"Champ, your mother and I are worried about you. We both

>>38305941
M8m8m8m8m8m8m8

>>38305941
Where does this meme originate?
Originalel

>>38305941
I actually had a psychiatrist who said "I'm not trying anything else, go get a job" when I told him that the third SSRI he had me on wasn't doing anything noticeable, like the other two SSRIs he had me on.

I quit seeing him and spent the money that was going to co-pays on liquor instead, it's worked out better.

>>38305941
YOU ARENT MU REAL DADDY YOU CANT MAKE ME DO ANYTHING REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>38306043
He was right. Get a job.

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>>38306070
"Raise the LCL compression density to the limit. We don't have time to deal with a child's tantrums."

>>38306117
nah, fuck that. life isn't worth it if you spend it working

>>38306043
Was it sertraline that was working for you?

>>38305941
I really really like that picture, makes me remember I need my prostate examined in a couple years

>>38306014
Like most memes, it has roots in reality

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>>38306043
>>38306170

"Champ, you could either sit there and blame others for your problems, or you could take the first step and get a job. It's as easy as showing up, speaking with the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you want the job. That simple, Champ."

>>38305941
Um they told me to keep an eye out on there jobs page dad but the only position is in a store 300 miles away, what now?

>>38306257
That was one of them. Didn't do a damn thing except break my dick and make me sleep 16 hours a day.

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>>38306300
"Champ, you'll never reach the higher branch if you don't jump. I once marched through a snowstorm to get to an interview -- and the manager was so impressed he hired me right on the spot. Now, come on, Champ. I'm taking you to look for a job, and I won't take no for an answer. It's as easy as showing up, speaking with the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and handing him your resume."

>>38306014
Some faggot forcing it
Its a forced meme
Same with the bogdanoff meme

>>38306141
MOMMY MOMMY YOUR BOYFRIEND IS HURTING ME REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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>>38306471
"Champ, you could either sit there and blame other people for your problems, or you could take the reins and seize the initiative. And it's as simple as showing up, speaking with the manager, and giving him a firm handshake. Simple as that."

B-but I already have a job...

>>38306392
Ok dad but the position requires me to have 3 years experience in a similar role and have a relevant food hygiene certificate, SIA license and forklift license and also be a registered doctor

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>>38306762
"Quitters never win, and winners never quit, Champ. Now, come on. I'm taking you to speak with the manager there about the job, and I won't take no for an answer. It's as easy as showing up, looking him in the eye, giving him a firm handshake, and handing him your resume. Four simple steps, Champ! I didn't raise a quitter."

>>38306043
>be neet for 5+ years
>didnt graduate school
>no references, experience, anything
>extreme social anxiety as well

>just go GET a job

>get job

>lose job anyway within 2 weeks

>>38306816
Ok dad I spoke with the manager and he said he consider me for the role if I expose my pretty boy anus to him, I bent over the table and parted my cheeks for his inspection but when I looked back he was rubbing himself through his trousers, before I knew it he was nestling the head of his dick against my naked rectum, I didn't think he'd go any further but he started jamming it in inch by inch, I recoiled at first but to tell you the truth I kinda liked it, I ended up backing into it with more and more force until he busted right up inside my colon, then when I asked about the job he told me that he didn't hire cum sluts, what now dad?

>>38306866
What was your job and how did you lose it in two weeks?

>>38307053
every job i've ever had i've lost within that time.

3rd shift stock at a grocery store, shipping and receiving associate at macy's, grill at a fast food place

i am simply not cut out for work, my brain can't handle all the bullshit. until i have NEETbux i will continue to languish.

>>38305941
I worked at a factory for a month and I honestly think death is preferable

I miss oatposters...

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>>38307157
>manager, might I offer you a firm handshake for the oats?

>>38307102
Ok. But WHY do you get fired?

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>>38307224
stupid shit. inability to look people in the eye makes my coworkers uncomfortable and they use me as a scapegoat when shit goes wrong

sometimes i'll take long bathroom breaks because my anxiety will induce a panic attack and i have to be alone for at least 15 minutes to feel normal

also incredibly hard to listen to directions and focus when i'm battling my own mind constantly.

you know how your mind will think about random bullshit preventing you from falling asleep? it's like that with me but constantly, in every waking moment

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>>38307329
"Theatricality and online applications, powerful agents to the uninitiated. But I'm afraid you're still going to have to show up, speak with the manager, and give him a firm handshake, Champ."

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>>38306866
YOU APPLIED TO THE WRONG PLACE, FOOL

>>38305941
My step father was like t his he used to love telling me about how one summer he had 7 different jobs. He would work one for two weeks then leave because he didn't like it and have a new one the next day. He was annoyed as fuck that I didn't have a job and called me a worthless lazy sack of shit.

So one day I took him with me. I had him watch me and I used his cellphone number and his email address on all the applications. I hit up around 100 different places and he approved. Then when I didn't even get one "were not interested" let alone a interview he got indigent and started yelling at me that I must have fucked up somehow and that it had to be my fault.

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>>38308264
Did you remember to speak with the manager and shake his hand? It's all in the optics, Champ.

>>38308316
Yup. That's why I brought him along so he could fucking watch me.

The funny thing is that he's actually right. You just need to have social skills and not look like a creep, and you can probably get a job if you go to enough places. I mean, even ghetto niggers manage to get a job at Taco Bell. And they're literally to dumb to write a resume on a computer (I've seen some shit). So you're telling me you can't get ANY job?

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>>38308346
Did you remember to dress presentably as in button-down shirt and slacks at a bare minimum, stand up straight, and give a FIRM handshake? You've gotta get your head in the game, Champ.

I have limpest hand shank. Some guy at the gym finally introduced himself to me after 4 years since he was miring my progress and all I could think about was this shitty meme. He must think I'm a beta faggot now.

>>38309384
>hand shank

now you've got me thinking of lamb shank you cunt, and I havent got much to eat

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>>38309410
"You could afford more lamb shanks if you worked for a living, Champ. All you need to do is speak with the manager, look him in the eye, and give him a firm handshake. That's all there is to it."

>see therapist
>old gook female
>tell her I'm a friendless unemployed virgin
>she says my life isn't normal

What did she mean by this?

>>38309410
I don't even know how I mistyped that. That word isn't even in my vocabulary.

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>>38305941
but dad, i have yet to shake the hand within.

>>38309519
"Champ, only quitters make excuses -- and I surely didn't raise a quitter. Now I'm taking you to look for a job, whether you like it or not. It's all about speaking with the manager, standing up straight, looking him in the eye, and giving him a firm handshake. That's all you've gotta do. No excuses."

>>38306471
And that awful party rockers forced meme.

>>38309666
Dad, I tried to follow your advice.
I wanted to apply for this sys admin job at the factory nearby, since I hear they were hiring. I went up to the gate, and asked the security guard to let me in so I could talk to the manager about a job. But he said i can't just go in without an appointment?? So i looked him firm in the eyes, gave him a firm handshake, and spoke up to him, saying I'm going to speak to the manager and i'm going to get the job and he can't stop me.
They threw me the fuck out, wtf dad? You didn't tell me this would happen

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>>38309994
"Then, we'll try somewhere else, Champ. You just need to show up, speak with the manager, hand him your resume, and give him a firm handshake. What've you got to lose?"

>>38305941
SHAKE MY WILLY POPS

>>38310039
it's funny because you keep posting the same thing over and over and the robot doesn't mute you

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>>38310057
>>38310066

"Getting a job is a part of growing up, Champ. What've you got to lose? You just need to show up, speak with the manager, hand him your resume, and give him a firm handshake. It's really that simple."

>>38305941
>go give manager firm handshake
>manager has hook for hand

what do?

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>>38310130
"I didn't raise a quitter, Champ. Now you go back there, speak with the manager again, look him in the eye, and give him a firm handshake. Simple as that."

>>38310165
Dad, shut up already with this bullshit, this is why mom left us

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>>38310684
"Champ, you could either sit there and make excuses or take the first step towards independence by getting a job. I'm driving you around town to look for one tomorrow, and we won't stop until you get one. It's all about showing up, speaking with the manager, looking him in the eye, and giving him a firm handshake."

>>38306500
see, i read this and now i'm going to walk out of the interview without handing him the resume. I'm gonna get in the back seat of mommy's car, and we're gonna drive halfway home, and WHAT THE FUCK MY RESUME IS STILL IN MY HAND!

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>>38310751
>says he can get any job he wants
>can't even get mom back
why should i listen to you again?

>>38307102
>3rd shift stock at a grocery store
I did overnight stocking at a grocery store. the guy who "trained" me didn't show me half the shit and would always say oh I SHOWED HIM THAT!! he didn't show me what to do with broken shit,where half the shit went when unloading the truck. I only worked there for like a month it was god awful.

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>>38310844
Get in the car, Champ.

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Only through a firm handshake can you catch the attention of any employer more than online application.

>>38309438
Should I also hand him my resume and tell him I want the job Dad?

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>>38311690
It would be extremely advisable...

>>38305941
What do I say to the manager while speaking to him Dad? Do I make small talk or just hand him my resume, look him in the eye, give him a firm handshake and tell him I want the job?

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>>38306288
You're right, thanks dad.

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So how's the job hunt going, Champs?

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>>38311700

For jews.

[Filled aaj the texta]

>>38305941
what fucking resume? the fucking thing's empty

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>>38312000
"There's only one group of people on this planet who make excuses like that, Champ: QUITTERS. And I didn't raise a quitter. Now you show up, speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, hand him your resume, and tell him you want the job. It's that simple."

>>38312052
indeed you didn't raise a quitter, you raise no one at all

>>38312052
The only position in the store is manager. All the service positions have been automated. What am I supposed to ask the manager?

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>>38312074
>>38312114
"Excuses don't get anyone anywhere, Champ. Now I'm driving you around town to look for a job, and we won't stop until you get one. You walk in there, speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, hand him your resume, and tell him you want the job. Simple as that, Champ."

>>38305941
how about instead of doing that, i blow my brains out and die

>>38307329
Damn that sucks dude. I've always quit jobs before that happened to me. You should try to get on NEEtbucks

>>38312138
Ok dad, here's what you do to get mom back. You drive to uncle Tommy's house, look him straight in the eyes, and break his nose. Then you go to the bedroom where mom is, and you give her a firm handshake, hand her your resume, and tell her that you want her back. Simple as that.

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>>38305941
>speaking with the manager
I already failed

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>>38312192
"How about you get a job, Champ? It's all about showing up, speaking with the manager, looking him in the eye, and giving him a firm handshake."

>>38307329
>inability to look people in the eye makes my coworkers uncomfortable
I have the opposite problem. I autistically stare into people's eyes without even blinking, and i always see them averting their eyes, like they don't want to hold eye contact with me. feelsbadman

>>38306939
Well son, I am upset that you did that. I understand that you were just trying to get the job, but taking a dick in the butt is very dishonorable so you won't be getting any Christmas presents anymore.

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>>38312263

"Excuses like that won't get you anywhere. You walk in there, speak with the manager, look him straight in the eye like that, give him a firm handshake, hand him your resume, and you have the job. Easy as that, Champ."

>>38312192
YOU NEED TO GET A DAMN JOB!

>>38306043
>trying the same class of medication repeatedly even when it shows no effects

this is one of the many reasons why psychiatrists are fucking morons

>>38312610
we are taught in medical school to try multiple SSRIs before switching to a different class. While I am not a psychiatrist I assume this probably is for a reason.
But yeah psychiatrists do tend to be an odd group of people

>>38312610

>"The exact mechanism of SSRIs is unknown."
>"They have varying degrees of selectivity for the other monoamine transporters, with pure SSRIs having only weak affinity for the norepinephrine and dopamine transporters."

This is why they try multiple. Although ssris are really only effective as a wound dressing is for an open leg fracture. Sure it'll probably stop you from dying but it's not going take the pain away or fix what's wrong.

>>38312663
Yeah, but then he told anon to just fuck off afterwards rather than switching to SNRIs or Tricyclics or even a mood stabilizer or antipsychotic.

>>38312771

Triple re-uptake inhibitors sound promising. Any thoughts?

>>38312663

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Do you see those hands, son? You can shake them.

>>38306471
>Same with the bogdanoff meme
I actually grew to like the quick rundowns

Supportive dad meme is best meme

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>>38313064
"Champ, I'm the only person who's going to make you get a job -- and it's because I care. Tomorrow, I'm going to take you to look for one, and we won't stop visiting places until we find one that'll hire you right on the spot. It's easy, Champ. Just head on in there, speak with the manager, look him in the eye, give him your resume, and shake his hand. That simple."

>>38307212
truly a SHIT meme

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>>38313253

They said they only accept online applications. Leave me alone.

>>38305941
Why is this meme everywhere and where did it come from??

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>>38313331
"That AOL stuff is nice, Champ. It really is. But you can't get a firm handshake out of one, and that's exactly what you're going to give to each manager with whom you speak tomorrow. Remember to give them your resume, too."

>>38308264
Your dad its a complete cunt and the worst kind of employee he would only work 2 weeks which made everyone loose their time and money. Really anon you have to thank god you are not an insecure irresponsable piece of shit like your father

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>>38313342
It doesn't matter where it came from; what matters is the firmness of your handshake.

>>38314641

Mom and me have been talking.
Dad it's time we did something about your alzheimers. You keep repeating yourself and mom can't cope anymore.

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>>38314680
>>38314680


I'll take good care of mom while you're away.

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>>38312897
Bogdanoff has potential to be funny. This meme hits too close to home.

>>38308595
I've been turned away from places for not having enough job experience to do entry level shit like washing dishes at a non-fancy diner. HR and managers are the shittiest memes to grace employment.

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>>38314759
"Champ, you're going to look for a job tomorrow, and I'm going to drive you around town until you find one. It's as easy as showing up, speaking with the manager, handing him your resume, and giving him a firm handshake."

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>>38314759

"You have the potential to be anything you want, Champ. You just have to get out there and apply yourself. When i was your age i worked my butt off to put food on the table. Now head into town, and don't come back until you get hired. Remember ask to speak with the manager, look him in the eye, give him your resume, and shake his hand. That simple."

*shakes your hand weakly*

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>>38314876
Being idle has cost you your handshake grip; laziness has defeated you.

>>38314812
Actually I am unironically looking for work tomorrow. Unemployment gave me a shitton of job sites to browse through. I do this every week on wednesday. The rest of the time I spend washing my dad's clothes and preparing his eggs because he works all the time. I don't even know how to drive because nobody has time to teach me and since I have never professionally worked a day in my life it goes without saying that I do not have the income to learn how to drive via driving classes. My current 'job' consists of doing chores, looking for work and helping my grandparents out in exchange for food bank food items, no money involved. I spend 12 hours on wednesday browsing sites, rephrasing keywords because businesses aren't consistent in job position names, and going out to interviews if I am lucky enough to get a non-fuckoff response that does not allow me to give a handshake in-person. The berry-pickers this month did not want my help, asking the same old "why haven't you worked?" question when I am still looking for work for the 5th year in succession at age 24.
I am very, very tired of this repeated failure, and no boomer meme can save me. Especially when my dad doesn't have time to help me but has time to ridicule me about being a virgin.

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>>38314812

"Dad, why are you making this so hard on everyone? Do you even remember the person you used to be? We've called the home and they're coming tomorrow."

>>38305941
I use a grip trainer to increase the power of my shake.

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How dad? HOW?

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>>38315007
First, you must find the handshake within you...

>>38314938

You have to play dirty to get ahead. Lie on your resume.
>Self-employed.
"Yeah i did freelance graphic design for 3 after high school but the market was unsustainable for anyone without a degree. The last couple of years I've worked in (closed down restaurant/diner) and (event work/festival staffing) and I still get commissions from time to time."

>>38305941
>tfw this would actually increase my quality of life and i cant deny it

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>>38314938
"Persistence pays off, Champ. It's all about pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and taking the initiative. Show up there, speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, and hand him your resume. Simple as that, buckaroo."

>>38315068
That's the thing though I don't know how to lie about something I've never done before. I don't understand about 50-75% of your self-employed explanation so how would I go about lying in that manner?

>>38315150

It doesn't have to be specifically that. Pick a field in which people work for themselves or atleast have alot of autonomy. Research it to hell about it. Then put it on your resume. Make sure there's no holes in your story.

I.e. "Yeah the past couple of years I've been a for-hire caterer but OSHA standards and licensing really just made it unprofitable. I really want this job as a learning experience and to afford my dream of licensing my restaurant."

It's easy if you pretend like you're an actor researching a role. Maybe it is for me since I am an actor.

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>>38305941
>I'm taking you to look for one, and I won't take no for an answer.
Wow, you're such a great dad! I wish I had a dad like that, to give me feedback on my interactions with potential employers. I am especially grateful that you are willing to take the initiative to help me do this; that seems unusually kind to me.

>>38315269

BTW I'm not american and have absolutely no idea what OSHA does or how licensing works in America. I just guessed while I was giving an example but I hope you get my point.
It's still valid.

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>>38315269
>>38315365
Thanks I guess.
Honestly though I don't know how I got to where I am, I'm a colossal fuck-up socially and I have an associate's in accounting. I have zero connections/friends. I rarely ever try to lie about anything because more often than not it just blows up in my face. I don't really know how to react if someone questions a lie. I never handled confrontations well. I couldn't even lie to my mom about if I had lunch or not. Only reason I haven't given up is because I can't apply for neetbux living with my family.

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Whether you want to or not, you're applying for a job. Your move, Champ.

>>38307329
Are you me?

I am physically incapable of comprehending spoken instructions

Been like that my entire fucking life. Whenever people talk to me it's like the teacher from Charlie fucking Brown.

Just today someone was telling me how to spell their name and I was supposed to write it down. I couldn't understand and just wrote a bunch of gibberish because I didn't want to ask them to repeat themselves for a third time

I AM A FUCKING RETARD

RE

TARD

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*sees you being dropped off to apply*