Hey, you guys got some time to listen? Got to get some stuff

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I'm a social retard because society is oppressive and it doesn't recognize my self-imposed, non-clinical snowflake retardation as worthy of active respect
Society is the problem and the individual has no duty or capacity to self-improve for his own benefit and that of others

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im all ears anon

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My parents failed to properly socialize me which arguably left me with defficient neurological development. My father lacked fully realized identity as a man and thus failed to teach me the resilient, adaptable nature that is valued in men. My mother was emotionally unstable, which lead to a tense family environment, and my parents' relationship lacked love and affection so I have no intuitive notion of how romantic relationships work

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Despite being an adult fully capable of self-determination, and thus capable of facing my personal issues, I choose to be defined by them and wallow in self-pity

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I have controversial beliefs that, if expressed openly, would render me a pariah. I might or might not have good arguments for it, but the preemptive weight of the assured social rejection makes me overvalue these controversial opinions. They fester inside me like an infected wound. Shitposting in the internet is the one way I have to somehow contain the pain that comes from being so low in the social hierarchy.
I probably have no diagnosable, permanent mental illness but the weight of this reality is slowly but surely pushing me towards full-blown mental illness.

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I do not get along well with women. Other men might have developed the social sensibility that allows them to talk with women, flirt, develop real human bonds. These men have realized that women are not easy to deal with but have deloped effective ways to address that.
When women try to invade my personal space - by trying to limit my freedom of speech, fucking up my video games, calling me a mysoginist - I feel a terrible, deep disgust. These people are attacking the one republican principle that is the most fundamental to western democracy and it's the one thing keeping me sane. I am terribly disgusted because these women have indeed been destroying, one by one, all that could bring me some measure of joy.

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Despite everything I do function, if only barely. But these people are leaving me with no choice
The reality of evolution is that, while most women manage to have offspring, most men are genetic deadends who'll never prove themselves enough to constitute a family. My conscious mind might not reflect upon this but my body knows it, it knows that in the way my life is going on I'm not going to reproduce, I'll die childless, I'll fail in the way all my ancestors did not.
This unconscious knowledge is driving me insane, my body reacts against my will by wrecking my mind, trying to somehow lead me towards a reproductively successful outcome.
I may have tried to improve myself, to learn how to deal with women, but my efforts did not give results. Maybe my plans were good, but my execution failed. But most likely my plans were, too, bad, my ideas of self-improvement are fundamentally flawed. I tried approaching women but I was a creep.

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The truth is that indeed women impose excruciating standards on men. The reality is that most men, flawed and failed, live a more grueling reality than most women will ever face. They do not care about reforming a flawed male because, of course, there are plenty of successful ones in the market. Society does not care about failed men.
This knowledge, possibly unconscious, fills me with a dread and horror I cannot voice. I lack the eloquence to express myself. I also lack the eloquence to defend my opinions in socially acceptable ways. There're people who have the same opinions, equally socially reproachable, but they know how to convince and manipulate people to accept them.
I lack the eloquence to recruit these eloquent people to represent me. The truth that emerges is that I am un-representeable. Democratic discourse has abandoned me. Trump might be extremely flawed, but goddamn it he's the closest I have to someone who can represent me.

I live an exceptionally mundane existential horror.
I can try expressing myself but the best possible response I can get is a shrug.
I could think about killing myself but the mundanity of my reality shames me into disconsidering it. This is too unexceptional to justify suicide.
I am absolutely mundane and society, and the world, has thrown me away and I must live the remaining 50 to 80 years I have left well knowing that I am already dead.

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It is theoretically possible for me to self-improve but I lack the tools to do it successfully in a reasonably sure way. I also lack something. Maybe self-reflection, self-honesty, a stronger will. Something. But these individual flaws don't matter in the larger picture, the result is the same: a deep human failure.
There are many other men like me. Some of us might manage to escape, improve themselves, somehow develop positive traits that either overcome our flaws or compensate them. But they are not too frequent. I am probably not one of them.
I am not attractive. My appearance is off-putting or bland at best. I could try improving it; seeking products to improve my disgusting skin, going to the gym.
Most of the men in my situation lack the self-discipline to stick to it for long enough to see results.
If I do manage to do it, I'll realize that none of what I did fixed my fundamental, deep-seated flaw. What it might have accomplished, though, is offering something else of value that makes me a viable human being.
I am still extremely flawed, but now I am viable. Barely.
This is the best possible outcome for the most of the men in my situation.
If I have learned anything in my ordeal, I'll be able to accept this as enough. I can be happy if I accept this small comfort.
I'll probably never achieve my wildest childhood dreams but goddamn it I'll live and find some joy.
But the truth is that I'm still here. Doing all of that would take time and effort, and I'm not used to working for a long time towards something. I'm still here. I'll probably stay here for a long while.

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Nice blog but this isn't Wordpress or some shit. You wrote 5 paragraphs to tell us how you're just like everyone here.

its okay if you have given/give up. i did long time ago when i was 16.
if you truly are tormented by the thoughts of having no ofspring you can just donate some sperm if you are healthy enough.
maybe go fuck a hooker if you want pussy and life the rest of your days lifting and something you enjoy doing. you live your life in a healthy body. fuck the rest.

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I display sexual deviancies. I have uncommon, possibly sick fetishes, like pedoshit, gore or snuff. I might like traps, I might enjoy being submissive, I might be gay or I might want to be a woman. The weirder it gets the better because I am starting to take pleasure from the degeneracy, the filth.
I wallow in my sexual deviancy but fail to fully integrate it to my identity. Some people jokingly say traps are not gay and I make an effort to believe it despite how absurd it is.
If I am a fag I do not have what it takes to accept it to myself.
Sometimes, though, I read about how easy it is for fags to get sex. I might wish to be gay, life would be easier and I wouldn't have to deal with women.
But all of these contradicting ideas, all of these uncertainties, what they fundamentally mean is the disconnection of between my sexuality and my conscience. I am literally a broken man whose shattered mind does not fit together.

>>38023828
>>38023828
If even the perfect image of life never totally exists, then the perfect image of society will never be found. The only way we can have a total existence and a total society is if only one person existed. He would provide for himself in full, he would entertain himself and reason with himself and rule over his own mind. We can then assume that the pariah is the closest thing to total existence, and in theory can achieve total existence, depending on how consciousness transfers after death. He rules himself with toleration because it is in his personal acceptance that the pariah is validated. He does not care for the validation of society, the environment means nothing to him. He may as well exist in his mind, for the pariah is only a mind and a body, yet he is more complete than any other organism. The mindset of the pariah then is the ideal mindset, because it acts in the interest of total existence. It doesn't practice hedonism and it doesn't feel greed, because the pariah is beyond the concept of physicality. If he still rooted himself in the physical world with the hope of pleasure then he is not a lone, just a failure between lemming and pariah. The pariah cares to feed himself and bathe himself to maintain a fluid existence physically, and maintain good habits above, but he doesn't over-consume for the sake of enjoyment. We arrived at this topic through the talk of total society; total fascism, or total freedom, both are impossible. Yet the individual can achieve uniformity of himself, and can find liberation of the mind from the body(surely the best concept of total freedom, the ego death). So we may say that the pariah can experience the total goal of society through his own body while the lemming may be stuck forever moving the window closer to his political side, without any actualization, thus experiencing immense frustration and psychological damage.

>>38024039
I know. I was just hoping to hear some solidarity with some of you guys here. Just trying to get some thoughts out of my head

>>38024112
For how long have you been thinking about this? How long it took you to write all of this?

>>38024039
He's putting it more succinctly than most of us have in the past.

>>38024100
That's pretty much the Buddhist version of Enlightenment and Nirvana.