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Why am I being conditioned to become cruel and heartless. I don't

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Why am I being conditioned to become cruel and heartless. I don't think twice about it when disrespecting someone online but irl when someone's this way with me it has a detrimental affect on me. Why am I being made into everything I don't find appealing about you (them)?
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only people I can talk to a bunch of random strangers making fun of each other. I guess its not important for me to learn how to socialize because I'm old and no one cares what I have to say. no one remembers me. this is what dying is like. being forgotten. life, what a sham
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