think back to your past /r9k/. at what point in time in your

I don't think I've ever been happy.
I'm not sure what happiness feels like for everybody else, maybe I'm just expecting something that feels better than it actually does.

Truly happy?
Last weekend. c:

>>38319999
Impressive quads bruv. When i received the results of a paternity test and it turned out not to be my child, about a month and a half ago

>>38319999

Summer '07. Before I got a gf that I ended up living with for four years and hating. Emotionally unstable ever since. That year was great. No shitty job, days smoking at home and playing Vidya while parents were at work. They even gave me money to fuck around with my friends. Spent most of that time alone though, but it's exactly what I wanted at the time. God, every day was amazing.

>>38319999
>9999
I once believed someone liked me for ten days. It was within this time that I let her use me as a boost to her own ego.

>>38319999
I would guess around the summer of 08 I had just graduated high school and was feeling free and happy
I had a girlfriend and friends I was feeling good you know?
But things went down hill pretty fast

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When I was a child, swimming in the ocean with my father..that now has a new family and doesn't even remember my age.
Or when I was celebrating my 18 birthday..for the first time I had friends, now I've lost everything. I can't be happy anymore, I'm losing hope that'll be truly happy again. I didn't even celebrate my birthday last year, I just wanted someone to sing happy birthday to me. I can't take it anymore.

>>38320949
It's okay anon. I love you, and I think you're a kind person. I hope everything turns out okay for you.

had a girlfriend who was kind of ugly but it was nice actually having someone
played baseball but was bullied everyday and hated it
they started ragging on me for dating an ugly chick and then this grill started chilling with her ex and I started becoming anti social
earlier that year my friend who was on our baseball team killed himself
started smoking weed and not giving a fuck and been a robot since 11-12th grade 26 years old now
I figure I peaked sometime between 10-11th grade and it's been all downhill from there

When I got a taste of the normie life

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>>38321022
Thank you, I needed that. My birthday is in 2 weeks I'm scared that I won't be able to celebrate it again. I don't want to lose hope though

When I was eight. I could just be happy and play N64.

I think the last time I remember being truely happy was 8th grade year. Had solid (irrelevant) grades, plenty of good friends and what could be loosely be discribed as a girlfriend but it was middle school so that make of that what you will.

2006 when I was 16 and had a weird group of friends and we started drinking together and messing around.

>>38321145
Just make a thread here saying it's your birthday and let us celebrate with you. I'll do a drawing for you with your request if I catch your thread.

>>38321292
I'll do it ;-;

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>>38321292
Used to do that on /vp/. It's seriously more fun than celebrating IRL.

>>38320949
mmmmh looks like you're ripe for a little suicide my dear friend :^)

>>38319999
I wasn't. The first time I wanted to kill myself I was 7.

>>38320949
>had friends
fuck off normalfag

>>38319999
>he was truly happy at some point in life
NORMIES GET OUT

>11 years old
>go to friend's house after school while mum is at work
>go outside and play tag or some shit with neighbouring kids who went to a different school
>met a girl who seems friendly towards me for the first time
>next week before I go to friend's house again he tells me that the girl I met likes me
>meet her again and become semi-close friends, we end up telling eachother that we like eachother
>it almost becomes a relationship except I didn't know how to ask her out so I never did
>it was still the happiest few weeks of my life knowing that at the time there was a pretty big possibility that this girl could become my girlfriend
>weeks go by and summer break starts, I meet up with her a few more times and we get pretty close
>I don't get an opportunity to talk to her for a while and only had her home number so I was scared to call it, she had my cell number tho
>my "friend" tells me that the girl said she doesn't like me anymore (still not sure if he was lying because jealous or whether she had just got bored of waiting for me to ask her out
>I get my friend to give her a fucking STUPID note asking why she dumped me despite us not having an actual relationship (I didn't know how relationships and this shit worked)
>she realised from the note that I wasn't the cute boy she thought she knew and that I was actually a fucking autist and really did stop liking me at this point
>killme.png
>summer break ends and first year of secondary school starts (we were both in this school this time)
>I end up hating the kid for life who told me she didn't like me anymore because I'm still convinced he lied about it
>me and the girl never had an actual conversation after that, and she became one of the most popular stacies in the year and I was a fucking nobody
I never got a chance go get a hot stacy gf ever again after that and just visibly got sadder and sadder as time went on in that fucking school, every encounter I had with her after that was awkward as shit

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Makes me wanna kill myself how my entire school life would have been so much better had I handled that situation better

Honestly never. Now I'm more miserable than ever, because when I acted dumb as a kid, at least I could just chalk it up to just being a kid. Now at 20, I feel just as dumb and clueless as I did when I was 12. It sucks feeling like a dumb "Kidult". Doesn't help that I'm a beta manlet, and my dad is an alpha Marine Chad. I already know my parents think I'm a loser, even if they've never said it to my face.

And I just lost my virginity a year ago, at 19. The few friends I have lost theirs by the time they were 15.

When I could walk and when I could go to the bathroom on my own.

Damn this thread tells a lot of sad, sad stories.

>>38320949
This picture is retarded

I unironically believe that if I could delete my memories from when I was 12 to 18 I would be happier and more confident.

>>38321672
what happened?
oragorag

>>38319999
When I thought that through hard work I could get my oneitis. Trying to make her my gf was a great motivation.

>>38322156
I pretty much explained all there is to say about that, it could have been such a good relationship with a girl I loved, I could have been popular in school because of it, but no I fucked it up and became a beta for life

>>38322140

yeah, 12-18 was hell for me, which is really sad, because those are usually the golden years, according to normies anyway. Wish I could detach myself from those memories.

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Back in my last year of Post 16, at this point I had completely given up on my education. Just used to fuck about all day in my classes, had some chill ass teachers. Fridays were fucking great, would show up at 9, with a class till half 10. After that I'd fuck off back home and play vidya all day with friends. Fucking bliss.

No car to run, no job to keep, no rent to pay, just cruising on through life.

When my friends were still around half a year ago. Ever since I broke down to them that I felt depressed and left out when they started doing stuff without me for months they called me manipulative and selfish. Haven't been myself since, just been feeling isolated and alone, rest of them removed me as a friend too so I have no one else to talk to.

>>38319999
last year of high school for sure. I had enough time to read books and a handful of friends to talk to at school. Also my religious education isolated me pretty well and left me in a perfect bliss

Then I fell in love with a girl and collided with reality. I feel like I haven't recovered since. But then again it's only been like three years

holy shit it hasn't 404'd yet

>>38319999
Last time I was truly happy was 2013 when I had a bunch of internet friends that were all no lifes like myself. We would all play video games all day long it was great. Then they all got lives.

Some weeks ago, in a conversation with a girl where I really thought we really clicked with eachother and both felt something.
She didn't feel that way 'natch.

>>38319999

Never. I've always wanted to die and quit being a burden on my family. I've tried to end it, but i'm a coward and just fucked it all up.

>cut neck open
>not deep enough, FAIL
>try to od on benzos
>LOL NO JUST PISS YOURSELF AND PASS OUT FOR A DAY
>try to get cops to kill me by pretending to have a gun and telling them I have a gun and am going to shoot
>end up tasered, tackled, and ass beat with nightsticks
>try to kill dad, a trained fighter
>end up getting a few teeth knocked out and my nose broken, fucks up my sense of taste and smell to the point I can't smell or taste anything

JUST. FUCKING. END ME. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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>>38319999
Lasting happiness isn't sustainable and never will be, to feel entitled to it is to bring suffering unto yourself.

you will never attain lasting happiness and you are not inherently deserving of it.

>>38319999

2012
>17 so no real responsibilities
>friends
>gf
>went out drinking/socializing at least once a week.

2017
>no gf
>no friends
>shit cashier job
>still live at home
>no car or license
>depression
>abuse drugs/alcohol
>no plans or hope for the future

I wish I died when I was 18.
At least then my parents would still be proud of me and people would remember me in a good way.

>>38319999
Checked.

Happiness doesn't really exist outside of the mind. All of the external things that we focus on and long for only serve as fuel for our depression and anxiety. Happiness comes from inside of yourself, if it is not produced normally then you must force your body to be happy through meditation and mental focus.

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>>38319999
18 hours ago when I was watching chinese cartoons without thinking about my issues instead of browsing this shitty board.

I hate /r9k/ so much.

>>38324652
Only /b/, /bant/ and /trash/ 404.

>>38321642
The fuck nigga ? Did you curse her or some shit like that ?

My junior year of high school I met a girl who was perfect in every way. I got friendzoned but didn't give up and after 2 months I finally got her to give it a shot with me. In 2 weeks we fell in love but during that summer her parents found out all the shit we did by using a forensic program on her phone so we had to break up. But for that amount of time I was with her I experienced true happiness

>>38319999
2012. My grandmother had won big on the lottery the year before, so we had no money troubles and I could get whatever i wanted. I had a close knit group of friends and I was talking to my crush on the regular. I was also doing exceptionally well in school.

But then, the next year, my grandmother was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and it all went downhill from there.

>>38321784
Dont worry man.
I feel sorry that you are a manlet, would happily give you a foot of my height.
Anyway, 19 isn't that bad at all, girls are very slutty where I am from and I am yet to lose my virginity.

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>>38319999
When I was a kid probably, around 7-9 years old was probably the peak, it started really going downhill at 12, though. I'm 20 now, khhv of course, haven't had any friends in more than 5-6 years, keep failing at everything and the worst thing is I genuinely don't care

I feel emotions with so little intensity, I don't know when this apathy began or when it will end

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>>38319999
When I was 4 years old because I was ignorant as to the true nature of the world and I hadn't been bullied mercilessly to the point where all my self confidence was irreversibly shattered yet.

I've never been truly happy, but I'd say my happiest moments occur ages 6-12 (2002-2008).