The time I nearly ended up on the sex offenders register at 13

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>Gleefulviciousfacesofthemob.jpg
>lead past most of the school chanting pedo and laughing at me.

Part 2
>kept alone in empty classroom for an hour
>lead from room by secretary to a room where all three of our headmasters are sat huddled around a big white folder
>I desperately try to explain that it was a sausage
>karlpilkingtonBULLSHIT.jpg
>folder turns out to be the official police guide for "dealing with sexual assault in the workplace"
>accused of indecent exposure until enough witnesses confirm it was a sausage and the offending sausage was actually found where I said it would be
>suspended for 10 days for simulating a sexual assault and told if I had been only a few months older and aged 14 they would have been forced to involve the police
>the headmaster tells me I am extremely lucky to have not ended up on the sex offenders register and expelled.

>years later I find out they called my dad before my mum and he was in the pub with his friend and he really struggled to not piss himself laughing and keep an angry face when he picked me up.
>since I was one of only three Germans at my school you can imagine the sausage related torment I received for the rest of my high school years.

>>38000358
These are good OP. Keep em coming.

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Just actually remembered I had to write the girl and her family a letter, I just remembered her name. Brb face book stalking her now.

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Part 3: the Guantanamo days

>I came home after school and my slightly mentally unstable mother is flying off the handle asking me if killing her self is what it will take to get me to behave
>"but mum it was just a joke that spiralled out of control, I didn't understand how serious....."
>mummygoesfuckingreeeeeeeee.jpg
>mother assures me this will not be a ten day holiday
>for next ten days my house is jail.
>when my father awakens for work, I am taken and sat in his office and forced to revise school work
>midday, go home my mother gives me brown bread, water and a carrot for lunch telling me this is what they get in jail.
>absolute silence in the house until father gets home. (No radio, TV, music or N64)
> confined in and made to sleep in guest room with only school books for company or entertainment
>beg my mum to let me watch a little TV
>there's is no TV in jail anon
>yes there is and this isn't jail mum
>mummygoesfuckingreeeee2.jpg
>mother genuinely considers getting a uniform until my dad tells her she is being mental and that someone might call social services if they see me in prison garb doing physical labour in the garden on a school day.
>suspension finally over and I get to go back to school, which despite all the rumours about the incident which had been spread by assholes in my absence, was much funner than home.

>>38000528
That fucking sucks, man.
Such an unreal situation to be in.

more pls

pizzeria mamma mia originelli

If there is more, you should've pretyped it in a word document. But was OP never not a faggot?

>>38000879
your father has weak will

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pls go on anon

org

>>38000879
Jesus Christ at least you had a dad to level your nutto mom out.

I dealt with the same shit getting locked up not even able to leisure read if I did the slightest thing wrong - never mind getting suspended or failing a course (which never happened). No wonder I'm all fucked up now.

>>38001165
Fucking this, how retarded are these summerfags?

>>38000879
Your dad is a pushover faggot for letting your mom treat you that way over a joke. They should have sat you down told you why it was serious and let the whole thing be over with. I don't know a guy in the world that hasn't stuck his finger though his fly and laughed about benis. Fuck even grills do this.

There isn't that much else to say. When I came back to school this asshole had told everyone I had tried to get her to suck the sausage, then shut the zipper and when The sausage fell to the ground she passed out from the fear. Also had to tell everyone I wasn't actually on the sex offenders register but only almost.

So I got to Spend the first few day setting the record straight. Not that it mattered. For the rest of my time at that high school people thought it was funny to make up weird sexual stories and attribute them to me. Some obviously a joke like that I had gotten by dog to suck me off and others that were more dangerous. i.e that i had made a meticulous and perfect plan to rape a Stacy in my year and that I had learned to make chlorophorm on the internet.

Apologies for not clarify where the end of the story was.

>>38000444
>offending sausage
This made me laugh harder than I should.
Also, nice trip.

>tfw people are too preoccupied with trap threads and fembot attention begging threads to read this classic r9k greentext

baka desu senpai

thanks for the laughts op.
you did well, i also did something similar but never got reported or expeled.
but i made overly sexual jokes and i was overly violent sometimes soo normans could back off and i didn't need to prove my manliness by getting girls.
still doing it tho.
i was always the pervert kid or the rapist, even pedophile(I was a fuking minor)
it was nice to not be bullied but it was not nice to not being seen as a person and instead a fuking joke

>>38000358
>>38000444
What a pathic society.