Psychological Support Thread

>>37974452
Please kys originalIy.

>>37974821
What is the most original method you can think of?

>>37974452
Currently on this antidepressants called fluoxetine. It's making my head feel kind of weird. Other than that I'm not sure. I feel alright? I don't know. I haven't really felt any very negative feelings so that is something.

>>37975004
When it comes to antidepressents, you have to play it by ear. It's great that it hasn't been negative so far. Stick with it but I would encourage you to keep a diary.

>>37974886

Excessive longevity.

Hi everyone.

Hello everyone.

Just found out the girl I talked about here just got a new boyfriend.
RIP my hopes and dreams

>>37975161
Sorry to tell you this, but there's not a lot of everyone around. Between you saying that I could still live my dreams, playing a grappler on Tekken and my therapist asking why I don't try to get my shoulder fixed, I've been thinking a lot more about trying to get back on the horse as a wrestler. If I could actually do waht I wanted with my life, that would be something incredible. I'd given up, but if I don't have to just ride the rest of my life out, it would be night and day. To that effect I've given AA a ring. I planned a month ago to make next week's binge my last one. If I could get a sponsor, perhaps I could actually turn things around. Maybe - just maybe - it isn't too late to be the person I've always dreamed of being.

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>>37975231
Hewy Atlas! I'm gonna write a book about a morbidly obese permavirgin. I was thinking I'd call it 'Atlas Tugged'.

>>37975231

Ask her if there'd be a chance for you if she was single, then move on, regardless of the answer.

>>37975286
Hello Facet
Hows everything?

>>37975044
I really do t wish to keep a diary. I just have nothing interesting to write nor do I enjoy writing at all. I've just been keeping myself occupied with trig homework

>>37975314
I'm at a bit of a turning point (I hope). See here:
>>37975248
I've been feeling a little bit more positive lately. My therapy has been going well. I just wonder what it might be possible for me to do. To somehow really turn things around in my own way, you know? To acomplish my dreams. I'm mostly considered to be an aloof, bookish type but that isn't really where my passions lie. I want to fight, and I want to act and secretly, I want to have super powers and nowhere are those desires better knitted than pro wrestling.

>>37975248
>it isn't too late to be the person I've always dreamed of being.

Remind me to get you a pic of my favourite bookmark. A very fat American woman gave it to me for my birthday shortly before we stopped being friends, a million years ago, but I kept that thing.

Facet, everything is possible. Get your shoulder fixed, no matter what.

>If I could actually do waht I wanted with my life, that would be something incredible.

You are utterly free. You can do anything, even ditch your parents. I'd recommend doing it just to experience the freedom that comes with it. No one can force you into anything.

Do call AA. I see lots of good shit coming to you, sir. I'll help along, of course.

>>37975286

Atlas Tugged

xD
>>37975379

If possible, I'd like to know more about your therapy. In private. I'm intensely curious about that type of therapy, and you, of course. Up to you.

>>37975380
It's funny: I want to be able to inspire people. Kinds, but others too. Yes, I want to be a heel. I dunno why, I've always just enjoyed heels (bad guys) the most. People that leave you on the edge of your seat, open-mouthed about the shit they have pulled. Whether it's Joffrey or Ramsay Bolton from GOT, or Frank from Blue Velvet or Wesker from Resident Evil, they've always been my heroes. My favourite wrestler was always Edge. I love Muhammad Hassan too. I just think I have a real role to play. I want to inspire people, and if it's through blindsiding their heroes then getting beaten up so be it.

>>37975379
Who doesnt want superpowers..
But anyway its good to hear youre feeling well

>>37975475

I totally see you as a wrestler. You're a showman, you can fight, you like beating and getting beat up, and you're an actor. Nothing is missing. This is exactly what you're cut out for.

I say go for it. I'm going to become a therapist for real, so why couldn't you become a wrestler for real?

Let's go crazy and follow some crazy dreams until we make them come true.

>>37975552
Thanks m8. Wrestling is as close as it gets

>>37975579

What's wrong with your shoulder?

>>37974452
>was on antipsychotics for a while
>no idea what I was diagnosed with because I don't remember
>pokerface my way through dr appointments because I don't want them to know how spotty my memory is
>doctor takes me off them for some reason
>smoke weed erryday
>run out of weed
>realize how unstable I am
I figured weed was making everything worse, but now that I don't have any, NOW it's worse.
It's like layers of deception that stack up, everytime I feel like I'm seeing clearly then I realize I was seeing darkly and NOW I'm seeing clearly, then realize I wasn't seeing clearly at all, and repeat and repeat.
I keep thinking someday I'll get to the top and see clearly for good, but it never happens, there's always another layer.
>got a job offer
>lost my last job because of going crazy
>will probably lose this one too

>>37975575
It's the difference between hope for the future and slow death imagining your dreams being achievable. The big thing was finding something to look forward to. I've put some stuff in place already actually: I hope to do more climbing of a weekend instead of drinking. Finger/ grip strength is very important. I could of course fight better too.

Well since I've had a few want to run something past you lads:

Poison Mist. No one likes it, but I, as a weeb, think it's fucking cool. the premise is this: you spray a cloud of food colouring into your opponent's face as an attack and it's treated as though it has magical properties (thanks Japan!).

Green mist- Blinds your opponent
Black mist - causes paralysis/ death
Red mist - opponent goes berserk and attacks their partner
Yellow mist - Flees in fear

This is all Japanese legacy stuff. Typically, in the run-up you massage your throat stimulating your 'venom sacs' and then spit a cloud while the ref is looking the other way.

To me, I like the idea of jabbing finger into your own ribcage, collapsing to one knee and coughing black fluid against the hand. Then, stumbling, wracked with disease and holding the opponent and regurgitating waves of toxic, disease-ridden black mist into their face and taking the win.

Is that the coolest shit or what?


>>37975668
I threw it out/ tore the muscle lifting someone over my head without warming up properly.

>>37975914

I like those ideas. It's pretty damn cool to me.

Hey everyone!

I'd like your opinion on something. I've always felt really bad when getting gifts. I know it sounds dumb as shit, but I always felt like it was wrong for me to get gifts, like I shouldn't get them. Like today I got a gift at work and I just instantly put it somewhere where I can't see it, because I cringe when I look at it. And it's nothing dumb either. It's not about what it is.

It's pretty retarded but I've been like this since I was a kid.

>>37976018
I'm the same way. I just graduated college and everybody's giving me money and other gifts. I have a pile of checks I haven't deposited because it makes me uncomfortable that they'd give me anything.
My parents say I need to write all these long and specific thank you notes for everything, but I don't want to do it because I think if they believe I'm ungrateful, maybe they won't give me anything ever again.
Is it too much to ask for everybody just to ignore me?

>>37976018

You literally don't think you're worth getting gifts and would rather not look at that fact in the eye, because you think low self-esteem is for pansies.

You are going to make me cry you little bitch.

You can't accept the idea of yourself being worthy of someone's attention. You need to work on it. Dude.

>>37974452
I quit therapy last spring, went to lmhc, kept trying to push me back on pills, fuck that. A couple months later spent 3 weeks in the hospital and 10 days inpatient psych

>>37975914
If I may ask, how old are you?
Not trying to be offensive here but I figured youd be older than average wrestler

>>37976018
Hello Dan
No clue what to tell you, just saying hello

>>37976018
same, I do that with complements as well, I don't respond just dead silence

LO told me Discord was better than whatsapp for convos. I'm gonna try.

>>37976126
You're quite, quite right. I'm coming up on my 30th

>>37976093
I don't know. I just realized this today when I got the gift, so I brought a cake in for my coworkers and afterward I cut it and gave a slice to everyone I thought to myself
>Phew, at least now I have a year until this happens again

I don't think it has much to do with self-esteem honestly because that would be some real severe shit. I have no other explanation though. Maybe just that I don't know how to react properly and don't want to disturb people? Like this guy >>37976069

>>37976126
>Hello Dan
Hey Atlas! How did it work out with that love interest of yours? I know this was some time ago, but honestly today is the first day I think I can really ask you without going ballistic for one reason or another.

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>>37974452
please cure my procrastination

i have other problems but i can live with those

>>37976181

Friend, not being able to love yourself is high on the list of symptoms for people like ourselves.

You need to work on that. Getting gifts should make you happy and humble, maybe, but not anxious and worried like that. Yes, faggot, people like you.

Gifts threaten your delusions. How about that angle?

>>37976247
Nick don't ignore me, this has set off my paranoia horribly please don't ignore me

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>>37976207
Here you have it
>>37975231
I didnt really care about it but I still feel totally shitty today

>>37976269

I'm not ignoring you; did I miss a post? Did you get my e-mail?

>>37976018
im the same way. i feel like i dont deserve gifts, if anything i feel pressured when i get them. like i have to be sufficiently happy so as to not offend whoever gave the gift, and also that the expectation on me being a good person is increased.
i've been like that since i got old enough to realize i wasnt the best person to ever walk the earth.

OK, I see you got it.

Let me see how this shit works.

>>37976247
As much as I'd like to agree with you, getting gifts doesn't mean much. It's pretty much a social call when it comes to birthdays. It's like a custom. You can get a gift even from people who hate you for one reason or another, just because it's expected from them. Like from my coworkers, yeah some of them might like me, but most won't. I guess that's not really valid, because I get anxious every single time no matter who it is. I just don't think I have an irrationally low opinion of myself or something.

I can't really oppose you here or provide any other explanation though. I just know it shouldn't feel this way. Well I don't know that, I just think.

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>>37976212
don't ignore me you fucking assholes, i'm pissing my life away every time i post here

the least you could do is give me the time of day while i'm here you cunts

>>37976304

What if I gave you a Japanese knife straight from Japan? Rockwell 70 and all that shit, how would you feel?

Out of benzos, ill get some more tomorrow :))

Clonazepam and Diazepam make me feel great with some Mary J and coke

psychiatrist a bitch he keeps insisting theres nothing wrong with me. I mean he might be right but fuck mann other people seem to enjoy this life thing a lot more

>>37976353

Ditch your psychiatrist, see a psychologist.

Also, talk to me. What are your symptoms and what do you think might be the cause.

>>37976327
I'd question your motives considering you don't know me. I'd feel uncomfortable first and foremost knowing I have to react a certain way. It creates a link of sorts a bond to the person who gives you something. I guess that might be the problem ...

Just thinking out loud.

Feel like I'm about to die. Very frightened. Don't know what I did in utilising my phone number/ email address. Perhaps they can all see one another. I don't know. Might have to kill myself

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>>37976370
I can;t seem to get anything done.
I'm the laziest piece of shit there is.

I can't focus on anything unless it has my interest. And if it doesn't it makes me physically uncomfortable.
I can take stims to numb me down and concentrate on tasks that I do have interest in better. But at the end of the day I can't seem to find a goal for myself in life in any kind of way.

And whenever I do find something that makes me temporary motivated it is just that; temporary.

Self discipline comes a long way.. I've been going to the gym, been seeing results. But at the end of the day loneliness kicks in and I need my drugs 2 escape the feels.

>>37976386
>I'd question your motives considering you don't know me.

I don't know you? We've argued like lovers, I fucking know you. The only arguments ever where I felt like that shit was getting too intimate.

>>37976405

Relax!

Just breathe. Let me handle it. OK?

Everything is fine.

>>37976405
I died so many times my dude. Best thing to do is to get up walk around a bit. Realise that you are in control. Perhaps get some water. Then lay ur ass down and >just try to relax

You all have a better time if this was a blue board

>>37976457
Well yeah, but we've never met is what I mean. But if someone gives you a gift, it's like from that day on you have to treat them a certain way. Like they have this ace up their sleeve.

>Hey! I gave you a gift!

I honestly can't comprehend them giving me something just because they're nice.

>>37976479
Pls handle it soon please talk to me. I'm crying and I don't know why, I feel like I'm about to die. I've avoided social media. This adding you is absolutely huge. This has set off my anxiety more than anything that I can remember. This is a massive show of trust. I'm in floods of tears. I hope you can appreciate the enormity of this for me. It's roughly equivalent to going outside naked. I'm so scared.

>>37976273
>Here you have it
Sorry to hear that.

What else has been up with you?

so i've been feeling like my body is just falling apart. there's just been one new issue after another this part year or so. now i just feel weak and fragile. it's gone to a point when im seriously considering just calling some random farmer and offer to do manual labour for free just to fuck my shit up and hopefully get stronger rather than breaking down completely.
doing something like that would be totally out of character for me though. i was never one to talk to strangers, to offer help or even want to do manual labour.
the fact that im even thinking about it now makes me feel really unstable. one moment im kicking the world in its balls going all in to get somewhere, the next im hiding in a corner begging to be left alone.

>>37976552

Holy shit, relax! It's just a chat thing like anything else, don't worry!

I'm working on it. Breathe!

Facman, are you sure it's installed on your phone?

Facboy, are you here?

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>>37976438
temporary motivation comes and goes for me in roughly 6 month cycles. i'm on my way up now, i wonder what happens next time i come crashing down

>>37976565
Not much, Im making money for college so everyday day is just the same kind of shit.
Im tired.
Way too fucking tired of everything.
Nothing is happening, I get home, play vidya, go for a smoke with my friend and go to sleep. Wake up, go to work trying not to die there until I get back home and play vidya again.

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i get rape hallucinations
where i feel them fucking me
and i'm crying an telling them to stop
or i just tell them to stop and they dont
i don't know i was crying last night
anyway
thanks for listening

>>37976714
What do you do for work? Some shitty summer job?

Also what degree are you gonna do? Just curious.

>be me
>try to get friend on social network
>friend dies of anxiety

: (

>>37976695
Still here. Trying to sort things

>>37976766

Did you get my text messages? It says that phone number hasn't installed whatsapp yet.

>>37976766
>>37976777

Kek likes this.

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>>37974452
Sometimes I feel I only have two choice: either to be a madman or a martyr.

The girl I was crushing on seems to have lost interest in me. I'm not quite sure what I did or even if I did something but it pains me. It really is nothing but shit luck. I was confident that this time around I wouldn't fuck up; I learned from my past failures and was hoping to see how far I've come but I'm even denied that.

>>37976733
I work in construction, the sitting at office and drawing crap kind, not the building shit kind.
Half the time I draw total basic shit and other I have no fucking clue on what to do and theres not really anyone to talk to about the issues

Also best case scenario I'll be engineer in robotics (well mostly just factory machines and other stuff, sadly im not gonna be creating murderbots for ACR)

>>37976857

Stop imagining that whether a girl likes you or not is based on whether you succeed or fail. That's not how it works; girls aren't exams.

You would not want to be with a girl who doesn't love you, right? So consider every rejection a success. It wasn't the right one. Have standards, be demanding. It's not just them testing you, it's also you testing them to see if there's a chance between you two.

Be more demanding, not less. Don't give up, you won't be alone forever.

>>37976858
>Also best case scenario I'll be engineer in robotics
That's interesting. I also work in automation. Not robotics specifically, mostly PLCs/industrial PCs. Although I've played around with some 6 axis robots. Mostly Kuka and Staubli. Shit's fun, right?

Facboy, you need to just install the app on your phone. You haven't done that yet, and you're not responding to whether you got my text messages or not.

Did you? Do I have the right number?

>>37976904
I've tried resetting my phone. I've calmed down a little bit. I don't know what I've done wrong. Could you invite me perhaps? I have the app on my phbone I think?

>>37976942

OK, relax. Listen:

- I sent you two text messages on your phone
- whatsapp isn't installed on your phone, it seems
- I receive your email invitations, but I already have whatsapp, so it's useless to invite me more

Did you get my texts?

>>37976965

Someone is getting my texts but no responses. If it's not you, I'd like to know before some Britton decides I'm harassing him from abroad.

Yes or no will suffice, just tell me.

>>37977017
Nothing is coming through. As such, I'm very worried.

>>37976902
Yeah, we had a bit of PLC stuff in school, it was fun.

Bad thing is I dont have much more options.
I wanted to go to bc. in general engineering so I could choose any kind of engineering degree later but I didnt get accepted.
I got to a more simple field but if I wanted to get to engineer id have to choose between robotics and vehicles, so robots it is

>>37977031
>Nothing is coming through. As such, I'm very worried.

No need to be worried. No emergency or hurry.

Do you have whatsapp on your phone? Is it installed?

Have we made contact?

>>37977035
Yeah, but point is if you go to a good university you can easily transfer between degrees. Less than two years ago I didn't know the first thing about automation or PLCs, I actually studied CS, so I knew how to program but knew nothing about PLCs, motors, motion control, industrial bus systems or mechanical engineering. None of that shit.

But since any decent engineering school gives you a good baseline in mathematics and usually some basics in EE it's not hard to transfer. You can learn everything on the way. And in many ways you can outdo the guys who actually studied automation.

So don't get too hung up on what your major is called, that's all I'm trying to say. Although with robotics I don't see how you could go wrong, robotics is huge. There is a huge trend nowadays where companies who previously transferred their manufacturing process to the east to cut costs are now massively integrating robots and moving back to the west. Because what had to happen really happened and nowadays even chinese workers want decent money.

>>37977185
Yeah well it definetly has a good future, now just to not fuck up.
But I dont really care right now, I still have a few months before school starts and now I just want to make some money and chill
Right now I just want to get black out drunk

>>37977335
>Yeah well it definetly has a good future, now just to not fuck up.
I don't see how you could unless you really try to.

>Right now I just want to get black out drunk
I have the urge to tell you that you shouldn't, but from me it would sound hypocritical. Today is probably the first day I've been sober since last Thursday.

>>37977357
Well it was not many sober days for me too.
But I usually just have a beer or two.
Been too long since I got really drunk
Right now im just smoking a shit ton of cigs. Im pretty sure it will start affecting me soon

>16 posters
>82 replies
weeeew lad

Is it over already?

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Well this sucks... Lonely Atlas is lonely again

>>37978620
Not much to talk about though.

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>tfw my dream girl still don't exist

>>37978638
Yeah, doesnt matter now, gotta go to sleep soon.
Wonder where Facet and Nick dissapeared, are they talking only in private?

>>37978438
i'd like it to keep going but im feeling too much like an unwanted piece of shit to contribute

>>37978685
They probably got whatsap running.

>>37978687
Oh come on. Why would you say that.

>>37978687
Dont worry about it dude, most of people here probably feel like that too. Say whatever you wish to

>>37978737
>>37978738
i've just been feeling forgotten and ignored in generall. both here and irl.

i just cant make up my mind about anything

>>37978831
Wanna chat for a while? It wont hurt me to go to bed a little late.
Maybe it can make you feel better

>>37978831
Oh fuck I just realized no one responded to this >>37976582

What issues with your body do you mean?

Fuck I just killed a ginat fucking bug
im so fucking afraid of bugs
guess I wont sleep today

Facet I knew your advice to give her space was right and I was thinking the same and I should pull back but I haven't and Im still spamming and trying to get her to care and feel bad and it seems she dosnt and I haven't stopped but I know I should
I took my anxiety pill hopefully I'll calm down
But I just can't and I understand it might seems like a stupid fixation but this is my only hope of ever being loved or in a relationship or receiving affection and I'm panicking and it's making things worse
Again I understand it might seem stupid but it means everything to me

>>37978988
Forgot trip but I'm sure you know who this is

>>37978866
thanks but you shouldnt neglect sleep for my sake. deprivation allways makes everything worse.

>>37978875
yeah, that didnt make things better.
i've been feeling strange kinda pains pretty much all over since a year back. as soon as i stop freaking out over one thing the next one start. but it barely gets any better.
i've been to the doctor and done plenty of tests, but nothing shows up. most recently i've been shitting blood but it looks like that's gonna be for no reason aswell, though there's still some tests to be made so maybe they'll finally find something

>>37979039
Fuck that sounds harsh. These random pains that cannot be explained. Actually one guy I know had those too. They only went away after he started taking medication ...

Antipsychotics and SSRIs.

I've been hearing voices and sometimes seeing things for a few years and never told anyone.
Because of my weight my mom sort of guilted me into seeing a therapist. I've been seeing her for a few weeks now and I actually like her a lot.
I think I'm ready to tell her about the voices but I don't know how to say it. Does anyone else have experience with this?

>>37979039
Dont worry about it, considering i just killed a giant fuckbug im not gonna go to sleep any time soon

Also sorry about being ignored, it gets chaotic here from time to time so its pretty easy to miss something

>>37979103
I don't have experience with that per say. However they can help you. You should keep that in mind. You can only get better.

>>37979103
Just tell her, It cant really get worse there

>>37979062
that last line actually made me laugh. it's fairly obvious that i've got mental issues and that the pains is part of it. but when they show up it's so unexpected and i can explain it with real physical reasons. i freak out thinking my life is over and i turn i dont actually have a life since i spend my time freaking out.
i suppose i'll actually go for a therapist if the last bit of tests dont show anything. i've been reluctant since right now i feel like my mental problems is mostly caused by my physical problems

>>37979174
I don't know either. I'm autistic too and these things are difficult.

>>37979206
I don't think it's that bad. It's just very private.

>>37979172
>Also sorry about being ignored
dont worry, im well aware things move swiftly. i suppose that's another thing. intellectually i fully understand that im most likely not being left out on purpose, both here and irl, but emotionally i cant accept it. im like that in many aspects, there's not much connection between my intellect and my emotions..

what kinda bug was it?

>>37979238
Honestly even if we take the pains out the equation, they could help you. To learn to control your emotions namely.

>>37979261
I don't see how it could hurt you honestly.

>>37979382
I'm mostly just having trouble with how to bring it up and phrase things.
But I do think it could hurt. She's talked about inpatient treatment before and this could make her make me do it. She could also give me pills.

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>>37979310
I know exactly how you feel, every time someone doesnt respond to me here I get scared and paranoid about being ignored on purpose.
Same thing with friends and everyone else.
For example if I get home early and I see my friends playing vidya without me it hits me even tho I know they have no clue Im back from already

Also it was this cunt or something that looks similar
I have massive fear when it comes to spiders and bugs

>>37979382
i've actually been to therapy before, several years ago. it was a positive experience. i suppose now im just stalling since i think it would be a bother to if it in alongside with work.

>>37979445
it's pretty tough relating to other people. i've started to feel like my friends only talk to me when we're playing games. feels shallow or something.

my mom made me thing the pincers on those motherfuckers would be the worst pain i ever felt. having grown up i realized it was probably bullshit, but i have yet to experience the sting so i dont know

>>37979014
>>37978988
>>37977031
F-facet?

>>37979683

He switched out a lot.

Should I stab myself in the leg? Right first

>>37979738
sounds unnecessary m8

>>37979738

Should I call an ambulance for you?

>>37979792
Call me istead?

>>37979639
Fuck if my mom told me that i would spend the rest of my life in a metal cube with a toilet and a hole for food
Fuck bugs really

I dont see anything bad in playing with friends. Well most of them are from different towns so i dont rally have any other option. Do you go out with them?

>>37979868
it's not litterally what she told me, it's just how i understood it. i hindsight i dont think either of my parents were very smooth with words.

well i enjoy playing with them. we occationally meet up and do other stuff, but i feel like it's lacking something. it doesnt satisfy a need or something like that.

going to bed now
oregano

I was in a social situation the other day, and I can't stop replaying and analyzing the event over and over in my head. Each time I'm even more critical of myself and more convinced that the other people were silently judging me even harsher. I think I'm even imagining that I did some things that I didn't actually do. How do I stop this, because it's only reinforcing the notion that I can't trust my own memories or thoughts.

I need to be finding a job, but this is really cutting into my self esteem and self confidence. How can I sell myself to employers if I don't even have trust in my abilities? What if I convinced them to hire me but then couldn't perform to their standards due to a faulty self assessment of my own skills?

I still haven't brought myself to become vulnerable and talk things over with a friend either. I'm just lost and at this point I must not want to be found since I can't seem to reach out for help.

>>37980635
>tfw threads always seem to die when I post

3 days frim this day I'll be alone for a week, all my friends are going on a holiday, I'll be by myself for about a week, it may be peace and quite or it may be so lonely that my simple human brain wont be able to take it anymore and I'll off myself.

How do you friendless faggots do it?
How do i distract myself for a week without letting the crippling depression settle in once again?

>>37981741
Maybe play an MMO or something so you have some human contact outside of 4chan? Alternatively you could take the time to try a hobby or learn a skill away from judgement to take your mind off of being alone.

>>37980635
i was in a similar situation once. the thing is, shit only gets better when u actually talk with the people. thats the way to go if you really want to get rid of the reducing trust in your thoughts and memories. but in case you don't know the dudes all too well i'd say fk it, who cares

>>37982537
>shit only gets better when u actually talk with the people
I realize I'm a huge beta pussy complaining about non-issues, but it's just so hard to convince myself that I won't end up pushing people away by opening up. It's like I fear being truly alone so much that I refuse to seek help in case people start to realize they're too good for me and drift away. What if I start rambling or go on a rant and accidentally hurt their feelings?
>in case you don't know the dudes all too well
The people at the social event were work friends. If I were to talk to anyone it would be my best friend, who is also the last childhood friend I'm still close to. We both know a lot about each other and are pretty close since we grew up together. That being said, those shitty self-hating thoughts in the back of my mind keep pushing the notion that he's only nice to me these days out of pity because why would anything nice be real? I think he may have a hint that I'm not feeling great inside but I don't believe he knows how deep it goes.

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>>37982881
i honestly don't think you are a huge beta pussy. there are more people facing this kind of problems in their lives than you might think. and when you realize that, it will get easier to talk about.

there is no possible way i can tell you for sure, but i think a friend, which was there to company you for such a long life-time won't judge you for something like that and often it's relieving to talk these kind of things out - for both of you. its these kind of things which form strong relationships. well but i know how hard that shit can be.

>>37983312
>i honestly don't think you are a huge beta pussy
Thanks anon. Maybe I do need to just remind myself that there's a lot of people out there dealing with this and that it is okay if I'm one of them.
>i know how hard that shit can be
It probably doesn't help that I've only lowered my guard a few times in my life. I think I've only had one serious conversations with this friend in particular, which was him opening up to me about a big change in his life.

>I'll always be there for you
>Immediately proceed to ghost me for 3 years straight

I don't even understand why would anyone do this.

They could've at least said it straight ti my face that they're tired of my bullshit, fucking vampires, sucking your dry then leaving without a word.

>>37975004
That is prozac, I take 40mg in the morning. It works best with Bupropion (Welbutrin). I take 450mg bupropion, split into 300mg in the morning and 150mg about 4-5hrs later. Prozac gives me headaches nonstop but without it I hate life. I would rather have physical pain constantly than feel unwarranted guilty feelings and unwarranted "dog died" feelings due to my schizo-affective disorder.