"Son, it's simple. You walk into the place and speak

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>>38104680
Perception roll

They never have positions open dad.

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>>38105122
"Did you remember to call him, "Sir," and look him in the eye and give him a firm handshake?"

>manager looks up from their work
>huh you want a what?
>i want a job (extend hand)
>manager weakly shakes your hand
>you know we have online applications now
>t-thank you sir my name is a-anon

>>38105183
i did but they called security on me when i didn't want to leave

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>>38105222
Then try somewhere else. What have you got to lose, son?

>>38105248
my dignity dad

They only accept online applications, stupid old man.

>>38104877
Because you rolled a one, you actually believe him.

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>>38105292
>>38105323

I'll drive you down there myself and we won't take no for an answer. Now dress your best, get ready, and remember: It's all in the handshake, son.

>>38104680
So thats how you become a slave? Interesting.

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I'm nearing 200 apps and no job.
I went to the job center and had one of those resume wizards look at my resume and he said its fine. Please fucking kill me, dad.

>>38104680
>Do this to my manager
>He keks and calls me a faggot

>>38105429
It's all in the presentation, son. I'll drive you there so you can speak with the manager in person. Remember to look him in the eye as you're talking to him and remember to shake his hand.

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>>38104680
>h-hello sir m-my name is anon I was w-wondering if you have any positions open
>GO OHN-LYNE
Every fucking time.

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>Dad insists he drives me down to children toy store with my blank cv and ask for job, even though there aren't any positions open
Apparently he heard a rumour that they'll be hiring soon

>>38105472
Why can't I become a gay prostitute like all my friends dad?

>>38104680
>mfw this is exactly what I did not long ago and got a job

Enjoy sitting around tomorrow, NEETs. I'll be contributing to society.

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>>38104680
>Him

Most managers now are early 20-something Stacys

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>>38105526
>>38105529

It's all in the optics, son. Show up there, remember to stand up straight, look the manager in the eye, and give him a firm handshake.

You guys are just trolling, right? I couldn't imagine my own father being this retarded.

>>38105462
> he winks and laters calls me
> two weeks later
> I have the highest salary in the department

>>38105630
Sounds like you have the kind of dad who drinks Budweiser at the dinner table.

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>>38105743
my dad drinks budweiser no matter where he his

>>38104680
My 67 year old uncle called the house and talked to me and then launched into his old-man monologue pointless stories - all of the stories were about how he showed up and bullshitted his way into jobs and like drove trucks across the US border without any papers.

None of those bullshit tactics would work today.

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>>38105630

Nope, this was my baby boomer dad back in the day almost verbatim. Ended up joining the military since he harassed me every day for a year to do dumb shit like this to get a job.

>>38104680
Do your dads really say stuff like this to you? Mine just says things along the lines of "yeah the job market sucks now, looks like you're fucked".

>>38105630
Good for you then. I literally had the same thing. In vain I tried to explain the futility of the job market. It wasn't until he actually went and talked to a store manager himself who basically said they get like 20 resumes per week that he got the picture.

>>38106010
my dad still jokes about me buying hime a porsche when i get rich

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get to pullin son

>>38105585
Did this shit really work? Originaly
also, what the fuck dad, times have changed the country is fucked up

>>38104680
>My dad had me volunteer for our congressman's re-election campaign the summer after I graduated from college.
>Hung out in the campaign office 24/7 like it was the taxi stand in Goodfellas
>Congressman wins re-election (they always do)
>Get handed sweet job working for state legislative committee

So sorry that McDonald's didn't call you robots back.

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>>38106127
"Son, it's all in the handshake. Now get dressed. I'll drive you down there so you try it out for yourself."

>>38106209
What are you even changing in the posts.

>>38105630
Nope, this is what a surprising amount of boomers actually believe. My family is immigrants but my friend's dad is almost exactly like this - got bad grades in high school, barely finished, never went to university or college, got a job at the factory (Ford plant), joined the autoworkers' union, worked the same job literally his entire life, got his guaranteed pay increases, three cars, two vacations per year, two-storey two-garage 4-bedroom typical suburban house, retired at age 60 with a very good pension and medical plan, wife (friend's mom) never worked a day in her life.

Now he's costing Ford and the government literally at least ten thousand dollars per year because he has cancer and his wife has diabetes, neither of them work, both are on 5+ pills a day and have numerous doctor and hospital visits each year.

I'm not making any of this shit up - my friend's dad told me pretty much his entire life story over a few hours one time we got drunk in his backyard.

He literally gave my friend the "dress well, smile, firm handshake, talk to the manager" advice.

>>38106209
dad what the fuck are you talking about? Is like an illuminati handshake or some shit I dont know????

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>>38106250
"Getting a job is really simple, son. Dress your best, look the manager in the eye, address him as 'Sir' and give him a firm handshake."

>>38106250
>What are you even changing in the posts.
Nothing. That's the point. Those types of parents will never change despite how many facts you present.

>>38106278
He actually also told me to get a job since I just went to my friend's place to smoke weed and play video games every weekend (we're both 28), he suggested I cold call businesses out of the Yellow Pages

>I googled handshake
>Theres a fucking website about finding a job
>"dad" is just a marketing expert and gives you illuminati handshakes
https://app.joinhandshake.com/login

>>38106311
FUCK U DAD I WILL NEVER SLAVE AWAY MY LIFE LIKE YOU DID. YOU CANT MAKE ME INTO THE MONSTER YOU HAVE BECOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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>>38106352
"Son, showing initiative is the first step. After that, it boils down to dressing your best, being polite, looking the manager in the eye, and giving him a firm handshake."

Okay, anyone's family here actually understand how fucked things are?

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>>38106413
"Get in the car, Shinji."

>>38106450
No, they literrally belive they live on the past century

This worked for me at Checkers

>>38106464
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

YAMEEEEEETTTTEEEE!!!!!!

>>38106311

It used to be that way.

Here's a video from 1949 on getting and keeping a job:

https://archive.org/details/HowtoKee1949

* There are ads in the paper, some of which explicitly say "no experience required"
* The employer is willing to train
* You can start on the ground floor, and work your way up in the company
* Getting fired is shown as a minor setback; it's implied that the main character has an interview in the next day or two

Things are far different now; and people who haven't looked for a job since the 50's have no idea what is going on.

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>look manager in the eye
>it's a mid-20s HR Stacy
>give her a firm handshake
>cops throw my ass in the van for patriarchal microaggresion/microassault

>look manager in the eye
>it's a mid-20s HR Stacy
>nod (almost bow) politely
>smile weakly
>lack of handshake immediately confirms non-Chad suspicions
>escorted out by security for daring to talk to Stacy while being a weak beta male and not a female, minority, native, other quota target or Chad

I just tell my dad that getting a job in 2017 ain't the same game anymore

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>>38106812
"Son, the secret is in the handshake. A handshake and a little bit of initiative will get you far in life. Now get ready. You're getting a job if I have to drive you down there and drag you in front of the manager myself."

>>38106812
> Actually getting to see the manager

That seems to be the most unbelievable part of your story. Your application would have been filtered out by the automated applicant tracking system, and you would have never seen a human.

* Long gaps?
* Education doesn't match what you put down?
* Previous jobs don't match what you put down?
* Some mexican was working with your SSN in Texas, and drove a forklift off a loading dock while high?

You are nothing but trash to them.

If you keep getting rejected for no reason, use this form to get a copy of what the automated background checks see, and make sure your applications match it.

http://www.theworknumber.com/Employees/DataReport/report_request.pdf

>>38106891
I haven't gotten a decent handshake in 4 years of wageslavery. Worried that my handshake has gone limp after all these years.

>>38104680
Isn't it comforting to know this sentence has been repeated millions of times in household all across amurrica?

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>>38104680
>Jobcentre "work coach" keeps bothering me to give out my CV in person to different places in the city
>Too shy and I only do online applications

>>38106991
>Some mexican was working with your SSN in Texas, and drove a forklift off a loading dock while high?

Why does this sound like something that actually happened verbatim

>>38107120
does it actually even work?

>>38107175
They get so many resumes that they decide to judge based on the impression you make. If you're a socially retarded robot then making a good impression is not an easy feat.

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>>38107120
"Son, nothing beats going there and speaking with the manager yourself. Remember to look him in the eye, stand up straight, address him as 'Sir,' and give him a firm handshake."

>>38106727
>You can start on the ground floor, and work your way up in the company
>go to college job fair
>bunch of normie low-skill companies there like retail stores and shit
>figure what the fuck, might as well talk to everyone to see who does in-house IT
>some old guy (also looking for a job) tells me that's the kind of job you have to work up to
I literally don't understand how it could be possible to go from a mail room, for example, to working in the IT department these days. Especially when it seems all IT job require 4+ years of professional IT work experience. Like what the fuck?

thanks for this thread i just wanted another healthy dose of desperation, depression, and self loathing since I hadn't had that the last few minutes to go with my impudence for not securing a nepotism secured place in society

>>38107257
JUST GIVE HIM A FIRM HANDSHAKE ANON GEEZ

>>38107294
I did and all the best I got was a confused look and "check our website, I don't know if we have IT jobs"

>>38104680
Dad, I only know like 30 people, half of them are unemployed and only 2 got "real" jobs without connections, the rest were hired by family. Why don't YOU have a job for me, dad? Why are you so fucking useless?

boomer genocide best day of my life

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>>38107368
"Son, you're never gonna get ahead in life unless you take that first step. I'll drive you down there myself. Now, when you speak with the manager, remember to look him in the eye, stand up straight, and give him a firm handshake."

funny enough, but i got my current and previous job by going to each location in person and attempting a handshake with the manager

sure, it ain't prestigious employment being a hotel desk cunt, but its alright and i even enjoy it every now and again. acceptable for someone in school full-time

prepare some hand sanitzer, you're gonna be shaking a lot of poo-in-loo hands

>>38107257

In the old days there weren't IT departments, or even many computers.

People kept track of appointments, and typed up schedules for their employers.
Whole departments of file clerks served the role of a database, searching for archived documents as needed.
Armies of typists retyped, edited, and reformatted documents before they were sent out.

More people were employed, there were several levels of responsibility, and people could learn the skills and work their way up in the department.

Here's a short film about the differing duties of office workers in the 40's: https://archive.org/details/Secretar1947

I think I need to go get a job at the post office
Fuck you cunts

>>38107416
>you're never gonna get ahead in life unless you take that first step

Why don't you take that vapid platitude and shove it up your ass along with the millions of immigrants you and your generation thought it was acceptable to flood this country with?

learn to cook and become a chef. all chefs are excons and druggies, so nobody would even care what your story is.

How the fuck do all these places get so many fucking applications yet my job can't find like 3 more people? I swear the managers don't understand that a sign in the window saying "now hiring" is not enough.

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>>38107512
"I don't do any shoving with my hands, son. What I did do with my hands is give a firm handshake and use a little gumption. That's how I got my job. Get to it anon."

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>job requires at least two years or experience in the field
>but it's impossible to get experience in the field because every job requires 2 years of experience

>>38105580
Or 40 year old Laquishas.

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>>38107864
"Son, all it takes is a little initiative. Talk with the manager, look him square in the eye, always address him as 'Sir,' and remember to give him a nice, firm handshake."

>>38104680
And it's really that easy to get a gf?

>>38107948
This is why mom left you, dad

>Just drive down to the manager, look at the store and give him a firm handshake in the eye. It's that easy!

>>38104680
I did this and it worked desu

>>38106991
I applied online a few weeks ago for a job at Meijer and despite no college education and no job since I graduated four years ago I got hired for above minimum wage. It's incredibly easy to get a job at large companies.

'Dad, your first job was polishing olives at an Italian restaurant in the Bronx. I don't think that you entirely understand the modern mentality towards career finding for a High School Graduate.'

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>>38107953
"Son, the sky's the limit when you have a job. Getting one is simply a matter of speaking with the manager, looking him in the eye, and giving him a nice, firm handshake."

fuggin boomers man, i swear

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>>38104680

I don't need a job because after your wife divorced your vanilla ass and took the house and got lifetime ailmony I just live up with her and drive your old cars.

Thanks for working past retirement age dick sucker.

>>38108161

Their parents all tended to work at the same place; you'd have a couple of generations of relatives all at the same company, working in different levels. If one of them had a problem, the other family members could lend a hand.

The boomers remember that, because they were on the tailing end of that network that could help them get jobs, and advance.

Here's a video from the end of WWII; looking at workers returning from military service to work at US Steel; and how their family in the company helped them return to their old job.

https://archive.org/details/1119UnfinishedBusiness

Today they would have been already replaced, and given the minimum legal requirement of a couple pf months working a crappy job while they tried and failed to find a position inside the company that they were qualified for.

>>38107647
It's because your job chooses to not hire applicants. If they don't hire someone because the other workers will pick up the slack they don't want to waste the money on another employee so lower and upper management can try to negotiate a bigger bonus paycheck for keeping costs down having a wage cut out saying they cut costs and kept or increased productivity.
Some places simply don't want to hire but typically it's the management trying to get ahead and get an extra raise or bonus check.

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>establish a pathway!
>pound some pavement!
>use that shoe leather!
>synergy
>Firm handshake!
>pull up them bootstraps!

>"We need entrepreneurial self-starting innovators"
>Its a minimum wage sales associate job

All of these corporate fucks should be shot.

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>ok son that you are finally done with your degree, its time to get a job!
>what do you mean you are competing with third worlders? america is 90% white the last time i checked

>>38107257
you can't, big businesses get a tax break importing h1b visas trained on work like that so they won't hire as it would cost more, and the management wants to try to export the entire process for cheaper to a different country entirely if they can. Some office chad in charge of working with other people doesn't want you in his office or to have a paycheck, you're an idiot to him because you have to start at mcdonalds and go to get extra schooling/education otherwise you don't deserve it. Not that he'll hire you if you have an educational degree of any kind, you're not experienced enough in the field to impress him enough to hire. He had to work very hard at impressing his dad or friends to get him that job, you need experience that he doesn't have so he can keep looking good at work.

>>38105429
200 apps over the course of what timeframe?

>>38108682
>big businesses get a tax break importing h1b visas trained on work
wait, what the fuck? do you have any proof for that?

Old people need to stop doing this shit.

>just go to the place and ask for a job. Back in my day they would hire you on the spot

These days you've literally got 20 retards fighting over the same shitty factory job.

>>38107864
This is called a filter. It's meant for people with no ambition to disqualify themselves.

>>38106991
theres more.

if your application gets through it will get reviewed by HR lady that knows dick about the position

I unironically got my first job at 18 by shaking the manager's hand
Probably worked because he was a retarded boomer that didn't know how to use a computer. He had just gotten his first computer when I joined, like two years ago

>>38108583
>apply for dominos
>"we are looking for entrepreneurs and visioneers that have the same ideals and forward thinking as we do. we are looking for strategical people that are critical thinkers but yet obedient. join our organization and be part of a multinational interdimentional company

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>>38108950
"Son, all those Internet things are great and all, but nothing beats going in there, speaking with the manager personally, and giving him a firm handshake."

>>38108800
this filter is automated tho.
you go through 2-3 screening processes until you meet a human in person.
this is why networking is important. it lets you see the manager right away

>>38109039
This is not true. The filter is not automated. There is no competent parser that can grok a PDF resume and determine with accuracy what anyone's years of experience are.

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>>38108950
>interdimentional

>>38104680
>Ctrl f "handshake"
>35 results
Jesus, shut up with that!

>>38109073

That's why they have you fill out everything that is in your resume into their own online form; splitting everything out so they don't have to parse the PDF.

>>38109110
What kind of jobs are you applying to where this is even a thing?

>>38109039

As much as I hate to admit it; there is a good reason for those filters to exist.

A couple of years ago, we needed to hire someone where I worked. I was assigned to come up with a short list of applicants, that we would call in to interview.

I had heard stories of HR departments screwing people over, by trashing their application for stupid reasons, so I asked HR to just give me everything that came in, with no filtering.

That was a mistake. As far as I can tell, some nonprofits dealing with the mentally disabled, or homeless force their "clients" to apply for any job listing they can find, with no consideration as to their ability to do a job.

An opening for a rather senior technical position gathered thousands of applications written at a low elementary school level "Please Hyre me, I been unemployed for log time, but I do gud work" etc. Some were on paper handwritten in CRAYON.

I don't know how they can find the nuggets of corn in that river of shit; but I now totally understand why they need to use filters.

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>>38109109
"Son, women and children can get away without a firm handshake, but not us. Speak with the manager tomorrow and shake his hand. He'll hire you right on the spot."

>>38109188
Any job that wants you to apply via Jobvite, or other outsourced application systems.

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>>38107953
Son all you gotta do is walk up to a gal and look her in the eye while you rape her

>>38109193
no i don't mean that.
i mean that it screens for diplomas and stuff like that.
for hightec jobs that is absolutely wrong thing to do. most of your experience comes with working on projects and developing a portfolio. openstack score,open source projects, experience,previous jobs etc.
and even if it does bother you. it takes a second to throw away a resume with a quick glance

Meh my dad always knew how shitty the job market is nowadays since he used to change job voluntarily every 6-7 years out of boredom. The only one who kept nagging was my mom working minimum wage but working like three people in a retail job being the only employee in a small grocery store, destroying her own back in the process.

I've never failed an in-person interview. Always fail phone interviews.

I just hate that they never tell me the pay, or give a full description of the job. So I always put the jobs down.

>>38107987
It does work sometimes, but there are a lot of obstetrical. Mainly that a lot of business do

>>38109375
Fuck, hit post by accident.

>>38107987
It can work and there are a lot of places that practice oldschool hiring policies where they want to have a conversation with you to judge your demeanor and ask about your qualifications. If you can get in the door being confident, being able to talk about yourself in a positive light, and being able to ask assertive questions is always a plus.

The problems are that a lot of places have policies that are made to make the hiring process as brainless and streamlined as possible and it brings it down to a numbers game with some luck thrown in.

Find a company that says you have to apply online? They'll get a hundred applicants in a week and even if you're perfectly qualified you don't have a chance if you aren't in the first twelve.

New to the workforce? Someone a thousand times more qualified will apply and be just as charismatic as you and get the job first.

Been in the workforce for a long time and have lots of experience? Company will see that and think that you're a flight risk and not bother hiring you because they think you'll go someplace better in two months.

Been a few months since you last found a job? Anyone who you apply to sees that you haven't worked every day and thinks that you're not a serious applicant.

Seriously though, the best way to get a job is nepotism. If you can make friends/acquaintances and apply to work somewhere they're working or somewhere they've worked before, or even just somewhere where they are friends with the boss then they will check your application first and interview you first and you're much more likley to get hired. It sucks but that's the way it is. The more social you are the easier it is to find something.

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JUST SHAKE THE DAMN HAND ANON

>>38109574
what kind of company gets hundreds applications a week? (if its not a food chain or similar stuff)

for manual labor and food related jobs i can understand. but how can you have hundreds of applicants a week for a job that requires some kind of professional experience or a diploma? you want to tell me thousands of people apply for 1 position?

>>38108950
I fucking hate this shit so much. It has actually gone too far. Even McDonald's is "seeking to cultivate the next generation of passionate, engaged, globally-minded leaders who" fucking stop, you are mcdonalds, you are not hiring leaders, the fucking stoned nigger fucking up my order and cleaning toilet bowls doesn't lead shit, these people need to understand that this sort of bullshit makes everyone hate and distrust the entire system

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>>38109854
don't poke holes in the neo-corporatist facade, its rude!

>>38105630
My dad is 60 and makes six figures, he got a great government blue collar job with nothing but high school

>>38105357
This made me cringe because it sounds like something my dad would do.

>>38104680
actually did this 2 hours ago at pancho villa, easiest shit ever. He asked me to specify my hours more and said I start 7/15. Literally it. They're low on workers rn so they just handed it to me (I think that's why). would probably work at most casual jobs w/ no reqs

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>>38110133
"See, son? And all it took was a little initiative and a nice, firm handshake. It's as simple as that."

>>38109794
If you're in a reasonably populated area, like a large town or a small city those numbers aren't unreasonable if you're doing online applications.

Like you said, this does mostly apply to unskilled labor, which is where most people have trouble, though it can happen if you're applying to a larger corporation or applying for a work in a highly populated area.

>>38109945
>it's rude!
Not to mention lazy and a sign you aren't a team player. You're probably a virgin as well!

>>38110177
His dick was probably hard from the fact I speak Spanish too but yeah, my mom told me your exact reply

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I worked at UPS for 2 months, then some fast food shithole for 2 years, now I always get interviews.

Just apply at UPS or any type of Cargo plant, they always hire, then leave after 2-3 months. Since You've actually worked there you can put them on your resume. Since these places don't usually have one set manager and have a multitude of them, you won't have to worry about putting that on your resume. Works Everytime. Now I'm applying to some stay at home jobs, which there are plenty of legit ones. You just have to really search.

>>38104680
>tfw I don't shake hands because my hands are always sweaty as fuck so interviews are a nightmare for me

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>>38110305
"I DIDN'T RAISE MY SON TO BE A LIMPWRISTED QUITTER. NOW YOU MARCH IN THERE, LOOK THE MANAGER IN THE EYE, AND SHAKE HIS GODDAMN HAND!"

>>38105630

no it's not trolling, it was even worse for me when my boomer dad moved my family back to england after spending 2 decades having a good life in a 3rd world country.

my dad couldn't understand why i dropped out of 6th form college, why i didn't have any friends and why i didn't want to do anything

and he tried the stupid boomer mantra with me, to just get suited and booted and just turn up at industrial estates and try to shake the managers hand and ask for a job like he did for his apprenticeship when he was 16, back in the time when england was still english a land and a time now lost to legend

>>38110360
*punches your dick*

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>Son, do you want me to call and speak to the manager about how you never smoke or drink? They like that kind of person.

in reality it depends on how far you can stick your nose into an asshole.
>walk up to manager
>sir can i stick my nose in your asshole
>manager: *stares in HIRED*

>>38107120
>know this feel all to well
>somehow work up the courage
>go into big stores and ask for manager
>"you have to apply online"

>still too afraid to go into small stores or pubs where the enviroment is very close and small and will pretty much have to talk to everyone
>tfw there is no option to hide behind the guise of big impersonal atmospheres

>>38107255
>tfw not only my dad but also chad friend tells me this

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Just got hired at Mcdonald's as a Night Manager. Have my first training day tomorrow. Yay or nay?

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>>38110670
"What did I tell ya, son? There's nothing a little boldness and a firm handshake can't accomplish."

>>38110670
>38110670
mcds sucks, but night shift is LEGIT.

>>38110670
If nothing else it's pays and it's something that you can put on a resume in the future that shows you're willing to work.

>>38110771
i once got a job because the guy felt bad i was working a night shift. just have other shit going on in your life that youre working towards and youll make it out.

>>38106369
got my $20 an hour software internship off that site.

>>38104680
>go to job interview
>the job is to stack shelves in a supermarket
>I'm being reviewed by a very attractive woman probably just a few years older than myself
>look the reviewer woman straight in the eye and give her a firm handshake
>her hand felt so fragile and her handshake was not firm at all
>she kept eye contact though
>didn't get the job
WHAT THE FUCK

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>>38110855
"Then we'll try another place, son. What have you got to lose? Still, remember the basics: Eye contact, manners, and a firm handshake."

>>38110897
I already did that. Here's one that happened before.
>arrive at the office a bit early
>the people greeter woman and coffee sipper woman greets me and tells me to wait
>less than a minute later boss man shows up
>invites me over to his boss man room
>tells me to wait while he gets his coffee (must be one of those no talky before coffee types)
>we talk about the job
>I had no opportunity to give him a greeting handshake but I made sure to give him a firm goodbye handshake
>didn't get the job
FUCK

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>Dad is a boomer
>Worked his ASS off to go to college, get an xray tech license, do a physics degree, get a job
>Makes six figures, provides for our family
>Am going through college right now
>"Anon, we are so proud of you, you know that?"
>"We realize the job market is tough, so you will always have a place to stay. It's nothing like when your mom and I were growing up."
>"If you need to live at home and work after you graduate, you can do that. Renting is wasting money anyway."
>Work my own ass off so I can make my parents proud
>Just landed my fourth internship going in to my senior year

THANK YOU BASED DAD

>>38110855
>giving a woman a firm handshake. Oh lad

>>38110982
What was I supposed to do, give her a gentle hug?

>>38111007
A kiss on the cheek you autist.

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>>38110971
"It's okay, son. We still have six more places to inquire at tomorrow. Just remember the basics."

>>38111007
Nah I'm fucking with you m8, has happened to me too, well I've only been interviewed by men but woman usually just give weak handshakes but I believe I've heard they should give firm ones aswell

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>>38110977
Im happy for you and your father give him lots of grandchildren.

>>38111007
give her a small little smile and generally look positive and energetic.

>>38111076
Why not the lips? Could've gotten a job AND a girlfriend.
>>38111087
I was joking too. Yeah in my experience women never give firm handshakes.

>>38104680
"Or it least that's how to was when I was our age and the destruction of the planet was in full swing. Lots of demand, lots of job. We didn't worry about the consequences, those are your problems."

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>>38109193
Whenever I do hiring, I take all the applications I get, and put them into two stacks. I then shove one stack into the trashcan. I won't have unlucky people working for our company.

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>>38111118
I will. I love my dad, I love my mom. I'm gonna do them proud.

>>38111203
I feel the same for my parents, they've been great and supportive, and I want to make them proud by raising a good Christian family.

>Shake hands with the manager
>HR woman shows me out
>Extends her hand unexpectedly
>Give her a shit handshake
I think I've done myself out of a job

>>38104680
So i gave a firm handshake to the Shift Manager, Who reports to the Store Manager, Who reports to the Regional Manager, Who reports to the State Manager who is responsible for determining if the company needs new hires. Do you think that "firm handshake" will make it that far?

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>>38111298
Both me and my gf are atheists, but I think we have the same goals, anon.

>>38109794
I posted an opening for a script monkey position a couple of months ago and got 120 applicants in 10 days.

80 of them were qualified.

I interviewed 6 people. I was all set to hire this Taiwanese chick, which would have been awesome because she would have been a diversity hire. But she got another offer so I had to hire a white guy. (OH NOES)

>>38109945
Corporatism didn't do that to us, the state did it.

Everyone feels like they have to be a "good corporate citizen" and believe all that crap (along with all the diversity mythology) or they will be picked out to be corporate whipping boy of the week.

"Look, see? We don't just want to hire teenagers and retired old people and pay them very little to perform simple and time-and-motion-management-perfected tasks. We're hiring globally-minded leaders! Plenty of people advance with us, don't raise the minimum wage just to fuck with us!"

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>>38111314
"Son, you can either sit there and blame others for your problems or you can pull yourself up by your bootstraps and commit yourself to getting a job. And the secret to getting one lies in looking the manager in the eye and giving him a firm handshake."

"So, the handshake, son."

>>38111399
>120 applicants in 10 days.
so all of those 120 people were living on neetbux?

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>>38111399
What the fuck?
What must it be like for jobs that don't require a diploma or prior experience?
Should I just kill myself?

>>38111481
PLEASE EXPLAIN IN DETAIL HOW TO GIVE A FIRM HANDSHAKE

>>38109854
>these people need to understand that this sort of bullshit makes everyone hate and distrust the entire system

You need to understand that they do it to make fun of you.

>>38111488
A lot of them looked like H1B contractors coming to the end of one contract, and looking for another.

A lot of them were kids one or two years out of college, working at unpaid internships and working on a masters in computer science.

Some of them had been recently downsized.

Others clearly currently had jobs. Maybe they didn't like them and wanted a change.

No neetbux people as far as I could tell.

>>38111591
this H1B meme doesn't sit right with me.
companies say that there is a shortage of IT people and engineers and the only way to get more is to import more.

but looking closely at americans, they have the most cutting edge knowledge in the world far as IT and STEM goes. your universities usually follow programs that correlate to current technologies being developed in the sillicon valley and bay area. most of the world is still behind america in terms of programming and technology and general. the most senior of programmers are still americans.
now why would you need those third worlders that don't even have an international degree working at your company? something smells funny here.

>>38111666
It's because they want cheap labor. That's why companies want the H1B program, and for unmitigated illegal immigration.

>>38111691
this probably explained why we didn't make any new technologies for 10 years now

>>38104680
You know what Dad. Your right. So i gave the manager a firm handshake and didn't bother bringing my Resume. After all i need is the handshake. I'm sure that they will get back to me. But in the meantime i will just have to continue to collect neetbux.

>>38111775
That and the fact that the current tech companies have a monopoly on all possible markets. Until virtual reality comes around well stagnate

>>38111481
Can I give him a handjob instead daddy?

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>>38111306
"Then we'll try somewhere else. What have you got to lose, son? Remember that all you need to get ahead is a firm handshake and some gumption."

>create linked in
>they have a job section now
>apply to entry level job by me that I am qualified for
>over one hundred other applicants

this shit is fucked

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>>38112349
Son, all those Internet gizmos sound nice and all. But at the end of the day, it boils down to showing up, speaking with the manager, looking him square in the eye, and giving him a firm handshake. Simple as that."

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I am unironically THIS close to cold calling a few local businesses to see if they are hiring.

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>>38112685
"Good for you, son. All it takes is a little initiative. Still, nothing beats speaking with the manager in person and shaking his hand as firmly as you can."

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LEAVE ME ALONE DAD YOU PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT
STOP ASKING ME HOW THE INTERVIEW WENT YOU CUNT

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>>38112792
"So, champ, how did the interview go?"

>>38105429
Jesus, what field and are you in a location where that field is relevant?

>>38111691
How the fuck is H1B cheap? First there are the legal costs for the entire process. More often than not some relocation expense + housing will have to be paid. Plus a company cannot pay an H1B employee less than a regular one.

The only reason why Shekelstein hires on H1B is to keep the employee tied down to their company, unless they somehow manage to transfer their visa to another company.

>apply to job
>get called for interview
>get asked if I'm REALLY the person on the phone
>interview lasts less than 3 minutes
>we'll let you know/we're interviewing other people and then we'll let you know

I honestly think I need to actually act "black" to get a job. Maybe people actually like the 1 black guy who is upbeat and makes everyone laugh at stupid jokes in the workplace. It has never worked for me to talk white (not that it's not my normal voice) and every job that I did get it was because 80% of the employees were black anyway.

These HR cunts/managers look at my resume and think I'm white. But when I get there they treat me differently than when I was on the phone.

>>38106450
My mom told me I would probably have trouble finding a job because immigrants are doing the jobs young kids used to do.

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>>38113357
"Ahem. Son, you might wanna see >>38111481"

>>38106352
"Yellow Pages". Oh, dear.

>>38108410
Ahh, but military have laws protecting their jobs when they return. Specifically, reservists.

>>38113143
Easy-- while the upfront costs are high, the ongoing labor cost is extremely low, often one-third or less of the local market rate.

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>>38111544
BREAK THE FINGERBONES

GET BACK HERE AND GET DRESSED BWAH

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>>38111881
"Son, I'm going to drive you to six different places tomorrow. And you're going to speak with the managers of each of them, whether you like it or not."