How have you lost your friends? You ever had real freinds/internet

I lost my friends because im a boring fucktard with no personality

>Internet friends
Had many most of them grew out of vidya the rest moved on to different games or different accounts.
>Friends
Lost all of them in the last year of high school due to certain circumstances including me quitting alkekhol and weedlamao making me not belonging there the rest is a mess.
Since then finished pvsc from home and been a neet for 4 years.

Everybody drifts away from me, my relationships with people follow a bell curve trajectory. Once I peak I know that it's all downhill from there.
Idk why. Some last years, some last only months, but it's always the same. Slow start, a peak, then a slow burn back down into nothingness.
I've tried putting in effort, not putting in effort, trying too hard, not trying hard enough, trying just a bit. But it's always the same.
Once I got out of high school I stopped making replacement friends and eventually they all burned off one by one.

>>38067546
Turns out my friends allready knew that but were full of me pretending I was not. I allways lied to them pretending that i live a happy life.

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>>38067606
For me it is like a big dirty closet in my room that people start noticing after a while when they hang out with me. If you just peek into my room and go after a while you would not notice the pure ugliness of the closet. But people that stay for longer are beginning to ask themselfs:,, what is in that closet?" When they ask me whats inside or even want to take a look I start to make up incredible lies about that there is nothing to see in the closet and that it doesnt even exist. I behave horribly because I think they allready took a look without my permission and feel ashamed and worthless.
At some point i am in a spider web full of lies,cringe and bad behaviour. The truth is I don't even know anymore what all the bad stuff is that i put into the closet and that scares me