>Throughout my entire life none of my friends have lived close

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>Throughout my entire life none of my friends have lived close
>Only had 2 majorly close friends through high school
>One lives far away and keeps contact while the other one just abandoned me
>Every time I go to some kind of social thing, I either don't get along with the people there, find them annoying and don't bother, or get along but never see them again after one meeting, not to mention that it always involves a lot of travel which is inconvenient to me
>Absolutely no way left to socialize
>No way to see people on a consistent basis
>Every day it plagues my mind how I am unable to find any connection and how this could be forever
>Envy almost every single person I have ever met to extremes, jealous of their ability to excel in any field or even have the most basic of skills that I could never even dream of having
>Feel like I could go on a mental breakdown and go on a rampage, but I never let it happen, almost want it to just for the sake of something eventful
>The only thing really stopping me from ending it all is the fear of no afterlife and it just being an empty black void of eternal sensory deprevation

I don't know long I can go on anymore.