>"aw man this one time I fucked this chick in her parents'

Sorry, but due to mandatory reporting laws I'll have to decline

All my friends know I'm a 25 yo virgin, no one cares.

>>37961842

>be autist
>want gf
>too scared to hit on normal girls
>hit on the psycho but hot black chick
>see agrees to go out with me
>go watch Frozen a month after it's released
>a few kids and parents in the theater
>we're in the back row
>she lays on me
>start cuddling and kissing
>sticks her hands down my pants
>s..stop
>starts jerking me off
>cum
>movie ends
>leave
>walk out in the hallway
>wearing black pants
>look down
>cum stained through
>looks like I spilled a cup of yogurt on my crotch
>spend the next month worried cops would bust in and arrest me for being lewd near kids

>>37961842
I had this exact experience a few days ago.

Felt awkward and shameful but I was honest and they were cool about it

>>37961842
Oh hell yeah bro, just a couple of weeks ago. Shit was so crazy dude. These two smoking hot cougars just fucking pounced on me you know what I'm saying? Shit was real kinky as well and the fact that their sons are like my two best friends in the world really got my engines revving if you know what I'm saying!

>gives both of them a couple of light nudges with my elbow as I burst out in roaring laughter while blinking obsessivly.

>>37961842
wow their stories are so descriptive and detailed, no wonder you had trouble bullshitting them and ended up looking like a jackass

>>37962007
they were meant to be super generic

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This is the moment when they will spot my virginity status, even if I try to lie.

>>37961919
And they don't try throw a hot chick into you?
Or maybe prepair some romantic moment with some girl that you know in common?

Well I've got a terrible horror story about some bitch tearing my frenulum with an overly aggressive handjob...

Not sure how that would fly with the normies.

>"This one time I was with two other guys drinking beer and talking about past sexual experiences and then we started all making out."
>Put hand on one of their shoulders
>Lock eye contact

Two possible paths from here. Either you have a fantastic experience experimenting sexually with other bros or you scare them off, they leave, and you drink all the beer and shitpost on 4chan the rest of the night. You can't lose.

>>37961842
When I lost my virginity I was super anxious so i was sweating really bad and puked in my mouth. I had to stop and take a break. I ate a donut then went back to finish.

one time I raped a girl
>we were already naked
>we had 69'd
>then she was just laying on top of me
>we didn't have condoms so she didn't want to fuck
>I really couldn't stand her personality so I just wanted to get my kill and move on
>stick it in once
>she smiles and says "no" and pushes me back out
>we lay there for a little while longer
>then I leave
>she kisses me goodbye and says see you soon
>never call her again, she never calls me again

>>37962077

Who just has hot chicks to throw around? I think they know my personality doesn't mix with girls.

>>37961842
No I don't, I haven't been on a date yet. Hopefully in the near future I can indulge you guys on how I was able to get a girl to hold my hand for a few minutes before she ended up leaving me for someone else because she knows she can do better, and I will most likely rot in my one bedroom apartment by myself for the remainder of my life until I gain enough courage to kill myself ,which will happen in my early 30s if nothing changes by then.

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>>37961842
*sucks them off* >;3

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>>37961842
>yea, I was watching this greait porn and then I heard my mom's footsteps approaching in the other room. I closed the tabs and switched the screen to 9gag