>feeing nothing but bitterness lately >know that I'll

sounds like you better start writing your manifesto anon

>>38271774
>masturbating at least twice a day
What is bad about this again?

File: 1474155570692.jpg (120KB, 392x445px) Image search: [Google]

120KB, 392x445px

>feeling nothing but bitterness lately
>know that I'll always be alone but know that I deserve it
>wanting only to wallow in my misery
>start drinking liquor heavily
>stopped masturbating
>feel a lot more tired, but can cope with tfw no gf and I stopped masturbating

>>38271808
That's a minimum
Some days it's 3 or 4

>>38271774
Yes.

You know what is worse? I'm doing what I've always wanted to do in life, and yet the feeling is stronger than ever.

>I make good money
>A place of my own
>A loving/helpful family
>Amazing pets who I love dearly
>A nice circle of friends
>I'm in pretty good health (physically I guess)
>I honestly don't think I'm ugly at all

And yet, I still can't get a match on Tinder, I don't talk to women, I'm a virgin at 21, I fucking despise doing nothing all day but I also fucking despise going to work, I have horrible suicidal thoughts randomly despite me never having the balls to do it, I fucking hate hate hate gaming and the shitty gaming community but the more depressed I get the more I indulge myself in shitty fucking video games.

I don't even know what will fix it because the thought of spending all of my day with another person for weeks/months/years on end actually pains me.

I am just so fucking lost

>>38271920

I can relate to this.

I have such a nice life to offer someone the only thing I lack is how to be with a woman.
Like really. I'm well adjusted and everything is pretty great but just because I can't go 'YO YO DOG BITCH GET OVER HERE AND YEA YOU LOOK TIGHT YO' and be all arrogant and fake. I can't have anyone.

I once conducted a experiment online and talked like a animal like that and had women coming after me in droves.
But if I just try to be myself, and civil. Like a good human being with good intentions no one wants me.
But if I turn into a psychotic fake ass sexual vampire then women want me.
But I can never just hold that act. It sickens me.

>at a wedding with my dad
>he asks me why I don't try and talk to some of the girls that're there
>tell him I wouldn't want to get rejected
>he says I have to get over that fear

>I have absolutely no idea how to get over this fear
I HOPE I DIE
I HOPE WE BOTH DIE

File: image.jpg (10KB, 259x194px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 259x194px

>TFW probably going to a wedding later this year
>my mother is getting married so the attention will be shifted to her, her husband and me,
>have no contact with anyone besides close friends I met in online gaming communities
>Can't hold a conversation with a woman
>don't like talking to women in general
>after my experience with women texting me random shit just to be random and Cringy, vow to never get a girls number again
>my mother has pestered me for years to get a gf since she likely wants grandchildren
God damn it robots I don't trust her I just know she's going to push me into talking to some girl, I'll just have to be adamant and tell her to pester her other child for grand children in front of everyone.

>know that even if I get a "perfect" girlfriend it will still be inadequate
>still doesn't stop the pain of no gf

>constantly fantasizing about nostalgic times of youth and wonder, back when shit made sense but there was still magic and there was still stuff to be explored
>listen to music like https://youtube.com/watch?v=j5zH5nl_JrM constantly which just triggers that nostalgia and longing for the magic and the wonder
>everything is so shitty nowadays and makes me anxious or makes me hate myself
>want to go back to that time that I know never existed and just sail away on a winter's day on a caravel and explore the wide open world

>Been feeling bitterness and pangs of anger.
>Brother's probably back on heroin.
>Dad had a stroke and seems to be losing his strength.
>Mom is getting ready to retire.
>Grew to hate them in my teens.
>Had good reasons. It's long fucked up story.
>Can't find a job and can't move out because I tried that and was homeless.
>Can't do anything right.
>Smoke cigs even though it makes me feel like shit it's the only thing that takes the edge off and no beer or whiskey only makes it worse.

I turn 30 next week...
I hate myself so much.

>>38271826
>feeling nothing but bitterness lately
>know that I'll always be alone but know that I deserve it
>wanting only to wallow in my misery
>stopped doing acid regularly
>started project a la morte
>i can't feel and i can't think

>>38271774
>>38271826
>>38272754
You don't deserve to be alone. You can move beyond your past. Letting go of guilt isn't wrong if you've resolved to change.