How good/bad is your life /r9k/? >live alone in a rented

>>38091411
i went to rehab and i've been clean for over 3 years now and i'm telling you things are as miserable clean as they are using

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>>38091463
I've almost ODed lots of times, got to the point of accepting my imminent death but I woke up the next day in agonizing physical pain.

> i've been clean for over 3 years
How do you do it, do you go to meetings? I know things are as miserable clean, that's obvious, what frightens me is that things will suck more once I'm back to using at the same rythm as before.

>>38091546
stopped going to meetings years ago. just have one close friend who's also clean.

it's just too much effort to use and it stopped feeling good or being enjoyable. i'm not into the hustle that that life entails. way too much work. i still get self destructive urges from time to time but they always pass.

not sure what drug you're doing, but if it's IV heroin then statistically you don't have long before the final shot. 7 people i knew over the last 2 years are dead from it. there'd be more if i still had anyone to lose.

>>38091619
well my daily use was alcohol, tramadol, clonazepam and weed, on the weekends it was weed, edible weed, mollies and acid. Shit went downhill because I was popping acid and mollies every weeekend for months. Also ritalin everyday at work. I occassionally mixed DXM with weed.

Tramadol is easily available where I live, I'd like oxy but it's too hard to get. I'd like to replace the clonazepam with valium too.

I'd try heroin if I could but I'm an autistic fuck and I don't know where to get it where I live.

>>38091729
do you actually want to get clean

>>38091411
>been in a psych ward once for drug-induced psychosis
How did you not get arrested prior/following that? Aren't drugs ILLEGAL there? Just curious.

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>>38091783
I wanted to, I almost ODed and turned crazy and I felt like life had given me a second chance and got into rehab. I did it out of fear, now that I tried being clean life still sucks.

I still have no friends, my relationship with my parents improved, I'd like having a family of my own but I hate women and I'm not a faggot.

I feel like I wanna build something but I can't cope with the depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. Already taking mirtazapine and 2 more anti-psychotics for anxiety and nothing compares to being mad drunk or high.

>>38091874
if you don't have anything on you, they can't really charge you with anything. having drug metabolites in the body isn't reason enough to charge someone with a drug related offense in america because they can't prove you knowingly ingested the drug

>>38091921
That's good to know, tho I assume it varies depending on country. But this leads me to another question.

>got senior position in a big audit/accounting firm
>shit salary because third worldler
So you live in the US with an apparently good job yet they pay you like shit because you are foreign?

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>>38091874
>How did you not get arrested prior/following that? Aren't drugs ILLEGAL there?
Yeah technically but addiction is a disease recognized by the World Health Organization.

What I'm trying to say is, they treat it like a disease in psychiatric hospitals/wards, they wouldn't put you in jail for being sick. Also, the recovery programs revolve around confidentiality and anonymousity.

Also the rehab center was right inside the psychiatric hospital where I stayed. Spent 5 days in the psych ward with the other loonies, they almost tied me up, shot me lots of times, I kept having visions or being disconected from reality in the psych ward, the walls were full of crazy scratches and symbols and the other loonies were mostly niggers, which made me more racist than I already was.

Picture very related, they look literally like this.

>>38091962
>So you live in the US with an apparently good job yet they pay you like shit because you are foreign?
No, there are Big 4s are through the world. I got an audit senior position but I got the third world pay because I live in a third world/developing country.

I make 900 a month after taxes, 300 goes for rent, back when I was using everything else went for using. I ate only lunch, because it was free (company benefit). They also gave me an Amex card, which basically sustained me because I could withdraw cash from it and pay it 2 months later.

>>38092035
yeah this kind of shit is wild. i work at a fortune 500 company and when you look at the paygrades for people trapped in shithole countries they'll make one third of what you do at the same paygrade. granted the cost of living is drastically different but i also don't trust the company to not fuck these people

>>38091411
Own house at 18
Have shitty and unreliable construction job
have friends but don't see them often
Shit salary because construction job.

>21 but almost 22 in a couple months.
>NEET for 6 years
>No friends, not even online friends
>still live at my parents house.
>Ugly as fuck
>Have shoulder and back acne
>have toenail fungus on my right foot that won't go away no matter what I do
>Terrible vision
> bad handwriting that gets commented on everytime I have to show my writing
>crooked teeth
>Have Avpd
>Not close with anyone in my family so I'm practically living in isolation.
>Can barely string a sentence together without feeling like it makes no sense due to lack of human interaction.
>Only good thing is that I'm relatively /fit/ to the average person but that means shit when I have acne.

I don't know my dude. Seems like you have it pretty good compared to me. I honestly feel like I have hope of returning into society due to lack of social skills, work experience, and education.

>>38092884
you're still young, go to a dermatologist to fix your acne, I have a chronic skin disease and you just have to do what the dermatologist says.

>Terrible vision
literally get glasses

>crooked teeth
Literally get braces. I have braces even though I am 23. Might have them till I am 24.

You can unfuck yourself.

can't get a retail job because I have no experience REEEEE

>Full ride to uni
>Top of class atm
>Spend every evening, weekends in my dorm hating myself and jacking off to hentai
could be worse, could be a lot better.

>>38093105
I already have glasses. They make me uglier than I already am and braces cost a lot.

How do I fix 6 years of being NEET? I can't, because society thinks having a resume with a gap is huge red flag. I can't even fake my way into a job because I'm socially retarded. I know what needs to be said(STAR based answers) but the problem is my brain can't function properly in these situations. I hate how you have to kiss ass during interviews with fake responses to even be considered for jobs. Everything honestly feels like such a hassle if you are the slightest bit socially retarded.

Don't even get me started on how the want you have multiple references that isn't family.

>>38091411
>Absolutely 0 friends
>No Job
>Live at my Mom's
>Abusive mom btw
>Suicidal
>Have no means to just end it all


Just fucking kill me already

pretty good i suppose
>could get gf but dont care because i wanna draw
>women = waste of time at the moment
>live with my dad
>dont have to do much else besides drawing except occasionally cleaning
>have part time job
>but trying to make money off art at some point when i am good enoguh
>smoke trees but nothing else
>skinny af
>have kid early in life so he is getting pretty grown up now and is really cool
>not depressed
>not too many worries
>pretty good luck
>mostly happy

About to revive the Roman Empire as Milan in EU4.
Life couldn't be better.

Being alive is uncool no matter what your circumstances

Found out I lost my V-plates to a girl who has diagnosed autism

It's kind of poetic

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>be me
>worked hard for months to lose weight to get qt trap look
> finally get trap look, look feminine without hormones
>phonecall from fucking recruiter
>ask me for my weight
>"...157"
>"oh wow anon, you've lost some since our last talk! Could you come down to the station tomorrow?"
>"s-sure. Sure."
> fucking can't say no, enlist.
>go through fitness stuff, get swol but lose trap look
>feelsabsolutelyfuckingbadman
>pass asvab, can go to nuke school for navy
>do bloodwork and crazy fitness test, pass
>actually feel good. I have nice looks, fit, and a future i can be proud of
>doctor hands me papers
>"Im sorry anon, but due to an astigmatisms in your right eye, we can't accept you until it gets corrected
>no more future, no more qt looks, let my father down, I quit wagie job to focus this

I give up. Ill see if I can get eye surgery but the one chance I had to get out of here and my fucked up eye ruins it. A random number just took away a possibly 30 year career plus a wife, trips around the world, good pay, free college for a child, and retirement. I could be better.

>>38094497
>navy
>wife

you missed out on getting cucked

>>38091411
>have gf
>in college
>a lot of girls (and guys) want to be with me but idgaf
>10+ friends
>always sad
>arrested waiting for trial might end up in jail for a year
>drug abuse
>10/10 looks literaly model tier
>people take my pictures when i go out to clubs
>parents rich will inherit a lot
>but i want much more idgaf about material shit or girls or status
>want to join army to find purpose
>did a lot of bad shit in my life
>i want to travel the space and shit i dont want this
>intp

>>38094497
>nuke school
Consider yourself lucky you aren't allowed to join the Navy.

The suicide rate for those that go into Nuke is astronomically high, like 87%.

There's a reason why you go through additional mental health screening for nuke and why you get paid 6 figures and get a 6 figure bonus to begin with.

>live with mom
>recently fired from shitty retail job
>have a lot of money in the bank that i am going to spend some on college but am saving most of it to buy a small cheap home
>still in college going for meme degree (poli sci) already have associates
>no bf ever (closet fag)
>ugly backnie but good looking face
>shit eyesight
>no friends but close to my family
>messed up dick due to scar tissue

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>>38095795
>tfw tried to join the navy
>tfw they didnt take me because shit eyesight
>tffw i'll never get to work on an aircraft carrier or sub
>tfw never get to travel to japen in the navy

I have crippling body dysmorphia and constantly obsess over my facial features and body. Constantly looking in mirror and critiquing myself in this never ending OCD nightmare. This was a product of combined anxiety and depression that I suffered for the majority of high school that left me pretty traumatized and prevented me from enjoying it. Luckily cured anxiety and depression after first semester of college, but stuck with this absolutely crippling body dysmorphia, cant go more than a few hours without taking a selfie or looking at myself in the mirror, its pretty bad. I should probably seek help but both therapists ive tried have utterly failed. No clue what to do at this point. Any anons have experience with this and how to cure it?

>27
>got fired from a pretty cushy job, working in a packing plant until I can find real work again
>no family
>no friends
>not comfortable talking to people
>can't afford to drink heavily anymore
>sitting on 4chan at 3:30 am posting about how miserable I am

>>38096068
>>got fired from a pretty cushy job, working in a packing plant until I can find real work again
yikes that sound like a big step down? what was it you were doing before?

>>38096100
I was doing computer shit for the catholic school board. Mostly running the computer lab or running from school to school to set up networks and stuff.

>>38096132
>21
>Managed to finally stay sober 6 months after 9 years of smoking weed daily
>Fall into a mild alcohol addiction
>End up picking weed back up
>Reminisce on my huge fuck up realizing staying sober 6 motnhs was all for nothing
>Decide to drink beer to help the depression
>Feel even worse every day
>Trapped in endless cycle of regret
>Still have girls look at me but not interested in the slightest
>Come to conclusion that modern life is an illusion that destroys anyone who slightly falls off the "normie" path and has no soul

>been going to uni for 4 years, still no friends
>no friends in general
>spend time playing rust, shooting barrels from the towers I build because I don't want to go out and shoot people on the ground because I'm scared of losing loot
>I play exclusively modded servers, btw
>otherwise I'm watching youtube videos
>honestly that's like 70% of my life right there...has been for 4 years

good?
>do judo, get to socialise and shit once a week even though I'm shit at judo
>have home gym even though my diet is shit and I haven't benched over 80kg despite 2 years of training

>>38095986
I thought I got rid of it by getting rid of all the mirrors in my life but now I'm just disgusted by the sight of my body. Idk what to tell you but it's not getting any better on my end and I hate feeling this way and knowing that my perception of myself will always be fucked up - I'll never see myself clearly. I went through a hospital program and thought I'd improved and my depression was under control but it's not. I'm still suicidal. It's constantly on my mind, just as it was before. I'm scared, Anon. I don't want to feel this way anymore and I only know one way to shed these feelings.

>>38096368
do you have kik messenger or some kind of chat program? Really would help to have someone to talk about this with. Need someone who will understand

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All the women i liked loved the same Chad.
Lost my best friend because of a dumb argument
Has no purpose
I have nobody in my life
I'm slowly becoming unfunny
Guess you guys could say i'm not feeling the real shit, but i'd say my life's shitty enough

>>38096469
Sure. Idk if I'd be any help though. pls don't make fun of my username.
It's toyaeatsbabies QQ

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>been mostly bedridden for past year because of illness
>only made half the year of school
>been to 3 GIs and Mayo
>can't work out
>can't move much more than the area of my house
>feel exhausted or I'm gonna pass out when around people for more than an hour or two
It's terrible. I have nothing to do besides anime and vidya. Working out gave me purpose and now that I'm weak and can't do anything about it I'm just mad and goalless. The fuck is the point of all this shit

>coasting because of no ambition and rich parents

>addicted to feelings