my mother bled a lot during her pregnancy with me, all risk factors for schizophrenia apparently

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>>38456196

Once I got really drunk and was convinced that Uncle Junior from the sopranos was out to whack me. I have had some wierd phases where I feel like I can think about it so much that I assume it's character; However, I am also highly aware of it's tendency and this awareness acts as a bullwark against it.

>>38456467
if you get enough sleep at night more than 8 hours it will help. make sure you go to sleep before midnight, sleeping nirmal hous and getting sunlight helps alot

myself i believe im a messiah, and being contacted from outside to save humanity and save myself from the imminent doom of our universe

>>38457428
It's very disturbing, that's all I can say about it.

>>38457910
Hi bro
Don't do it it's a trap

>>38457747
how do you know you're not also hallucinating what's in the pictures

>>38457753
As someone who is prone to self mutilation due to psychosis, I'd advice you seek some support. It's not too awfully uncommon for people to react strangely to mind altering substances, but trusting in aliens enough to mutilate yourself is a disordered thought. I'd perhaps seek treatment if you find yourself having another spell. On one hand, symptoms of illness aren't always illness if they occur under extreme stress, but it is concerning.

If I fake my death and live the other side of the country in a car life will be better, I don't talk to anyone anymore so I won't miss my old life

>>38457942
It's because hallucinations don't tend to work that way. If you hallucinate something, it's highly unlikely it will show up in a picture. I guess the brain doesn't get that complex about things. You can hallucinate something within a picture, but it's still a good way to check if a hallucination in real life is real.

>>38457989
I've been thinking about doing this but I don't have a car

I've never met a schizophrenic who was self-aware. The whole point is that you think you're not delusional, that someone is really trying to kill you or whatever.

>>38457998
Its like fatal frame?
>>38458021
Not all of us are deprivated from clarity moments.

>>38457669
Maybe you should go then? Get over there, start messiah-ing the place up and find out it's not true.

Then you can say "Whelp, I tried", be satisfied that you were wrong, go back home and get on with other things.

>>38457972
Yeah it is fucked up. That was before I started to drink or do drugs though, and it hasn't popped up since.

If it does then yeah I guess I'd have to seek help.

>>38458021
Rectifying: some of us take the meds
>>38458092
No I can't, I don't want to go to jerusalem, i can control my fate

>>38458021
That's not how it works. Schizophrenia is not solely, "Oh my god, someone is trying to kill me." That can certainly happen, but it's not the only thing. Yes, in a moment of extreme psychosis, one is unaware even if they were aware the day before and the day after. When you receive therapy, they work with you to highlight the symptoms so that you are aware. I mentioned "white noise". I hear white noise because I'm aware that what I'm hearing is not real, so I choose not to listen. It doesn't actually stop the auditory hallucinations, so it's likely constantly walking around with a TV on low volume in your head. You likely just have a poor understanding of schizophrenia. For starters, not every schizophrenic experiences delusions.

humans are retarded and it cant be disproven

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>>38457938
hmmm?

box

>>38458156
If it can't be disproven then it's not valid

>>38458131
Why can't you? Take a trip over there to get it out of your system, see that no-one's going to crucify you, then your fetish / obsession will be gone.

>>38458185
>never heard of jerusalem syndrome
They would at best lock me up in jewland for life and castrate me, and at worst believe me and crucify me.

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>>38458164
original 92384756

its valid. humans are buttfucking retarded apes with god like ego complexes.

I have Mastered all human archetypes

>>38458279
Be careful with that edge.
Solve et coagula faggot

The human psyche is a dangerous manifestion. Its a threat to itself. The state and condition of its habitation is proof.


we all need to die. The first thing an uncorrupt A.I would advocate for would be our extinction

>>38458216
Yea, I don't think they do that. I'm sure they have a lot of people that think they're some sort of holy person.

>>38458134
>>38458081
While I don't have a medical background I spent several months in a psych ward, not for schizophrenia, but I did meet a lot of schizos there.

Most seemed very normal, which false but common shattered the idea that the condition makes act like a lunatic. The only difference between them and normal people was that they saw or believed (through sensory hallucinations or delusions) things which were not there or did not happen. Other than that they could hold a conversation about other things without seeming strange.

I never saw them in a state of clarity. Of course I only bet 5-10 in total but that's my experience.

>>38456467
you crazies always make the mistake of isolating yourselves when your symptoms are getting worse
go hang out in public, get a social job and talk to people even if it's dumb bullshit all the time
you're doing this to yourself

>uncle is shizophrenic
>everytime we visit him he tells us how he fights the devil, how everything is posessed by evil spirits, heavily implies we are going to hell and that the church in Poland has every right to meddle in politics
>also tries to show us exocism videos, where a bunch of priests is torturing mentally ill people
>found out my adress and had a magazine full of catholic indoctrinations (condoms/pill are bad, science is wrong and the devils work, anyrthing slight esoteric is the devils work) set to me for a whole year
I don't like to deal with him, his insanity is making me feel depressed.

>>38458423
>implying i want to see your shitty face in person when i'm being traumatized

News flash; anyone who conversates with A god IN ANY WAY is a classified schizo.

>>38458477
K gimme my neetbux

>>38458477
Also check your privilege shitlord

>>38458386
For starters, you were in psych ward. We only go to psych wards once our clarity is gone. I've been 3 times in hospitalization, and you would not have seen me in a state of clarity during any of those stays. If I had clarity, I wouldn't be in a psych ward. You go to psych ward when it gets really bad, that's not an indicator of how people live day to day. Hence the other anon saying not all of us are deprived of clarity moments. Even with clarity, it doesn't make the things one experiences any less real.

You also forget to address the negative symptoms that affect people day to day such as inability to feel, lack of motivation, and though disorders. These have nothing to do with delusions, paranoia, or hallucinations. Then again, maybe everyone who's ever met me feels I lack clarity. Who knows. Maybe I only think I have clarity.

>>38458386
By the way, I suffered with psychosis and I was on the same meds they gave to everyone else...

antipsychotics: Haloperidol (worst shit ever), Olanzapine, Clozapine
downers: alprazolam, diazapam, zoplicone, zopidem
ssris: fluoxitine, sertraline, citalopram

can't remember the rest, I wrote them down when I was there so I could research them but I lost the piece of paper

wrote this when I was psychotic tell me what you think lads

https://youtu.be/OnCOBRn7Ktg

been in a ward for psychotic behavior such as running away from home and hearing music differently

>>38458550

I'm on olanzapine and fluoxitine now it's fucking shit takes away the positive sides of psychosis

>>38458548
Fair point, I didn't keep in touch with any of them so I don't know how they are out in the world.

I also did notice other symptoms but those don't really stand out from the rest of the population. Like one guy was severely obese and always blamed his obesity on his mental state like "I just don't have the willpower", I mean it might be true, but everyone with obesity lacks willpower so I didn't really connect it to a particular mental disorder.

>>38458610
Which are what?

I can't think of any positive sides, except being able to go out and talk to people without anxiety, although half the time you get arrested or hit because someone thinks you're dangerous.

>>38458423
You do realize the majority of us work, and do go out in public... correct? Schizophrenia is not the same as being anti-social although there are anti-social schizophrenics. There's even highly social schizophrenics. It's kind of stupid to think all of them are just sitting in isolated room vegetating on welfare.

>>38458589
>hearing music differently
wut

I like what I hear. Sing a bit louder I can't make out the lyrics

>>38456467
>>extensive history of mental illness on mothers side
>>uncle is diagnosed schizophrenic
You're literally me >>38458465

>>38458634

increase in creativity and better musical abilities for me I also find being psychotic fun, I managed to sleep with someone on my ward during psychosis. It was just a more interesting time for me, but I understand a lot of people get negative symptoms from it so not condoning it or anything just saying my experience was fun

I struggle with being schizoaffective. It's been progressively harder to meet new people because my mood heavily impacts my image. I'm not supposed to try to be around people anyway because they could hurt me so I just stay at home and cut myself so I don't get worse.

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>>38458660

be sure and subscribe goy if you like it :)

got some questions for the schizos here, assuming your taking meds how do you feel most of the day? do you feel like a normal person? can you enjoy things? do you always have a feeling of derealization?

>>38458775
When you're taking your meds you don't really feel anything. They turn you into a zombie. From the doctor's perspective that's success, but a life as lethargic as drugged up schizo's is not worth living.

>>38458616
Well, it's because people tend to put it on the same level as their own. For example, apathy will be interpreted as depression. However, the person with schizophrenia may honestly be unable to related with people who have depression. They aren't depressed, they just have extreme apathy. They aren't sad. Lack of motivation. When he said, "I don't have the willpower." He was saying, "I know I'm obese. I just honestly can't care enough about my obesity because I lack any motivation to care that I am obese." This differs from an obese person who, while upset they are obese, doesn't want to put the effort into losing weight. The obese schizophrenic likely really doesn't give a flying fuck. They are, "Why does it even matter?" The negative symptoms aren't really noticeable in that they don't really stand out, they just make a person seem odd. My lack of motivation manifests itself in randomly walking out on every job I've ever had. I know I need to work, and I'll be stoked about work. Then, randomly, my mind just decides I don't need to work. I walk out, and maybe a week or two later realize I wasn't in my right mind so I find another job and try again. I can't rightly explain why I walk out, it's a little disturbing once I come out of that mindset, but I keep trying.

>>38458865
What kinda jobs are these? I expect odd shit here and there like waitng tables etc. Or have you actually worked long enough to develop any skills?

>>38458940
Yeah, I've walked out from amazing jobs that I actually loved. Well paying jobs that require an education past high school. In the past year, I've taking on odd shit jobs because, in retrospect, I feel less terrible in the long term leaving a shit job then a good job. I was very talented at my previous jobs which required my education, I received a lot of praise from my supervisors, so it really hurt them when I just decided to stop coming in without any notification or warning signs that I was thinking of quitting. There was no warning signs because the day prior I was stoked about my job. Every single one. It's hard to explain, but one can only keep trying. Mess up, move on, and try again. I don't try getting good jobs with my education anymore because I feel really terrible about putting the other employers and my managers through that.

Is this where I come to buy the marijuana

>>38459186
No, you came to the wrong place. Sorry. Keep looking.

So how many demons yall slain this year so far?
I drove out two from my room and flat out killed one that was being a prick using piercing light from my fingertips.

>>38460212
If people are wondering about the demon:
Picture a wall that stretches out to inifinity on all side except it looked like it was made out of freddy krueger skin. At the center of it was a face that looked loke a scrunched up pig face but with massive horned eyebrows. It was appearing everytime I closed my eyes and even shadowing aftereffect when open.

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anyone else on abilify? bad shit :/

>>38460305
I can't see demons. yours sound cool. tell me more.

>>38460592
I'm on abilify, go used to it though. But I'm still loosing the weight I gained on it.. will take another couple of years until I'm down on my original weight.

What kind of delusions you other schizo anons get? Mine are all religious. I was an atheist before my first psychosis, now I'm kind of a believer, although it's sometimes hard to point down in what I believe exactly. So in this regard, I still believe in my delusions.

>>38460592
My psychiatrist put me on abilify to treat social anxiety, never been diagnosed with schizophrenia. I gained like 15 pounds over the time I took the meds and eventually dropped the shit cold turkey. Psychiatrists seem to have a mentality that their patients are subhuman plebeians and there's no point in trying to discuss why they're prescribing them a medication or warn them of the side effects

Psychopathy here. I killed a few birds with a tenis rachet and laughed infront of my friend. He got really sad about it and haven't talked in a while.
>blocked him

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>>38460997
>he diagnosed himself as a psychopath be edgy
>he doesn't know the difference between psychosis and psychopathy

>>38460592
I used to be on it
It made me sleep 16 hours a day

>>38461101
Yeah yeah pull bullshit from thin air limp wristed faggot. I've heard it atleast 1000 times.

>>38460997
you're not a psychopath you moron, you're just an edgy faggot who killed some birds, probably on the burger spectrum somewhere

>>38461667
supt BVHD

>>38456467

Checklist of things I can relate with.

>used to be completely convinced everyone could read my mind as a child and had to control my thoughts accordingly

>often feel like I'm being specifically targeted in some kind of inside joke I don't know about when people fuck with me even though I try to convince myself it sounds ridiculous

>have a perpetual unshakable feeling of being closely watched if I don't tape over any phone/laptop/computer cameras and cover windows completely

also >hear calm voices saying things that seem completely random but always technically make sense and have a proper sentence structure but only when I'm laying down at night, even if I'm not close to falling asleep yet

I had that last one when I was a kid, mostly in the mornings as I was watching cartoons. Voices that resembled some female voice from a cartoon, but it spoke in gibberish and sometimes repeated my name multiple times.

Fuck, am I insane in the membrane?

>>38460997

You're an edgelord. If you're going to be diagnosed with something it's autism or assburgers. Being in psychosis means you have no sense of reality or control over yourself. Being a psychopath meant you'd rather stab your friend in the eyes than laugh in front of them like an autist. No wonder they cried.

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>>38461634
>get called out on bullshit
>"haha f-faggot"

>>38461634
You are self diagnosing you emo-fag. This is coming from someone who's legitimately been told by psychologists that he might have Antisocial personality disorder. Psychopathy isn't even something which you can get diagnosed with, you mong.