It's been five years that I've been in uni and I still

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It's been five years that I've been in uni and I still haven't got my bachelor's.

And the reason is that I don't study at all.

I find myself whatever excuse comes in handy at the moment to "call it a day" and think "tomorrow I'll start working hard and recover my lag."

But it's been five years of this game.
Don't study,fail, promise, don't study,fail.

I'm aware of this circle, but I cannot absolutely put myself to study in any way. It's like I am physically nauseated by it.

This exam session is the last one that my already over-tolerant parents will concede me. If I fail, it's over.

It's so weird. It's like I care and at the same time I don't care at all.

Plus, my parents don't even know that I never used the expensive textbooks they bought. I always find some excuse like "it was difficult, i made a conceptual error, the professor was in a bad mood". And again at the same time I feel sorry about betraying their trust and I don't give a fuck.

R9k, how can I make up my mind? How can I break this limbo?

I want to die.