"Alright, Champ. So we're here at the first of five

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ok can we go to the flube store first?

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>>38424206
check out their selection

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Killer Queen has already touched the manager's hand.

>>38424173

Good lord sir, please stop sending your son into to ask for a job with no qualifications just by acting nice like it's the 50s.

Send his resume online so I can ignore it like the other 1000 I get every day.

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>>38424173

>t-they told me I needed to apply online... when I insisted for the manager they said they were gonna call the cops on me if I didn't leave

>>38424173

>"Respect and hard work go a long way, anon. You give any respectful boss some A+ effort and a bit of elbow grease and you'll be manager in no time."

These threads seem funny but they ruined my life. I was never able to get a job until some family friends had an opening because someone quit. They were looking for someone immediately so they picked me. This would become my first and only job ever. I worked there for two years before seeing these handshake threads when I realized that when I first went to work I never shook the owner's hand. So last week when I went in I ran to his office and grabbed his hand. He started cursing at me asking me why I was touching him. I tried to explain but I couldn't. He continued to scream at me and I ran away crying. When I was running out I knocked over an expensive vase on a table and it broke into pieces. When I got home the phone was ringing from my boss but I just ignored it. Now I am unemployed. I have no idea what to do now. Don't listen to these threads. A handshake is a horrible idea.

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>>38424373
"Champ, excuses are for quitters. And I didn't raise a quitter. Now you march back in there and ask to speak with the manager again. Stand up straight, look him in the eye, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you want the job. That's all you need to do, Champ!"

>d-dad I went in and said I want the job, the manager got really angry. He told me "no talkie before I had my coffe" but he never finished it! I held out my hand and said I had a firm handshake but he would just interrupt me with a loud sip, it's 3 in the afternoon, when will he finish his coffee so I can shake his hand?

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>>38424405
"You could sit there and blame others for your problems, or you could go about solving them like a man. And last I checked, I raised a man, not a wailing woman. Now you speak with the manager, look him in the eye, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you want your job back. Four simple steps, Champ!"

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>>38424304
Yar e yare daze

Org

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>>38424428
"Like it or not: We're not leaving until you give him a firm handshake and hand him your resume, Champ."

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>>38424495
But I don't have a resume

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>>38424565
"But this, but that. You've made enough excuses to last a lifetime, son. About time you grew up and got a job. Now you walk in there, speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, and hand him your resume. No more excuses, anon!"

>>38424408
>>38424438
>>38424495

Hi. I'm the manager.

We don't want your idiot son old man. If he tries to touch me again I'm calling the police.

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>>38424598
>>38424590

"S-see, dad? I told you they don't let people apply in-store anymore; it's all online now. I wanna go home."

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TO GET GOOD JOB, YOU MUST MEET WITH MANAGER
THEN YOU MUST STAND UP STRAIGHT AND SHAKE THE HAND, SHAKE THE HAND

REMOVE LAZINESS

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>go to job interview
>before we sit down I look the manager in the eye and give him a firm handshake
>he seems slightly impressed
>we sit down and he pulls out my resume
>"Did you bring a copy of your resume?"
>I did indeed bring a spare copy
>everything is going smoothly
>notice the manager is suddenly looking unnerved and looking right at me
>look down
>oh god no
>I FORGOT TO DO THE TEXAS TUCK
>my boner is sticking up like a fucking skyscraper, pre-cum leaking through my pants
>start sweating like a motherfucker
>"Uh, we'll call you back." the manager says as he rips my resume into tiny pieces right in front of me
>start fast walking out of the office while the boss starts dialing 911
>everyone i pass by is visibly shocked by me
>exit the building and run home crying

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>>38425176
I know this feel. Forgetting the texas tuck is a death sentence in a job interview.

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>>38425176
Champ, the important thing is to never let it happen ever again. I'm taking you to apply somewhere else, and we won't stop until someone hires you on the spot. Remember to speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, hand him your resume, and keep that thing from happening ever again. You got this, Champ.

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"Alright, Champ. Just go in the and teII him marijuana is just a plant and he'll be guaranteed to sell it to you. That's all it takes, buddy, just firm resolve and the temerity to inform people it's just a plant. Once they are aware of that, it's all yours for the taking."

>>38425489

For the love of fucking god old timer stop bringing your kid here!

We don't want his useless stupid ass!

>>38425535
>>38425176
>>38425535
"Alright, Champ. So we're here at the first of five places I'm taking you to blaze and Texas Tuck, and we're not stopping until someone hands you a blunt and restrains your boner. What do you mean marijuana is a drug? It's just a plant, and it's as easy as walking in, speaking with the manager, giving him some tight undies and your firm cock, and telling him it's just a plant. It's as simple as that, Champ. You'll be smoking plants and getting your boner contained in no time"

>tfw this meme scared me out of getting a job

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>>38424173
>apply for a janitorial job
>never had a job before
>awkwardly fumble through the interview
>they hire me on the spot because they were desperate for employees to fill positions
You cucks just aren't looking in the right places. Find places that have a fuckton of locations in your city and also have low manpower and don't require experience. Yes, those exist.

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"Champ, it's simply a matter of pulling yourself by your bootstraps and strolling in there like you own the place. Speak with the manager, look him in the eye, give him a firm handshake, and hand him your resume. That'll show that city slicker that you mean business."

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>>38425853
ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS APPLY AT THE RIGHT PLACE, CJ.

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>Champ, if you wanna have that treat you just have to go in there, smell his butt and give him a firm handshake.
We won't stop until some bitch rolls over and gives you your treat

>>38425853
I did this and get to work in electronics at a store. Pretty much nothing happens all day.

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>>38425844
"You're gonna get a job, son -- no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Why the gloomy face? All you need to do is show up, speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, and hand him your resume. Four simple steps, Champ! I didn't raise a quitter."

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*curiously observes as you walk through the door, with application in hand*

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>>38425864
>>38425880
>>38425991
STOP BRINGING YOUR KID AROUND HERE YOU OLD FUCK WE DON'T WANT TO HIRE HIM

IF HE TRIES TO SHAKE MY HAND ONE MORE TIME I'M CALLING THE COPS

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"Champ, getting a job is as simple as walking in there and asking for the manager. Stand up nice and tall, look him in the eye, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you're the right person for the job. That simple."

is anyone in here actually dumb enough to be unemployed

>>38424173
"nobody cares about gpa when they're hiring"
>tfw every listing in my field has a "preferred/minimum" gpa

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>>38426611
*forces his mouth open and pours the mug of coffee down his throat*
HELLO
*gives him an autistic retard-strength handshake that crushes his fingers*
WHEN CAN I WORKING???

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>>38426934
You've gotta nice handshake, kiddo, but you know the rules.
*continues sipping*

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>>38426802
I work at WalMart
It fucking sucks and I'm trying to get into literally any other job.
My job is to unload the truck and pull out freight.
>Be me
>Dragging 1000+ lb pallet of water across store
>Faggot kids running around, have to say "excuse me" a million times so I don't roll over them and kill them
>Retarded old lady with her cart sitting in middle of aisle
>"Excuse me."
>Oh I'm fine
>She hasn't looked up from her phone and doesn't see I'm pulling something
>Lose it
>"Get out of my way."
>Looks all indignant and moves
>Half way there
>Already sweating
>Some asian lady stops me
>"WHERE HAVE A SOY SAUCE?!"
>I don't know where it is, guess
>"Try aisle 8."
>"TANK YUO BERRY MUCH!"
>Walk another ten feet
>Some fat retard in a graphic tee waddle up to me
>"Uhm where's tha soda at?"
>"Right over there." point behind him
>See a nigger and a fat white lady
>See a fat white lady with three little niglets
>Finally get water to place
>Have five more pallets to drag out
$9/hr isn't enough for what I put up with

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>>38426957
*grabs his coffee and spills it on the floor*
Uh oh! Looks like you spilled your coffee, buddy. Coffee police here, and you're getting a ticket.
*takes out booklet and starts writing him a ticket smugly*
Better be more careful with your coffee next time.~

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>>38426923
Numbers and excuses. powerful agents to the uninitiated. But you're still going to walk in there, speak with the manager, and give him a firm handshake, Champ.

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there threads scare me

all around me are familiar faces...

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"ANON, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN IN FRONT OF THAT COMPUTER? IT'S NOT NORMAL ANYMORE. YOU'RE GETTING A JOB, AND I'M DRIVING YOU AROUND TOWN TO LOOK FOR ONE. IT'S NOT NORMAL ANYMORE, YOUNG MAN."

>>38427032
I know these feels all too well
t. superstore employee

>>38427324
>all the agression your father's too much of a man to reveal
>none of the no-nonsense firm pressure to try, pick yourself up and try again
>all of the wine-fuelled screaming later after 20 years of neglect somehow failed to raise you Stacey's boy

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"Listen sonny... Since I am now bed ridden, you're going to have to provide for the family now. Please. Just walk up to the manager, look him in the eyes, and give him a firm handshake."

>>38427526
"N-no! It wasn't supposed to end like this... Not here... And not now!"

>>38427196
If I pull off that resume, will you be unemployed?

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>>38427550
"I WILL RISE AGAIN!"

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>>38427558
Deshi basara! Deshi basara!

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>>38427553
It would be extremely detrimental to the hiring process...

>>38427603
You're a big employee.

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>>38427626
For you...
*sizes you up*

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>tfw I actually got a job this way

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i know this meme is from a porn but whats with the handshake thing?

>>38424173
firm handshake
yeah right

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>>38427700
"At some point, you're gonna have to man up and take the first step, Champ. And it's as simple as speaking with the manager, giving him a firm handshake, maintaining eye contact, and handing him your resume. Simple as that, Champ."

This is a great, fun and fresh meme. Very nice

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>>38427660
"See, Champ? All it takes is a little persistence, elbow grease, initiative, and a handshake strong enough to crush a baby elephant."

>>38424304
nice jojoke my friend