I'm really not feeling too good right now so Ask someone

Oh man even the spurdo looks sad
Poor guy
Im sorry for you :(

>>38409633

My question is why don't you just end it lad.

>>38409686
Stfu you fucking retard suicide is never the answer

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>>38409686
This person is sad, and your first answer is suicide? Fuck off m8

>>38409633
whats bpd like?

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>>38409686
I've been thinking that to myself but I just can't seem to bring myself to do it. People would say that I have a whole life ahead me and I guess there's small naive part of me hanging onto that. I need motivation or love to go on, this shit is too hard. Also I don't have access to most of the ways to kms. I can't cut myself because I have a phobia of my own blood and veins, I live in Australia so I can't shoot myself and I don't have access to rope.

>>38409724
It's ok, it's a very valid question. And I can't end it yet

i have BPD too here. It's shit and i don't even want to fucking move. But sometime, if i kept myself from being dehydrated and sleep for awhile, the feeling's gone

>>38409633
what is BPD? i've heard it mentioned but i don't actually know what it does to a guy

>>38409633
Hey pal, bpd-anon here. If i didn't have my daily routine of reading/writing/excercise/weed I would be dead currently. Those things really help me, maybe they can help you.

>>38409633
how do you experience your borderline personality disorder? what about that disorder makes it so that you accepted the diagnosis your shrink gave you, and now use to identify yourself with?
I once met a girl who had BPD, she was extremely emotionally manipulative and seductive. I understand there are multiple types of BPD. what type are you?
but most importantly why are you in pain? talk to me

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i stay in my room
try to focus on more important things and whenever i feel an existential crisis coming i keep reminding myself on the important things that i need to do and the steps to do them,organize my time and shit..i just try to keep myself busy until i can make it home and cry myself to sleep or cry during the whole night and not sleeping at all;which helps too , because if i'm too tired the next morning i won't be able to think about anything

>>38409633
also weed and vidya, that helps distract me from my shite existance. tfw probably gonna become a welfare leach sooner or later and enjoy neet life to the fullest

>>38409742
You made it this far, you can keep going. This says you are strong yet you don't want to admit it.

what are the thoughts that hit you hard OP?
and how is your BPD affecting your relationship with your family?

>>38409742
>don't have access to most of the ways to kms
>I live in Australia
Just stick your hand into some dark abandoned corner and see what bites.

>>38409836
you're not helping man, we're trying to help anon fix his life not end it

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>>38409732
>>38409785
Well BPD is quite a complex disorder. It fucks with your emotions causing mood swings and wild personality changes based on those emotions. It feels like I gain a whole different personality based on my emotion. There's also the biggest symptom for me which is feelings of loneliness and abandonment and it makes me feel like I'll never be loved and I'll never have the motivation to work hard and be happy. There's feelings of emptiness which means I get bored very very easily and sometimes I can't feel anything at all. Sometimes (and I'm not sure if this is a BPD thing or now) I will completely contradict myself and do things I regret a lot later because of my wild personality changes. It applies to little things too, one day I might despise cheese but the next day I can't get enough of it.

>>38409768
Hang in there bud, I may not believe in myself but I believe in you

>>38409786
I really wish I could keep a schedule, I can never stick to one though. I wish I had access to weed :/

Ahhhhh so many posts at once, I can't keep up

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BPD here. eventually, as you smash your heart into a million pieces against person after person, building all your hopes up into one fantasy and then watching it all burn down in a dumpster fire again and again, your heart will grow callouses and you will learn to insulate yourself and never love again. If you survive that part, then you can be happy afterward.

Also just don't do any shit that could get you landed in prison.

>>38409826
Not op but it's hard man. You never know how you're going to feel due to the emotional volatility, you idealize everyone in your life then devalue them when they don't live up to your expectations, unconiously so until you realize. All the while wondering why everyone is abandoning you, which is of course your biggest fear. Some folks never realize. Depending on how bad things get, in my case, very bad, you end up giving ptsd to your family due to all the fucked up scenaiors that have come behest the permanent capriousness.

I got misdiagnosed for ten years. Electroshock, the whole shebang. Drugs, sex, misanthropy, extreme anti social behavior.

>>38409897
What did you get diagnosed with before ending up with BPD?

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>its another anon diagnoses himself with BPD episode

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>>38409864
if you have a facebook account and are friends with that stoner chad from high school then give it a try, ask to buy a 10, you'll probably get scammed the first few times but everyone does, + it'll help you find more contacts

>>38409916
nothing is ever true

>>38409913
ADD/ADHD, Depression/Anxiety, Bipolar/Manic depressive in that order

>>38409893

I also forgot to add that no matter how attached you are, whoever you happen to be obsessed with at a given time will NOT matter at some later date. It may be almost impossible to believe but strong need you feel for the person will eventually disappear completely and no emotional attachment will remain.

>>38409939
Has your life improved after your final diagnosis?

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>>38409788
I tend to be attention seeking because all I really want is love. I try not to be manipulative but sometimes my bad side will kick in and make me do subtle things that might bring someone to sympathize for me. Makes me feel really scummy afterwards though :c I feel really upset right now because I feel more alone than usual. Loneliness is the thing that makes me want to die the most. My mind is convinced that the only thing I need to live is love. I need love for motivation to do things (eg If I had a GF I would work as hard as I could and get a job just for her to make her proud and spoil her)

>>38409793
I wish I could cry. I've trained myself from a young age to not cry because I'm anxious that my parents will walk in on me crying and overreact or something. Now I find it really hard to cry unless someone mentally hurts me or something

>>38409816
I know the feels. Wish I had weed though, I only have videogames to distract me from my shitty existance

>>38409826
Like I said above, the loneliness. I crave relationships yet I usually fail to socialize with people. It hurts, and I always try so hard and come so close to forming romantic relationships and then something fucks up and I wind up in a depressive episode for weeks. My relationship with my parents is alright although I much prefer my father over my mother. I don't talk to them very much despite living with them and that's because I get anxious around everyone but my friends. I can't even control my anxiety around parents

>>38409957
Immensely so. But it isn't only because of the diagnosis.

I come from money, I have a great therapist and am able to structure my life with a rewarding routine of excercise and writing (about to finish first novel). I have a damaged family that was and is willing to adapt for my sake, despite my previous inclinations. I have support from good friends that aren't afraid to know me.

If I didn't have all of that, I don't know man.

>>38410001
i gotta say though op, you have a nice collection of pepes, shadilay to you my friend :)

>>38409957
Also, I need thc at the end of the day and CBD during the day. It's the only medicine that works

do you watch The Sopranos? Is Tony's mom an accurate representation of BPD? They diagnose her with that in the show

it's also likely that Tony has BPD

>>38409633
I deal with the fear of abandonment by worrying about it for a long time and sometimes blowing up their phone with shit. The loneliness I don't deal with, it just deals with me.

>>38410047
She's a good representation of an evil type that happens to have bpd. Not everyone with the mental illness is so nefarious.

how do you deal with not being good enough for anyone or anything
i just want to slowly stop existing
its all too painful for me

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>>38409823
Maybe so. I hate myself so I can't really agree there, I'm a real piece of shit on the inside and I don't know how I made it this far. But thank you, this has brought me one step closer to believing

>>38409893
>>38409940
I really don't want this to happen, and I'm trying very hard to not do anything illegal and I think I'm quite far off the mentality to murder anyone or something yet.

>>38409916
Feelsbadman I've been diagnosed for nearly 3 years now. This isn't something I'd want to diagnose myself with, a lot of people with BPD are put into some psycho stereotype or they meet the stereotype

>>38409930
I try to be as truthful as possible in these threads

>>38410033
Ty ty
>pic related :3

>>38410047
I have not seen that no, although I'd assume she's like what >>38410064 said. TV shows and Movies tend to show off the bad side of BPD only and not the good side

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Lorna on "Orange is the New Black" is a very real depiction of a borderline person which is why I posted a pic of her.

>>38410170
by far the most spot on

>>38409704
IM a repressed tranny.

Change your opinion yet?

>>38410170
I thought she was just a paranoid bipolar

she seems perfectly pleasant and reasonable at times and then completely insane when it comes to her love life

Just go to sleep OP. Its the best way to stop feeling forever alone.

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>>38410117
I just avoid doing things that I'm bad at. I too want to slowly stop existing. I don't have any will to live or motivation. The only thing that is keeping me from slipping away now is probably the special someone who is most likely not interested in me, much like every grill I meet. At least she makes the time to talk to me as of recently so that must mean something right? Probably just overthinking, she'll just want to be my friend.

I don't get why it's so hard to find love for me. All I want is for someone to care for me, tell me everything is going to be alright, cuddle and shit and just stay with me even when I get in my bad side.

>>38410170
I never got to watch that, is it any good. I'm not usually interested in mainstream shows and stuff

>>38410212
I want to, but I can't sleep. The thoughts keep me up and I just end up with this pain in my chest and it feels like the loneliness is crushing me from the inside out. The feelings linger when I wake up anyway and waking up is the worst feeling I could get in the day

>>38410248
Excercise and weed my man, CBD specifically, which is probably legal where you're at. It's psychoactive but doesn't get you stoned and it quells the paranoia/anxiety/delusions/capriousness

>>38410248
Working out constantly and smoking at the end of the long day are the only things keeping me sane

>>38410248
Yes, it's pretty damn good.

>>38409633
are you a pathetic virgin?

>>38410248
I feel the same way. Try tl take xanax or lorazepam. If you don't have them go see a shrink and tell them you have acute anxiety.

>>38410264
and as i said earlier, if you have any means of contact with that stoner chad from high school or anyone you know of that smokes weed, just message them asking to buy, from my experiences they're just happy to sell to someone and don't care too much about you being a robot

>>38409724
welcome to 4chan fag

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>>38410296
GET OUT NORMIE LEAVE OP ALONE REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>38410248
it would be nice for someone to genuinely care for me
but i dont think thats even reasonable to ask of someone
i know very well i am worth fuck all
maybe someone will shove me in front a train someday and i will be ever so grateful to them

>>38410298
>>38410301
>>38410248
Do not take a benzodiazepine. https://www.thecbdistillery.com/product/99-cbd-isolate-powder-from-hemp And find a thc distillate connection (probably going to be hard), and micro dose both twice a day and you will feel better.

I'm not a doctor but I've been fighting this shit all my life and this is all that works

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>>38410264
>>38410281
I don't have the motivation for exercise although I have been walking like 2 km most days to clear my head. I tried doing pushups once but I'm so god damn weak I get so tired after 5. I'm not even that unfit or fat I'm just super skinny and have little to no muscle at all

>>38410283
I might look into it but I'm still not sure about the show yet

>>38410296
Well no shit dude... You expect me to be able to get that far when I'm so anxious and awkward?

>>38410298
I really don't want to give in and take meds but it's gotten to the point where I think I have to. I'll have to see if I can get a prescription soon I think.

>>38410301
Yea I can still contact that guy from hs through facebook. The fucker got into drugs because he thought it was cool. He even decided to take shrooms before class because he thought it would be funny. He definitely regretted that one. I don't know if I have any money to spend on that shit though.

>>38410314
Aw :3 how sweet, have a pepe

>>38410322
Great minds think alike I guess. Although I've never actually believed in that saying, I just think the exact same as you

>>38410340
I better start taking notes

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>>38410437
why thank you anon ^_^
mklhkhjkgkhg

>>38410437
>I really don't want to give in and take meds but it's gotten to the point where I think I have to. I'll have to see if I can get a prescription soon I think.

I feel like this too. The other week i stayed at a friend's place who has a girlfriend and is a total normie and after he passed out I looked through his bathroom and he had a xanax prescription with an SSRI and I was pretty shocked. I think it's a lot more common to be on meds than we think

well, it's been nice guys, good thread, hope your life gets better soon op
peace out

bpdop, would you like to be my friend? i am extremely lonely. ill be friendly and support you and wont abandon you, thats the worst

>>38409704
>suicide is not the answer
Spotted the normalfag.Leave REEEEEEEEEE

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>>38411022
Yea sure, how do you want to keep in contact

>>38411008
Thanks bud, you have a great day

>>38411060
Kek

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over-emotional faggots.

>>38411104
do you have kik or discord? i only have those two

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>>38411153
I'm on discord and kik although I'm more likely to respond on discord so that's PsychicBear#0283 and me kik is hypershadic21
Feel free anyone to add me, I love making friends and depending on how you treat me, I'll never leave you or do anything bad

>>38411145
Feelsbadman