>lost 5 kg and finally look average >nearly 20, last year

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>lost 5 kg and finally look average
>nearly 20, last year I didn't celebrate my birthday but I gained some friends this year so I can do something
>finish high school, my final grade is 100/100
>this winter I'm going to an animation school
>it's my dream
>my friend took me to the beach yesterday and I think that I'm starting to live and enjoy life again
but
>I woke up this morning sad
>I still want to die
>still nobody to kiss and hug
>I hate myself
>I hate my body
>I hate my past
>I can't stand to look at my reflection and vomit my breakfast
>can't eat
>return to bed can't feel anything
I can't fix anything anymore, it's too late
I just want to be ok