I hate how I feel the need to read boring books because pseudo

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I hate how I feel the need to read boring books because pseudo intellectuals claim you need to read them for "insights" when they just want you to pump up the value of their hierarchy by expending energy within it. I see novels as something to be enjoyed. I simply don't have the balls to live life according to my own intellectual and aesthetic tastes while calling out the dumb bullshit as I see it. I know there are no "insights" in Dostoevsky other than the made up crap that people judge based on fashion. I would honestly give up on most books within 50 pages if I used my taste.

I hate how I'm an ugly 26 year old male with no friends, whoha never had attention from women ever, and hasn't had a social life at all since I was 18. I went through university like this. Tinder shows that women have Chads on tap and it is clear that they live easy lives and society sees males as disposable shit to be bled dry and discarded. I hate how you can't even point this out, and the trivial empirical observations are ignored.

I hate how I eat junk food and coffee to dull the mental pain of my shit life, ruining my sleep and gym strength. I hate how I became the ugly loner beta at my workplace within a few days. It confirmed everything I ever intuited about the workplace and professional environments and the necessity of normieness to succeed.

I hate how boringness is seen as a sign of intellectual worth. I hate how simplicity is seen as proof of near worthlesness.

I hate my desire for a philosophy that will let me know what to do. I know there is no such thing and I would feel like a dehumanised robot if I tried to follow it. I know that the truths are all trivially obvious and most "insightful" thoughts stem from a deviation from them justified by lies and obscurantism (there is no meaning to life, no objective morals, no way to optimise life, no automatic cost for hedonism, no automatic gain for pain, no guaranteed qualities to compensate ugliness or vice versa).